Kaitlin Kelsch Briggs English 1010 – MW 1:00 December 7th, 2016
The Effects of Internet Technologies on Relationships: Are They a Detriment or an Aid? For as long as human beings have existed on this planet, our most basic instincts have compelled us to reach far beyond ourselves in an effort to be understood. Sure, we, as a species, could’ve just settled with mere companionship, but humans also require contact on something of a more intimate level, as well, something much more everlasting. In other words, we crave a certain kind of contact that can only be derived through romance. How would you yourself describe the concept? Think about the chemistry, the euphoria, the knowledge that you have found your one-and-only special someone, everything that comes along with the definition. Chances are a good majority of you think that it’s like that classic scene in the fairytales, right? A beautiful young princess meets her beloved prince charming and they both ride away into the sunset, happily ever after. And while, yes, in real life, romance doesn’t mature quite as quickly as it does in the stories, we still have come to expect that the person we will ultimately end up marrying will share some sort of a deep, cosmic bond with us. However, Snow White was then and Tinder is now. In a world in which we have literally thousands of ways to communicate and get acquainted with one another, you’d think that we’d be able to bypass a good majority of the pain and heartbreak that just naturally comes with the territory. The problem is that we aren’t. Although it is, indeed, astounding that the internet allows people from all across the globe to connect to each other at breakneck speed, the internet
is also creating new social values and norms that, in some cases, have yet to be fully defined, leaving a good majority of America’s dating scene wandering around in the dark. Therefore, when I was given the assignment to write an annotated bibliography for my Intro to Writing class, I decided to use this assignment to motivate myself into learning more about the trends that underpin romance and love. One reason is because I had just read the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Kleinman a couple of months earlier and the other reason is that I am now looking to go on some casual dates myself. If reading Modern Romance helped me to cultivate a genuine interest in subject, why not study other perspectives and try to gain some practical advice? And if I’ve learned anything from reading and gathering the materials for this assignment, it’s that finding your one-and-only match is becoming harder and harder to achieve by the day. It still, indeed, can be done, but you you also need to understand just how drastically the dating landscape has changed even in just the last 30 years. years. You may think that the two terms “romance” and “technology” don’t intersect very much, but as I posit in this annotated bibliography, they have become inextricably inextricabl y intertwined. intertwined . The question is: just how exactly are these new internet technologies affecting the way we find love and are these internet technologies a positive influence on our dating lives or a negative one?
Source #1 Ansari, Aziz, and Eric Klinenberg. "Chapter 2: The Initial Ask." Modern Romance. New York: Penguin, 2015. 33-68. Print.
Summary When comedian and actor Aziz Ansari had a question that nobody seemed to know the answer to (that is, what makes America’s dating scene different from what the dating scene was about a century ago) he did what anybody would do – he decided to write a book about it! Teaming up with renowned sociologist Eric Klinenberg, the duo traveled across the country and beyond to gather the necessary information. It not only includes a dizzying array of studies and personal opinions from some of the world’s best thinkers in the field, but it also contains priceless insights gathered via the authors’ independently-conducted focus groups, as well. All in all, this makes the book one of the most comprehensive investigations of modern romance to date. The main takeaway from the chapter, however, is twofold. It is not only clear that text messaging has already begun to challenge the conventional norms of dating, but it is also clear that trying to navigate these new norms is causing a considerable amount of stress for the singles involved (Ansari and Klinenberg 58-64), as seen by unnecessary cat-and-mouse games they have the potential to put themselves through in an effort to send “the perfect text (57)”. Simply put, because singles tend to text each other back-and-forth, nowadays, after they have exchanged numbers but before they have officially asked each other out, the initial text chat is crucially important to the future success of a relationship since it is the only opportunity you will have to make a good first impression (Ansari and Klinenberg 48). As Ansari asserts, “even
small tweaks of a text message can make the difference between being perceived as nice or mean, smart or dumb, funny or boring (48).” However, you shouldn’t worry so much about the content of a text message that you drive yourself to the brink of insanity, either, certainly not enough that you begin to lose your own authentic voice. As Ansari and Klinenberg seem to imply the trick is to employ balance – showcase the very best aspects of your personality and use your very best common courtesy (5456), but don’t forget to have some fun while you’re at it, sheesh! Rhetorical Analysis At first, I was worried that this book wouldn’t be a good fit for this annotated bibliography due to the fact that Mr. Ansari’s primary job is a comedian, but after considering the fact that he co-authored the book with a very qualified sociologist and after considering the fact that Mr. Ansari genuinely interested in the subject matter of the book (as evidenced by the book’s introduction) I began to realize that having an both an outsider’s opinion and a scholar’s opinion in the same work could actually be a strength, not a weakness. Consider the fact that Mr. Ansari interlaces several jokes throughout the book. Although not all of them, in my opinion, fit my particular sense of humor, nevertheless, they keep the work from being too bogged down with technical language and help to create a fun, welcoming, and all-inclusive atmosphere for those who read it.
