Text Game
Primer 3rd Edition How to Get Ur Text Game Tight
Written by Decibel PUAFieldGuide.com
Preface Hey fuckers, welcome back. Coupla years ago when I got into the community, I thought texting was lame-o. I called girls and never texted them. Then I started to use texting more, since many girls would not respond to my calls. I found increasingly more girls wanted to text and not talk on the phone, so I had to adapt. Then I grew to love text game. But sadly, I sucked at it. To fix this, I got TONS of numbers, from girls I wasn’t even attracted to. I hit them all up, studied their responses, and devised a phenomenal system as a result. My text game is probably better than my in-person game at this point. I often turn dead numbers and crappy day 1s into dates, and have helped my wings do the same. So now I felt I was decent enough to share with you playboys exactly what it is I do. First I’m gonna lay out some guidelines and techniques, and then do a series of case studies to illustrate. Believe me, text game is an art form, almost like poetry. It takes careful calibration to get the emotional responses and compliance you want. By the way, when you do instant messaging on Facebook or other sites, many of the same concepts apply. The difference is, she might get off her computer at any moment, and so IMing game is like text game on crack: you have to get in and out sometimes very quickly, and if you wait too long you’ll lose the chance to meet your goal. Once you master text game, you’ll come to realize its power and many times superiority over calling. Here are a few reasons: 1. Discrete. I can be on a date and do it. I can avoid being caught by cops while driving. 2. Easier in loud clubs. Can't hear much on the phone, so texting in the venues is way easier. 3. Girls are evasive and prefer it. 4. Saves time. Gets the point across without a long conversation.
5. Accurate. Can be cute and spike BT without making dumb comments. Lets you think about the best response, for as much time as you need. 6. Going dead air on a girl drives her nuts. You can't just hang up on a call and not seem rude. 7. You can answer the text when you want, and vice versa. 8. You can text multiple people at once. Really helpful for working logistics with your wings or setting up a date from a pool of options. As a caveat, pleeeeze do not copy or distribute any text exchanges that I’ve used here. This is all just between you and me.
Ttyl foo,
dB ;^) November 2009
Table of Contents Chapter 1 Some Guidelines Chapter 2 Techniques Chapter 3 Case Studies Chapter 4 The Emotional Investment Scale
Copyright 2009 © PUA Field Guide
Chapter One Some Guidelines Z Get an iPhone or any device which can store an indefinite number of texts. You need to be able to recall the text history with a girl, not just so you can learn where things went right or wrong, but to remain consistent and fresh with her. My first phone only stored 100 messages, which was almost impossible to use.
Z Text as many girls as you can, even ones you don’t want to see again; it’s all practice.
Z Test out a phrase, opener, thread many times to know how and when to use it. Field test shit just like you would in the real world. Don’t be afraid to lose sets.
Z Take your time to respond, don’t worry about length between your responses. Time in the realm of text game is usually irrelevant.
Z What time should you text? Really doesn’t matter, though texting before 11 AM to me shows you waited up all night thinking about her and couldn’t wait to send the text. Otherwise, I have no rules about what time to send a text, how long to wait before responding to her text, or waiting a certain time between your own two texts.
Z Calibrate to your target’s age, education, ethnicity, etc…and mirror her text style to some degree.
Z Much of the dialogue I’m gonna give in the case studies will seem super nit-picky, but it’s not. ALL the punctuation, phrasing, use of words is CRITICAL. Pay VERY CLOSE attention to not just what but how a girl says something in her text, and use that to guide your responses. You know where you want to lead her; she will help tell you how to get there.
Z Learn from girls. Start using the phrases or punctuations in your texts that girls use with you.
Z Keep up with pop culture. Why say “totally” when “totes magotes” will spike BT? Be cooool at all times.
Z Is she a texter? Some girls text like it’s a crack addiction. Some take 48 hours to get back to you, and then with something stupid like “K.” If she’s not a texter, then call her. If she isn’t responding that way either, then just be patient and work the interaction
slower than usual. As long as she’s responding in some way, even if it’s brutally slow, persist.
Z Is she putting thought into her responses? If she’s giving you brief answers without any thought, then don’t put too much effort into your responses. It’ll end up lowering your value. Keep your effort about the same or less than hers. If you keep spewing your life story and trying to entertain her with your texts, and all you keep getting back is “Lol” and “Ok” then your value is plummeting.
