25 WAYS TO WIN WITH PEOPLE JOHN C. MAXWELL And LES PARROTT, PH.D. CARIBBEAN-BETHANY
A Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. The Spanish Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. www.caribebetania.com
Dedicated to: Tom Mullins, You're like the Pied Piper. When you walk into an office, people want to follow you. More than anyone I know, you personify the 25 ways to win people over. you you make those around you feel very valuable until I feel so close to you! -JOHN C. MAXWELL
Mike Ingram and Monty Ortman, Few people could develop a business team, gain respect and achieve more than you two. Both have a lovely way of relating to people. His generous spirit and way of investing in others will result in big dividends in the coming decades. I am a better person for having known. LES PARROTT
CONTENT Acknowledgements " The greatest joy of life" by John C. Maxwell " I'm better after having met " by Les Parrott 1. Begin with you 2. Practice Rule 30 seconds 3. Let people know you need them 4. Create a keepsake and go to it frequently 5. Praise people in public 6. Give others a reputation to have to keep 7. Say the right words at the right time 8. Encourage dreams of others 9. Give credit to others 10. Give the best of you 11. Share a secret with someone 12. Remove the gold of good intentions 13. Remove your gaze from the mirror 14. Do for others what they cannot do for themselves 15. Hear with Heart
16. Find the key that unlocks the hearts of others 17. Be the first to help 18. Add value to people 19. Remember the stories of the people 20. Share a good story 21. Unconditionally Give 22. Learn the name of your mail 23. Indicate the strengths of the other 24. Write notes of encouragement 25. Help people succeed A word of conclusion of John
GREATEST JOY OF LIFE BY JOHN C. MAXWELL In the spring of 2004, shortly after delivering the final manuscript publishing How to earn people, they sent copies to some people, as they do frequently , to receive feedback and promote the book. One person who received a copy of the manuscript was Les Parrott .You probably know Dr. Les Parrott by one of his many triumphs : Professor of Psychology Seattle Pacific University , founder of the Center for Relationship Development , recognized speaker level national companies belonging to Fortune 500 , author of bestsellers such as high maintenance Relations and Love the life you live. He has been a guest on CNN, on the evening news for NBC , the program Oprah and others. Les is a friend . When for the first time was just a youngster. He was by then about to begin his doctoral studies in psychology. As soon as I realized how special it was. I knew I would a person of great influence. In the summer of 2004 , I received a phone call from them . ' John ,' he said , ' I loved How to win people over . I think it will help many people to change their attitudes and to see their relationship with others in a way entirely. Incidentally , I wrote something to promote it , but I want to give you an idea. I think you should write a second part . " I had put all my heart and everything I had learned about the relationships in the book How to win people over , so I was a little skeptical of that proposition . But I respect them and I know I always has great ideas, so I started to listen. " What's the idea? ' I asked. " I've seen you work with people for years " he said. "When you spend time with people who do feel like they were worth a million dollars . So you made me feel me. I assure you if you think I find at least a dozen specific things that have improved and you could teach others .
" That made me thrill . "And , John, I think you should to call the book How to make others feel valuable ." Then he began to list some of the things he thought I should teach in the book: how to give them others have a reputation to keep , how to treasure the good intentions , good stories and how to use how to help people succeed. The more he thought, the more I loved the idea. He had written How win people to change the common way people interact . Getting to do what the book suggested take his time, but the book was suggesting that I could help people learn specific skills that could improve within days . " You know ," I said after a pause . " Sounds like a great idea. Why do not you write the book with me ? " I was surprised . "I think we'd make a great team ," added . " You said you've seen me for years. You're a psychologist experience, together we could find out what skills to teach. I teach people how to work with them and you you help to understand the psychology behind the practice. " And so it was written 25 ways to win people over . Les and I enjoyed while we compared notes, we had talked about relationships and anecdotes. We believe that if you practice the skills taught in this book, may will transform the way that people who know they see themselves , as may make them feel that they are very valuable. I do not think there is a larger than see others flourish , grow and reach their potential joy. This book will can help be part of this with people you know .
I am BETTER after meeting you BY LES PARROTT Some people have an invisible quality that attracts others to them like a magnet. These people are not just nice. His charisma defines everything they do and every encounter they have. Therefore create better equipment, more respect and achieve greater results. Is it only lucky in life to have been blessed with personality traits that lead to success without any effort ? Not in the least ! This invisible and appealing trait inheritance comes not so much as refine it. It is a captivating spirit can be taught and learned. For a long time people have not tried to cultivate these qualities because according to the false impression which is believed to have or not have . This book will help to change that misconception . Because here you will find 25 of the most compelling keys to unlocking this charismatic spirit , a spirit it will help you succeed with almost all people who cross their path. WHY WE ARE WRITING THIS BOOK TOGETHER No one who has ever been in close contact with John Maxwell will be able to leave without having experienced a change. That happened to me . As a mentor, John has left a permanent mark on almost every aspect professional and personal life. Over 20 years ago , before I started my studies to become clinical psychologist, I took a full week to be with him in San Diego in order to learn from their wisdom. Sometime later, encouraged me to write books and I started as a lecturer. These days , with a dozen books written each time in which we share the same platform, John is always great admirer . No exaggeration to say that he believes in me more than I could ever ask for.
I am a better person thanks to John Maxwell is part of life. He taught me how to get value to light ; how to find purpose and work on what fascinated me ; how to polish vision and strive to achieve my goals. He taught me to "see the positive side of failure ' to make each day count and how to cultivate a positive attitude. The interaction with a person who has a gift for people who own John can have that kind of impact on you. Directly and indirectly , John has taught me many valuable lessons about life . But beyond all this has taught me how to win people . He has a lovely way of relating to almost all world, is a waiter in a restaurant or the president of a large corporation. THE SECRETS OF MAGIC INTERPERSONAL For several decades , I have studied how John lifts people . And as a friend , wanted to know how to cultivate interpersonal magic that you have. Anyone who has spent time with him know what feels good and confidence. I 'm not talking about the kind of feeling that occurs when someone gives you a compliment or frivolous disingenuous assertion , nor a pat on the back manipulative and flattering . I mean the kind of feeling that is given to know that someone genuinely wants the best for you. He encourages you because he wants you win. I have observed to their smallest interactions. Again and again , John shows an uncanny ability to disarm , entertain and enthrall anyone who meets him. In other words, has the ability to others feel as valuable as a million dollars . That's why one day, as already mentioned , we I proposed the idea to share the secrets of his magnetic personality and so you could learn to do the he does. When he invited me to write this book together , we spent hours watching the things he does so natural. I also talked extensively with friends and staff. I heard story after story of how he triumphed with them and added them value to their lives . I include many of these stories so that you can "see" the practice
in action. AFFORDABLE The 25 secrets you'll find explained here have the potential to change your life. They can help you become the kind of person whose attractive lights fill the room when you arrive. These skills are easy to learn. There are only a lucky few that seem to have come with those innate qualities , but that are available to anyone who seek and are vital for anyone who wants to win people .
1.START WITH YOU Your relationships will be as healthy as you are. - NEIL CLARK WARREN LES ... ABOUT START WITH YOU If you want to win people , yourself must be a winner , or at least someone who is poised to be. Not you can avoid this. As a psychologist specializing in human relations , I have treated hundreds of people I have spoken to hundreds of thousands in seminars and have written over a dozen books on the subject. People who are around you know I want to help others to win people over . But if there's one thing I know is that any new technique or tip how to win others will fail if not start with yourself. Let me be clear . If you try to practice the "forms" to win people to learn in the following chapters without putting detailed attention to how you can become it a winner , end disappointed. But if you first take the time to focus on you, will soon be ready to focus onothers. YOU HAVE TO START WITH William James , the first American psychologist said , "Hell which theology speaks is not worse than hell we do ourselves in this world usually form our character the wrong way '. If we do not create a winning character , surely we cannot win others. That's why this first step is so significant. In fact , there are at least two compelling reasons why winning over people depends on to start with yourself . YOU CAN NOT BE HAPPY IF YOU FEEL HEALTHY Psychology used to think it was crucial to focus on negative emotions ( and then delete them ) . now know there is a better way. A new generation of researchers has shifted the main analysis of psychology,
instead of focusing on the misery , have chosen to focus on the understanding of being. New research shows that one cannot be happy just to avoid depression, stress or anxiety. No. You cannot be happy unless you feel healthy. And feeling healthy is more than not being sick . Emotional health is more than the absence of dysfunctional emotions. Emotional health is at the center how to win people over . CAN NOT GIVE WHAT NOT HAVE One of the most known and oldest in the world on Psychology is the truth that says you cannot give what you do not. In fact , like any other psychologist in training, when I started education graduated , I had to undergo psychotherapy. " Les ," said the counselor, " as a psychologist , you will carry a person as far as you yourself have gone . " Why? Because you cannot give what you do have. You can not others to enjoy unless you enjoy yourself . Harry Firestone, said : " You can get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself ." Very true . But if the best you have is not better than the 'other' already possess can never take them beyond where they are currently . In short , if you are not becoming a winner, it will be almost impossible to win others . However, I want to give good news: His desire and his attempts to win people to help you be a winner. That's what Charles Warner meant when he said : "No one can try to sincerely help another without at the same time is helping himself . " HOW TO BE A WINNER Pearl Bailey said : " There is a period in our life when we swallow our knowledge of us themselves and in doing so , we will know whether it is good or bitter . " All people have some anxieties and insecurities. If I
asked you to describe a winner, to a healthy and whole person , I would probably say that this person has confidence in itself is nice , friendly, stable, giving, etc. . And in a sense , would be right. But being a winner is more than just having a list of enviable attributes. Being a winner is one thing its value. Winners are valuable. If not , ask any athlete or Olympic medalist who has just signed a contract billionaire. But in fact, be a winner, in the strictest sense of the word , has nothing to do with their performance , salary or earning potential. It has to do with its value and if it is appropriate or not his. When you accept your own personal value , when you are sure of who is there when you become a winner. Here are some ways to achieve this: RECOGNIZE THEIR VALUE . On more than one occasion, I have told the story of a conference in which I shared with friend Gary Smalley and where he did something that captivated the audience . Before an audience of nearly ten thousand people, Gary held in his hand a fifty dollar bill and asked a question : " Who wants this bill fifty dollars? " Many raised their hands. "I'm going to give these dollars fifty to one of you ," he continued, " but first let me do this ." And He proceeded to crumple the note. Then he asked : " Do you want someone yet? " The same hands were raised . "Well," he said. " What if I do this? " He threw it to the ground and crushed it with his shoe. He bent down , picked it up and lifted , all dirty and wrinkled. "Now does anyone still wants it? " Yet many hands were raised . "You have learned a valuable lesson," he said. "No matter what I do with the ticket , you still want because they have not been devalued . Still worth fifty dollars. " Simple Illustration of Gary emphasizes a profound truth . Many times in our lives we crumple , fall and we get dirty with the decisions we make and the circumstances we face. We may not feel value , insignificant in our eyes and in the eyes of others. But no matter what has happened or what
happen after our value as human beings is never lost. Nothing can take away that value. Not never forget . ACCEPT YOUR VALUE . How many times have you heard people say, " Something's wrong with him ?" What they mean is that this person is not moving . That is not a healthy person . That something stopped and is not comfortable with herself . It's what psychologists call a person who has no self-acceptance . Let's face it , everyone on this planet suffer from insecurities and things we wish to change about us thereof. But there are certain things we cannot change . Some of our things are exactly So ours. Maybe you were not born with the look you would like , or perhaps is not as high as I would like . Their genes shuffled the cards and you touched something eventually had to accept either that or you reject personal value and , if so , their lives trying to compensate for their insecurities is passed. It has become a captive of his desire to have been different. The term comes from the Latin ad acceptance capere and means ' take for oneself '. In other words, inherent in the process of accepting others is the act of receiving acceptance of yourself. I say again : You never people will win unless he becomes a winner. INCREASE IN VALUE. You may already recognizes and accepts its value. Maybe he knows within himself , in his soul, God loves you and considers invaluable . Congratulations ! The next step is to increase your value to others solving many of their problems as you possibly can . In other words, who needs to maximize is , winning or repairing those things that are within their ability to change. You may fight , for example, with a strong temperament. You may have difficulty in setting limits or accept responsibility ; may have bad habits or perhaps your attitude needs an overhaul. We all have
obstacles we can overcome. 45% of Americans say they would change a bad habit if pudieran.1 Truth is that it can change. We can all improve when we decided to do it. In his book Teaching the Elephant to Dance ( Teaching an elephant to dance ), James Belasco tells how coaches strung young elephants with heavy chains that are tied to stakes in the ground. That way , the elephant learns to stay in one place . The oldest and most powerful elephants were trained that way ever try to run away, even when they have the strength to start the stake and go. her conditioning limits their movement. With just a metal ring on one of his legs stay in place, even though neither even has stakes; It's a story that you may have heard before , but like the mighty elephants , many people are bound by a prior conditioning . And chain around the leg of the elephant keeps it move, some people impose unnecessary limits on your personal progress. Do not let this happen to you . No absurdly accept limitations to stop their skills . Challenge them and keep growing. BELIEVE IN VALUE . Once you have recognized its value , accept and increase it finally got to believe in it. you have I believe with such conviction that is willing to depend on him . Chuck Wepner never learned this lesson. As a boxer , nicknamed ' bloody Bayonne won » By suffering the punishment even if he won. In the boxing world said it was "a born hall '; ie a fighter who often uses his head to block the blows of the opponent. Wepner continually pressed his opponent until he won or what noqueaban . He never cared how much punishment he had to absorb before giving the final blow. Coach Al Braverman said, " It's the most audacious fighter I have ever met . it making his own game, he did not mind the pain. If ever there was cut or hit with the elbow, never noticed me or the referee for help. He was a fighter in every sense of the word. " When Wepner knocked out Terry Henke in the eleventh assault in Salt Lake City, boxing promoter
Don King offered a bout against then heavyweight champion George Foreman. But when Ali beat Foreman, Wepner was given that now have to fight " big " Muhammad Ali. The day of the fight , Wepner you gave his wife a pink negligee and told him that " he would soon be sleeping with the heavyweight champion of the world. " Ali won by technical knockout nineteen seconds before the fight ended . But there was a moment , a glorious ninth time in the assault when a blow to the chest of Ali made the champion fell to the canvas. Wepner recalls: " When Ali was on the ground , remember telling trainer Al Braverman : " Al, starts the car, we go to the bank , we are already millionaires . " And Al said, " Better turn around because it is rising . '" After the fight , Wepner 's wife pulled the negligee from her purse and asked, " Am I going to Ali's room or he comes mine? " The story would just be a comment to a page, except for one thing . A writer who passed through trouble at that time , I was watching the fight and suddenly the idea came to his mind: " That is ," he said. " So I I went home and started writing. I wrote for three days straight . " That's how writer and actor Sylvester Stallone described the birth of the Oscar -winning film Rocky James Lipton on Inside the Actor's Studio. A movie studio offered the struggling writer the unprecedented amount of $ 400,000 for his script , but Stallone refused money, choosing instead to only $ 20,000 and the right to make the character of Rocky with minimum wage of an actor, a paltry $ 340 per week. The study also made an offer to Wepner as the film would be based on his life. He was offered a commission of $ 70,000 or 1% of the net profits of the film 1 James Patterson and Peter Kim , The Day America Told the Truth (The day America told the truth ) (East Rutherford, NJ : Prentice Hall Press, the . Wishing to have a guaranteed payment , Wepner opted for the $ 70,000; a decision that ultimately cost him $ 8,000,000 . Chuck Wepner currently live in Bayonne and works as a clerk in a liquor store. The same happens
when you sold poorly . If you think you have something valuable to offer to another person - yourself- will never win people . What you are is the greatest value it has. While recognize this value , accept it , increase it and make it with absolute conviction , ways to win over people described in this book may become part of his character. And when it comes from the heart , works great. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE If I could meet him in person , one of the first things I say is that I believe in you. Expected to find it difficult to accept because they do not even know . But I know this : All people have value and some value offer. One of my missions in life is to see that value to others, helping them to discover and encourage them to reach potential. You can become a winner and help others do the same. It is for that reason that I want to be your teacher. Maybe I can not join you in person, but I have written this Les book because I want to help . In the following chapters , I will devote a few pages to what I call a moment teaching so we can show you specifically how to make people feel one million dollars. It's way to help you win people . And when we're done , I want to suggest that seek out a mentor who can look in the face , a winner who can add value and take you through many additional life lessons .
LES ... recap Each of the chapters in this book concludes with a segment wrap . It is designed to help put the " top winner " of this chapter into practice. This little sketch has served me well , so it happened to you. To apply this lesson to your own life ...
Forget :Anything that makes you feel insecure. ask yourself: How I can increase value to benefit me and others? Do this :Make a list of things you can improve yourself ( bad habits to break , etc. . ) With specific steps that will help you achieve those improvements . Remember:Your relationships will be as healthy as you are.
2.PRACTICE RULE 30 SECONDS One who hopes to do much good at once , will never do anything . - SAMUEL JOHNSON LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION One of the most valuable lessons about winning people I learned from John is the rule of 30 seconds: Say something encouraging to a person in the first 30 seconds of a conversation. John is an expert in that. While I was at a meeting in one of his companies recently John entered the room and within minutes said something encouraging to each person who was at the meeting . " David , I knew I was excellently well in the conference call this morning ." " Larry , you're making me look good with that advice in Denver. Thank you. " " Kevin , I just saw the numbers for April . No one else in the world can see and take opportunities the way you do. ' " Les, I am delighted that you made the trip to come and be with us today . I know it will add a value tremendous to our conversation . " From the beginning, John was genuinely encouraged each of us , and did so subtly and almost effortlessly. As I was trying to learn more about the ways of John to win people over then of the meeting I asked her to tell me what he had done. That's where I first heard the term " Rule 30 seconds '. " I learned this from father ," she said . " Many years ago, he was president of a university and often walked together for the university campus. Continually stopped to say encouraging things to students. When I felt
tempted to claim, looking at the students and I realized that father had deposited good words in them . "People never forget that kind of encouragement ," he continued . "Yesterday I spoke to your father for me and he excitedly He told of the many graduate students who continue to visit in Florida. No surprise that stops people travel many miles to see him, but not me . Rule 30 seconds that father had practiced with all them every day was returning to him and how. " " I've seen you do this for years," I said to John , " but I never knew it was something that you learned from your father'. "I have learned many lessons from father, he is an amazing leader," John replied. " I practice this rule always with any person I know . Look, someone once told me , " Be nice . Every person you meet is fighting strong a battle . " People need a kind word , an encouraging compliment and strengthen their hopes their dreams. Do not cost much , but really lifts people . " JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING STYLE MAXWELL When people come together , looking for ways to look good in front of others . The key to Rule 30 second is to reverse this practice. When you make contact with others , instead of focusing on himself, concerned that they look good. Each day before leaving for a meeting , I stop to think of something that can encourage these people. It I say may be one of many things to thank you for something you have done for me or a friend ; tell them about some of his accomplishments ; praise them for a personal quality that exhibit , or simply give them a compliment their appearance. The practice is not complicated but it takes time , effort and discipline. The rewards of practicing is immense, because it really
makes a positive impact on people . If you want to encourage others through the practice of the rule of 30 seconds, then keep these things the next time you meet with other people : RULE 30 SECONDS DA PEOPLE FIRST CLASS TREATMENT "A gossip is one who talks about others is a boring one who speaks of himself and chatty Bright is one who talks to you about yourself . " - William King All people feel better and perform better when given attention , affirmation and appreciation . the next time you make contact with people , start giving them their full attention during the first 30 seconds. Make them feel good by showing your appreciation in some way. Then watch what happens. You'll be surprised positivism see how they react. And if you have trouble remembering to focus on them instead of you, then perhaps to help the words of William King . He said: "A gossip is one who talks about other people, boring is one who speaks of himself and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about you '. RULE 30 SECONDS GIVES POWER TO THE PEOPLE The psychologist Henry H. Goddard conducted a study on the energy levels of children using an instrument called " ergógrafo » Your results are fascinating. He discovered that when the kids were tired and were given words of encouragement, the ergógrafo showed an increase of energy in them . When they are criticized or discouraged , ergógrafo showed that the physical energy waned . You may have discovered this intuitively. When someone encourages you , right up your energy level ? And when criticized is not that comment makes it decay ? Words have great power. What kind of environment you think you could create if you continually encouraged people when you his first contact with them? Not only
stimulate , but you become a transmitter of energy. Each time you enter somewhere brighten people ! You would be a participant in creating the kind of environment that Everyone loves . His presence would happily on people . RULE 30 SECONDS INFUSE MOTIVATION Vince Lombardi , the famous coach of the football team the Green Bay Packers, was dreaded by thediscipline applied . But he was also a great motivator. One day he ate a live player who had failed make several blocks. After practice , he entered the locker room and saw the player sitting next to his locker. His head was bowed and looked very discouraged. Lombardi ruffled hair , gave a pat on the shoulder and said, " One of these days you will become the best defense in the NFL ." That player was Jerry Kramer. And Kramer says he kept that positive self image for the rest of his career. "The encouragement that gave me Lombardi had a tremendous impact on life." In time , he became a member both the Hall of Fame Green Bay Packers as the " Team of All Time " in the NFL. We all need motivation from time to time . Use the 30 seconds rule encourages people to they are and give the best of themselves . Never underestimate the power of motivation : ♦ Motivation helps people who know what they should do ...to do it! ♦ Motivation helps people who know what commitment should take to ... I assume ! ♦ Motivation helps people who know what habit should stop ...to leave it ! ♦ Motivation helps people to know what path should take ...to take it ♦ Motivation makes it possible to achieve what should be achieved . One of the greatest side benefits of the 30 second rule is that it also helps you . You can not help others without at the same time is not helping
himself . Benjamin Franklin was given account of this principle and use it to help others. In a letter to John Paul Jones, said: "From now on, if you see occasion to give his officers and friends a little more praise than it should be , and confesses that he committed more fouls than you think you should recognize that alone , will soon become a great captain . Criticizing and censuring almost everyone with whom it relates , be reduced friendships, increase his enemies and harm their plans . " Who increase our value , bring us closer to them. Those who make us feel less than we are, make we move away from them. If you want others to feel good about themselves and feel like every time you see it , then practice Rule 30 seconds. Remember this: Those who increase our value , bring us closer to them. Who do wefeel less than who we are , do we get away from them.
