Perception is all there is Here’s a conversation I overheard recently between a manager and one of his team members. She proudly handed over a report she had produced for him. He said, “I asked you to produce a report, why have you given me a thesis?” She replied, “You asked me to produce a robust report and that’s what I have given you.” He slapped the document down and said, “That’s no use to me. I have to make a decision before the meeting in 15 minutes. I don’t have time to read all that.” She said, “I stayed up all night to make sure the report was thorough and looked professional. If that’s not what you wanted then you should have been clear.” He retorted, “Well I thought you understood that I needed some recommendations to help make a quick decision, not War and Peace!” “Well you should have been specific.” She shot back. “And you should have checked.” He concluded.
There is no point wondering about who is right, wrong or better. This is an example of the millions of high risk interactions that happen each day between humans. Indeed it is a miracle that any of us ever achieve any kind of understanding.
“The map is not the territory” Alfred Korzybski Human knowledge of the world is limited both by our nervous system and by the structure of our language. This means we don’t have direct experience of reality, but an indirect experience of it through our perceptions and our personal and cultural beliefs. ©L Calland 2014 1 of 6
The problem is that we have a tendency to confuse our models of reality with reality itself. At a practical level level this can lead us to assume assume and behave behave as if our model of reality is shared, or that it is superior, right, accurate or better than anyone else’s. Taken to extremes, this is a form of insanity. The most effective communicators act with awareness of this risk. They usually explore other people’s ‘maps’ or perceptions to test and confirm that they have some shared understanding and avoid at least some risk, by questioning their own assumptions and identifying any gaps. Judith DeLozier DeLozier and John John Grinder (Turtles (Turtles all the the way down, down, 1995) introduced the idea of ‘Perceptual Positions’ which enables us to gain multiple perspectives for any interaction. This powerful technique can lead to a much richer understanding understanding of the perceptions involved and help achieve better quality communication. It can work with interactions involving more than two people, but we will stick with two here for simplicity.
The Perceptual Positions Tool Tool First Position
This is you seeing the world through your eyes, hearing the world through your ears and making sense of the interaction from your ©L Calland 2014 2 of 6
point of view, through your set of beliefs and assumptions. You will be in your usual body posture and use first person language.
1st You
I want/need…My goal is… I feel… My view is… What’s important to me is..
Second Position
This is you imagining you are the other person, seeing the world through their eyes, hearing it through their ears and feeling it with their criteria, goals, beliefs and intentions. It helps to embody their perceptions by taking on their typical body posture and gestures and to use their language patterns. It is important to use first person language to maintain a clean state. For example you would say “I feel ….” As if you are actually ac tually the other person. I want/need… My goal is… I feel… My view is… What’s important to me is…
2nd You as the other person
Third Position
This implies that you have already enriched your understanding through a clean First and Second Position experience. It is a detached perspective, perspective, as if you are an observer of the interaction so it’s important to use third person language (“he/she is….” even when referring to self), as this helps to stay neutral/objective and not be driven by the emotions and motivations explored in First ©L Calland 2014 3 of 6
and Second positions. The aim of this position is to evaluate the dynamic of this relationship and identify patterns, risks and opportunities for influencing the self. 3rd You as objective observer + enriched perspective from 1st & 2nd
From here what do I see/hear & feel? Any insights? What could help? What else?
Preferences
Most of us have a preferred position, and a least preferred one. It’s useful to discover your habitual perspective as this is how you are likely to be experiencing the world most often, and where you have a tendency to get stuck. You are more likely to find new solutions from your least preferred perspective, so it is worthwhile consciously developing this skill. People with a strong preference preference for First Position can inspire confidence through the power of their presence, but can also be self centred and difficult to influence.
©L Calland 2014 4 of 6
People with a strong preference preference for Second Position can appear caring and are easy to collaborate with, but they often overlook their own needs which can result in a negative impact longer term. People with a strong preference preference for Third Position can seem wise and collaborative, but they may have only briefly visited First and Second, and have a superficial level of understanding from these perspectives. Some people have a preference for a Detached First Position which has limited potential for any meaningful communication. There is an art to using this technique and conscious practice is highly recommended. recommended. It helps to physically and visually separate the positions spatially using different chairs, or by standing in different locations, until you have clearly wired in the different psychological states associated with these different perspectives. Use a coach or mentor to help you cleanly and thoroughly access each position. You can use this tool for planning purposes before a scheduled interaction, as well as during the communication.
Fourth Position
There is a fourth position which takes a bigger perspective than Third. It takes into account the system system or systems systems which provide a context for the relationship and it can include multiple timeframes. This advanced skill is associated with Conscious or Integral Leadership.
©L Calland 2014 5 of 6
History & likely scenarios, opportunities & risks, STEEP* Implications, systemic/integral view
4th You with 1st , 2nd & 3rd perspectives + multiple contexts and timeframes
Market Organisation
Team
Past
Now
Future
* STEEP = Social, Technological, Economic, Environmental Environmental & Political “The only form of influence is by example.” Albert Schweitzer
©L Calland 2014 6 of 6