Z Have a thread imagined before you send out the text. I liken it to aiming a gun at a target. When I send out a text, I have already imagined what the next few responses will roughly look like and where it’ll end up. Which brings us to…
Z Move the interaction forward. Where are you going with the thread? Know the answer to that before you send a text. Text game can address rapport, attraction, intent, logistics, etc. I’m never just texting for the sake of it. That’s called fluff and it’ll put you in the friend zone. Example: HB: Im gonna try not drinking tonight. I have a problem with moderation dB: I know what you mean. Im passionate so I can see where moderation can be a bore Here I’ve dangled the thread about being passionate. She can grab onto that if she wants and ask me what I’m passionate about. That opens a new level of intimacy, where she can start sharing her passions with me. Sure, you can tease her about her drinking, which may spike her buying temp (BT), but make sure you then convert this BT spike into something useful like getting her out.
Z Chill the fuck out! Many times girls have shit going on, and if you’re the guy who keeps texting to dead air it reveals your insecurity and need for attention. You do need to often give girls time to respond. Maybe she’s in class, or getting her nails done, or at a movie, or getting laid. Whatever. Point is, it can come across as needy to send out too many texts, so calibrate it. There are exceptions. If a girl is a strong responder and then suddenly isn’t, I can call her out in a funny way. I cover unclogger texts later. Another example from the same girl as above (who does at times drink to excess), reopening one morning: dB: Sleep well? (No response for 3 hours) dB: Uh oh r u in some holding tank somewhere? do I need to come bail u out? HB: No I just woke up
In this case, I’m giving her plenty of time to respond. Her not responding is out of character. When she doesn’t respond, I bring out some call-back humor and that gets her back. Which now brings us to…
Z Use call-back humor. Sift through your day 1 interaction or textings and think about something sly you can employ. Don’t overdo it, but drop some humor to remind her what a fun dude you are. Get her emotionally invested through humor. But just don’t be a dancing monkey about it.
Z Ask her out in a non-needy way, with the subtext that she is already on board. Examples: dB: I had a hard day too. Lets grab a beer. We deserve it or dB: Been running around all day. Feel like having a movie nite 2nite or dB: Gonna be with the bros til 9. I can pick u up afterwards So you’re communicating that you have shit going on, and while you plan on doing something it would be great for her to join. Not putting her on the spot or making her feel essential to your happiness. You’re also not overtly saying “tag along with me” which undermines your intent. No, you want alone time with her because you like her and want to get to know her; but if she’s busy, it’s no biggy.
Z Show intent early and often. Call her sexy, adorable, cute. Don’t fawn over her, but get it out on the table quickly. She will decide if she wants to meet up romantically or sexually if you give her that option. But if you never give her the option, she has nothing to consider. You’re just being friendly, and then her decision is does she want another friend or not, and do you offer something her other friends don’t.
Z Be careful with “miss you.” It’s usually a bad idea to tell a girl you just met that you miss her. You can get away with it when cushioned in humor, but on its own can be creepy. You can couch it in humor, such as… dB: Hey shorty! Let’s hang out…miss ya gurl!! ;)
Z Try to get her out. If she’s texting you at 1 am, think of it as a booty call and try to work it so you hook up. It may not be, but assume it is and see if she’s down through subtle hints. Endless texting puts you in the friend zone. You want her to meet up so you can continue your seduction in person.
Z Use sexualizing wisely. You can assess her sexual comfort level, but if you sense she’s not comfortable then back off. You don’t want to trigger ASD, and you don’t want her thinking you’re a horndog. Girls will go dead air on you if ASD goes up. Sometimes all it takes is a winky emoticon or ellipse (…) to make your intent known.
dB: Oh no u didn't! Now ur just asking for trouble... dB: Lets hang out Clarisse versus dB: Lets hang out baby ;’) Which gets us to…
Z Use emoticons wisely. Don’t overuse smilies and winks, but if you use them strategically, you can really add another layer of meaning and help calibrate the verbiage. Sometimes all I send is a smiley. If a girl confirms a date I may just respond with a happy face :). If she teases me about something I may send her my grumpy face: >:’( Of instead of hugs and kisses (xoxo), you can use my invention of two smilies kissing: :)(:
Z Likewise, use punctuation wisely. dB: Hey girl!! Are u up?!?!? We’re going hiking!! Where u at??? Wake up!!!! Too much of that shit is like TYPING EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS. Eventually the reader gets irritated or numb and the punctuation loses its impact. Sometimes periods aren’t needed at the end of the sentence, to show you’re too busy to care or are alpha. Sometimes exaggerating the punctuation will help emphasize your meaning (see the case study on exaggeration). dB: Where r u vs dB: Where are u??? Without any question mark, you seem not particularly interested where she is, or else are removing the inflection from the question which can be translated as alpha. With 3 question marks, you’re now absolutely puzzled and possibly alarmed as to where she is. The ellipse (…) can be used to tie together two sentences, thereby creating and then resolving tension. You can put it at the end of a sentence to create tension that she will need to resolve. You can soften something you may think is too harsh as well. Example:
dB: Lets hang out vs dB: Lets hang out… or dB: Lets hang out…free tonight?