LES ... recap For decades , social psychologists have studied the ' first impressions '. If you want to make an impression lasting and positive , we now know what works and what does not. And the rule of 30 seconds of John is one of the most effective means to succeed in this area. In terms of research , this is what is called ' effect primacy ' and its initial impact is impressive for the way others feel connected to you.1 To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Looking for ways to try to look good. Instead , look for ways to make others look good . ask yourself: What positive and encouraging thing could tell every person you see today? Do this : Give each person the first class treatment you are : attention , affirmation and appreciation . Remember: Say something encouraging in the first 30 seconds of a conversation.
3.Let them know YOU PEOPLE NEED THE The greatest compliment I ever received was when someone asked me to review and put attention response. - Henry David Thoreau LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION One day I asked John the secret to getting people to join a team and he told me the answer a simple sentence : " I cannot do it without you " and continued that great leaders face when they believe people need them instead of recognizing that it is the opposite. "Leaders can become great ' me John said , "only if they realize they are the ones who need to rest." As he talked , he pulled a laminated card from his desk drawer and told me several years had developed a tool for help of people. " I wrote this in 1974. Had a big project on my hands and needed to raise over a million dollars. There was the first time that I realized how far it was to be a leader . " It was then that I realized that if I wanted to achieve something big , I had to turn our dream sleep . Write that sentence thinking use in an upcoming conference. I also realized that any dream I could achieved without the help of other people would be a little dream . " John showed me a laminated card . This was what he said : I have a dream History tells us that each time has been a time when leaders must make decisions . that reason , there is a potential leader who does not have an opportunity to improve humanity . Individuals who surround also have the same privilege. Fortunately, I believe that God has surrounded me with those who accepted the challenge of the moment.
My dream allows me ... ♦ Disclaimer at any time at all to accept that I am all I can be. ♦ Intuit invisible so you can perform the impossible. ♦ Rely on God's resources because the dream is bigger than all my skills and my knowledge . ♦ Continue but is discouraged because without faith in the future , there is power in the present . ♦ Attract winners and the big dreams attract big people . ♦ Seeing people and myself in the future. Our dream is the promise of what one day will be. Yes , I have a dream. It's bigger than any of my talents. It is as big as the world, but originates one. Want to join me? - John Maxwell " Les ," she said , " I have given hundreds of these cards and have seen time and again how people come together to help me achieve sleep for one reason : they do need to know that . " A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE The day I realized I could not do it all by myself was a big step in development as a person and leader . I've always had vision, a lot of ideas and energy. But when vision becomes larger than one, there is only two options: abandon the vision or seek help. I chose the latter. When vision becomes larger than one, there are only two options : abandon the vision or seek help. No matter the successes you have achieved or how important, what you really need is people . That's why you have to let
them know we could not succeed without them. President Woodrow Wilson said, " Not only should use all the brains we have, but we should borrow all we can . " And why only the brains ? Hire the hands and hearts of people too! Another president , Lyndon Johnson was right when he said : "There is no problem we cannot solve together , and very few that we can solve alone . " Asking for help is a good way to make others feel valuable . Why? PEOPLE WANT TO FEEL THAT YOU NEED Have you ever been arrested someone asking directions? Lower the car window and tells a passerby : " Can you tell how to get to market Larry? " Almost every time , people stop doing what is doing to help even if it means crossing the street or stopping traffic. Some even repeated the address to make sure that you have understood . Why? Because when someone feels they know something you do not know, that encourages the ego. We all want to be experts , even for a moment. The help gives us a great feeling of superiority and achievement, which translates into a greater sense of self-esteem. And it all stems from the idea universal that someone needs us. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE NEED The magnate and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie said : "It is a big step in your development when you accept that other people can help you do a better job than I could do alone. " Sadly, many never reach that level of maturity or perspective. They still want to believe they can achieve greatness for themselves. The destiny of every individual is tied to many others. We cannot be like that sitting in castaway Lifeboat aside and do nothing while the other , across work hard to avoid sinking , and says: "Thank God that the hole is not in hand ! " All people need and if we do not, then yes we are in trouble.
PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT IS NEEDED Cartoonist Charles Schultz often captured the desires of the human heart in his comic strip Charlie Brown. He understood the needs of people . In one of his creations , Lucy asks Charlie Brown help you do your homework. "I 'll thank you forever " she promises . " Sounds good. I've never had anyone be eternally grateful to me , " answered Charlie. "Only you have to subtract October 4 to find out how many apples are left to the farmer . " Lucy says, " Is that all ? I have to be eternally grateful just for that? I've been robbed ! I can not be eternally grateful for so little, it was very easy ! " With a look of dismay , Charlie replied , "Well , then give me what you think is right ." " What if you just say thanks ? " Says Lucy . Charlie is going and the way he meets Linus who asks : " Where have you been , Charlie Brown? " " Helping Lucy to do your homework ." "And you thanked ? " "Yes , but at a greatly reduced price ." If you've ever felt like Charlie Brown, you know you are not alone. Every human being wants to have a life sense . We all want to know that we need and what we offer to others is of value. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT HAS HELPED Good leaders make people feel essential part of things, not just a supplement . - Warren Bennis Every time someone tells me how valuable computer people , I encourage you to go and tell them. Why? Because they need to know that they have helped someone . " Good leaders make people feel part essence of things , not just a supplement ' Warren Bennis , author and leadership expert says . " Everyone feels that make a difference in the success of the organization. When that happens, people feel part of it and that
makes the work meaningful . " Walter Shipley Citibank says: "We have 68,000 employees. With a company of this magnitude , I do not got it business ... My job is to create an environment that allows people to support each other beyond its own abilities ... I receive credit for providing the leadership that got us there, but it was the people who has fact ' . Shipley understands what every successful leader knows that people need to know that they were an important part in the result obtained . It is not a sign of weakness to others to let them know we value them . It is a sign of security and strength . When you are honest with the need to ask for help when it is specific about the value they add the others to the cause and when it is inclusive with them to form a team that will do something more than what one is , all win.
LES ... recap Long since research has shown that when people feel needed , are more likely to be productive and creative. In fact , studies in twins with similar IQs show that each acts differently depending on the environment where you are, let's say one is in a supportive environment (where known to be appreciated and that you will need ) and the other in the opposite environment. The person who feels appreciate your support acts better.1 To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : A cavalier attitude to do so have to prove how capable you are without the help of others. ask yourself: Who could help me specifically to do a better job than I do alone? Who is waiting who asks to join work ? Do this : Seek advice or help from others sincerely and watch what they say . Remember: Those who earn people make these characters feel , not just a supplement .
4.CREATE A MEMORY AND IT WILL OFTEN Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things. - Cicero LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION The people who devote quality time with John knows he will be a good memory. It's inevitable. Has special ability to create memories ; It 's one of those things that make people earn . John also enjoys when others create a memory for him. One day when we were talking about creating memories , artfully told me this story : He had to make a presentation to about three thousand young in Phoenix. Going up to the platform, he realized who I had invited had something different in mind. " He did not wanted me to give a lecture , "he explained . Those young people who had read his books and listened to his tapes audio for several years, he had prepared a surprise . Instead of asking him to speak to them , what [p 28] who made tell them he was , so they asked her to sit and simply listen. One after another, 12 leaders preselected audience went up to the platform to tell others how the teachings of John had made an impact on their lives. "It was totally unexpected ," she said . "And not just flooded me with kind words , but each one he gave me a memory, something tangible of what they learned from me. I was floored by that experience. " One gave him a beautiful painting with two images: one of a child reading one of the books of John and the other from child and adult training others . " Les " John said with tears in his eyes and trembling voice : "Do you know how many times I remembered that day. I keep the memories to revive them in office . That experience meant so much to me. And renewed desire to create memories for others. "
A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE There are not many things that can unite people as does a shared memory . The soldiers who fight together, the teams that win a championship and the teams that achieve their goals share a connection you never forget . Married couples who are experiencing difficult times often look back to ancient experiences that help them move forward. Families who join when they are going through difficulties camps or to share your holiday adventures in later years enjoyed remembering those moments spent together . Although many memories can be created in an active way , some are the result of circumstances. The author Lewis Carrol , referring to the latter, said : "It's the kind of memory that only works with look back '. What that mean to us ? That the most precious memories are usually those we plan and created intentionally . Here are some ideas to create memories that will help win people : INITIATIVE . MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN The memories were not looking for us; we have to look for them. Better yet if we intentionally we can create memories. If you mention the word coach Dan Friend and Patti and Tim Reiland or Pam Elmore, can tell you exactly what they think . They think of an autumn day in the city of New York when we did something that still makes us laugh. After eating , I rented three ' carriages ' drawn drivers about cycling . We made a run from Manhattan to Macy's. Each couple had to see how motivated his driver to win ( could use any financial incentive ) . The race was closely contested throughout the way and we laughed a lot . I still laugh when we think or look at the photos we took that day but never have happened if we had not started.
TIME: INVEST IN TIME TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN For years parents have debated the issue of quality time versus quantity time . as a parent and grandfather , I have discovered that it takes a lot of time to find quality time . If you no effort , you cannot create a memory. Have not you noticed that most of the memories you have are with people who spends of the time? It's what happens to me . If you want to create memories with your family , spend time with them. If To create memories with their employees , will not make it behind the door of his office. You cannot create memories on people if you do not spend time with them. PLANNING . PLAN FOR SOMETHING HAPPEN Most people do not run their lives, accepted. Most people do not run their lives, accepted. Expect memorable experiences happen without taking the time to plan an experience that will be a memory. One of the most bizarre memories I 've planned it was with Margaret , wife . It was our twentyfifth anniversary . We decided to share it with thirty of our closest friends, it hired a yacht and collected in the bay of San Diego. A Once on board , we had a delicious meal and then we surprised inviting Frankie Valens to sing some of his songs such as " Sixteen Candles " ( Sixteen Candles ) . Our friends were delighted, but the time Most memorable was when Margaret and I said a few words about each of the guests and which occupied a special place in our hearts . That night was a great memory for Margaret and me, but It was also a great souvenir for those who attended . CREATIVITY . FIND A WAY TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN What do you do when you are at an event where he hoped to have a memory to share but nothing seems to happen ? Be creative . I have been asked many times you tell the story about a championship bowling I went to see in San Diego fifteen years ago. The game was so boring that I ended by buying newspapers the section so that had something to do. Another
guy who was next , not wanting to be outdone, bought one hundred bags of peanuts and distributed throughout the section . The two received a standing ovation and soon journalists they focused more on us in the game . I do not remember who won, but never forget that night . I know you will not either friends who were with me. SHARED EXPERIENCES . ACHIEVE SOMETHING HAPPEN TO JOINTLY Memories are shared if experience with someone you love. Memories are shared if experience with someone you love. Several years ago our family went on vacation Jasper Park in Canada. As we I were there , I took my children , Elizabeth and Joel Porter, a fish. When we returned to the cabin, Margaret phoned to say we were on the way and she asked how we had gone . " We caught eight trout ," he said Joel , appearing calm even though I knew he was proud . On the road We were saying how great it would be trout dinner we had fish . When we arrived, we trout to the kitchen but we are surprised to see four pieces of meat ready to be cooked. "What is this? " Joel asked his mother. "We caught eight trout ! And we want dinner trout. " Margaret began to laugh . " I thought they had just caught a trout , so I went to buy steaks ." I started laughing and Elizabeth . Finally , Joel said , "Mommy is not very good with numbers, right? »This happened when our children were eleven and thirteen . Now, every time we make a meal outdoors my kids remember the story of the trout . To date, married and with children of their own , still enjoy say , "Mommy is not very good with numbers " and that makes us laugh. MEMORIES . SHOW SOMETHING HAPPENED John McCrone says: "Almost everything you do today you'll have forgotten in a few weeks . the ability remembering decreases exponentially unless it is driven by artificial aids such as diaries and photographs . " Is
not it true? Do you keep photographs or souvenir on your desk where you can see ? Does in your wallet photos of people she loves? Do you have a trophy , a plaque, a ball or other award on a shelf where others can see it? We all have things we love, not for their material value but for the memories that we bring . When you help someone else will create a memory , you must give that person something you can revive him. RELIVE THE MEMORY . TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED The most important part is to create a memory revive . It is the reward! Many times when traveling with other at the end of our trip I ask them to share one of his favorite memories . Often this leads to great conversations . Or I write a note to someone where I share favorite memory itself. This forms a connection that unites us and makes us feel great.
LES ... recap
There is no person on this earth who does not understand the value of positive memories . These can sustain people during the most difficult times and inspire during the good times . Moreover, anyone can create a memory and go to it often ! To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Try to have quality time to form a memory if you are not willing to invest the amount of time required . ask yourself: What memories I have created with people who wish to relive together? Do this : Plan an experience that will commemorate an achievement or a triumph of what people will talk in the future. And do not forget to create an object of it. Remember: We should not expect the memories come to us . We have to make those memories happen.
5.PRAISE TO PERSONS IN PUBLIC
Admonish your friends in secret, praise them in public. - Publilius Syrus LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION Praising others in public is the personal brand of John Maxwell. He is known for doing this around the world , so when I asked them to some people in your company to tell me how John does this, it did not cost me much receive answers . Rather, I had to decide what to choose among many . Many of the stories contained feelings similar to those I heard from Charlie Wetzel, who has worked with John and his books for more than a decade : For almost twenty years, John has written and recorded lessons on leadership , which has been used to teach tens of thousands of people every month ; first with the club and now INJOY Life through Maximum Impact . 1995 , gave a lesson was designed to teach leaders how to find people with great potential and creating an environment where they flourish and emerge as leaders in all of the law. In this lesson called " Looking eagles . " Often , John recorded these lessons during his lectures to corporations and other organizations around country . However, this time the school was for their own church personnel and some employees INJOY , your company leadership development . It was his way of continually develop their people so that could grow and learn.
That day I sat with the audience and wrote down the ten characteristics of an eagle :
1. They make things happen. 2 . Come and take advantage of opportunities. 3 . Influencing the opinions and actions of others. 4. Dan value to people . 5. Winners attracted towards them. 6. Eagles They train others so they can handle. 7. Provide ideas to help the organization. 8. Possess a peculiarly great attitude. 9. Was maintained up to their commitments and responsibilities. 10. Show total loyalty to an organization and the leader. It was an instructive and inspiring message. When he concluded the lesson, mentioned some of the eagles had found in his life over the years . And then said, "But I want to conclude this lesson by telling them about another eagle that has recently entered the organization . His name is Charlie Wetzel . He has worked with us for very little time , but it makes things happen. " John kept saying how I made the connection of their own initiative in a national magazine editor made that An article was accepted and Maxwell were to be read by more than 3 million subscribers. John then many said very flattering things about me to the extent that made me mourn . He has always said positive about me in front of wife and my parents things , but this time was speaking all church staff and the president of your company , not to mention the thousands of people who would listen post them on tape. It was amazing . Before that time , I never myself as a 'Eagle' . To date, still playing heart every time I think about it. It's been a decade since John did that praise Charlie ; however, its impact has not diminished. That It is the power of praising people face to face.
A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE The most direct and fundamental way to win people 's praise them with a positive , sincere and meaningful word. If you want to make others feel valuable , perfect this basic fitness. It is essential to learn to give their compliments in front of others as individually. Why? Because that praise in private when becomes public, and dramatically increases its instantaneous value. Here are some reasons why it is so important: VALUABLE FEEL PEOPLE WANT IN LIFE Mary Kay Ash said , " Everyone has an invisible ad hanging neck that says :"Make me feel important " " She taught his sales team. He said again and again : " Never forget this message when working with people. " She knew that the praise and affirmation were crucial for success with others. A eulogy in private when it is made public , its instantaneous value and increases dramatically And by the way , that's just one of the reasons that made winning . In 1963 , five thousand dollars in savings and the help of his 20 year old son , Mary Kay cosmetics launched . The company currently has over 500,000 advisors Independent Beauty in 29 markets around the world . Mary Kay Inc. is listed as one of the 100 work best for U.S. companies. Mary Kay , like all people who earn people knew that people want to feel valuable . And when you keep that thought in your mind , the praise will come to him easily .
PRAISE WHEN VALUE INCREASE IN VALUE TO THE PERSON THAT DA Willard Scott , former weatherman of NBC 's Today Show, recalls his days of radio when received Best letter from a fan : Dear Mr. Scott : I think you
are the best developer of discs in Washington. Putting the best music and has the most beautiful voice I have heard on the radio. Please excuse the crayon . Here let us not use anything sharp . Not all are equal praise . We value a compliment depending on who gives it . A good comment of someone who would not allow sharp objects do not have the same weight as a eulogy given by your boss in front of people you respect . CONFIRMING THE PEOPLE PRAISE AND STRENGTHEN Ratify means affirming . An endorsement is a statement of truth that you claim in the heart of the person when expressed. As a result , it generates a conviction. For example, when you praise the attitude of a person , the is strengthening and making more consistent. Since you noticed in a positive way , that person is likely to show the same attitude again. Similarly, when ratified the dreams of people , is helping to make the dreams become more real than your doubts. Like repeating a weightlifting regimen , routine praise builds the qualities of the people and strengthens their personalities. Encouragement is the oxygen of the soul. "There are special moments in everyone's lives ," wrote George Matthew Adams, " and most of them come by the praise that someone else has done to us. No matter how big , famous or winning the person, all wish applause. Encouragement is the oxygen of the soul. You cannot expect a good job of a worker without breath. No one can live without it. "
PRAISE IN PUBLIC ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAT MAY GIVE As commander of a warship worth a billion dollars and a crew of 310 people , Mike Abrashoff used a critical leadership to increase retention rates of 28% to 100% , reduce expenses operating and improving the
provision. How did he do ? Among other things , gave great importance to public acclaim . "The captain of a ship is authorized to give 15 medals a year ," he wrote . "Since I was to blame excess , I gave 115 '. Almost always a seaman left the ship to meet another assignment , Captain Abrashoff gave him a medal. "Even if they had not been to the top , he gave a medal at a ceremony public as long as they had made the maximum effort every day. Delivered a short speech saying how much we appreciated their camaraderie , friendship and hard work . " Sometimes peers of him that was had funny anecdotes , recalling their difficulties and triumphs. But basically , what I wanted was Abrashoff it felt good to be praised in front of the entire crew . "There is a negative effect on this symbolic gesture ," said Abrashoff , " if done honestly and without fuss '. Captain Michael Abrashoff knew how to make their marine feel like a million dollars. You can do the same with the people around you . Whenever you have the opportunity to publicly commend another person , please do so . Of course , you can create these opportunities , as did Captain Abrashoff , but can also find countless opportunities if only the searches .
