ASSIGNMENT ON ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE AND THE NEED OF MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
SUBMITTED BY: MR. SHYAM.S.S ST
I
M.S
REG NO: MS091117 IBMS
ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE AND THE NEED FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
³ Couples Couples who remain committed to building a strong marriage have a realistic view of what it takes to be successful.´
INTRODUCTION
In at least one aspect, marriage is like football. In a close game, the winning team is usually the one that made the most significant adjustments in strategy along the way. That¶s what effective coaches do at half-time ²give the players the key adjustments that will gain them the advantage in the final quarters. A winning marriage requires the same mind-set. A husband and wife need to recognize that surprises requiring proactive adjustments await them in their relationship.
Who is this person I married? Who am I becoming in this relationship? Is marriage supposed to be this hard? If you find yourself asking these questions, you¶re not alone. All married couples go through periods of adjustment. Adjusting to marriage involves uniting two sets of perceptions, expectations, needs, goals, and personalities. There are a variety of contributing factors to marital discord and issues adjusting to marriage. Most couples continue to feel happy and excited with the relationship for at least six months after the wedding. Around the six-month mark, however, many couples begin to feel bored. It is noted that differences of opinion, financial obligations, bad habits or boredom can begin to overwhelm even the most loving of couples.
The Honeymoon is Over, Now What?
During
the first three years of marriage, there are some general patterns of adjustment.
The first six months of marriage, considered considered the ³honey ³ honeymoon moon phase,´ is characterized by few serious problems and a general sens e of satisfaction.
At about six to twelve months, however, optimism fades into realism due to differences of opinion, financial obligations, bad habits, or boredom.
From
about 12 to 36 months of marriage, there may be a short period of
disillusionment when your ³knight in shining armor´ seems to have lost his shine or your ³maiden fair´ has been less than fair. Challenges for time or money, childbearing, or sexual adjustment require new coping strategies. Children can further complicate the adjustment process. During
months 18 to 36, couples begin to get accustomed to life together. Couples
who cannot accept or improve their quality of life together break up. Those couples who remain committed to building a strong marriage have a realistic view of what it takes to be successful.
CAUSES
Contributing factors to marital adjustment problems include the development of routine, unrealistic expectations, trust problems and communication differences. Even if a couple has spent several years dating, the exhaustion from planning and executing a perfect and beautiful wedding can be overwhelming. This fatigue can carry over into the first few months of the relationship, making minute arguments and disagreements seem pronounced and more difficult to cope with. CONSIDERATIONS
Perhaps the biggest obstacle to overcoming marital adjustment problems is to foster open communication. All problems, regardless of their importance or size, should be thoroughly and honestly discussed. Because each person learns to communicate in his or her own way, learning to communicate positively and successfully with a spouse can be a trying and difficult process. BENEFITS
Carefully and thoughtfully working through marital problems has both long-term and short-term benefits for both individuals. It is noted that healthy marriages lead to healthier bodies and longer lifespan. Happy marriages also decrease chances of men or women developing depression, while simultaneously increasing their relationships and satisfaction with other people.
COMPONENTS OF A STRONG AND SATISFYING MARRIAGE Strong
marriages are the result of efforts by both spouses to make the marriage work.
Information gathered from spouses who had been married at least forty-five years revealed six keys to a successful, long-term marriage: y
consider mate as best friend
y
like mate as a person
y
see marriage as a long-term commitment commit ment
y
see marriage as a sacred institution
y
agree on goals
y
laugh together frequently
Couple relationships that survive and continue to deepen are generally happy, always adjusting, and always under construction. Marriage has both highs and lows, and accepting this as ³normal´ will help the couple have more realistic expectations. A strong marriage provides companionship, interpersonal closeness, e motional fulfillment, fulfillment, and support that acts as a buffer against physical and emotional affliction. Marriage should enrich the love between a man and woman, and evolves through the foundations of friendship, a meaningful sexual relationship, mutual respect, trust, and compassion.
STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING A STRONG MARRIAGE Strong
marriages do not happen quickly or easily. Building a strong marriage takes time,
effort, and commitment. There are several strategies you can exercise in building your marriage.
Commitment: Commitment brings vitality to the marriage relationship. If either
spouse entertains the idea of escaping the marriage through divorce, the marriage is in jeopardy. Commitment provides a foundation as a couple works t hrough obstacles and trying times.
Trust: The foundations of trust include mutual respect for one another and acceptanc e
of differences. Trust between two people takes time to develop. It is closely tied to integrity. Follow through with what you say you will do. Be the person you claim to be.
Communication: Communication is essential to a satisfying marriage. Learn to share
thoughts, feelings, positive feedback, and expressions of appreciation.
Self-disclosure
can be risky because you make yourself vulnerable, but the rewards are greater than the risk. Set aside some time each day for meaningful conversation. Learn to listen² what is your partner really saying?
mana ged in a way that t hat is mutually satisfying to both partners, conflict Conflict: If it is managed can be healthy for a marriage. The outcome of resolved conflict may bring a new understanding and more satisfaction to a marriage. Central to resolving conflict is learning to forgive one another.
Skills: Take the initiative to develop good skills in communication, self-
understanding, decision making, managing conflict, as well as functional skills such as home repair and money management. Participate in educational offerings from your local county Extension and other community programs. If you prefer self-study, check out your local library librar y resources.
Caring: Part of loving your spouse involves caring for his or her needs. In a marriage
relationship, meeting your spouse¶s needs should be just as important as meeting your own.
Affection:
Demonstrating
affection for one another can positively impact the quality
of the marital relationship. It is important that couples discuss with each other their ideas on sexual relations and showing love to one another.