Z Often times, less is more. Sometimes a simple “Yup” or “Riiiiight” or “Ooookay…” can do oodles to maintain control of the frame and still be humorous. Always think about ways to get a poignant message across with the fewest number of words or characters.
Z Ask her out, but if she changes the subject and doesn't take the bait, let it go and work on the interaction some more. Then when she's wet in the pannies, try again.
Z She’s a girl. Remain illogical and fun, just like when you talk to a young girl in person. Anytime you are tempted to run a logical thread, take a step back and ask yourself if there is a way to get to a better place by not going down the logical route. There usually is.
Z Don’t be too intellectual or brainy. Don’t put that much “thought” into your responses (well do, but don’t let her feel like you did). Keep em light and loose. Don’t pile on tons of big words when a couple little ones will resonate better. You’re a busy guy, why would you be investing all that effort into a dumb text message? You simply wouldn’t be.
Z Get a sense of each girl's baseline. You have to know what her norm is regarding response time, accuracy of punctuation, length of responses, emotional content, emoticon use and value invested, so that when she deviates from the norm you can detect a shift in her state. This will help you with...
Z And finally but possibly most important of all…BE PRESENT WITH HER EMOTIONAL STATE. Even subtle things like her use of smilies or long response times can subcommunicate so much about her emotional state. Read this carefully and be responsive to it. Calibrating to her emotional needs is absolutely critical, and takes experience to become competent at.
Chapter Two Techniques So now you got some basic guidelines you can refer to. Let’s get on with a bunch of techniques I use. I’m not gonna go into stuff like qualifying, frames, hoops and that stuff. It all applies to text game just as in person, and I cover it in my ebook Introductory Pick-up. It’s free, so go download that shit at puafieldguide.com. First of all, who you are? You are a dominant dude who has tons of women and friends. Anytime you feel like you’re playing the part of a submissive loser who has no women or friends, take a deep breath and get back on track. Believe it or not, that person is not as attractive to women as the former. Text game allows you plenty of time to think about which role you're portraying. What is your goal for reopening her? Do you want to meet her tonight for a booty call? Do you just want to ping her to see if she’s responsive? Do you want to set up a date for Thursday after work? Always have this question answered before you strike up a new conversation, then work towards this goal. Think of steps A, B and C that will hopefully take you to D (the ultimate goal). Do not wander around texting aimlessly with no goal or she will go dead air.
Z Dangling Threads. A thread is a line of conversation. You can ask a question or make a comment that provokes a response. Rule one: Only dangle one thread at a time, when you have a desired goal. dB: What's up? Working hard? Let's chill 2nite Here I just dangled 2 threads: 1) how's work going? and 2) an invite for later. I want her to respond to the second, but because I dangled that first thread, I run the risk of her taking hold of that one and going off on a tangent about work. So this is a nightmare scenario, and you don’t want your texts to go down like this: dB: What's up? Working hard? Let's chill 2nite HB: Gaaawwd. Working my ass off! dB: Uh, yeah, that’s 2 bad. Sooooo….let’s hang out later Your value just dropped. You should get back to asking her out later, but to help prevent this, don’t distract her with a second thread.
Rule two: Some threads don't look like threads. dB: Hey knucklehead pick u up at 9? HB: Wtf??? Knucklehead?! By calling her a knucklehead, I've just dangled a tease thread. Instead of answering my invite, she goes off onto the second thread and takes offense (even if jokingly) to my tease. This means just like above, at some point I need to re-state the invite, which I never like doing. Rule three: Always dangle a thread. dB: I had steak last night Who the fuck cares? How is she supposed to respond to this. Maybe she will, or maybe she'll go dead air, compelling you to send another text. Give her something she can for sure take hold of and run with. Rule four: Dangle threads that have the purpose of meeting your goal. She may not take the bait, but envision a text exhange before you send something. Here's one: dB: Hey shorty how do your shoulders feel? HB: Better! I'm at pier w 4 dogs and my friend dB: Aw im heading 2 the standard or i would bring monty by Note: I gave this chick a massage the prior day. If she responded 'still sore' I'd take this as a reason to see her again (to take care of her shoulders tomorrow night). In this case, she gave me an undesirable response but then started a new thread. I responded to that by dangling two threads, each with purpose. She can either choose the thread about going to the bar, or the one about my dog. Either one has date potential. Have purpose. As a caveat to the above, sometimes you will find yourself running two threads at once, as it may be unavoidable. In those cases, you can separate the threads into two different texts. That is, send one thread, wait a few minutes or less, and then send the next thread. Often girls will initiate this or will respond in kind to your separation.