LES ... recap Think about the last time someone praised him in the presence of people who mattered to you. How did you feel ? There are few things that can encourage someone as much as it does a sincere compliment .
To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Give praise only in private. Instead , have them in public as much as possible. ask yourself: Who I can praise in front of others ? Do this : Praise someone in front of other people today. Remember: When you give someone a compliment in public, you are giving wings of an eagle.
6. GIVE THEM A REPUTATION TO OTHERS HAVE TO KEEP Treat a man as it seems and it worse. But treat it as if it were already potentially could become, and make it what it should be . - Goethe
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION A few years ago , John and Margaret went to London with his friends Dan and Patti Reiland , Tim and Pam and Andy Elmore Steimer . While there, each person had their favorite place to visit . Tim was the cabin and lounge war Winston Churchill and his advisers used during World War II. John told me about his experience there. It was an awesome place : it was just a basement about four meters under a building that had a living room with a large map and a table, a quarter of communications and some other small rooms where people could rest. But what had happened there during the war yes it was awesome . It was from there that Churchill planned his strategy and led the British people. As we talked , I could sense that John loves history. He spoke of Churchill - one of his heroes leadership - and how he encouraged millions of his countrymen after the British defeat in the June 1940 Battle of Dunkirk . I quoted part of the speech that Churchill addressed the House of Commons on that occasion: Desfalleceremos or fail ... No fight in France , we shall fight on the seas and oceans , we shall fight with confidence and strength increase : it will use the air , we shall defend our island at any cost ; will fight on beaches, in open fields , in the streets , in the hills ; we shall never surrender ... 1 " Churchill made many remarkable things during the war" continued telling John , "but one of the biggest was its ability to give the English a reputation to be maintained. Inspired , motivated , challenged . And therefore, they said . That's why he was so appreciated. " John has tried to express this quality . He tells me that whenever you interact with other people, you are wondering constantly : What is special , unique and wonderful this guy? Once it has learned , share it with others. I've seen him do this over and over again . For example , when referring to Linda Eggers, his assistant, says : " She is always very good." A John Hull, president of EQUIP , calls it : "The Mr. relationships. " He tells everyone
that Nowery Kirk , President of ISS , is " the best friend of a pastor '. Kevin Small , INJOY president , calls it "The goals achieved " and when talking about Doug Carter , Vice President EQUIP , says that " he never misses an opportunity to [p 45 ] EQUIP tell the story ." John always thinks well of people and whenever you can , talk about the great qualities you see in them. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE One of the best ways to inspire others and make them feel good is by showing them what they could become. Several years ago , an administrator of the New York Yankees wanted new players to realize the great privilege it was to play on that team . I used to tell them : " Boys , it's an honor to get the striped shirt New York. So when the dress , play like world champions . Play like the Yankees . play with pride. " When you give someone a reputation to keep , you are giving that person a goal that has to reach ; something that is beyond what it is now . When he speaks to their potential, helping them to " Play with pride ," as do the Yankees. Why is it so important? Because people will go further than they thought if they respect someone who tells them that they can achieve. If you want to give others a reputation to be maintained , here are some suggestions of how to get started :
HAVE A HIGH OPINION OF PEOPLE Say you have the impact of people deeply. Dr. J. Sterling Livingston , former member of the Harvard Business School and founder of Sterling Institute, a management consulting firm , observed : "People will act
accordingly to the way they perceive you expected to act ." Reputation is something that many people spend a lifetime trying to validate ; then, why not help them instead of denigrate ? All people have value and potential. Those are things that can be found in everyone if one makes an effort to find them. BACK- ACTION WITH HAVING GOOD OPINION OF OTHERS When you support what you believe about a person through actions , doubt she has of herself will begin to dissipate. One thing is to tell your teen that thinks he's a good driver and another to pass the car keys to come out at night. Likewise , if you want a new manager achieves expressed high regard for him, then give it an important responsibility. There is nothing that gives the more confident people see someone they respect you risk for them. Not only do they strengthen emotionally , but that will be a resource in your path to success . LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND AND GIVE THEM A NEW REPUTATION FOR THE FUTURE Negative names in the past , nicknames or labels can stop the development and progress of a person. Maybe that's why , in many cultures, rites of passage from one stage of life include give a name or title to the person who is being honored . A new name gives a hope for future again. A good example of this can be seen in Man of La Mancha , a play and film based Classic Cervantes, Don Quixote . The protagonist, Don Alonso, wants to become a knight errant but cross time has passed. Go where others see giant windmills and adventures where others see only see trails of rabbits. Comically , " rescues " a prostitute named Aldonza , whom he sees as a beautiful lady. The flame Dulcinea and becomes the object of his feats of knight. At first it is offended , create that you are making fun of her because Aldonza is actually hates herself and her life. But over time , the
perspective that he has it replaces its own and gives hope. At the end of the play , when the old lies dying in his bed , thank you for seeing her she could not see herself. Of course, the most dramatic examples of how someone forgets the past of others and gives them a new reputation for the future is found in the Bible . In the book of Genesis , God changes Abram's life , a man old and childless , to give it a new name : Abraham , meaning " father of many " 2 And he does father their old age. And then Jacob takes a liar who deceives his brother, his father and lies constantly uses deception to get ahead ; and given a new name : Israel. Your future will become the home of the nation Israel.3 GIVE THEM A NAME FOR PEOPLE SPEAK OF NEW POTENTIAL Harry Hopman , one of the best tennis coaches and captains in the history of Australia and Hall of Fame International Tennis , achieved at a time to form a team that came to dominate the tennis world . How did? Emphasizing what he called " Coaching with affirmation ." For example , had a slow player who would gave the name "rocket" . At another , it was not known for his physical strength or constitution, called " muscles '. And that 's encouraged so that before long, the ' Rocket ' Rod Laver and Ken " Muscles " Rosewall became world champions . I love to put names to people talk about their potential and their greatest strengths. Of Indeed, in family know me for that. To my own children , Elizabeth and Joel Porter , I call 'the apple of my eye "and " Number one son " respectively. To my nieces Rachael and Jennifer the call " Angel " and " Sweet Pea ". My grandchildren Madeline , Hannah , John Porter and Ella are ' Sun Shine ', ' Hanna Banana ', ' JP ' and ' Peanuts ' respectively. Every time a child is born in our family, others want to know what name you 'll put . It is a tradition we love them all. Why? Because we all love that feeling of mood that occurs because someone notice us and we talk about our potential.
LES ... recap Sometimes I met with leaders who believe they should not lift their ego people through a reputation I still have not won . In such cases, I always point them to " rule of ten years." The rule of ten years is one that
indicates that it took at least ten years of dedicated practice and consistent before that large obtain some level of recognizable brand. Research also shows that the process can be advanced dramatically when individuals begin to see the samples that are already beginning to achieve that reputation. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Failures of a person in the past and focus on their future potential ask yourself: What is special , unique and wonderful this guy? How I can show your qualities to others ? Do this : Support the high esteem in which a person has by actions that reinforce that view. Remember: Many people go further than they thought they could get because someone else thought they could and the said.
7.SAY THE RIGHT WORDS AT THE RIGHT TIME There is no man so high and so strong that two or three words can not discourage prosperity ; but is there any calamity that the right words will not begin to dissolve .
- Ralph Waldo Emerson LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION Ask anyone who knows John and I will sometime when he said the right words in the right time. One of the most shocking stories I heard while working on this book, I told it Dan Reiland , a close friend of John and his former right hand. " John has done this many times in life ," she said . "But While most impressed me was when mother died . " His death was sudden and unexpected . Dan told him to John , who was out of town at the time. Quickly, John , and Margaret changed his plans and returned to San Diego. Dan recalls, " came home in Rancho San Diego, were over to me , hugged me and said : "We love you " . That was it. Nobody could have done better . " Then John spoke wisely with brother Dan , Len , and gave encouragement greatly to his sister , Jean. Although it has been almost ten years, I could see that Dan I was still shocked by the attitude of John . " John led a beautiful funeral service ," Dan recalled . "I gave his sermon notes which I keep and appreciation. I appreciate all that John did during that time ; however, there is nothing like those two words spoken at the very moment they entered home. " Sometimes , people who do not know John personally surprised to see how good it is to say the right words at the right time. People are used to seeing him as a speaker , which excellently done . But what they do not realize is that John is also encouraging that enjoys a genuine helping people and really understand them either above or below the platform . I remember hearing John while some administrators was going and spoke to them about the importance our words and of when we say. He said ... ♦ inadequate those words at the wrong time discouraged me . ♦ inadequate those words at the right time frustrate me . ♦ Suitable at the wrong time these words confuse me .
♦ Suitable those words at the right time encourage me . ♦I am aware that this is true in regard to life. Do not you ? The right words at the right time are like a refreshing breeze of mind. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE Most people recognize that words have incredible power. The theologian and editor Tyron Edwards said : " Words can be better or worse than thoughts ; they express them and even add them things ; give them power for good or evil ; carry them in an eternal flight instruction , encouragement and blessing or wound sorrow and ruin. " But to say the right words is not enough. The time to say them is also crucial. Sometimes the best we can do for someone is to stay silent. When tempted to give a advice that has not been asked to show off, to say " I told you so ', or point out an error in another person, it is best not say anything. As the 19th century British journalist George Sala advised , we must strive "not only to say the right thing at the right time , but something more difficult : A Bad not say a tempting moment. " When it's time to talk , ask yourself: How can I encourage others to use the words appropriate at the right time ? Consider these tips:
Be SENSITIVE TIME AND PLACE It is said that during one of the biggest offensives of World War II , General Dwight Eisenhower walking near the Rhine River when he met a soldier who looked depressed. "How you feeling, son? " He asked . "General," replied the young man , "I 'm terribly nervous ." "Well," Eisenhower said, " then we make a good pair , because I also feel nervous . Maybe if we walk a while, it will do us good . "
" Apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken should ." - King Solomon The first step to say the right thing at the right time is to pay attention to context. That is one of the secrets of successful communication to a large audience , and so is when talking to people individually. King Solomon of ancient Israel was telling the truth when he wrote : " apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken should be "1 If you can learn to be sensitive to the environment in which it is, and has won half the battle to say the right words at the right time . TELL HEART Not only does it say when or what he says but how he says it. In one of the cartoons of Charlie Brown, Lucy tells the child pianist Schroeder " ? do you think I am the most beautiful girl in the world" Of course , she have to ask the question several times and in different ways , until Schroeder, get rid of it says : "Yes." Lucy is depressed and says bitterly : "Even when I said , really did not say ." People know the difference between hollow words and leaving the heart . Don Bennett, a man of Idaho businesses , was the first person with one leg amputated to climb to the summit of Mount Rainier. Am talking about 14,410 feet ( over 4,391 meters),with one leg and two crutches ! During part especially difficult climbing , Bennett and his team had to cross a field of ice. To go through the ice, climbers had to put hooks in the boot for traction . Unfortunately , one boot no It was very helpful to Bennett. The only way I could cross the ice field was dropping to the ground, propel forward as I could, stand up and then dropped again. Kathy Bennett 's teenage daughter who accompanied him on the ascent , stood by him during the four hours it took to cross . He remained constantly giving encouragement : "You can
do it Dad! You're the best dad world ! You can do it ! " Two words of his daughter, said heart , helped him continue. RECOGNIZE THE POWER OF THE RIGHT WORDS AT THE RIGHT TIME To say the right words at the right time can do more than just encourage the person who received at that time. You can make a positive and lasting impact . The painter Benjamin West as a boy that loved to paint . When her mother went out , he sought materials and set to work . One day, while he was painting , he spilled the paint and left the house a mess. Fearing that his mother returned and was found with that disorder , tried to clean up as best he could, but only half succeeded . When his mother arrived , Benjamin was prepared for the worst. But his mother , without a word , took the box that had tried to do , looked at his son and said, "Wow , what a beautiful painting of your sister! " He kissed her on the cheek and walked away. With that kiss , West says, he became a painter. I do not know what kind of experience have you had as a kid. Perhaps, like me , had parents who understood the power of the mind. If not , what would have been because someone had spoken at the right time : a parent , a teacher, a coach or a pastor? What whether or not received at the time, you can give now . Look for opportunities to encourage others with your words. They might change their lives.
LES ... recap Numerous studies confirm the fact that when they say the right words at the right time , is generated a number of positive results. One of the most important is trust. When you offer something to a person in need - even if it is a stranger is very likely that you will become a person reliable people
perceive him as someone honorable. Surely see him as someone who considered and can confiar.3 Do not encouraged to know that? To apply these lessons to their own lives .... Forget : Of meaning and focus on what the other person needs to hear. Inquire What I'd like to hear if you were in the place of someone else? do it Make someone's day is different . Or perhaps , all his life, saying the right words at the right time and do it from the heart. Remember " Apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken should ."
8. ENCOURAGE THE DREAMS OF OTHERS Stay away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. The little people always do that , but really great make you feel like you too can become great .
-MARK TWAIN LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION When I started talking to the office staff of John , one of the things I discovered was that he receives dozens of letters each week thanking him for the positive changes they have experienced through their books, seminars and lessons on CDs . I asked Sue Caldwell to let me see some of these letters . I brought a thick file containing some that she had shared with staff. Passing the pages , I noticed how many times people would write about their hopes and their dreams again lit .Two letters sticking as related to things that happened at a conference for youth leaders Christians in which John was involved . The first , written by Kevin said : Thank you ! Without being too dramatic, I cannot begin without telling you how much value added to life in recent six years. I was one of the 5500 prospects of leaders who attended ' Catalyst ' ... While last week you told us , I felt like God answered prayer ... You said, " I wish you to believe in itself as I believe in you. " That's the first time I've heard that from someone of his generation. I hear that filled a lot of energy . The second was written by Matt and said : In recent months he had discouraged me a lot and I had made the idea of the dream (which I had before tried to reach) was dying . I attended " Catalyst 2003". Unexpectedly, God moved in my heart and said his plan was still in effect. When you prayed for us during the session , I could not help but mourn . His words came straight from God's heart to mine. I will never forget that moment . Thanks for impact life . Matt went on to say that he had renewed his dream and persevere during this preparation period. Speaking with employees and partners John , I realized that he has repeatedly encouraged his dreams , even if it means losing someone that appreciates . Often when Tim Elmore was pastor staff John in San Diego for over 10 years has been recruited by another
organization , goes to John and asks that ' remove the hat pattern and put the mentor " to ask your advice . Tim says John behaves remarkably objective and repeatedly encouraged him , saying, 'May it be a good change for you. I do not want you repent for not trying . I think you should go. " On one such trip , Tim finally went after accepting a job as vice president of an organization to outside the church in Colorado. John kept encouraging him the entire time. Tim really wanted to conduct their dreams and reach their potential. A MOMENT WITH JOHN TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE I consider it a great privilege to me when people share their dreams. That shows me his appreciation and trust. When such a thing happens, I am aware that I have a great power in their lives. That is not insignificant because inadequate word can destroy the dream of a person ; however, a suitable word can inspire that person to continue trying to make your dream a reality. If someone considers you important enough to share with your dreams , put attention and remember this while encouraging that person :
UNDERSTAND THAT DREAMS ARE FRAGILE Dreams are , by definition , doomed to short life spans . - Candice Bergen Actress Candice Bergen said : "Dreams are , by definition , doomed to short life spans ." suspect she said that because there are people who do not want to see others pursuing their dreams. It reminds them what far are
they of his own dreams . So try to overthrow anyone who is shooting at Stars. To discourage others, people who criticize themselves excuse to stay in their comfort zones. Do not be a murderer of dreams rather become an generator dreams. Even if you think that the dream of another is very difficult to achieve , that is no excuse for the discouraged. LEAVE A DREAM IS A GREAT LOSS "Death is not the greatest loss there . The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we are alive. " - Norman Cousins Have you left any of your dreams ? Have you buried a hope that was once bright and filled energy ? If so , what caused that to you ? Norman Cousins, former editor of Saturday Review and professor associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA, used to say : "Death is not the greatest loss there . More loss great is what dies inside us while we live . " Our dreams keep us alive . Once, Benjamin Franklin said, " Most men die from the neck up when they arrive at twenty-five because they stop dreaming. " That is why it is so important that you keep alive the dream of others. Doing so will literally helping them to live and at the same time, will be feeding their souls.
ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO GO AFTER THEM YOUR DREAMS IS A WONDERFUL GIFT Since dreams are the center of the soul , we must do everything possible to make these dreams come true . That's one of the best gifts you can give. How? Follow these six steps: 1. Ask them to share their dream. We all have a dream, but a few are asked to tell you.
2. Ratify the person as much as his dream. Let her know you value your sleep not only but also sees features in it that will help you achieve it. 3. Ask them what challenges they have to overcome to make your dream come true . Few ask others about their dreams ; let alone questions about the obstacles they have to overcome to achieve them. 4. Offer to help . No one can fulfill a dream worth alone . You will be amazed to see how people are full of vitality when offering their help . 5. Hold your interest in the dreams of others . If you want to help others fulfill their dreams , do not convert your participation in something one day. Ask them how they are doing and support them as you can. 6. Take a daily determination to be a generator of dreams, not sink them. We all have dreams and all need encouragement. Synchronize your mental radar to be aware of the dreams of others and help in the process of achieving them. PEOPLE KEEP YOUR DREAMS ARE MADE ONCE Scott Adams , creator of the Dilbert comic strip , tells the story of his beginnings as a caricaturist : You do not have to be a 'person of influence' to influence . In fact , people who have had more influence on life does not even know the things I've learned from them. When I was trying to become a cartoonist professional portfolio of work sent to several publishers . I was rejected again and again . One of them even called me to tell me I should take art classes. I kept trying until Sara Gillespie, an editor at United Media and an expert in her area , offered me a contract . At first I did not believe him . I asked if he wanted to change style , to work with a partner or to learn to draw. However, she thought I was sufficiently good to be a cartoonist whose work is published nationally. His confidence in me made to change altered perspective and what he thought of my
abilities. This may sound strange, but from the moment that I hung up, I started to draw better . You can see a marked improvement in the quality of the cartoons I've drawn from that conversation. The editor Sara Gillespie gave Adams a chance to fulfill his dream , but as many as had discouraged him they felt unable to accept the offer . However, thanks to the encouragement of Mrs. Gillespie and the opportunity you gave, Dilbert is now one of the most popular comic strips in the United States. We do not know what would happen if I started to encourage the dreams of those around her . When your life is closing, would not you like to be the person to whom others refer to as "I triumphed thanks to that person believed in me when nobody else did ? " Begin to encourage others . The more you do, the more people will share their dreams and opportunities to see those dreams will blossom.
LES ... recap Should be afraid to encourage the dreams of others thinking that people would just walk in the clouds let me tell you that studies show that this practice does more than just directing the individual to seek a positive in the future . Actually it does engage more with its present activities .
Technically speaking , a This is called " resonance performance model ', but no matter what you call it , there is nothing wrong with encouraging the dreams of others. To apply the teachings of John in his own life ... Forget: To criticize someone else's dream . Rather, they identify with their vision and desire to achieve . Inquire: Who I can encourage today to fulfill their dreams ? Do it: Offer help to make sure the person is closer to fulfilling his dream. Remember: When a person is sharing his dream with you , is compartiéndole something in the center of his soul.