The personal anecdotes from both the
interviewees of the focus groups and the authors themselves only add to the book’s down-toearth tone. Overall, while it is clear that the book was designed to showcase very important implications regarding the state of America’s dating scene, it is also clear that Mr. Ansari’s influence keeps the book from feeling too unrelatable to the prime dating demographic of
America, those from about ages 18-30 years old. I believe that the statistics which are included within are solid and it is a prime example of how intelligence and humor can actually blend together to create something exceptional. Assessment Truthfully, I am a huge fan of this work. Because it was the very first book that I read on how internet technologies are affecting modern-day relationships, it gave me a rather broad introduction to the topic and helped to create a basic frame of reference for myself as I moved forward in my research. I was attracted to the book because I knew that it would be jam-packed with information and because I am rather fond of Ansari’s character on the TV show Parks and Recreation, but what I didn’t expect was how well the book’s endearing charm managed to stay with me even after I had finished reading it. I love it a great deal, even to this day, and would recommend it to anybody in a heartbeat. And after having read over the book for a second time, I have now come to the conclusion that if technology is, in fact, changing the norms of dating (as the subject matter of Chapter 2 demonstrates) these new rules and customs need to be publicized and firmly agreed upon in order to keep everyone on the same page. Otherwise, the stress and confusion that comes as a consequence of not understanding these norms can lead some singles to quit the dating scene, altogether.
Source #2 Brown, Bruce. "Will Tech Take the Romance out of Dating and Replace It with Intelligence?" Digital Trends. Digital Trends, 06 Nov. 2016. Web. 12 Nov. 2016.
Summary In early 2016, eHarmony, an online dating website that bills itself as “a science-based relationship site committed to helping singles find the best possible partner based on several key dimensions of compatibility (Brown),” published a study in conjunction with Imperial College Business School in the U.K (Brown) about the potential effects smart technologies will have on the future of online dating. According to eHarmony’s findings, some of the questions on their (incredibly long and extensive) (Brown) dating questionnaire have the potential to be “auto-filled” by data from wearable devices and various smart home components (Brown), such as heart-rate monitors, sleep trackers, and, in its most extreme example, a smart toilet which will analyze the contents of your…unmentionables… to “provide data on nutrition, diet, and certain medical conditions (Brown).” In short, “a growing percentage of our date selection process will be based on smart technology (Brown).” The ultimate hope, eHarmony states, is that the data from smart technology will not only help to eliminate problems of subjectivity in the online dating world (such as tendency of those who sign up for online dating services to second-guess their profile questions) (Brown) but will also help to expedite the online dating process at every stage (Brown). The data also has the potential be used to generate possible dating activities and mutually-fascinating topics of conversation, as well (Brown).