Z Goals When you run a text exchange, you can meet a few different goals: 1. **** GET THE MEET-UP **** 2. Seduce
3. Spike BT (buying temperature) 4. Attraction 5. Comfort/rapport I don’t spend too much time with comfort or attraction; if your day 1 interaction is lacking in either of these, you need to dial that in at that stage, not try to gain it through texting. I DO use a lot of BT spiking to get the meet-up and I also do run seduction. I will focus on the first 3 only. Attraction and comfort are similar to in-person gaming, so again go read Introductory Pick-up. Microgoals and macrogoals A macrogoal is your over-riding reason for reopening a chick. This may include, “I want to get her out Thursday night” or “I want to get her so horny she'll drive over right now” or “I just want to stay fresh in her mind since I can't see her for a few weeks.” A microgoal is the purpose behind each text you send. Examples may include spiking BT, getting rapport, inviting her out, going sexual, etc. Without a microgoal you have no direction, and you're essentially fluffing. Each text you send should fit into a microgoal, and all your microgoals collectively should get you to your macrogoal for that exchange. Clearly define in your head your micro and microgoals before you send out your texts. Have purpose and direction to your game. Get the meet-up If you aren’t moving the interaction towards meeting up, you’re nearly always wasting your time. Don’t be the guy she likes to text but will never agree to meet. Some girls will meet up with little effort. Otherwise, you need to get her BT up, and usually also show intent. So first spike BT, then when it’s up, go for the meet-up. Seduce Most often you will do this with plausible deniability and ASD (anti-slut defense) in mind. All you need to do is make some subtle suggestions to turn the doorknob, and girls will then open the door. You sometimes need some force and persistence to get her to open up; if her ASD goes up at first, recalibrate and try again later but be gentler. But don’t simply give up with the first sign of ASD. On the other hand, one of the great advantages of texting is it allows women to remove themselves a bit and go places sexually they may not otherwise go in person or on the phone.
Spike BT There are many ways to do this. Use humor (call-back, word-play, misinterpretation) to get her laughing. Tease or neg. Be cautious with sarcasm since it often doesn't translate well through text. One of the best ways to spike BT is through playing games with her…
Z Playing Games Look, this is called the Game for a reason, although some guys approach it as war….guys versus girls. Or as a chore..."gotta get some work done in field tonight." But that’s all fucked up. We’re all here to play a game. Now I’m sure if most guys had their way, there wouldn’t be a game. They’d step to a chick, ask her to fuck, then it’s yes or no. Let’s get outta here or move on to the next set. But no, girls love games. And they want you, the man, to play the game with her, and hence why we're are all gathered here. To learn how to play this game (the rules of which change from one girl to the next, but that’s another story). Some guys confront this game-playing with resentment. “Why do I have to play all these fucking games! Why can’t we just FUCK already!!” Whatever, dude. Gameplaying is what it is. The more you resist the reality of the situation, the longer and tougher your road is gonna be. Instead of resisting, embrace the game - or more accurately - games. Girls love games, and together, these collectively help form the Game. Not all games are worth playing. If she’s tooling you and playing with your emotions, that’s not a game you should play. But if she’s just out to have fun, then by all means, play that game. So when someone complains that dating involves too many games, realize what they’re probably referring to are the games that are unhealthy, demeaning or simply not fun. The fun games are A-OK. In texting, you can create games for her. If she chooses to play along, she gets rewarded with a big BT spike. I illustrate game-playing in several of the case studies.
Z Dead Air If you text a girl and she never responds, that’s dead air. If she’s responding immediately to all your texts and then when you go for an invite she stops responding, that’s dead air. Dead air is the text equivalent of the back-turn a girl gives you in a nightclub, basically telling you to go away. Dead air sucks. There are some things you can do about it, which I call “unclogger texts.” If a few days pass without a response, try out one of these verbatim. OMG wtf lolz did u get kidnapped into white slavery or sumpthin?? Holla back gurl!
Wassup not feeling cute today? Ur not your usual texty little self today What did you do with the old Clarisse? She was way more fun (Obviously, use her name here instead). Jeez am I gonna have to bail u outta jail AGAIN?? Sometimes you will need to employ dead air to punish a girl for misbehavior. If a girl insults you or IODs in some way, cut off communication for a while. It’ll hit her when she isn’t getting the emotional rewards you were just providing. Do NOT dead air a girl who is responsive. You will just train her not to invest in the text exchange. If a girl is responding like you want, keep going until you meet your goal.