9. GIVE THEM THE MERIT TO OTHERS If we had to confess what is the greatest desire of people , what inspires their plans and actions, would say : " wanting to be praised " -E . M. Cioran
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION One of my favorite topics of conversation with John is the publishing industry. We have discussed this issue for almost two decades. Ideas for books, titles , marketing campaigns , editorials, shelf space in bookstores, agents , etc. . We talked about almost every conceivable aspect of this industry. And since John has been one of the most successful authors in the area of leadership selling over nine million copies have always been interested in learning from your experience in publications. Some time ago , John and I shared the platform at a conference in Virginia and between sessions asked I speak of a special moment in his career as an author. " Wow , that's hard ," she said , "I have been blessed in ways that I never imagined ." " Surely there must be something" I pressed gently . "Well , when the book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership sold a million copies , Thomas Nelson, the publishing house that published it gave a banquet for 120 people in your company and INJOY to celebrate the occasion . I got some beautiful gifts , including this. " John the sleeves of his shirt stretched and showed me the cufflinks bringing gold . Each wore the number 21. " That night was amazing ." Shortly thereafter, I spoke with some of the people who attended the banquet. Kevin Small , President of INJOY , told me that when John got up to speak , thanked and quickly began to attribute credit to the people who had made this success possible. He talked about how Victor Oliver had presented the original concept of book and title. He recognized a group of key leaders INJOY who helped him hone those laws. He thanked Charlie Wetzel, its writer , for his ability to write the book. Ron thanked Lana Thomas Nelson, Kevin Small of INJOY and his team for organizing the tour that made the book were to be listed on the New York Times of Bestsellers . He thanked the editor Mike Hita, the sales team of Nelson, marketing personnel , distributors and
many others , including their parents. Kevin told me that when John had finished, there were tears in the eyes of all the guests. Making a book is successful and gets into the hands of those who need it will always be a team effort , even when not all authors see it that way . Everyone involved in the process have a role to John met and made every effort to give credit and recognize the contribution of each one of those people . JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING STYLE MAXWELL I will never forget that night in Orlando. When I wrote that book in 1979 , I never dreamed that anything I wrote would sell a million copies . That night as we returned to the hotel, Margaret asked me what was the best banquet . Without thinking twice I said that was when I could give credit to the people who helped me both . We rarely have the opportunity to thank enough the people who help us , especially in public places. I wanted to take advantage of that time. Not only makes us feel good to share a triumph , but also encourages others . And makes you feel like a million dollars. Give credit to others is one of the easiest ways to win people over . If you want to practice , they are here some suggestions that can help you get started: LEAVE YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR The number one reason why people do not give credit to others is because they think that somehow they can lose yours. Many people are so insecure that they have to be constantly feeding his ego to feel compensated . But you can not practice this method of making people if the ego does not allow a side . " A selfish is not thinking much of it , but someone who thinks very little in others" Have you ever heard the saying : " A selfish is not someone who thinks a lot about it, but someone who thinks little in others " ? If you want to give credit to others , focus on them. What do you need ? How feel when they give them the credit ? How does performance
improve ? How to motivate reach their potential? If you highlight the contributions that they have made it , it'll make them look good and you . NO WAIT . GIVE THE MERIT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE I love what H. Ross Perot once said when talking about giving merit : " Reward your employees sweat while they are still seen in the eyebrows. " Is not it true that the best time to recognize the merit of the other is when the amount of work and sacrifice made is still fresh in their minds ? Why wait ? You've probably heard the teaching management expert Ken Blanchard about nabbing people while they are doing something good. What a great idea! The faster you give the credit to someone else, the greater the reward. In 2003 , when I interviewed John Wooden, basketball coach at UCLA told me that their Players often say that when they write down , the player who gave the pass return and give him a smile, a wink or a sign of appreciation. "And what if it is watching me ? " Asked a player . Wooden replied, " I assure you that you will be watching ." We all love that our contribution is recognized. SAY IT IN PUBLIC You've read the chapter invites you to praise people in public, but it is good to remember . When you are gives credit to the other in front of your circle of friends and loved ones, the value of that praise is multiplied . Billy Martin , former player and manager of the New York Yankees , said : " There is nothing better in the world when someone does something good team and everyone else come together to give you a pat on the back . " When you give public credit , is helping to create the kind of environment that Martin describes . PUT IT IN WRITING
When you give credit to people verbally, they are being encouraged for a moment. When in writing, it is encouraging for the lifetime. People stand plates on the walls as a reminder of their achievements. Saved and treasured letters speak of recognition and appreciation for the things they did . Deep inside of us , we all want to make a difference and occasionally need some encouragement . I have a file in office with letters and notes that have a special meaning for me. Occasionally sack the file and read some of the things that people I respect have told me. That helps me relive that moment stimulus . It is said that President Abraham Lincoln used to carry a newspaper article that talked his accomplishments as president. He was one of the greatest leaders in the history of the United States, without But he wanted something to keep it lively. Please do not underestimate the impact of an article , a public note or staff can achieve. What it takes for you just a few minutes to write may be something that inspires someone else for decades. WHAT WE SAY , SAY HEART I love this joke: An elderly man lay dying in his bed and his wife was sitting near him. When he opened his eyes and saw her, he said: " Here you are Agnes , by side again." " Yes, dear," she replied . " Come to think ," said the old man , " I remember all the times you've been to side. You were to side when received the news of recruitment and had to go to war. Been to side when our first house you burned . When I had the accident that tore our car. And you were at your side when business went bankrupt and lost everything. " " Yes, dear ," said his wife. The old man sighed . " Agnes ," he said, " you have brought me luck ." It may seem obvious , but I want to say so that not misunderstand . Never say anything that does not create just to encourage someone . If you are not sincere , you will not make people feel good; make them feel cheated . When you give the credit to others, need to do it from the heart.
LES ... recap Give credit to coworkers or colleagues is more than a good attitude. According to studies , when you give credit to others, is changing them their biochemistry and creating an " emotional impact " that relate the triumphs they have.
To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Your ego. Focus on the people around them and give them the credit they deserve. Inquire: Who has made me be more successful than it would have achieved by myself ? do it: Give public credit for a great effort as many people as you possibly can . Remember : If we were to admit what is our greatest wish , we would say : " I would like to be praised ."
10. GIVE YOU THE BEST I do the best I can do , the best that I can do ; and will continue to do so until the end. ABRAHAM LINCOLN LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
For many years I have been receiving the tapes with the leadership lessons that John taught each month. After hearing one of them entitled 'Preparing the difference between winning and losing , " I had to make a question to John . " I loved teaching and took some things that have helped me ," he said, " but I need to ask you a question . Do you really think the preparation is so important in the life of a person ? " " Absolutely ," he replied . "This is what really makes the difference between winners and losers. Preparation is more than a discipline, it is an attitude , a lifestyle . My father used to quote the Bible verse says : " Whatsoever thy hand finds to do, do it with thy might ." In other words, what you do or as you have, offers the best of you. I try to follow this principle in everything I do. " I have watched John for years and know it's true . Everything he does , he does with excellence, but it is even more than that. While we were working on this book , we had a meeting in San Diego. Simultaneously, John expected news about the birth of their fourth grandchild. When the meeting ended , he took us to dinner at Peohe's , his restaurant favorite in San Diego , which has an excellent menu and an even better view. It is located on the island of Coronado, against the scenic bay area of San Diego. We stood at the outer section , near the water. Immediately John and Margaret took the seats looked into the restaurant for everyone else enjoying ourselves view of the bay. During the meeting at office also had sea view, John also sat with his back to the window , allowing other people who came to visit could enjoy the view . And in neither case had been a coincidence. I know John and I know you think in the details. He had chosen the worst seat because I wanted to offer us us better . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE For years I have been invited to be the speaker for various organizations in their special events. That's something I enjoy. I communicate with an
audience full of energy. It would be easy for me to ' improvise ' or do some speech made before packaging elsewhere . But not because I do not think that is correct. Rather, it took time to find out about the company. Find out as much as possible about the particular event and what they want to achieve. Why would he do that knowing that I do not need to succeed? I do it because I have a goal every time I talk . I want the person who invited me to speak say later: " You exceeded our expectations . " I want to give the best. Maybe you're from the people who already have that mentality to give their best . If so , I congratulate you and encourage you to keep that attitude. But if not, I hope these ideas help him develop that mindset : ANYONE CAN BE IMPORTANT TO ME Most likely give the best of ourselves to those we love and respect . memory time when school teachers and wanted some aversion felt by others. I always gave my best teachers and others who wanted to give them only what is necessary to pass the course . Later I realized that these attitudes often damaging my relationships with others as potential to succeed . but then discovered the antidote : If I saw all people as important , not only I liked them , then You could always give the best of me. This change of attitude prompted a change in my actions.
WE DO ANYTHING TO BE IMPORTANT Most times in life will be special if we see them that way. An average day will be just a average day because we have not made it special. The best way is to raise an experience best of us . That makes it special. A normal conversation becomes better when listening with interest. Ratio common is transformed when you make an effort. An insignificant event becomes
something special when is added creativity. Anything you can do something important if the person gives their best . BE IMPORTANT TO YOU ALL Who are the most important people in your life? Are those who never take the time , or that never are with you when they need? Of course not. Generally , people who are important are those that make you feel important. We instinctively value people who value us . if you want to be important to others , give them importance . The most effective way is to give the best of themselves . GET YOUR GIFTS AND OPPORTUNITIES "My potential is a gift from God to me. What I do is with potential gift for Him. " Over 30 years ago memorized a quote that has determined the way I live , "My potential is a gift God to me. What I do is with potential gift for Him. " I am responsible to God, to others and to me for every gift, talent, resources and opportunity to have in life. If you give less than what I can , I'm evading responsibility. I think the UCLA coach John Wooden spoke of it when he said , "You make every day a work of art. " If we give our best all the time , we can make our life something special. And that will be reflected in the lives of others. There is a story that I love about President Dwight Eisenhower. Once members headed National Press Club and said it hurt not have had a better political education to help you be a best speaker . Their lack of ability in that area reminded him of his childhood in Kansas , where an old farmer was trying to sell a cow. The buyer asked about the pedigree of the cow, cream production and production monthly milk . The farmer replied, " I do not know what their pedigree and have no idea of the production cream but it is a good cow and give you all the milk you have . " That's all we can do, give all we have. That's always enough.
LES ... recap A lot of recent psychological research has focused on the value of the virtues . And experts are finding that when people strive to achieve a degree of excellence in character traits – by example, when you strive to have a generous spirit , usually benefit while in the process to benefit
others . This cultivar is called ' satisfaction ' .1 No need for a research study to know that when you give the best of themselves , automatically feel satisfied. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : From just do the minimum to pass it Apply to do your best . Inquire: What can I do for someone who I can not return the favor ? do it: Voluntarily give more than is required. Remember: We all appreciate a person who gives his best .
11. SHARE A SECRET WITH SOMEONE Do not hide your secret to your friend or will lose their due. PORTUGUESE - Proverb LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
In 1996 John took a very important decision that concerned his company and for a while only a few would said . Charlie Wetzel was one of them . This is what Charlie said about what that meant to him and his relationship John : One day , John asked me to come to your home office for us to work in the book that we were getting in those days . It was a very productive session work and when we had finished, John said, " Charlie , before I want you to go talk to you about something. " When an employee hears these words of his boss, pays attention immediately . Sometimes words that follow include phrases like " tough economy ", " poor performance " or "You're fired ! " John continued: " In about a year , will move the company out of San Diego. We will not still promote it to all staff but I'm telling people executive team - inner circle - so they can start processing the information. We 're moving to Atlanta. " Then I said to be traveling outside of San Diego was affecting him not only to him but to the other consultants working for the company. When asked his assistant , Linda Eggers , who calculated how many days he had taken during the previous year in connection flight from San Diego to Dallas , Chicago or Atlanta , Linda returned with an amount that left him speechless :Thirty days ! John was there that he realized he had to do something. I had to begin to process all that information. Then John said, " Charlie , I hope you come with us'. John only talked to me for a few minutes , but what he told me changed lifetime. He had nearly two years of working with him and we'd already written five or six books together. I had worked hard and he I had always been very generous with your praise , but had no idea that I valued so much. Once I shared that secret place in your esteem, career and even changed my own eyes. John has done many wonderful things for family and me through the years. It is very generous and many these things have cost time and money. Share your secret about the move cost him nothing ; however, caused a great impact on me. It made me feel like
a million dollars. It is not a secret, how powerful it can be to share something with someone else. It is a surefire way to make people . JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE A Sicilian proverb: "Only the spoon knows what is stirring in the pot ." When it allows another person know what is going on inside you, when you give a " savored " a plan or idea , instantaneously we are ensuring a meaningful connection with that person. Who does not want to know what is going through the mind of someone that you appreciate ? Reading the story of Charlie Wetzel may think you have done to share a secret with someone always has to be something with ramifications that will change your life ; but it is not always so. Of course, when allows people to know something shocking , that creates an impression. But you can share a secret part of their daily lives using everyday things . The first time you share something with others Are they not sharing something that has been a secret until then ? Why not tell the person He is speaking this is the first time you are revealing that? That will make you feel special. Share a secret with someone is really a matter of two things : knowing the context of a situation and desired edify the other person. If you do, you can learn this skill. While you try, keep in mind three things:
1. SHARING INFORMATION
A
SECRET
MEANS
GIVING
VALUABLE
When you share a secret information that must be the person you are talking to is interested listening . Make it part of your interest or fill a need that they possess . For example , two experienced seafishermen decided
one day to go ice fishing . Both made holes in the ice , put baits on hooks , released the ropes and waited. After three hours, they had not taken anything. While they were sitting there , they saw a child reach also made a hole between them. He put a bait your hook , dropped the rope in the water and in a moment took a fish. The child repeated the process and little time had taken more than a dozen fish. The other two fishermen looked amazed. Finally , one of the men approached him and said, " Young man, have been here for over three hours and no We have caught nothing . And you, in minutes , has at least a dozen fish . What is your secret? " The boy mumbled an answer, but the man did not understand . Then he saw the child's left cheek had a bulge . "Please," he asked , could you will get you the gum of the mouth, so that you can understand what you say ? » The child made a cup with his hands, he had spat in his mouth and said, " It's not gum ; is secret. one has to keep the hot bait. " 2. SHARING A SECRET THAT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL SPECIAL Them know something other people always raises their egos . Charlie 's comment says it all: "I did not idea valued me so much. Once he told me that secret place in your esteem, career and even in my own eyes changed . " But as I said, the secret does not have to be dramatic to have an effect positive . For example , when I play golf , I usually bring with me a laminated card that contains some advice he gave me the professional player Scott Szymoniak . Sometimes , if a friend of the band is not playing well , I call it aside and say, "I want to share you a secret that has helped me in the game ." I draw card and show the six basic things that a golfer must learn and perform . I also say it's personal plan for play golf and do not share it with everyone . How do you feel when you know it's the first one who is told something ? It makes me feel special. That's one of the
reasons why wife Margaret and I have practiced telling us rather than any other person many things that have happened to us on the day. How do I do ? I always carry a small notebook with me where I write the things I want to tell . Anything I write, the "file" to tell it to her first . That gives us special moments each day . 3. SHARING A SECRET MAKE OTHERS FEEL INCLUDED IN YOUR EXPERIENCE The main thing to share a secret with others is that doing so is creating an act of inclusion. The main thing to share a secret with others is that doing so is creating an act of inclusion. It is a form to invite people into your life, your experience. Includes them in his triumph. When I speak to an audience – is a panel of executives or stadium full of people - intentionally use inclusive language . Permi my listeners to enter into personal experience. And when I'm revealing something I have not said previously in public , I do know that I am. That action communicates to people how much I care and that desire to help them.
LES ... recap A study says that when people makes them "partakers of a secret " many positive attributes come to relate to their lives. For example , it is much more likely to feel that their jobs fill their ambitions. Wanting to be more
active in public service . Have patterns more lasting friendships and marriages happier. Researchers call this " mental mechanism of adaptation ' .Whatever the terminology used, the result of sharing secrets with others is more than just imparting information. You are increasing the odds for a closer relationship . To apply the teachings of John to your life ... Forget :To hoard information just for you . Inquire : Who else could benefit compartiéndole private information ? do it : Find someone to share with you a secret today. Remember: Share a secret with someone makes this individual 's selfesteem rises.
12. REMOVE THE GOLD OF GOOD INTENTIONS To err is human ; to forgive is not company policy . - ANONYMOUS
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION Is it hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt? Removing the 'gold' of their good intentions? Happens to me . Especially when I know that I have failed or when they have tried to cause me harm. But if you're like I also know that this trend can be a costly mistake if you want to interpersonal win people . So when I confessed to John this defect , he immediately identified with what I said , but I said he had learned to give people the benefit of the doubt learned it from his mother. "My mother knew me very well and always evaluated based on conduct that " he explained . "Today , when I tell someone: "I did not mean to do that " often wish they could " extract gold from my good intentions " as mother did. Their ability and willingness to do this in life was a great gift and has helped me give the benefit of the doubt to others. " " You mean your mom ignored all your mistakes ? ' I asked . John smiled. " No, definitely not. I too like they rebuked all children . And I tell you what I deserved ! However, mother rushed me in its conclusions . She never assumed the worst , rather, always assumed the best. And there is the key to cultivating this quality . " He continued : "His attitude brought me many benefits. It allowed me to get closer to her and feel it more accessible. Made to give the best of me and taught me how to do this with others. " "Okay " as he thought of his words , I asked , " Do not you think that a person who was raised under that model will have difficulty doing that ? " " I think not ," he replied . "Of course a person who did not have a positive home life will not do that so natural, but in fact, give a person the benefit of the doubt is a choice. I have seen many people who grew up with disadvantages and still managed to win in every sense of the word. " It is encouraging to hear that. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE
Let's be honest . Not everyone has good intentions. If you are extracting the gold from the good intentions probably you will meet people who want to take advantage of you . To me it has happened to me and follow me happening. But because now I assume the best of people , many have done wonderful things for me , so many you can not even count them. I 've noticed that when I suspect someone , that makes me have a wrong attitude toward that person . And , of course , that makes interaction with it is even worse. In general , you get what you expect from others. So I decided to take the less complicated way , expect the best and be blessed most of the time. If you want to have the same experience as me, then , do this: THINK WELL OF PERSONS The first thing you need to do is analyze your attitude. How to watch others ? Do you think that people want be good ? What they want to give their best ? That matters , because if you do not think well of others, never believe that his intentions are good. And if you do not believe in your intentions , I imagine that will not strive to "extract" the gold in them . LOOK AT THINGS FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF PERSONS This matter of perspective really has to do with maturity. Think of these two scouts Inexperienced whose younger brother had fallen into a lake. Ran to his house, where his mother was . And one of sobbing told them : " We tried to give mouth-to- mouth, but he insisted on standing and running ." Without maturity , no perspective. The more immature a person is, the more difficult it will be to see things from another point of view . Think of the biblical story of the woman who was caught in adultery and how Jesus challenged the people so that they would not have sin throw the first stone. Older people in the crowd were first drop the stones and walk away. Why? Because maturity gave them a better perspective. " As is our
tendency to see ourselves in the light of our intentions, which are invisible others , "said the philosopher J. G. Bennet , " and see others in the light of their actions, which are visible to us, then we have a situation where the misunderstanding and injustice are the order of the day. " And that is This is precisely the ability to see things from another perspective is essential to extract gold from the good intentions of others . PERSONS GRANTED TO THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT Surely when you were a child, you were taught the Golden Rule : " Do unto others what you want them do unto you . " Often when my intentions were good but not my actions , I wanted the other I saw the light of the golden rule . In other words, wanted others to give me the benefit of the doubt. So why not use that same courtesy to others? "Knowing that anything we do has the seal of perfection and nothing that we no longer have the brand a limited and fallible humanity , the only thing that saves us is forgiveness . " - David Augsburger Frank Clark said : " What great things would be if everyone did what he intended to do ." Although I am agree with that , I would add : " What beautiful relationships if everyone would be appreciated intended to do so , despite what they may have done. " When you give someone the benefit of doubt, is the most effective interpersonal following rule ever written .