You might think that a great deal of this technology is a long ways off or that it is rather strange and disconcerting, but the penultimate prediction that eHarmony makes is that smart tech data will be used by 40 percent of online dating services in the U..S and the U.K by 2026 (Brown). And given current technology trends and everything that we have touched upon in this annotated bibliography, you may soon have to accept that these technologically-mediated matches are the new norm. Rhetorical Analysis Although this work is a more-or-less a summary of the report which was originally published on the tech website Digital Trends, the article does provide a link back to the eHarmony original and does a good job, I think, condensing an overwhelming amount of information into an easy-to-understand form. However, if I didn’t already know that Imperial College co-authored and most likely factchecked the report, I would probably accuse eHarmony of commissioning it as a form of shameless self-promotion. If their whole premise as an online dating website is that they use technology to make compatible matches, wouldn’t sponsoring a report that stresses the importance of technology to future online matchmaking help attract new customers to the site? Regardless, though, I did take a look at the original report and I found it to be very well organized. Their conclusions were formed from literature reviews, extrapolations of historic data, and interviews with the online dating industry’s leading experts, all of which I believe to be valid and credible sources. As for the Digital Trends summary, while I am afraid that I don’t know enough about the author, Bruce Brown, to create a definite opinion, clicking on his name in the article brings you to a short biography about him, which states that he has been writing about personal computers
and technology for 34 years now. Because of this, and because of the fact that he was allowed to publish his work on a major source for technology news, I think that it is reasonably safe to assume that he is, indeed, knowledgeable about the technology industry. Assessment Obviously, this report is disconcerting for both me and for many others.
I think a
common fear that a lot of people will have after reading it is that relying too much on data and not enough on other markers of compatibly will turn the online dating process into something rather cold, clinical, and harsh. In other words, there’s a fear that data-driven matches will suck all the romance out of what should be an enjoyable process. On other hand, many of the people who live in today’s modern world have been taught to trust in the power of statistics and objectivity. While I do believe that science is the best tool humans have to definitively uncover the mysteries of the universe, you must also realize that facts and statistics are only good for making generalizations about the behavior of a certain phenomenon. In the spirit of the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, not everyone is going to fit the overall pattern that statistics try to fit you in and just because you possess a certain combination of attributes doesn’t mean that we can necessarily predict where you will end up in the future. So while I am in favor of making the online dating process more streamlined and precise for the sake of the fact that so many singles nowadays are attracted to the method, I would also hope that eHarmony keeps the so-called “butterflies in the stomach” in mind, as well. Otherwise, this could create a paradox in which the matches made on online dating sites are more accurate but also less accurate, at the exact same time.
Source #3 st
Henry-Waring, Millsom, and Jo Barraket. "Dating & Intimacy in the 21 Century: The Use of Online Dating Sites in Australia." International Journal Of Emerging Technologies & Society 6.1 (2008): 14-33. Academic Search Premier. Web. 13 Nov. 2016. Summary Millsom Henry-Waring and Jo Barraket, co-authors of a study published in the International Journal of Emerging Technologies and Society entitled Dating and Intimacy in the st
21 Century, set out to answer four different research questions regarding the rise of online dating and how online dating is affecting the nature of intimacy. “Why are people using online dating services (Henry-Waring and Barraket 16)?” “How are people communicating online (16)?” “In what ways do people connect emotionally and intimately on and off-line (16)?” and “Does online dating alter the very nature of intimacy, emotion, and dating (16)?” Using interviews with the 23 participants of the study, which were then transcribed and analyzed for significant themes (16), Henry-Waring and Barraket have identified several different traits and characteristics inherent in online dating that appeal to the busy, on-the-go lifestyles of those who sign up for them, such as the fact that it extends your social network (18), the fact that it removes the clumsy and inelegant features of face-to-face communication (18), the fact that it mitigates some of the risks that come with traditional dating (17), and the fact that you can do it, quite literally, anywhere (19). The authors also dissect a great deal of social norms that those on online dating sites typically follow. Consider the fact that your online dating profile is like your your own personal “shop window (Henry-Waring and Barraket 21)”. Because this shop window is, most likely, the first thing a potential match will see upon being paired with you, generally, it is good practice to