Expectations: Set realistic expectations. We cannot expect our spouse to provide for
every need that we have. Continually readjust your individual and mutual expectations.
Priority:
No
relationship can grow without time and effort. Be willing to work
together to develop a mutually satisfying relationship.
Set
aside time and money to
work on your marriage, whether it involves communicating, taking a vacation, or
participating in a marriage enrichment seminar. Balance your time demands so that you give your marriage your best instead of your ³left-over´ time.
Remember that a happy, healthy marriage takes the commitment of both spouses. Change and growth are part of a healthy marriage. Always search for additional ways to renew and enrich your relationship² your marriage depends on it!
PREVENTION
Many couples pre-emptively choose to spend time in premarital counselling with a licensed counsellor or minister. Couples who attend premarital counselling spend time discussing potential problems that may occur during the early months and years of marriage. Premarital counselling also places a large emphasis on discussing the daily dynamics of marriage, such as who will handle t he finances and which holidays to c elebrate. SOLUTIONS
When addressed early, marriage adjustment problems do not have to be major issues. Marriage self-help books are a popular way to solve minor marital disagreements and are available for purchase at any major bookstore. Marriage conferences are also a popular choice for couples who want to grow closer while working through problems. Marriage conferences enable couples to spend a weekend at a hotel or resort in a comfortable environment and listen to professional speakers discuss common marriage problems and offer simple solutions. Couples therapy or marital counselling is also a beneficial way to solve problems by communicating with a trained professional in marital therapy. MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, helps couples and resolves conflicts and improves their relationship. Marriage counseling give couples the tool to communicate better, negotiate differences, problem solve and even argue in a healthier way. It is a tool meant to foster better understanding and communication, and to resolve conflicts. While the period of therapy can sometimes last for months it is often short term, marriage counseling is not meant to be a long-term measure. Typically though, the greater the extent of the problems, the more sessions the couple will undergo.
NEED FOR MARITAL COUNSELLING
Marriage counselling requires both partners to be successful and to give up, counselling for a marriage is unlikely to be effective if only one partner attends it. That is individual therapy and while whil e couples may undergo individual therapy hand-in-hand with t heir marriage counselling, the counselling itself requires both of you to be there. Most marriages and other relationships aren¶t perfect. Each person brings his or her own ideas, values, opinions and personal history into a relationship, and they don¶t always match their partner¶s. Those differences don¶t necessarily mean your relationship is bound for conflict. These differences can also help people understand, respect and accept opposing views and cultures. Here are typical issues that marriage counselling can help you a spouse or partner cope with: y
Communication problems
y
Sexual difficulties
y
Conflicts about child rearing or blended families
y
Substance abuse
y
Financial
y
Physical or mental conditions conditions
y
Cultural clashes
y
Unemployment
y
Anger
y
Infidelity
y
Divorce
problems
Marriage counselling is often short term. You may need only a few sessions to help you weather a crisis. Or you may need marriage counselling for several months, particularly if your relationship has greatly deteriorated. As with individual psychotherapy, you typically see a marriage counsellor once a week. BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE COUNSELLING
There are a wide number of marriage counselling benefits that can help a relationship. These include:
y
Increasing confidence and self esteem of individuals
y
Working out conflict resolution
y
Improving communication between a couple
y
Providing objective guidance through a trained counsellor
y
Identifying the issues that are really affecting the relationship rather than focusing on more superficial problems
y
Teaching couples how to pull together rather than push one another away
y
Providing help and resources to make the marriage stronger stronger and more fulfilling f ulfilling
More and more people have come to appreciate marriage counselling benefits; hence this is a method that is no longer looked upon as unusual. In fact, people are coming to realize that marriage counselling is an effective way to strengthen and enhance their relationship and promote a healthy, lifelong marriage. With an objective counsellor that is trained to identify the issues that are affecting both partner individually as well as the issues affecting them as a couple, it is possible to work upon a wealth of relationship problems that may not have even realized were affecting af fecting your marriage. CONCLUSION
Marriage is a special commitment between two people. It is an institution in which an interpersonal relationships are acknowledge by the state, by religious authority, or by both. It is often viewed as a contract. It is also referred to as couple¶s therapy in some circles as it helps couples who are not married as well as those who have tied the knot in a formal ceremony. There are a variety of contributing factors to marital discord and issues adjusting to marriage. The goal of marital counselling is to save the marriage there will be cases where the marriage is irreparable. Therapist can provide direction; you are responsible for acting on such guidance. By doing so, one will enjoy improved interaction and renewed enthusiasm for their relationship r elationship.. Stages of marital counselling are important for identifying problem and its solution through different therapies. t herapies.
REFERENCES
Eshleman, J.R. (1994). The Family: An Introduction. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
Lingren, H.G. (1996, July).
Strengthening
the Couple Relationship. Retrieved March
13, 2001 from the World Wide Web: http:// www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/g986.htm
Silliman,
&
B. (1998). Patterns of Adjustment/ First Three Years. Marriage Enrichment
Domestic
Violence Information. Retrieved March 13, 2001 from the World Wide
Web:http://www.uwyo.edu/ag/ces/FAMILY/BE N/Marriage/STAGES/stagepatterns
Marriage Counseling. (n.d.). Retrieved
December,
30 2009 from the World Wide
Web:http://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/therapy/what-is-marriage counseling-whos-it-for-and-how-do counseling-whos-it-for-and-how-does-marriage-coun es-marriage-counseling-work/menu-id-6 seling-work/menu-id-63/ 3/