REMEMBER THEM GOOD AND NOT EVIL We all have good days and bad days. You do not know what you think but I would like to be remembered by good morning. And I can only apologize for the bad days . Professor Fuller Theological Seminary , David
Augsburger says, " Knowing that anything we do has the seal of perfection and nothing that we ceases to be the mark of a limited and fallible humanity , the only thing that saves us is forgiveness . " If you want to extract gold from the good intentions of others, then forgiveness is essential. And hardly be one thing time . The civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr. was right when he said, " Forgiveness is not an occasional act , it is a permanent attitude. " " Forgiveness is not an occasional act , it is a permanent attitude." -Martin Luther King, Jr. And remember, the attitude with which you judge others is the one that will also be judged. If you remove the gold good intentions in their relationships with others , then it is more likely that people will do the same with you .
LES ... recap If you grew up in an environment where I always assumed the worst of you rather than the best, take heart. Research He performed on children ,
who were studied for over 30 years , found that adults with caring and exceptional often emerged from a difficult childhood . What was it that made the difference ? Two qualities stood out : ( 1) found a good relationship at some time in their lives , a mentor or other kind of model, and (2) were willing to help other people. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Justice and focus on grace and forgiveness. ask yourself: How would I feel and what I would do if I were in the place of that person? Do this : Practice the golden rule to assess the intentions of others , not just what they do; treat them in the same way that I would like them to treat you. Remember: If I cannot think well of others , I cannot force myself to "extract" the gold that is on them.
13. REMOVE YOUR LOOKING MIRROR
I do not know what your destiny will be , but one thing I do know : the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. ALBERT SCHWEITZER LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION Shortly after John moved his company from San Diego , California to Atlanta , Georgia, in 1997 , he hired researcher George Barna to come to Atlanta and develop a strategic plan with the executive team . Barna He is director of the Barna Group , a company of marketing studies located in Ventura , California. this company has extensive experience analyzing cultural trends and collecting information about the Christian church. Leaders and thinkers John companies gathered in the conference room for an eight- session hours where they could ask whatever they wanted Barna and get a plan of business strategies marketing for the coming years . It was not long for all it involve them in the conversation and began absorb the thoughts of Barna . He answered every question . Discussing concepts and strategies and then Barna expressing their ideas and hear your opinion . Linda Eggers, John 's assistant for many years, during the session noted that John listened intently but rarely did a comment . Seemed happy just by listening . At the end of the day, when she and John were sat down to talk about the agenda , correspondence, travel arrangements and things like that , Linda noticed that John had a sheet full of questions for George Barna who ignored him . Linda was surprised , especially since she was the one who had arranged to hire services Barna and John knew what he had paid for that advice. So I said: " John , all spoke , except you. Why did not you any of your questions ? " "You know , Linda? " John said . " Everyone was very excited to meet George and infused them that much energy, which did not want to ruin the moment . No matter if you have not done my questions , maybe next time . " Linda says that's one of the
reasons why she loves working with John . "I know that because he that looks stunning and has great charisma in front of an audience are people who think it is arrogant. Do not know how others think and how to give them priority . " If you focus on others, strives to give them what they need, then removed his gaze from the mirror and that is a wonderful way to win over people . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE One of the key questions in the book How do I win [p 93 ] is the connection people factor : Are we willing to focus on others ? The fundamental concept of this question lies in the principle of perspective, which says: "All the world's population , with one small exception , is composed of other beings human '. If you have never seen life like that, then it's time you try. If people think that they are the center of the universe , not only will take a big disappointment when they realize that is not true, but it also insulated from those around him. I have not met anyone who can win others who have not mastered the ability to stop looking in the mirror and serve others with dignity. Most people admit that altruism is a positive quality and even the most self-centered individual has the desire within himself to help others . Sometimes the problem is to change our behavior to acquire habit of focusing on others instead of us. Here are some thoughts that will help to stop looking in the mirror : FOCUS ON YOU GIVE OTHERS A SENSE OF PURPOSE If you grew up in the United States during the fifties and sixties, then you might remember Danny Thomas , the host of Make Room for Daddy ( Make room for Daddy) . At one point, Thomas said : " We were all born with a purpose, but not all discovered . Success in life has nothing to do with what get in life or you achieve for yourself , but what you do for
others. " Thomas believed not only that, but it lived. As a successful entertainer and TV star , he could have devoted enjoying the benefits of their achievements. But he wanted more . He founded the St. Jude hospital, a research center which deals with care of children suffering from the most terrible diseases in the world. And he devoted much of his life to hold economically that hospital. That helped him enjoy a purpose much greater . FOCUS ON OTHERS CAN YOU GIVE POWER Continually focus only on you can actually leave it without power ; others focus on produce the opposite effect. My friend, Bill McCartney knew this and used it when he was the head coach of the Buffaloes University of Colorado. Mac had heard that most people spend 86 % of their time think of themselves and only 14 % thinking of others . But he instinctively knew that if his players pegged their attention to someone who appreciated rather than themselves, a new source of energy would be available. In 1991, when they had to face a challenge , decided to use this information. Colorado had to play against super rival , the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Nebraska Territory . The problem was that there was Colorado won a game there for 23 years, but coach McCartney trusted his team and sought a way to inspire them to win. In the end, decided to appeal to the love they had for each other. He told his players to call any person to whom they loved and told him they were going to spend that game. And being asked to observe every play because every attack, every block and every point would be dedicated to it. Mac took yet another step. He had sixty balls were distributed with the final score of the game written on them, so that each player could send one to the person to whom he had dedicated the game. The Colorado Buffaloes won . The final score was written in the 2712 balls . FOCUS ON OTHERS CAN GIVE YOU A FEELING OF COMPLIANCE
Psychological research shows that people [p 95 ] are better balanced and tend to be satisfied if they serve others. Serving others brings cultivates health and happiness. People have known this instinctively for centuries, long before the science of psychology was formally developed. For example , note the wisdom ( and humor ) found in this Chinese proverb : If you want happiness for an hour , take a nap . If you want happiness for a day, go fishing . If you want happiness for a month , get married. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help others . You can help if it helps others. Remember that and will help you take your eyes off the mirror.
LES ... recap Some researchers call the " ultra being" and consider it the hallmark of wisdom. I mean the sense of serenity that allows one to focus on others from an emotionally safe place. There's no jealousy, no competition. There's a genuine joy in the success of others . And again and again
studies show that it is a of the most important ways to connect meaningfully with others. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : Trying to find happiness filling their needs first. Inquire: What can I do to forget myself and focus on others? do it: Put aside your needs and dedicate yourself to do something that will help you take your eyes off the mirror. Remember: Success in life has to do with what it does for others.
14. DO FOR OTHERS WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR NO YES SAME You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay .
- JOHN BUNYAN LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION Some time ago , John gave a big boost to career as a lecturer when I opened it doors I could never have opened. Thanks to your recommendation , I could speak on various platforms around the country and address audiences of several thousands at a time. The people who did not know me events ; but I knew John and trusted their endorsement to support a young lecturer was coming. That was 15 years ago, and am still very grateful to John for what he did for me at that time. It gave me something I never could have achieved without him the launch Race [p 98 ] professional and lecturer. Countless people could tell how John has worked to help personally or professionally. Once I talked with Tim Elmore , a longtime friend and employee who is now vice president of EQUIP , after pondering for a moment, said: "It is difficult to reduce everything to a single example . John has done so much for me and I owe you so much ... " Maybe more staff can show you how the heart of John . He and I went to Bangalore , India, to give some lessons about leadership. I must admit that this was a trip I would not have done if I had not John used in EQUIP. Before leaving the country , wife Pam asked him to take care of me because I suffer from diabetes. If the level of blood sugar drops suddenly , disoriented me , I did not realize that things are bad and generally I need to go to a hospital for help. It is disturbing , especially when one is in abroad. When we got to India, John was received like a rock star. You cannot imagine how the people treated . Abroad, people are lining up for hours to meet him and for me to sign some of their books . Well, John gave a session in Bangalore and people are excited to the extent that started coming up where he was but as there were so many , began to tighten . And what did he do? He tried to move amid the crowd, grabbed my briefcase with tools for diabetes and made sure that was not in
trouble. It may sound like a small thing but it's hard to believe that someone cannot get carried away by the moment and instead prefer concentrate on the needs of another person. That shows me the nobility of John and his desire for help others . Tim had to swallow as she told me that last part . Her story impressed me , but there is more caused greater impression on me. Each of the people with whom I spoke about this quality of John told me he wanted to do for others what John had done for each of them . Since I had helped them do things that otherwise could not have done , felt inspired to encourage that in others. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE The ambassador and poet Henry Van Dyke said, " There is a nobler ambition to become great only in the world . Is bending and lifting humanity for her to be even bigger "What a great perspective! Do others what they cannot do for themselves is really a matter of attitude. I believe that everything I received must share with others. And as I have a mind full of abundance, not worried about that left me with nothing. The more you give , it seems that I get more to keep on giving. "There is a noble ambition that only become great in the world. It's stoop and lift up humanity for her to be even more great. " -Henry Van Dyke No matter how much or how little you have, you have the ability to do for others what they do not can do for themselves . The exact way to do this will depend on your personal gifts , resources and history. However, you can try thinking of the following four areas : 1. THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT KNOW AT YOUR OWN
My father, Melvin Maxwell has done amazing things for me [p 100] throughout his life . One of the things that impressed me most was when I had to men of great reputation. When I was a teenager , I met Norman Vincent Peale, E. Stanley Jones and other great men of faith. And as he said he wanted to enter the ministry father asked these great preachers to pray for me . I cannot express in words the impact that this had in life. Currently , I am often in a position to do what dad did for me. I love people present young my heroes . I love helping people to have business contacts. There are often times when I meet someone and as we speak , I'm thinking, " I have to file this person so and so . " That may mean going with that person until another office, call someone on your behalf , or to arrange a meeting. Several years ago, I was talking to Anne Beiler , founder of pretzels ( pretzels ) Auntie Anne , and in conversation it came out that the founder of Chick- fil -A ( a restaurant chain in the United States) , Truett Cathy , was one of his heroines. Since I knew Truett , I offered to present them and I did by a dinner for them at home. It was a great night . Please do not think that you have to meet someone famous to help others in this area. Sometimes just submit another friend or a business partner with another . You just have to make connections. You be the bridge relationships among others.
2. TAKE OTHER PEOPLE WHERE THEY COULD NOT GO BY THEMSELVES Early in our marriage , Margaret and I were extremely poor. I was just out of college and I had spent many hours race. Margaret had to have three jobs so we could survive. we were able to get ahead but we had no money for luxuries such as a vacation. Fortunately , I had a big brother us wanted and cared for us . The holiday we had in the first five or six years of professional life were invited by Larry and his wife , Anita. I especially
remember a wonderful trip to Acapulco, Mexico . It seems that during the first half of the race , if I was going somewhere important , it was because someone invited me . Dozens of times enjoyed experiences that never could have achieved by myself, I attended ball games , played golf, visited churches , attended conferences and traveled to countries that were far from reach. Chances are you have the ability to give someone an experience that seems inaccessible to him . if cannot help a friend or colleague , then start with your family. Take your kids to places where there could go by themselves. It's amazing the kind of positive impact that cause. 3. GIVE OTHER OPPORTUNITIES THEY CAN NOT REACH FOR THEMSELVES I mentioned that I helped him reach large audiences in his career as a lecturer. The same I happened to me. Nearly 25 years ago , Professor C. Peter Wagner of Fuller Theological Seminary invited me to speak to pastors around the country on leadership. He put me first on a national platform and gave me credibility not owned by myself . Few things are more valuable to a person prepared than an opportunity. Why? Because opportunities increase our potential. Demosthenes, the great orator of ancient Greece , said : " The opportunities peque52 sized are often the beginning of great enterprises . " Have people and giving them opportunities to succeed you will succeed with them. 4. SHARE IDEAS WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NOT OWN YOURS How much is an idea? Every product starts with a idea. Each service begins with an idea. Each business, every book, every new invention begins with an idea. The ideas are what move the world. Hence When you give someone an idea , you are giving a great gift. One of the things that I love writing books is the process by which it happened . It usually begins
with a concept that I am eager to teach. I put some ideas on paper and then I meet a group of thinkers creative to help me test the concept , ideas launched air and ended up specifying a sketch. Every time we've done this, you have given me great ideas I never would have thought of myself . I have to say I am very grateful. One of the things I like about this is that people enjoy creative ideas and always seem to have more . The more you give, the more out of their heads. Creativity and generosity feed each other , that is one of the reasons why I can easily share ideas with others. I am convinced that I will die before I run out of them. It is better to give some ideas and contribute to the success of another person to have those ideas without to use.
LES ... recap When you do something for others that they cannot do for themselves , is encouraging meaningful relationships with these people. Studies on what researchers call "the theory of self-determination ' have shown that support the goals of others builds the relationship, and finally you are helping them to align their goals with them mismos. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ...
Forget : Worrying about what you can get from others and focus on what you can do for others . ask yourself: What opportunity , idea or experience I can provide someone who might otherwise never get ? Do this : Using a list of your skills , resources and connections , consider some specific things that you can make for others. Remember: We need others to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves .
15. LISTEN WITH HEART " The most important thing in communication is hearing what is not said " PETER DRUCKER LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION As a psychologist , I have been trained to listen to the feelings of people , not just their ideas. And I have observed many leaders , especially those of strong character, with A- type personalities are not very good listeners . If
ever they do, their attitude often is: Forget the history of childbirth , just show me the baby. I believe that John is a person of strong character. It can be a class leader " you are in charge, not like prisoners. " But it is also a very good listener . It is particularly adept at understanding how it feels people . Because this feature is very rare in people like him , I asked him how he became so good for listen . "Failure " was his reply. "The constant failure . I started as a horrible listener . At first career thought I knew everything. The only reason people left was because he knew that speak would soon turn to. "In marriage things went a little better," he continued. "I wanted to listen to Margaret because loved. But that did not stop me from being Mr. " Wise Guy ." In the book How to win people over , I mean how he used to win arguments with her but lost it emotionally. Finally , to understand how it was hurting your feelings , I stopped what I was doing and I learned to listen , not just his words, but the feelings had behind the words . I learned to listen with the heart. " "And how did you do the same in your career? ' I asked. " I could see the value of this attitude by the way Margaret and our relationship changed . But it also gave me that it was a good leadership. President Woodrow Wilson said : " The ear of the leader must vibrate with voices of the people. " For a couple of years , what I did was when I was in a meeting, writing a capital E largest notebook to remind me I should listen . Over time , it became a skill that I managed master . " If you already are a good listener , has come a long way . All you have to do is listen " between the lines" for clues that tell how others feel . If you are more like John , it will take a while to learn the ability to listen with the heart, but anyone can do it . One need not be a trained psychologist. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE
If you are a bad listener as I was , do the following to become someone who listens to the heart FOCUS ON THE PERSON Herb Cohen , who is said to be the best negotiator in the world, says: "Listening effectively requires more to hear the words . You need to find meaning and understand what is being said. After all, the effect is not in words but in people . " Many focus more on the ideas and communicating them seem almost forget about the person. You cannot do that, but you must listen with your heart . I am impatient by nature , so I have to constantly fight the tendency to put schedule first. I think that's the case for most of those who do not listen . If that happens to you , slow down and put the person first. Focus on the individual, not only in the ideas expressed . UNCOVER YOUR EARS Even if you have begun to focus on the person you are chatting , you may find it difficult to hear effectively. Here are some potential barriers : Distractions. Phone calls , television, pagers and things like that can make listening either nearly impossible . Defensiveness. If you see complaints or criticism as a personal attack , maybe you get defensive . Once you start protect , will care little what others think or feel . Closed Mind . When you think you have all the answers, your mind is closed. And when your mind is closed , so make their ears. Projection . Automatically attribute their own thoughts and feelings to others does not allow him to perceive how feel . Assumptions . When you rush to conclusions , is shedding its own incentive to listen . Pride . To think that we have little to learn from others is perhaps the worst distractions to listen . if you are full of your ego will not have room for what others say . Obviously , your goal is to remove
these barriers to good communication. If possible , consult a fitness room where you can hear ; away from noise and distractions. And also please a good atmosphere mind to listen . Put aside your defenses and your preconceived notions so that is open to communication . LISTEN WITH DYNAMIC There is a difference between hearing and listening passively dynamically. To listen with the heart , that action has to be activated. In his book It is Your Ship ( This is your ship) , Captain Michael Abrashoff explains that people often talk more than listen dynamism dynamism. When he decided to become a listener dynamic , that made a big difference in him and his crew. He wrote : I took a long time for me to realize that crew was talented , intelligent and full of good ideas that were not often at all because no one in authority gave them attention. Like most organizations , the Navy seemed put administrators as mere transmitters , which minimized the reception. They were conditioned to make the orders above, not to listen to suggestions coming from below . So I decided that job was to listen aggressively and collect all the crew had good ideas to improve the operation of the ship. Some traditionalists may consider this heresy , but reality is simple common sense. After all, the people who do the internal work on the boat see things that officials do not see. I thought [p 109] prudent , as captain , I strive to see the ship through the eyes of crew . Something happened in me because of these interviews came to respect greatly crew. They were not only bodies or persons name barked orders without them . I noticed that they had hoped ... , dreams, people who loved and so wanted to believe that what they were doing was important. In therefore wanted to be treated with respect. There is a difference between hearing and listening passively dynamically. To listen with the heart , that action has to be activated. With the change of attitude Abrashoff , his crew became , his boat turned upside and results They were amazing.
LISTEN TO THE UNDERSTANDING The root cause of almost every problem of communication is that people do not listen to understand , but listening to answer . David Burns , a physician and professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania says : " The biggest mistake you can make when trying to speak convincingly is placing your highest priority in expressing their ideas and feelings. What most people really want is to be heard , respected and understood . " If you want to meet the needs of others and make feel like a million dollars, then you need to listen . One of the ironies of becoming a good listener is to listen to others and make them feel included , has also a beneficial side . According to Burns, "When people realize that you understand , feel more motivated to understand his point of view. " Play with heart results in a relationship where all win.
LES ... recap Few issues on relations have been more empirical support to the importance of active listening. To this, psychologists sometimes call it "listening with the third ear ." In conclusion, most of the studies showing exactly what John teaches . When we listen we trying to have a genuine understanding , we are not " Playing the role " of listeners , but we are fully engaged in the moment and the person sabe.1
To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: Try to give your opinion and use your energy to understand the position of the other person. Inquire: How I can better understand what this person is feeling and thinking ? do it: Listen proactively eliminating distractions and focusing on the perspective of the other person. Remember: The best way to persuade others is with your ears.
16. FIND THE KEY THAT OPENS THE HEARTS OF OTHERS Managers that can make plays sketches on a blackboard there are heaps . Those who succeed are those that can get into his players to motivate them. VINCE LOMBARDI LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
When communicators speak in public, something curious happens . A communicator has a clear idea in your mind , places the message carefully and presents . But when people come to tell you about what I said , it seems each person heard a different message. Always the case. I asked John if he had experienced the same phenomenon . " Absolutely ," she said . " When I started preach, surprised me , and I used to wonder if everyone heard the same sermon . In a way, not they had done. The words I use may be the same , but the audience members hear different because everyone has different keys to their hearts. This is not only a great lesson that a speaker must learning , but should also be remembered when working with people . " Every time I spend time with John , I see how established relationship with people on an emotional level so immediately . For example, again Nowery Kirk met with the president of one of the companies of John , ISS . Many times when a leader meets with someone who works for him, the conversation goes directly to the point but first thing John did was ask Kirk for his family. I wanted to know how his wife, how were his sons , John seemed to know all about the Kirk family . Once we talked about it , they began to talk about business . John makes this intuitively with everyone you know . Question about the relatives of that person by name. He asks how things are going in the church or in business. And it seems to remember the details . Why? Because he has set a goal to know what is valuable for people who are important to him . Sure, you may know these things because listening to the heart , as explained in the previous chapter . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE In the eighties, I had the privilege , along with thirty other leaders spent two days with the father of the administration Modern , Peter Drucker.