spend time crafting your online profile so that it will showcase your very best qualities (HenryWaring and Barraket 21). Combined with the knowledge that those who look at these online dating profiles are conscious of even the tiniest details – details such as the length of the profile (Henry-Waring and Barraket 21), grammar and spelling (21), and the way a person appears in their profile photo (22) – it comes as no surprise that the ability to write and evaluate online dating profiles becomes a highly-coveted skill (21). It is also undeniable that the amount of chemistry involved in online relationships can be downright exhilarating. As Henry-Waring and Barraket have found, the more messages online daters send each other, the more relaxed and flirtatious the messages sent between the couple will become. However, the significance of transferring the relationship from an online setting to an offline setting cannot be overstated. The anonymity of the medium and the huge amount of messages a couple has the potential to receive before they meet face-to-face can sometimes lead to an inflated sense of connection (Henry-Waring and Barraket 23), a connection that doesn’t necessarily translate well once the relationship moves to an offline setting.
Therefore, it is
within the couple’s best interest to meet offline as soon as they possibly can, just to make sure that really do have some sort of a physical and tangible connection in place (Henry-Waring 2324). Otherwise, as one participant named Marcus maintains, “both parties… [have the potential to] rush to the judgement that the connection is a success (Henry-Waring and Barraket 23)” when, really, they have nothing. Rhetorical Analysis Admittedly, I am afraid that the fact that this study is out of date in some spots because it was originally published in 2008, but in my summary I only included the facts that aligned with
what I knew from my other sources, especially Modern Romance which contains a chapter covering the same relative information. I was also concerned that the fact that this study was originally conducted in Australia would be a problem, as well, due to cultural differences, but after reading through the article multiple times, it seemed to me that a lot of the trends discussed could also be applied to most other industrialized nations, as well, including America. Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate this paper. I believe it to be well-balanced, I love how the style of writing fits the medium but is also simple enough that the average layman can understand it, and the personal anecdotes scattered all throughout the work give the piece a humanizing feel, as well, providing reassurance that the consequences of their research do not occur in a hermetically-sealed vacuum. Finally, it is worth noting that both of the authors, at least at the time this journal article was written, work at the School of Social and Political Sciences at the University of Melbourne. It does not say in the work what level of education each author has received, but given that they both work in the field of social science and the article they have written was deemed worthy enough to be published in a peer-reviewed journal, I feel as if I can go out on a limb and say that they are more than qualified to speak about the matters presented in this paper. Assessment I find profile-building and profile-evaluating behaviors that are presented in the article to be rather fascinating. What assurance is there that what you you read on an online dating profile is 100% the truth? Even if you were completely honest while constructing it and weren’t trying to inflate the truth, at all, there are, perhaps, dozens of small details you probably wouldn’t have the foresight to consider that have the potential to affect your outcome. Does this mean that online dating is fundamentally flawed, from the start? Or is it on-par with the same type of impression
management strategies you employ in a traditional relationship, such as regulating your speech, your mannerisms, your body language, and your appearance? Regardless, the article has made it clear to me that online dating sites serve as merely as an alternative way for people to introduce themselves, not as a platform from which couples can conduct long-term relationships. Granted, as Wortham’s article shows, it is possible for a couple to interact in the real world while using online communication to fill in the gaps, but the key here is that at one point or another, an actual, physical introduction must be made after the initial match-up in order for the relationship to be sustainable in the long run.
Source #4 Slater, Dan. "A Million First Dates How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy." Atlantic 311.1 (2013): 40-46. Academic Search Premier. Web. 8 Nov. 2016.
Summary In an excerpt of his book, Love in the Time of Algorithms, published in the magazine The Atlantic in Janurary of 2013, Dan Slater offers a very important question that he believes all those who online date ought to ask themselves at one point or another. When the thousands of communication options you have at your disposal arm with the knowledge that there really are plenty of fish in the sea, at what times should you decide to settle down and commit to someone and at what times should you decide to leave in the hopes that you can find somebody better? The answer to this question has the potential to affect not just the outcome of your dating game, however. It also has the potential to change the very definition of monogamy itself. Because as Slater demonstrates through various interviews with the top executives of the some of the world’s most popular online dating sites, the more dating options we are exposed to through these sites and through various other communication apps such as Twitter (Slater 43), the more we come under the impression that, with the right amount of time and hard work, we will eventually find our soulmate (Slater 42). This not only causes us to hold off committing to a perfectly good person because we believe that there is a better match out there (43), says Slater, it also makes us much more likely question whether the person we’ve decided to commit are whole entire lives to is even the right person for us in the first place (46). Therefore, the slew of options that we have available to us nowadays makes it just too easy to cut our losses at the first sign of relationship trouble (Slater 42). As Gian Gonzaga, a
relationship psychologist that works at eHarmony who is quoted in the article, likes to put it, “You could say online dating allows people to get into relationships, learn things, and ultimately make a better selection…but you could also easily see a world in which online dating leads to people leaving relationships the moment they’re not working – an overall weakening of commitment (Slater 42).” Rhetorical Analysis: Given the fact that Dan Slater is a former litigator and is now a journalist based in New York City (Slater 46), you can be pretty much assured that he knows how to build and write a good argument.
An anecdote involving the story of a young single named Jacob, which
bookends the author’s main claim, allows the readers to connect the abstract, impersonal points of the article to a genuine, concrete experience. This is particularly effective during the end part of the anecdote in which we learn that Jacob is still struggling to learn how to make a relationship last, even after signing up for numerous online dating sites like match.com and Plenty of Fish. The impact of this revelation wouldn’t have been nearly as dramatic and sad as it was had the anecdote been written in one continuous piece, however, since the knowledge you gain from reading the middle part of the article is crucial in understanding the true implications of Jacob’s fate. By far, the most important rhetorical device that is used in the article, though, is the inclusion of the interviews. They not only demonstrate to the reader that the author understands the multifaceted nature of the issue at hand and but they also provide confirmation from the mouths of the experts themselves that the trends mentioned in the article are actually coming to pass.
I’m also impressed with the overall organization of the interviews, as well, how carefully the author has managed to stich them all together. Each interview flows quite seamlessly into one another, without flaws and without distraction, and, in addition, they are organized into larger sections based on topic, preventing the piece from feeling too scattered and too all over the place. Assessment Overall, the piece includes evidence that is too monumental to ignore. If most of online dating executives Slater interviewed for this piece have come to the same general consensus, that the weakening of monogamy is a serious issue, it becomes pretty much impossible to dismiss the fact that the interviews included in this piece are road signs for things to come. It more or less seems as if our future can go in two different directions – a future in which we take our time to find our soulmate, but still ultimately commit, or a future in which people can have several different relationships that they commit to during a single lifetime. And in regards to the latter future, what will happen to the idea of raising kids and the institution instituti on of marriage, in general? Will relatively new commitment arrangements such as life partnerships and cohabitation rise in popularity? Or will all all commitment, regardless of type, drop in favor of simply living together? Only time can answer these questions, for sure, but because this change in the definition of commitment is something that I’m interested in learning more about, I’ll be certain to do my own independent research on it.
Source #5 Wortham, Jenna. “I Had a Nice Time with You Tonight. On the App.” They Say, I Say with rd
Readings, 3 Ed. Eds. Graff, Birkenstein, Birkenstein, Durst. NY: Norton, 2015. 623-626. Print.