One of the things he said was: " Managing people is like conducting an orchestra. There many different musicians and instruments the principal must know thoroughly . " Drucker knew challenged us to really the key to our team people. During the past 20 years , purpose has been to discover the keys to the hearts of people in life, beginning with family and inner circle. This is what I learned : ACCEPT THE FACT THAT PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT I have written other books when I was younger I used to believe that everyone should be like me if they wanted to succeed. I have matured a lot since then. Part of that growth has been the result of travel and meet many types of people. Books such as Personality Plus ( A top personality) Florence Littauer also helped. I've come to realize over time that there are large gaps in my skills , like everyone and if people with different talents and temperaments work together , we all win and manage to make much more . Also enjoy more from life. If you have a healthy self-image , is likely to fall into the same trap as me. However, You cannot win if people internally believe that everyone should be like you. Accept that people are different and celebrate God made us that way .
FIND THE KEYS TO THE HEARTS OF PEOPLE ASKING QUESTIONS It seems pretty basic , but make a good question it is essential to discover the key to the heart of a person . Through the years , I have developed a list of questions that have helped me time and time again . maybe You also want to use : "What is your dream? " One can learn about what people think through what they have achieved, but to understand their hearts one
must know what your goals are . " What makes you mourn ? " When one understands the pain of the people , that makes you understand their hearts. " What makes you sing? " What brings happiness to people is often the source of his strength . " What are your values? " When people give you access to your values , you must know who has entered the most secret chamber of their hearts. " What are your strengths ? " What people perceive as their strengths always make your hearts proud. " What is your temperament ? " Know that, and often discover the way to their hearts. Obviously , do not make your questions seem an interview nor need to know all the answers in a single conversation . The process can be both natural and directed . SET POINTS IN COMMON The word communication comes from the Latin communis , meaning " common." Good leaders , communicators and charismatic people always find something in common with the people you speak . It is there, in those commonalities that manage to communicate with others . If you have asked questions and listened , safely discover commonalities . Sometimes in meetings , secret agendas make communication is inefficient because of the way people cannot find common ground . When that happens , try to suggest that all parties put agree on one basic rule. When someone disagrees with another , before expressing his point itself , you have to understand and be able to articulate the point of his opponent. You will be amazed to see how fast this practice makes people find common ground . ACCEPT THAT , OVER TIME, PEOPLE CHANGE For some people , getting in tune with the dreams and desires of others is a big step , as well can find the key to their hearts. But not enough to do that once and then think that this is retained forever. Time changes everything, even the human heart. Fred Bucy , former president of Texas Instruments,
said : " The easiest thing is to assume that what worked yesterday will work today, but that is simply not true. " What is effective in motivating people in a time of their careers will not necessarily be effective in motivating them in the future. What hits your hearts on a stage their lives will probably not be the same after a while . Successes and failures , tragedies and triumphs , goals achieved and dreams that are the basis of everything, impact values and desires of a person. So what does that mean for someone who wants to win people discovering the keys to their hearts ? It means that you should ... MAINTAIN A CONTINUING CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS . Continue to communicate on an emotional level . Ask which has impacted their feelings so far ; if the answers differ , then you know that they are changing and having a new opportunity to learn what interests them now . BE ALERT TO THE " CHANGE INDICATORS » IN THE LIFE OF A PERSON . There are moments in the lives that people are more likely to change: ( 1) both suffer when they have to change , (2) when learn enough that they want to change , and (3 ) when they receive enough training to change that . If you practice these two disciplines , especially with his family and key people in your organization may maintain a connection with them. I need to tell you something more about discovering the key to the hearts of people and this is the point Most important: Once you have found the key , you must act with integrity, because that person has been entrusted something of great value . Never use it to manipulate anyone. " Use " key only when it can add more value to that person.
LES ... recap A genuine concern for others is a life style than a technique. A genuine concern for others is a life style than a technique. Sure, you can practice the tips suggest that John and see an immediate benefit, but never help in relations unless the practice constantly . In fact , studies show that when you learn to develop this quality , there will be more likely it becomes part of your personality when you work on it every day , making it a habit
reflection with people at your alrededor.1 In other words, it needs to be something that you are more than something you do . To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: Their tendency to believe that everyone is ( or should be) like you. Inquire: What "indicators of change" have seen the person whose heart I would understand ? do it: Make your purpose is to find the key to the heart of his inner circle. Remember: Leaders who succeed are those that comprise the heart of your computer .
17. BE THE FIRST TO HELP After the verb ' to love ', 'help' is the most beautiful verb in the world. VON - BERTH SUTTNER LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION " Les, where are you ? "
" I just spent the Hotel del Coronado and I'm entering the complex ." " What color is the car you rented ? " "It's silver ," I said to John on the phone. " All right, I'm watching " John said . " Turn right and see a space that is left empty ." "And where are you ? ' I asked. ' Above '. John was on the balcony of the building on Coronado Island in San Diego. He had rented a condo and I had flown for a day of meetings with him . "Ah , there you are ! " I started laughing when waving from the balcony. Only John would have happened to be looking for spaces available from where I was so I could find a place to park . Offer our help to others to earn people is one of the first lessons we learn in any kind of social psychology. But John gives it a new twist , he does everything he can to help and if someone are in need , it is often the first on the scene . "Sometimes it's the little details of John ," said the employee Ken Coleman. "When I travel with him , often I have seen someone helps you put your bags in the compartment of the plane even though most passengers do not pay attention or try to avoid the person. John takes a conscious effort to help one at the time. It seems like a reflex in him. " John 's career in the ministry for 26 years has probably caused a great impact on him in this area. Good shepherds seem able to tune into the needs of others. But you do not have to be a professional pastor to see the needs of people and be the first to help. It's the kind of thing that anyone can do, regardless of age , talent or socioeconomic status . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING
MAXWELL STYLE " You will get to have everything you want in life if you help enough other so that they come to have everything they want . " - Zig Ziglar My friend Zig Ziglar said, " You will get to have everything you want in life if you help enough for other they get to have everything they want . " Zig is a living example of this. He has helped many people and as a result has had great success. I love helping people . I think it's one of the reasons why God put us in this land, but helping others is more than benefit them. It also helps you to win them . I say this because whenever you are ready to help , will be making a statement. It's like leaving a business card that never forget . How, then, can you be the first to help ? Follow these guidelines : BECOMING THE HELP OTHERS IN A PRIORITY Many times we are so consumed with our schedules to help others is not important to us. The solution is to make helping others is part of our agenda , a top priority. I read recently about something that the winner of Academy Awards , Tom Hanks made several years ago while filming The Green Mile ( The Green Mile ) shows that helping others is a priority for him . Frank Darabont , director film , Hanks spoke of commitment to make the actor Michael Duncan will give the best of themselves and spoke of the impression that caused it. Darabont said : What remember in fifteen or twenty years ( on this film)? One thing I will never forget : While we were we filmed , we were about to take a shot with Michael Duncan, when I realized that I was Hanks distracting while doing a wonderful performance out of chambers , Michael Duncan. What I wanted was to give Michael everything you might need for the best possible performance. I wanted Michael to do well . that looked good . Never
forget that. Tom Hanks, like many other Hollywood actors , may have been the first to ignore Duncan. In Instead, it was the first to help . Obviously yes it worked. In 1999 Michael Clarke Duncan was nominated for Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor . Since then , Duncan 's career despegó. BE AWARE OF THE NEEDS OF OTHERS This may sound obvious, but no one can solve a need that does not know exists . We must begin by worrying about the people who are around us and look at your needs. Sometimes that knowledge can come from listening with the heart . Sometimes just paying attention to what 's going on around them. And even other to get mentally in the place of the other person. There is a Jewish legend that two brothers were sharing a field and a windmill. Every night divided grain product which had been milled together during the day . One brother lived alone ; the other had married and had a large family . One day the single brother thought , It's not fair that we divide the grain evenly . I just have to watch myself , but brother has kids to feed . So every night , secretly took some of their flour to the cellar of his brother. But the married brother thought the situation of his brother and said , It is not right to divide the grain equally , because I have children and provide me when they 're old , but has no brother . What will when you are old ? So every night also had secretly part of your meal and put it in the cellar his brother. Logically , every morning the brothers found their supplies of flour mysteriously the same amount . Until one night they met halfway between their homes. They realized what the other was doing and gave a big hug . The legend says that God saw that time and said, " This is a place holy, a place of love , and this is where the temple was built . " It is said that the first temple was built in the same sitio. Be willing to risk Sometimes helping someone else can be risky ; however, that should not stop us from doing so. Ken Sutterfield tells a
story that happened in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, and illustrating the impact that occurs when someone is willing to risk . American sprinter Jesse Owens had established do three Olympic marks in one day , including a mark of 26 feet 8 1/4 inches in the long jump a record that would not break in the next 25 years. However, Owens had to face a lot of pressure during games . Hitler and his fellow Nazis wanted to use the competition to establish the Aryan superiority and Owens a African American , could feel the hostility towards him. When Owens was trying to qualify for the finals during the games , a German was nervous to see tall and blue eyes was practicing jumps in the category of 26 feet . On his first jump, Owens spent few inches from the line. He also missed his second attempt. Only had one more chance. If he failed , would be eliminated . The German then approached Owens and presented . His name was Luz Long. While Nazis looked , Long encouraged Owens and gave him some advice. Since the distance to qualify was only 23 feet 5 ½ inches, suggested he jumped a few inches before the starting line to make sure there a mistake. Owens did so and called on his third jump. In the end , made another Olympic record and won one of four medals . And who was the first to congratulate ? Luz Long ! Owens never forgot the help that Long had given him , even if they saw him . "If all melted medals and trophies that I have " Owens wrote , " could never complete the 24-carat friendship I feel for Light Long '.3 ONCE YOU START TO HELP SOMEONE DO NOT LEAVE On one occasion , members of the Philharmonic Society of New York, a favorite charity Andrew Carnegie , he approached the philanthropist seeking financial support. I was about to write a check to completely eliminate the deficit of the company when suddenly stopped. "I'm sure there must be other lovers of generous and rich music in this town that could also help " said . "Why not raise half of this amount and then return
me to give them the other half? " The next day , the treasurer returned and said they had raised $ 30,000 and came by the other half. Carnegie was extremely pleased with the effort and gave him the check, but out of curiosity , he said, "Who , may I ask, contributed the other half? " "His wife, Mrs. Carnegie ," was the answer. Sometimes when we are the first to offer help, we discovered that the person who made you Offer has no such need as we thought. Continue helping anyway. Be the first to help is a great way to win over people . Offer your support and then not doing so is a sure way to lose .
LES ... recap Studies of altruism fill volumes and volumes of academic journals . If there is something that the community professional psychologists know is that help is one of the shortest distances between two people , especially when you are the first to do so . And as John says , help others speaks volumes usted.4 To apply the teaching of John to his own life ...
Forget: Thinking of personal gain and think about how you can help. Inquire: How I can help ? do it: Be the first to offer their services , your support or just lend a hand. Remember:” If you help enough people to get what they want , you also get what you want.
18. ADD VALUE TO PEOPLE Do not try to become a successful man , try to become a man of value. ALBERT EINSTEIN LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION I have heard John speak to many audiences around the globe and a theme that emerges in many of his lectures is about giving value to people .
Whatever the conference or theme, it always intertwines importance of ' adding value' in it. I have also been in meetings around a conference table where John focuses on the added value of other people towards him and vice versa. It is a hallmark of John Maxwell. So when I started researching the issue for this book, I went to see Dan Reiland , a friend and colleague John for over twenty years. "Since I've known him , John has wanted to add value to people " he said, " but it has not been until recently it has identified that something as the main purpose of his life ago. And it does so many ways. Take the staff members to conferences and training events to improve , spends his time to train and teach some . Supported to take risks and succeed and gives them a safe place where they can fail and learn . Value added to them paying well . " "But how you have added value to you personally? ' I asked. " Where do I start? " He said. "I can give you a list ." And that 's what I did: Believe in me . He tells the truth in love . It takes me beyond comfort zone but not beyond capacity area . It opens the world taking me abroad . It gives an example of leadership in bad and good times. Talk to others very well of me , more than I deserve . I open doors in life that I could never open . Searching for the best for me constantly. It allows me to be part of his inner circle. He treats me like a younger brother, a gift of immense value. "If I had never met John , all life would be different : career, my skills, my relations' continues Dan , " he has added value to life for two decades. How can you measure that? " It seems that John does not waste any opportunity to add value to people . And that priority much as others did win people . JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE Deep inside me, I think there is nothing more important in life than people. Having accepted this truth , I try to live with integrity. That means
doing everything in my ability to add value. If you wish to become a person who adds value to others they then endorse these things : VALÓRELOS It all starts with your attitude towards others . The relationship expert Les Giblin said : " We cannot make a fellow feel important in our presence if you secretly believe is a nobody . " Is not that true? Do not you think it's hard to do something good for a person when you do not feel appreciation for her? "We cannot make a fellow feel important in our presence if you secretly believe it is a nobody. " -Les Giblin The way you see people is often the difference between handle and motivate . If you do not want help others , but we want them to help us , then we have a problem. to manipulate people when we use for our personal benefit . On the other hand, when we seek motivate It is a mutual advantage. Add value to others is , therefore, a proposition where everyone wins. How do you see others? Are they potential recipients of the value you can give them , or are simply discomfort in your career success? The author Sydney J. Harris said, " People want to be appreciated, not impressed. Want to be treated like human beings and not as soundboards for the ego of others. They want to be treated as the final object , not as a means for the gratification of the vanity of the other. " if You want to add value to people , you have to evaluate them first. BECOME MORE VALUABLE Have you ever heard the phrase "You cannot give what we do not have ?" There are people who have hearts too good and want to give; however,
have very little to offer. Why? Because they themselves have not been recovered . Become more valuable is not an entirely selfish act . When you acquire knowledge , learning a new skill , or experience is not only better, but also is increasing its capacity to help others . In 1974 I committed to personal growth . I knew it would help me be a better minister , so I started to read books, listen to lectures , attend conferences and learn from good leaders. At that time there had no idea that would be most important commitment you'll ever make to help others, but that was what happened . The more progressed, also progressed ability to help others. The more I progressed, more could help others to develop. This principle is the same for you. If you want to add value to people, you should make himself more valuable. KNOW WHAT PEOPLE RATE As you have already read the chapters "Listen with your heart " and " Find the key that unlocks the hearts of others " Has a good foundation on the principle behind this practice. If you have already begun to practice , then will have noticed that you might take a long time, but also know that it is the most important step for add value to people . Once we know what people value , we need only a little effort add value to you . Knowing what people value appreciation has become part of life now and you should do the same . Here are some examples of own life : My wife Margaret valued time with her as well as attention to her. My children , Elizabeth and Joel Potter , appreciate the legacy that Margaret and I are leaving . Larry , brother, my prayers and valued our time together. Eric and Troy, my nephews , value the fatherly advice and unconditional love I give . Linda, wizard, time value and effectiveness , as it is an integral part of it. John , the president of nonprofit organization EQUIP , values and leadership opportunities I give . Kirk , the president of company ISS , values friendship and companionship. Kevin , the company
president INJOY appreciates the opportunities that I give . Tom valued friendship and support. Rick valued relationship "big brother" that I have with him. Joel appreciates the networking opportunities that I give him . You could go on things , but I will not bore you . The point is that we take the time to learn what people value most appreciated . By the way, add value to others is not only a gift to them ; so is for you. People I named in the list, continuously add value to life. Some have given me so much that no matter what I do for them , I can never match what they have done for me.
LES ... recap To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: Attempting to become a successful person , try to become a person of value . Inquire: Who adds value to life and to whom I would like to add value ?
do it: List the people in your life and write down exactly what they value most about you. Remember: If you do not value a person , she will never feel important in your presence .
19. REMEMBER THE STORIES OF PEOPLE Many men prefer more people to hear his story to grant them their requests. - PHILLIP STANHOPE , EARL OF CHESTERFIELD LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
" Les " John said, " Tell me about your parents. How's them since moving to Phoenix? " Only someone like him would remember that my parents had recently moved . " What about your brothers? " He continued, "what 's up with them? " John always seems to remember history , like that of many others. It is very good at it and very consistent . When someone you know , I've heard ask for his life. So I asked him how he had learned to collect the stories of people. "To begin ," he explained , "I love a good story , is about someone who just met or Adventure someone I know in a lifetime. In fact, when I'm with father , who is now eighty-two years , we spent telling stories. We talked about what new is happening in our lives, and some stories I've heard dozens of times. Some , Dad loves to count them again and again . others I ask you to do so . " " But in your case ," he remarked , "I think you do not demand much effort to hear about someone's life that just met. " "It is true," he said. " If I have some time, I ask you to tell me about his life, because I know that during that while the conversation will focus entirely on him, their interests, their dreams, their disappointments , their questions , their hopes, their itinerary. Knowing a person's life is a great way to connect with her. Remember your story and building on it is the best way to develop a strong relationship. " For example , the other day I took a taxi from the airport to San Diego Coronado. And I talked to the driver of taxi. He said his name was Rafael . I asked her to tell me something of his life and he said he had lived in Coronado thirty-five years and that he had found something he had never found anywhere else : living in community. Meets every afternoon with friends in a local market where they talk and have fun. It felt so excited that I had asked about him inviting ended market . " This shows the great connection that one can do in a short time with just ask people about of their lives. Imagine the shock when you remind them to one aspect of its history ; you can re- connect easily with them.
A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE There are many good reasons to learn about life of a person. Here are some that I continue to motivate to continue this practice with others Wanting to know the history of a person is like saying , "You could be special ." Remember the story of a person is like saying : " You are special ." Remind that person aspects of their history is like saying , "You are special to me ." Repeat the story of a person to others is like saying : " You should be special for them ." What is the result? You will become a special person for that he shared his story . These are just three simple steps which are needed to win over people with this practice. The key is cultivate the habit of following these steps with people who come into your life . 1. ASK When you know someone , after the presentations , do not think twice. Ask him to talk about his life. You can do this in several ways. You can ask him directly , " Tell me about yourself ." You can also ask for Where is or how he got to where he is. Use your own style . If you have tried this before and is concerned that it can be embarrassing the first time , then practice with people hardly see again : a taxi driver , a passenger on an airplane, a waitress in a restaurant. When you feel comfortable asking strangers about their lives , the rest will be easy. 2. LISTEN Years ago I came across a list of tips to be a good listener . ( I think the cut out magazine . Bits and Pieces ) Here are some of those tips : Look at the other person 's eyes. Pay attention. Do not look the other way or make a grimace when you hear something that does not match . Do not interrupt . Use phrases like " later " or " I see " instead of phrases like " Yes , that
reminds me ... " Tell the person you are speaking what you think you heard. Start saying, " Let me see if I 'm understanding ." The important thing is to pay full attention to the other person. There are many who talk while they are thinking about what you will say when it is their turn and are not listening. When you are paying attention entire people , will be in a better position to take the next step . 3. REMEMBER Some people have a knack for numbers , others for names or faces, but almost all have the ability to remember a story. Young children 's recall . And there are stories that have been recited and sung memory for thousands of years . Even long stories like the Iliad and the Odyssey , which have about three thousand years old , were sung for three centuries before being written . The stories are with us. A couple of years ago, the department conferences INJOY received a letter from Ellis Brust of the Episcopal Church St. Michael and All Angels showing us the power to recall the history of a person. This is what The letter said : One of my leaders in the church just opened a fast food business in the small town of Gilmer, east Texas . Partnered with two other men of the church and have committed to run the business under the principles Christians. Ago as three or four years I took this head to listen to John at one of his lectures . later friend remembered the story of Nordstrom ( about how their employees made an extra effort) that John told this time . He has tried to train their employees using these principles. During the first week of being open to the public , he overheard two old ladies talking about of gaseous offered . One of them was disappointed because there was Dr. Pepper diet . He spoke with lady knew he was diabetic and preferred diet soda Dr. Pepper over the others, so I got into his car , went to a " Seven Eleven " ( small convenience store ) , bought a six pack diet Dr. Pepper , returned your business and offered the elderly your favorite
drink in a glass with ice. And I always said there would be a Dr. Pepper diet box in the fridge with your name and return whenever you only have to tell the dependent on its name and what was your favorite beverage to give it to him . The lady, impressed, said : " Young people have been in this lifetime. And I know many people who will hear what you did for me today. Thanks , we will be repeat customers. " I thought you'd like to know how , in a minimal way, your work is changing lives. Go ahead . Was what made the restaurant owner of something important ? Did the life of the elderly ? No. In fact , we know if you ever talk to her again or if he knew something of its history, but made her feel special. If the people matter to us if we listen and try to remember their stories , we can make an impact on them. And we can make them feel like a million dollars.