Summary Jenna Wortham, in an op-ed originally published in the New York Times called I Had a Nice Time with You Tonight. On the App., takes the position that internet technologies can be a rather beneficial way for couples to keep in contact with one another so long as those couples realize that the internet is not a replacement for the real thing (396). Specifically, she writes the piece in response to a book called Alone Together, written by MIT professor of social science Sherry Turkle.
In it, Turkle argues that because internet
technologies have become so popular so fast and because they have gone on to touch nearly every single aspect of modern-day life, the people of today’s world tend to gravitate towards communicating with each other over the world wide web rather than on a deep, profound, faceto-face level (Wortham 394). This then goes on to affect the amount of connectedness and unity we feel with other human beings, creating confrontations between different groups of people and impairing our ability to hold spontaneous conversations (Wortham 394). What was originally devised to bring us together in order to share information, therefore, might actually be driving us apart. Citing the experiences she has had with her own long-distance relationship, however, Wortham finds the exact opposite to be true. “If anything,” says Wortham, “the pervasiveness of technology in my life has heightened my desire for actual one-on-one meetings (Wortham 396).” Moreover, “Anyone who spends much time online and on a smartphone knows that it’s no
substitute for the real thing – it’s just an appetizer that can delight and satisfy until the main course arrives (Wortham 396).” In all, Wortham seems imply that internet technology, just by itself, isn’t either good or evil.
What matters most is that people use the technology which has been given to them
sparingly - enough that they allow it to make their lives easier but not so much that they forgo physical interaction, altogether (Wortham 397). “While virtual chats and hugs will never been the same as their real-world counterparts,” Wortham asserts, “they can come awfully close in a pinch (397).” Rhetorical Analysis When evaluating the credibility of this piece, it is important to note three things. First of all, given the fact that Worthman published pieces in fashion magazines such as Vogue and Bust but also in tech magazines such as Wired, you can most likely conclude that she is not only very knowledgeable about technology, but about the latest trends of society, in general. This, and the anecdote which opens the piece, goes a long way towards establishing her overall trustworthiness amongst the primary dating demographic - it shows that she has the ability to speak their language and it shows that she, herself, is facing some of the very same challenges as they are. Second of all, it is worth noting that the opening anecdote at the beginning of the piece works very well in the author’s favor. By describing the lazy Sunday afternoon she spent with her boyfriend in an idyllic manner and then abruptly introducing the fact that her and her boyfriend live 3,000 miles apart, the author expertly subverts any preconceived notions the readers might have formed while reading it, making it more memorable. It also serves as an important frame of reference for rest of the piece and it helps the readers to connect her personal experiences to their own personal experiences, maybe even to the personal experiences of others.
Lastly, the combination of personal anecdotes, facts, and interviews/quotations interviews/qu otations that are included in the piece shows that author has contemplated the problem from a wide variety of angles. The way that the piece is written, in an easy-to-understand and yet sophisticated manner, shows that she has considered her target audience well. Assessment I really gravitated towards this work because in all of the literature I’ve seen about how technology is affecting everyday dating conventions, people tend to put more emphasis on the negative effects of technology (such as the fact that people are becoming more isolated from one another) instead of the positive benefits of technology (such as the fact that it has become easier for long-distance couples to keep in touch with each other). Consequently, Consequentl y, I find her arguments to be even-handed, well-balanced, and fair. And even before I did the research for this assignment, the fact that face-to-face interaction seems to be giving way to chats over the internet has always been an characteristic of modern-day society in which I have felt a great great deal of concern. Wortham’s op-ed gives me hope, though, that as society adjusts to the new norms which have been introduced by technology, the number of hours that people spend engaged with internet technologies will start to level out and, slowly but surely, face-to-face interaction can be reclaimed. However, I believe that the best possible change that can can occur starts with you. Avoid becoming overly addicted to the internet, go out and explore your neighborhood, get more involved in face-to-face social activities, and raise awareness of the issue by talking about it with your family and friends.