LES ... recap Researchers call it the "script commitment ." It is a part of the story of a person who is very personal and meaningful . From experience and numerous studies, I can attest to the fact that when closer to a person , when we dedicate our time to explore and remember your history , we achieve a connection extremely valiosa.1
To apply the teaching of John to his own life Forget: To tell their own story rather hear the story of the other . Ask: What is your story ? do it: Bring up some aspect of the life of the person the next time I see her Remember: Everyone loves to tell about their lives.
20. SHARE A GOOD STORY The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. Muriel Rukeyser LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
I saw John on the sidewalk of Seattle airport and I went over to pick it up . After taking part in his suitcase back of Jeep , got in the car and we left. We had dinner before going to the commitment we had. After a few minutes of catching up , we reached the hotel. When we passed through the lobby , John said, " A time , I want to tell a story. " He led me down a corridor until we reached a meeting room . " This place is very special to me ," he explained . He said the seat was at the end of the conference table . "I was sitting in that seat when ISS was becoming the company it is today." John was referring to one of their organizations. He pointed out every seat and told me who had been sitting in them . Then I explained the whole process of what happened that day. He told me how he had flown to Seattle to ask the advice of a business executive and how his dream of helping pastors to raise money to expand their churches had grown from a vision to a reality ; also told me that he had hired that business leader so he could help churches nationwide. The way he told me made it easy to visualize what happened and feel their enthusiasm . " I tell you, Les, back to where something good happened always renews gratitude. " The lesson of this story is stuck in me. John told me eight years ago and still remember it vividly. In fact, I cannot stop thinking about it every time I pass that hotel. At that time, it was an important connection point between John and me. He included me in a private part of his life , sharing with me his heart, your dreams and your personal history. It made me feel good. Still does. As a communicator , I am always posting how people talk in public. John always has a good story to tell , whether in front of an audience or individually, and uses many stories when communicating . So I asked him why he did it . "It's easy ," she said . " The stories are ; the principles are . " "If you want people to remember what you said, tells a story. " He added: " Let me tell you something else. It took me a while to learn the lesson about using stories in my writing . Since I am a person who likes to get down to business , I used to teach principles without
many anecdotes , but a friend convinced me that change style. And it's been the biggest difference for my readers . As a writer, one has to wonder : " The reader will turn the page? " Most likely, yes, if I am using a good story . " I have not met a person who does not enjoy a good story. That's one of the reasons why which the narrators have both magnetism ! JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING STYLE MAXWELL In the fall of 1999 , Margaret , some friends and I visited the village of Jonesborough, Tennessee. More than seven thousand people from around the country, many making a big spending, came to sit for several hours on a sheets, or on folding chairs , sometimes in the rain. Why? Because they wanted to attend the " National Festival Annual storytelling . " We note narrator after narrator enthrall listeners . The stories were different , sad, happy , funny , sentimental , historical and fictional , mystical . Some had a great message ; others were just entertainment . but all the stories and the storytellers had one thing in common : The power to captivate listeners . At the end of the conference , my friends and I talk about why these were so effective storytelling . «Who were the traits that made them so successful ' Here I present a list of the things we discovered ? : Excitement . They enjoyed what they were doing and expressed with taste and vitality. Animation. Presentations supported with highly dynamic facial expressions and gestures. Audience participation . Almost all involved the audience in a way or another. They were asked to sing , which applaud , to repeat phrases or utilize sign language . Spontaneity . Responded spontaneously to his listeners . Memorization. Told stories without using any paper allowing them to make eye contact with the audience.
Humor . The mood was present even in serious or sad stories. Creativity . The classics counted them from a fresh perspective . Customize. Most were first-person accounts . Comforting. The stories made people feel good for having listened . Storytelling is very effective when done from person to person , in front of small groups and large audiences. Invariably , good narrator becomes the center of attention. Storytelling is a skill that is given only to the practice and anyone can learn to develop it. If you not have much experience or would like to improve , let me give you some tips: SHARE SOMETHING YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED The best stories are those that have experienced firsthand . We care , and we know the material what was the effect on us. And we can mold them the way you want. We all have experiences which will interest others. Tell it TO MAKE A CONNECTION The best stories are those that have experienced firsthand . The people who find it more difficult to use anecdotes are trying to impress others with them. If this is the case , change your goal. Use their stories in order to achieve a connection with others. that his focus is on listening and not you, so your ability to tell the illustrations will improve overnight at morning . PUT YOUR HEART IN IT People love the humor, but not everyone can tell a funny story . If you do , go ahead, but never underestimate the power of a story that comes from the heart. If you want evidence , look at the sales of books Chicken Soup for the Soul ( Chicken Soup for the Soul ) . If you want to tell a story that
achieves a connection , it must be warm . Do not be afraid of heart and show people that you care about what is counting . ASSUME THAT PEOPLE WANT listen One of the mistakes that novice storytellers is to be undecided. Nothing makes a more narrative falls faster in the monotony that shy description. If you 're going to have an illustration , be bold , be dynamic , be sympathetic . Give the best or better not give anything . I have read that often the "elite" criticized President Lincoln for using too many stories , but it did not allow that stop him , because he knew that gave result. He once said : " There are too many people who say they use stories ; I admit, but I have realized from experience that ordinary people reported more fácilmen you through a great illustration that otherwise , and about what the few critics think , not me Worth . " Follow the leadership of Lincoln and other great leaders who knew how to win people . Use a good story , manages to get through to their hearts and gáneselos .
LES ... recap Research supports the value of relating their thoughts and ideas through stories. In fact, a study recently revealed that those who use illustrations to relate to others manage to obtain greater authenticity and improve their self-esteem. As a result , self-expression makes others feel well and feel better during the process.1 To apply the teaching of John to his own life ...
Forget: If a professional narrator. Inquire: Which account should I use for presentation more convincing? do it: Use a story instead of relying only on facts . Remember: The stories are , the principles go.
21. GIVE UNCONDITIONAL The most persistent and urgent question in life is: What are you doing for others? MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR . LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION When I visit John at his office in Atlanta, one of the people that I always see is Linda Eggers, his assistant. A few days ago I talked to her and asked
about a comment that illustrates the concept of giving without expecting anything in return . "Who could tell a good story? ' I asked. " Who do you recommend? " "What about me? " He replied. And he began to tell story after story , but there was one in particular that seemed be very important to her. It happened when her youngest daughter, Kim, was graduating from high school. At the same time also the work of the office was frantic, and her other daughter, Jenny , who lived in Ohio, was pregnant with I wanted to give a baby up for adoption. The day before graduation Kim , Linda knew that Jenny was having serious complications and I was going to be operated . "I am a relatively stable person," Linda told me . " There are many things that affect me , but during those days , I was completely overwhelmed . " He said as he sat down and told John what was happening , after some beautiful words of encouragement and prayer, John offered to help . The first thing I did was buy a round trip ticket so he could be with Jenny on the day of surgery and still have time to be with Kim for graduation. And he bought another ticket so I could go back and be with Jenny during her recovery . " How many leaders do you know who would do that ? " Linda said. "Due to his busy schedule , John was very difficult to let go during that time. However, I said, " Take all the time you need and what you have to do." And he said to heart. I was out of the office for a whole week . " Linda 's story was not the only one I heard . Charlie Wetzel, John writer for over a decade , I John told how he offered to send it to a conference for writers for a week when he had only worked for him a year. When Charlie explained that he could not go because it was their first wedding anniversary , John le offered to send both. Kevin Small , INJOY president , told me about a time when he was having financial difficulties and how John gave him fifty dollars to take his wife to dinner . Generosity
is an extremely attractive quality. When one encourages the others without expecting anything in change - really makes them feel special . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said, " The most satisfying thing in [p 147] life is being able to give one much same to others. " Anyone who willingly helped another person knows that this is true. However, not everyone can adopt that mentality. Why? First of all , I think that has nothing to do with the circumstances . I have met very generous people who had almost nothing but who were willing to share what little they had. And I've known people who have much and yet they are stingy with their time, money and talent. It is more a matter of attitude. I've noticed that people who enjoy giving without expecting anything in change generally exhibit two characteristics that can all be purchased: 1. HAVE AN ABUNDANCE MENTALITY If you've read Stephen Covey 's book , The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People ( The seven habits of people highly effective ), then you will be familiar with the concepts related to the mentality of scarcity or abundance. In short, people who have a scarcity mentality believe that life only has a supply limited things , whether of money, resources, opportunities , and so on. They see the world as a cake that has a limited number of slices . And once the cake is finished, there is no more . As a result , struggling to get his slice , and once you have it, protect it to the hilt . People who possess an abundance mentality believe there is a lot of everything. If life is a cake and they are eating slices , the solution for a person with an abundance mentality is baking another cake . There's always more money to do more resources to discover, to seek other opportunities . Any old solution is no longer working ? Do not worry,
someone will find another . The inventors , entrepreneurs and explorers the world are continually creating new " cakes " for everyone to have their slice . My opinion is that people tend to fall into one of two categories: Or the taking or they do. Makers are people who take for themselves , seize and consume what they can just to solve their own needs ; see life as a rat race . Of course , the main problem with that is that although you win the race, will always remain a rat. Those who do for their part, are people who give that create and make things happen . Crean progress and encourage the success of others. They do not care to or receive as they continually are helping to create for others. "When we do not , for that scarcity mentality , the little we have decreased. When we give generously , with an abundance mentality , which we will multiply . " - Henri Nouwen People who regularly gives without expecting anything in return is almost always an abundance mentality . Dan because they believe that doing so will not be left without resources. The pastor and former teacher Henri Nouwen said : "When we do not , for that scarcity mentality , the little we have decreased. When we give generously , with an abundance mentality , which we will multiply . " I found that to be true . Someone once asked me why should adopt that mentality of abundance and was surprised to answer. I told him if he believed in abundance , that's what life would give . If he believed in the scarcity, that is what I would get . I do not know what that is , but after fifty years of paying attention to the attitudes of people and see how their lives unfolded, I came to the conclusion that it is true. If you want to be more generous , change your thinking and your attitude about abundance. Not only will allow be more generous, but also change your life.
2 . SEE THE BIG PICTURE People who give without expecting anything in return are generally aware of the help they have received in his life. They recognize that they stand on the shoulders of previous generations. The progress achieved is due , at least in part , to the work and sacrifice of others who came before . For this reason , they have determined do for the next generation which the above made by them . I found a poem by WA Dromgoale entitled ' builder of bridges '. Illustrates this very special way desire to give to others : An old man walking down a lonely path On a cold, gray night he reached a vast , deep and wide chasm . The old man crossed in the twilight dim , the downstream will not cause fear ; but once we reached the other side , He bridged the river. "Ancient " said a traveler passing , " You're wasting your strength in building here . Your life will end with the day . And you will never need to cross. You crossed the chasm , deep and wide , Why then create a bridge ? " The builder lifted his old gray head , " Good friend , for this path I have crossed ," he said, " Come a girl whose feet will walk here . The gap was unimportant to me, for the young can be an obstacle . He also during twilight shall pass. Good friend, for it is I'm doing this bridge » If we want to be more generous in giving, we need a broader perspective. When we tells us how much we have benefited from the kindness of others , it becomes easier to be generous. And it is best to give It is very rewarding. The university president and educational reformer Horace Mann said, " We intended us to be kind and generous or we will lose the best part of our existence. The heart strives someone gets bigger and full of joy. This is the secret of the inner life. Us do great good when we are doing something for others . " If we give unselfishly , we get something return .
LES ... recap Studies have shown that the higher the level of support we give to others, greater personal wellbeing will experience . This lesson I use all the time in therapy sessions with my clients. It is supported by a large number research . Studies have shown that the higher the level of support we give to others, will experience greater personal well-being . Researchers call
this " generating activity " and is linked consequently to a larger personal growth and better health física.2 To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: Scarcity ; rather , focus on abundance. Inquire: Who can I help without expecting anything in return ? do it: Make a point of being kind and generous to a specific person. Remember: When you are doing something good for others , he is doing a greater good to yourself.
22. Learn the NAME OF YOUR MAIL Remember that to a person , his name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language . Carniege - DALE LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION
John tells the story of how he used to memorize the names of people who attended his church when he was pastor of Skyline Wesleyan Church in San Diego , California. A visitation made them the following proposition : If left someone to photograph the Sunday after the service , promised learned their names to the following Sunday. John did this until he finished his work with the church in 1995. Fulfilling its promise, could be learned the names of more than two thousand two hundred. In the summer of 2004, the Skyline Church celebrated its fiftieth anniversary and John and his wife Margaret were to participate in the celebration. John told me that day [p 154] attended by thousands of people , many of which had not been seen for years. Fortunately , everyone wore a name tag . "But when I approached a couple , "she said , " the husband put his hand on the label. When I called him by name he smiled and said, " I just wanted to see if I still remembered our names . '" " That does not surprise me ," he said, " but it strikes me ." John replied , "You know ? At fifty- seven is not so easy , but still I try to learn me names . " The name of a person is his sign to the world , more intimate and distinctive possession . I have always admired the ability of John . In fact, it has inspired me to work as a teacher to learn me the names of hundreds of students who come to my classes each semester in college. Why I do? Because I know the name of a person is his sign to the world , more intimate and distinctive possession . And when you remember the name of a person , it makes you feel like a million dollars. A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE The grandfather of all skills books was published in 1937. It was a success overnight to the point that it sold more than fifteen million copies. Speak of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People ( How win friends and influence people ) Dale Carnegie. What made that book was so
appreciated was the Carnegie understanding of the human nature. I love their simple words of wisdom . Something I learned Carnegie was this: Remember it and use the name of a person. "If you want to make friends ," he wrote , " strive to remember them. If you remember the name , I will be giving a subtle compliment ; I will be indicating that I have made a impression on you . Remember name and in doing so I will be giving more value and a sense of importance . " What was true in 1937 as it is now in this hectic world . These days, an account number or a title often replace the name of a person. Remembering names can help you enlarge your image staff, improve your style and most importantly, increase your impact on others . And when you strain in not only learn the names of their clients and important friends , but also everyone he interacts ; by The postman , the person in the laundry or shop owner in the neighborhood, will be able to reach another level of connection in their relationships. If you want to improve your skill with the names , here are some suggestions : RECOGNIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF A NAME How do you feel when someone calls you the wrong name ? What about when a person spends time with and still cannot remember his name? And how do you feel when you have not seen someone for a long time and she does remember his name? Does not it feel good ? ( You do not impress , anyway? ) When people remember their name , they are making you feel valued. The playwright William Shakespeare wrote, " A good name , a man or a woman, is a gem for soul. One who steals wallet is stealing garbage ; but that swiping good name , robs me of that which not enriches him so , and I truly impoverished . " SAVE BY USING THE METHOD
My friend Jerry Lucas, who is known as the " Doctor Memory" has dedicated his life, after his great career in the NBA, to assist school children and adults for that improve their memory through a variety of innovative techniques. One is the method called 'SAVE' ( Save, which means "save" or "Save" is the word in the English language is used for storing information on a computer. N. of Trad . ) . It works this way : S ( Say the name) Say the name of the person at least three times in the conversation. A ( Ask) Ask a question about the name of that person ( for example , how do you spell it? ) V ( Visualize ) Visualize a physical or character trait of the person . E ( End) Complete the conversation by mentioning the name of the person. Several years ago Jerry showed how useful this method was when he remembered the names of all persons at the hearing of the program The Tonight Show ( a television very famous in the United States. N. of Trad . ) . I think it can also help you remember names and last names of people you know .
IF YOU FAIL TO MEMORY ... Almost everyone has trouble remembering names. When this happens to you , try to remember the time when he met that person or the last time he saw her. If you still can not remember , then ask , "How long has it been? " Maybe that will help . If you are with a friend or colleague , sometimes
can help each other find with people. Introduce the person whose name recalls the person whose name you do not remember ; It is likely that the presented say their names. Or maybe you can agree with your friend in advance to help each other. My wife and I do that. When we are presenting , Margaret knows that if I do not show him to that person 's name because I'm not sure or do not remember his name. She quickly introduces herself to make the other person say his name. When all else fails , just say " I'm sorry; I remember you but I'm afraid I forgot his name. " once that the person has given his name again , use the SAVE method to make it less prone to forget the future . DO NOT FEEL SO BAD IF YOU FORGET A NAME If you strive , achieve gradually remember the name of the people . However, do not be too hard yourself when you are wrong . That happened to me recently with a couple named Lake. One of the things I do when I learn a name, the name is associated with a mental image . When I was introduced to the Lake, immediately made a mental image of a lake as Lake translated into Spanish means lake and thought in Hargus Lake where I grew up . A few days later when again, I made a mistake by asking , "How are the Hargus ? ' gentlemen will sometimes make mistakes .
LES ... recap You do not need a research study to assess the points that John makes about the value of remembering the names of individuals. However, if you want to know whether it is supported by studies , could point out one Mountain research results that show exactly how humor and self-
evaluation of a person better when someone else so they remembered staff.1 No doubt the value of remembering names people . To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: Blaming your 'bad' memory and make an effort to remember the names of people. Ask: What can you tell me the origin of its name and how to spell ? do it: Use the SAVE method with everyone who knows this week. Remember: The name of a person is his most valuable possession .
23. POINT HIGHLIGHTS OF OTHERS The praise of others may be useful to teach us, not what we are but what we should be . - AUGUST W. HARE
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION For many years , I have listened to John talk about the " foot soldiers " who work in your company INJOY . there a handful of enterprising leaders and people in their twenties and thirties . The leader of this group since 1996 has been Kevin Small. When John hired Kevin , who was 24 at the time, he did to lead seminars INJOY . Kevin had a history in the financial world but had left the corporate arena because I wanted to find a larger purpose for your life . John told me that Kevin showed a big boost , learned quickly and made an excellent job leading the seminars , but in many ways, that position is not really accommodated their capabilities. John saw the Kevin inner qualities that needed to be stimulated . Kevin explained : John was working with me and constantly encouraging me . Soon gave me the responsibility not only to direct seminars but also to promote and marketing. I saw that we were doing well . However, I remember a defining moment in work and relationship with John . It happened in a meeting with a group of people from our publisher Thomas Nelson -Caribe Betania . We were thinking of ways to promote John 's next book , The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership . As we talked , it became clear to me what needed to do for this book came into the hands of people. I saw the problem, the solution and the steps that had to give. So I got into the conversation and explained the process. When we left the meeting , John looked at me and told me I had a talent for seeing opportunities . And Dick Peterson , who was chief at the time, said he wanted relocating to a place where I could add more value to the company . Over the next two years, John worked with me thoroughly . He identified three main strengths me and being mentor taught me how to use them , particularly to see and seize opportunities. I do not want to give the impression that everything is done perfectly, because I also had lot of problems. Often, I found it difficult to relate to people . Often I focused so
much on a vision of Occasionally they passed over the people , but John also helped me with that. And he sees people as if they all had the highest scores to be obtained , he always finds the best in every one . And love to help develop those strengths . John really put me on the road to victory. When Kevin was four years with the company , John offered him the position of president of INJOY something too big for a " soldier " who had not yet reached thirty . But that's what can happen when you point out the strengths of people and gives them the necessary stimulus . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE Often people make a mistake in your personal development when they focus too much on their weaknesses. As a result , spend too much time fixing their weaknesses instead of maximizing their points strong . Likewise , it is a mistake to focus on the weaknesses of others. The selfproclaimed " exper80 cough " that may signal bad of others never won people . Most people simply avoid them. Rather, we should focus on discovering the strengths of people and point them out. This is why : POINTING THE STRESSES THE STRONG AREAS OF SPECIAL GUESTS Most people have strengths that are rarely used. They can be on the job skills , knowledge, general abilities , personality traits or other attributes. I once read an interesting fact based on research that said that each of us can do at least one thing better than another ten mil. Think about it! You have a talent that cannot be matched by any in your town or neighborhood ... or your college or company or industry where he works. Have you found that talent? If so, you probably already go way to find the purpose of your life. Otherwise so, would not you like to have someone come and is noted ? How would you feel with that person ? I assure you I would be very
grateful. Why do not you try to be that kind of person for someone else ? If you do , you may be helping others to discover for why God created . MOTIVATED PEOPLE FEEL STRONG IN YOUR AREA I once read a survey that asked workers in the United States where it was found that almost 85 % of respondents said they could work harder at their jobs. More than half of them said that could even double their effectiveness if they wished. Why? Because very few people are working on their strengths . Are you excited if asked to work on your weak areas ? At least I do not. Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton have done a lot of research in this field. To learn more , you suggest you read the book they wrote : Now , Discover Your Strengths ( Discover your strengths ) . but should know this: When you work using your strengths , not much external motivation you need . If people suffer for doing the work using their weak areas and are reassigned to work on your strengths , observe how rapidly increase their motivation , enthusiasm and productivity. PEOPLE CAN FILE IF MORE ARE STRONG IN YOUR AREA I am often asked what is the key of success. I tell you, can be attributed to three things: ( 1) The goodness God ; ( 2) The great people around me ; and ( 3) The ability to keep me strong area . It took five years to find out what my strengths , but over the years have focused attention on less and less stuff. The law of specialization in the book The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork states: " Each player has a place to give their best . " That place is their "strong area" . I do serve to make many things, but There are four that I can do very well. And as far as possible, try to keep doing those things . As a leader and a boss, try to help
others to do the same. Find their strong areas and that are located there as much as possible. A successful person finds a place for herself , but a leader winner is the right place for others . How do I do that ? A successful person finds a place for herself , but a winning leader finds the right place for others. First , I look for the best in others. Anyone can see the weaknesses , errors and imperfections in other . For that you need not have a special ability. See the good things , that it is difficult. In Player Review Baseball Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson, the top leaders of the majors have this ability . He said: "A great coach has a special ability to make players think they are better than they really are . It forces you to have a good opinion of you . You do know you believe in your ability . It makes you more than you think you can give. And once you convince you how good you really are , you'll never want to play in less than your potential "level . That's true in all areas of life: business , parenting , marriage ,ministry, etc. . Look no errors others look their best . Second, I speak. You may think the best of others, but if it does not say, do not do to help. Always I believe that all people have a " seed of success" within them. Most never find it and that fail to achieve their potential. Often I look at a person and wonder , "What is your seed of success? " When I find out , I say . Then fertilized with encouragement and timely irrigation . You can do the same .
LES ... recap One of the most revolutionary aspects of contemporary psychological research has to do with the term " Signature strength" . Each person has a number of positive qualities that represent their strengths , but some of them are more important and closer to the identity of the person. When you point out those strengths others , research shows that a person is more
likely to use them, to show them and hold on to them as a key component of its identidad. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : From the weaknesses of others. ask yourself: What this guy does exceptionally well ? Do this : Each day this week , tell every person you see what strengths you see in them are . Remember: Every person in the world has a seed of success.
24. WRITE NOTES OF ENCOURAGEMENT The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often been enough to stop a Air Force has changed defeat into victory and saved an empire. EMILE DE - GIRARDIN
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION I always love to see the shrines of the great leaders. You can tell a lot of people watching where they work. Recently I was in the office that John has in his house, where he made most of his meditations, where dreams , writes and creates. Among his memorabilia , an impressive collection of works by John Wesley . In fact, it may be one of the largest private art collections of its kind. And also I am a student of Wesley , I was curious . "What is your most prized piece in this collection ? ' I asked , pointing to a shelf of old books. "I think it is a letter signed by John Wesley and a postscript to his brother Charles ," he answered me , as he led me to where I had framed on the wall . "Is an important letter ? ' I asked , trying to decipher the handwriting Wesley . " It's a letter to a friend where you are giving advice on how to be a father. I appreciate it very much because it was written by own hand and signature of Wesley " he replied , adding :" But in terms of important letters Wesley , then we have to consider that he wrote to William Wilberforce. " In 1791 , William Wilberforce was facing a daunting defeat in his attempt to abolish traffic slaves in England , "he explained . "It was then that he received a letter from John Wesley . That letter , which now is famous , come to be the source of continued strength for the rest of his life. " John searched his files that spoke of the theme 'breath' and find the text of the letter and read it to me aloud high :
London, February 26, 1791 Dear Sir : Unless that is inspired by the divine power ... do not see how I can carry out their glorious enterprise , opposing to that execrable villainy which is the scandal of religion , of England, and of human nature . Unless God I have raised for this, exhaust the opposition of men and devils . But " if
God is with you , who can oppose it ? ' Do all they are stronger than God? Oh , "be not weary in well-doing ! " Continue in the name of God and in the power of His strength , until even ( the vilest American slavery ever to be under the sun ) vanishes in His power ... Who that has guided his youth , continue strengthening it in this and all things, is the prayer of , Your affectionate servant , J. Wesley "Four days later" recalled John , " Wesley died . And once again , Wilberforce was defeated when the Parliament voted to abolish slavery. Finally , Wilberforce managed to win , but in the inter83 medium, was vilified and faced countless frustrations. Their opponents came to challenge him to a duel and tried to kill him . " John continued: " More than once he was tempted to stop fighting , but every time I wanted to discouragement Dam it, went to Wesley 's letter . And every time I read it , it was like the first time. He never failed to give encouragement and forces . "If you do not believe in the power of the written encouraging after reading this note ," John said, " probably never believe . " I can assure you that John believes in that power. I have received many notes of encouragement from you for years and still I keep many of them. They may not have the historical value of the note by Wesley to Wilberforce , but for me are invaluable . A MOMENT WITH JOHN ... TEACHING MAXWELL STYLE If you have not guessed, I 'm a real history buff . Let me tell you the rest of the story : In 1806 , after a tireless work 20 years , Wilberforce finally got the amendment to abolish the slave trade was passed by Parliament. Twenty-eight years later, on July 31, 1834 , slavery became illegal
throughout the British Empire , thus freeing about 800,000 slaves. Although he did not live to see his dream fulfilled , since he died on August 5, 1833 , no one did more than William Wilberforce for the disappearance of slavery in the British Empire. Wilberforce died as one of the most esteemed men of his age and was buried in Westminster Abbey . Part of his epitaph reads : as was eminent in every department of public work , and leader in every work of charity, either to alleviate the temporal and spiritual needs of his neighbor . His name will always be identified those efforts that , by the blessing of God , they eliminated England the guilt of the African slave trade , and paved the way for the abolition of slavery in each colony of the Empire. Wilberforce had given his whole life and his political career for a great cause : Ending slavery. However, perhaps he had not prevailed had it not been for that letter of encouragement from John Wesley . For many years I have believed in the power of the written notes of encouragement, long before he received the letter of Wesley as a gift from the brethren of the church Skyline serve as your pastor. In fact, it was while conducting this I asked them to church staff members every Monday devote time to write handwritten notes to parishioners. Written notes do not have to come from someone famous so they can animate. A kind word that comes Heart is always well received . If you have never perfected the practice of sending handwritten notes to people, then I want to encourage you to try this way to earn often forgotten people : Behold the why: NOTES OF ENCOURAGEMENT HAVE A PERSONAL TOUCH Today we communicate via phone , digital pagers, cellular phones, faxes, e-mail and the Internet . With such a hurried pace that lead our lives , who has time to write the old fashioned way ? However, the more desirable it becomes our communication more is temporary . We have forgotten what is significant that the personal touch. Few things can beat a note
handwritten by a real person. When you read the thoughts of someone who respects his writings own hand , that really means a lot. The postal service of the United States regularly work six days a week. Annually , workers Post handled 170 billion letters . However, in this vast sea mail , officials say the cards staffs are less than 4% of the total. On average then, you need to receive 25 cards before you arrive one containing a personal word. More than ever, a handwritten note can communicate to people that you care for them. NOTES REPRESENTING AN INVESTMENT WRITER In his book The Power of Encouragement ( The power of the stimulus) , friend David Jeremiah says, " The breath written comes straight from the heart , without interruption and without inhibitions. That is why it is so powerful. " Do not you think it is right? " The breath is written straight from the heart , without interruption and without inhibitions. That is why it is so powerful. " - David Jeremiah Nineteenth century writer Walt Whitman fought for years for someone to be interested in his poetry. He discouraged much . One day he received a note saying : " Dear sir , I am not blind to the worth of the wonderful gift Leaves of Grass ( Leaves of Grass ) . I consider it the most extraordinary piece of wit and wisdom that has been written in America . I greet you at the beginning of a great career . " It was signed by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I cannot imagine what would have happened to Whitman if Emerson had not invested in it to write those friendly words. That note was like fresh air for Whitman, who breathed the stimulus and thus was inspired to keep writing . But you do not have to be a professional writer to make a
difference in life a person . Merely take time to write is evidence of their desire to invest in it. NOTES ARE REMEMBERED LONG AFTER THE WRITER HAS FORGOTTEN For years , I 've made up my mind to write personal notes to others . Usually I forget what written , but occasionally someone who received a note from me shows me and tells me of the great stimulus that was for him or her. It is in those moments that I remember the constant and repetitive encouragement that people receive a word written . You do not know if something else writes to illuminate them during their darkest moments or sustained over difficult times. In the first book Chicken Soup for the Soul , the teacher, Sister Helen Mrosla recounts how timely task in class became a source of encouragement for their students. One day, when their high school students math class were very irritable, asked them to write something they liked of their peers. She then compiled the results at the weekend and delivered the following Monday. Years later, one of his students , Mark , died in Vietnam. She and some of her former classmates were found at the funeral. Then Mark's father told the group : " They found this on Mark when pocket died " and showed a rather shabby paper. It was the role that he had received from his teacher for many years. After that, Charlie , one of the co- Mark said, " I keep mine in the desk drawer ." The wife Chuck said , " Chuck put his in our wedding album ." "I also save my mine," Marilyn said, " in daily . " Vicky , one of the students , reached into her purse and pulled out her role really run out and showed it to his teacher and his former colleagues . All had treasured the kind words of encouragement they had received. That's the power of a few kind words.
LES ... recap When given a written note to another person , generally perceived as more authentic and genuine than the spoken word. Perhaps you will take some time cost to write notes to others because he thinks verbally praising people is enough. If so , you might be surprised by recent research on the
subject of authenticity, which found that when given a written note to another person , generally perceived as more authentic genuine and that the word hablada. There are no doubts about the value of the notes of encouragement written to others. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget: From being a perfect writer rather write with heart. ask yourself: What can be said to be incentive for someone now and in the future? do it: Take an hour today to write several notes to some people with the sole purpose of encouraging them . Remember: Words have the power to stimulate even long after the writer has forgotten .
25. HELP PEOPLE SUCCEED " The surest way to know how well they had played was to see how much had been done to my colleagues decided good '. -BILL RUSSELL , WINNER OF MORE CHAMPIONSHIPS THE NBA THAT ANY OTHER PLAYER .
LES ... NOTING PRACTICE IN ACTION If I ever met someone who loves to see people succeed, this is John Maxwell. That is why who writes books and conducts seminars and conferences. He thinks he has something to offer to others to help them success. But John also helps people succeed in a smaller scale, this is teaching her daughter how to sell candy door to door to school as a child , taking the time to counsel a pastor who is going through a hard time or giving you the opportunity to a young " soldier " as Kevin Small to become the president of one of his companies . John loves and enjoys success much seeing others succeed too. For many years, John held a oneday seminar where he taught the pastors and members of their churches how to join in volunteer work . At the end of the session, used to tell one of my favorite stories. I feel that well typifies his attitude to help others . When his nephew Eric was seven , he prepared to participate in their first game of the first season Little League Baseball. John and Margaret went to watch the game and of course, John wanted to help you succeed . This is the story as John usually account : Eric had never played baseball before . He felt intimidated , scared, full of fear . And his coach thought this was the World Series! Eric walked to the pad. His helmet was very large, even larger uniform and he could hardly hold the bat. I was petrified, facing the pitcher of the other team , which , as always, was larger child. His name was Butch ; I was chewing gum and his expression security. Eric means embracing the bat , close your eyes and pray. And the first ball flies ! Strike one . Oops! Strike two . Ay ! Strike three . That's it ; and when the referee says, " Out " Eric is happy just because of leaving I live. While walking back to his seat , his parents cheer him and his coach too. And there I am thinking , that's nephew is scared. So far as he is low and say, "Honey, I do not know what you have
said about baseball , but let your Uncle John show you something . Baseball is a very simple game. " He asks me, " What do you mean ? " I say, ' Just do one thing. The next time you touch hit every time you launch the Butch ball, you just have to swing the bat. That's all you have to do. Butch throws the ball; you swing your bat . Butch throws the ball; you swing your bat . " He looks at me and says, ' That's all I have to do ? " I say , "That 's it. Do not worry about hitting the ball ; just swinging the bat. " And when you smile draws on his face and says, ' I can do that . " I say , "Sure you can ! Consume them , boy . " The next time you hit Eric touched , Butch Eric threw the ball and swung the bat. The ball passed over him . In fact, as late hit the ball was already in the catcher's mitt . I started clapping while saying : "Excellent batting , Eric, excellent batting , that is! Butch Every time you throw the ball , swinging the bat . " Butch threw the ball ; Eric swung his bat. Butch threw the ball ; Eric swung his bat again. Finally , we eliminated the third strike . I stood shouting, " Eric McCullogh , deleted that was the best I've seen in life. All right ! " At that time , the coach looked into the stands and gave me an angry look . The other parents were not happy . Margaret said, " Honey, I 'm in the car and read a book." But I did not care , because that after batting , Eric was smiling. Now, to be honest , I did not think Eric out for a homer that day. Moreover, in the Little League Baseball, there is no such thing as a hit. If there is any kind of contact , not that I hit the bat to the ball ; this is the ball has hit the bat. And there's one thing I know: if the ball hits the bat , does not go far ; just something . And in Little League Baseball , if the ball is inside the box , you do not stop running . Well, did not think it would happen , but it happened. The third time he went to bat , Butch threw the ball , Eric swung his bat and the ball hit the bat. There was a strong hit. It was a hollow sound . As soon as that the ball was in the area, stepped off the platform and ran to first base , saying, "Eric , keep running , keep
running ! " While Eric went through first base, I ran as fast as I could to third base as he yelled : "Come on Eric , come on! " Eric got past third base and together we reached ' home '. Eric got up , shook the dust from his uniform , I did the same with the bag; and when we were leaving the field , the coach looked at me and smiled . That day we went to Eric's house . His parents had to work so they could not see the game ; but We told him . There I was in the middle of the room , pretending to be Butch and Eric was near the piano there as if he were batting pad . I made the shot ; he hit . He ran around the bases and threw for be under the piano bench . All got up and gave a standing ovation. That day , Eric began his career in Little League Baseball. Eric is now an adult , but when I was graduating from high school , came to visit . He said, " Uncle John , I have something very exciting to tell you. Do you remember the first baseball game of the Little League ? " "Of course I remember ," I said . And we made memories of that game. " I've never forgotten ," Eric said . " I just wanted to tell you that this year going to college with a scholarship baseball . " You do not have to be rich , famous or talented to help others succeed , you only need to give the best of themselves and worry about them. And you should know this: When you have the opportunity to help someone succeed , you will be at life friend of that person.
JOHN ... A MOMENT WITH TEACHING STYLE MAXWELL "One of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can try to help another without estarse helping himself . " Ralph Waldo Emerson
Helping someone to succeed is one of the best feelings in the world. I have not met anyone so far not want to succeed. And everyone I know who have made an effort to help others have told me that it has been the most rewarding of their lives. As the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said, " One of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can try to help another without helping himself estarse » If you want to help others succeed , follow these steps: BELIEVE IN PEOPLE After a conference in Toledo, a man came up and asked me a question : "How can I get results amazing of a person ? "" Please incredible expectations that person "was response. If you do not believe in people, you are unlikely to be doing something to help them succeed . people know when someone does not believe in them because they can see through the pretense and false pats, but when know that you believe in them , the magic starts to happen. Told by the writer John Spalding is true : " Those who believe in our ability do more than stimulate . They create an atmosphere for us in that facilitates success. " GIVE THEM TO PEOPLE HOPE A reporter asked the Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who directed Britain during difficult moments of World War II , what was the weapon which had its powerful country against the regime Nazi . Without pausing , Churchill said, " The most powerful weapon which England has always had is hope. " Esperanza is one of the most powerful and dynamic words of Spanish. It gives us energy to continue Later in the most difficult moments and power fills us with excitement and anticipation to look to the future . It is said that a person can live forty days without food, four days without
water, four minutes without air , but only four seconds without hope. If you want to help people succeed , it must become a supplier hope. FOCUS ON THE PROCESS , NOT ONLY IN THE WIN Many of us want to succeed so much that we forget what it takes to get there. We are like the child who when playing chess with his grandfather and lost, says, "Oh no! Again ! Grandpa, you always win! " "What can I do, I lose on purpose? " Replied the old man. " You'll never learn if you do that ." In the Here's how we feel many times, but let's be honest . What is more satisfying triumph : easy or it cost us jobs ? When you help someone succeed , not regale her goal , even if it is in your power to do so. Help him succeed. If it helps you in the process , he will not be giving the victory but you'll be giving the means to have additional victories in the future. You can succeed again and again . And the only thing sweeter success is success many times. UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN HELP OTHERS SUCCEED , YOU ALSO TRIUMPHS In 1984 , Lou Whittaker led the first all- American group to the summit of Mount Everest. After several months of strenuous effort , five members of the [p 179] team who reached the last camp was twenty-seven thousand feet . I had yet two thousand more when they met in the store. Whittaker had to make a difficult decision: He knew how motivated they were five climbers to reach the highest point of planet . However, two of them would have to return to the previous camp , carry food , water and oxygen to then return to where the others were. The problem was that after this work to support these two climbers they would no longer have the necessary condition to reach the top of Mt. The others would be in store a day enjoying water, breathing oxygen and getting ready to climb to the top the next day. The first decision was to stay in Whittaker took camp at
twenty thousand feet to coordinate team activities . The following was sent to the two strongest climbers to collect supplies ; that was more difficult decision. The two weakest climbers would rest , renew their strength and receive the glory of the summit. When asked why not assigned himself to reach the summit , his answer showed his understanding for people and the strength of his leadership. He said: " My job was to make others reach the top ." Whittaker knew that when people make the right decisions to help a team reach its goal, everyone benefits . Never wasted when others succeed.
LES ... recap Remembering , I think of many people who have helped me to succeed in life . For example, the chairman of the Department of Psychology at the
college you went to debug view . He taught me the steps you should take and how could he have success. George , a friend of mine helped me succeed teaching me how to start and run a pro89 radio program . Janice , publicist , help me succeed every time I get an interview on national television to talk to any of my books. Kevin , another friend helped me by showing me how to develop a successful significant mission statement of life. Of course , John has also helped me to win race from various angles. We all like to win ; and no one succeeds without help. More than three decades ago, he did some research examining the types of people that related well with others. The study was done with 268 sophomores at Harvard , considered " the best and talented "and lasted forty years. Among the findings was the fact that men emotionally recognized that a good healthy life was not the absence of problems but the way in which the individual chose to respond to these problems. In other words, these men saw themselves as winners and helping others to succeed despite their circumstances. It was not surprising that also had a communication much more significant than others. To apply the teaching of John to his own life ... Forget : To see life as a competition where you have to beat all if you want to succeed. ask yourself: Who could help you succeed and how to do it? Do this : Make a game plan . Design a course that carries both road victory. Remember: Once you help someone succeed , you will have a friend for life.
A WORD OF CONCLUSION PART OF JOHN Life I wanted people to learn to win others . To achieve this , all that is needed is believe in people and have a sincere desire to help . I hope that after reading this book, you also make this. I also hope you do I endorse
the practices that Les and I have shown . If you have already tried some , surely have realized that really work. If you want to perfect them , then I suggest you do the this: Hold a twelve-week program to win people . After start , select two of the practices and run them every day for a full week. By doing so , you will be engaging in a process that will ... 1. Being aware of how these principles work . 2. Learn the basics of how to do it . 3. Practicing each until perfect . 4. Turn them into a habit. You probably will not feel comfortable to start running some of them, but there is no that cannot master. And of course, keep adding other practices that learns by itself alone or during the process. All Forms will never learn too . My wish: May you continue earning people by helping them succeed.