Z Name-Calling Texting is a great way to show attitude. You can convey a lot by calling her names. Using words like “brat”, “weirdo”, “missy” and “lameo” get them riled up without being offensive (most of the time). If they’re being cool, then reward with loving terms like “cutie”, “shorty” or some call-back name from day 1. A common term of endearment is “baby” and “babe.” These can come across as sleazy or condescending so use appropriately.
Z Abbreviations There are a few abbreviations you need to know about. Some are listed, but many of them you'll come across from texts sent to you. Go online to get their meaning if they're foreign to you, then start incorporating them into your own messages. ur = you are, your, you’re im = I’m OMG = Oh my god tmrw/2moro/2day = tomorrow/today bf = boyfriend gf = girlfriend bff = best friends forever ttyl = talk to you later Wow, whoa, whew, wha = various exclamations Derrr, duh = don't be stupid Eh = not really Meh = I'm not on board with it Ugh, egh = ill Argh = angry or upset btr = better jeal = jealous Wtf = What the fuck?
Wth = What the hell? Btw = by the way idk = I don't know omw = on my way lol = laughed out loud. AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS. In fact, I usually will call a girl out (“Oh no you did NOT just LOL me!!”) if she pulls this one out. Instead, use haha, hehe or teehee. Sometimes to be a smart ass I'll type out “laughed out loud.”
Z Mirroring One of the best ways to create rapport is the old NLP method of mirroring. Instead of reflecting a girl's body language or words, you can use her style of punctuation, abbreviations, grammar and smilies. You never want to mimicking exactly what she's doing, but use this technique periodically, and always look for ways in which she may be trying to mirror you. The case studies illustrate this.
Chapter Three Case Studies Ok, spectacula like Dracula!! We got ourselves some guidelines and some techniques. Now let me open up some case studies that illustrate many of these things in action. This should help tie all this up with a pretty purple gay bow. Case study #1: Getting emotional investment This chick stood me up one Saturday night. No response to the first text over the next couple days. I reopened while I was away in Vegas: D: Doing ok baby? H: Woah, I was just thinking of you…I’m okay, had to many drinks, nursed a hang over, MUCH BETTER!!! Note: What is her emotional state? She is genuinely surprised that as I was texting she was thinking of me. The timing of this actually shows that I am present with her; I sensed it was time to reopen. She is justifying her flake. Never apologizes, but wants me to understand (all caps/3 exclamations) that she was seriously sick and now is doing fine. D: U bad gurl! In Vegas. Free Thursday Note: “Gurl” is playful and shows all is forgiven, we’re ready to start playing games again. I am still however scolding her for misbehaving, albeit jokingly. I tell her where I am and ask her out, to sense if the BT spike of my texting her right then is enough to get a meet-up. I don’t ASK her out, I just tell her that I’m free Thursday (an implied invitation). This breaks the rule of dangling threads and shouldn’t be the usual practice. H: Oh, yeay! Having a good time??? Note: She chose the wrong thread. If I go back to the invitation now, it lowers my value. Also indicates more work with BT will be needed first. Her use of 3 ?s shows she is genuinely interested. She may also feel guilty about standing me up. D: Bars are dead but we’re having fun. Eating like a fuggin peag (No response) D: Gonna get a tat
Note: After waiting a few minutes, no response, so I decide to snip and go into another BT spiker. Not necessary since she likely woulda responded anyways, but I wanted to move things along. All this will be BT spiking stuff with the end goal of getting a meet up another day. H: Ugh, gahwd don’t mention food, I’ve been nauseous since Sunday. Tats are kewl I like tats. D: It’s gonna say mommy. Pleeeeze don’t drink that much babe. Ur just a widdle lady Note: Again, she wants to let me know how sick she was (possibly again with some guilt). She does love tats. I’m misspelling words like pig and fuckin, so she is misspelling cool and god. She is mirroring my behavior in an attempt to seek rapport. I give her the punchline of my BT-spiker and move on. She could take that thread, but I doubt she will. I dangle a new one: don’t drink too much. I am asserting dominance here, by giving fatherly advice, by using baby talk (widdle) which is almost condescending, and by telling her she’s small. I calibrate this by calling her babe and by misspelling please and exaggerating it (see the case study on exaggeration, below). This helps prevent being seen as too fatherly or controlling. H: Dude, I didn’t mean to, the wine took me. D: Lush (No response) D: Did u c ur scawy movie at least?? Note: She is laying the foundation for plausible deniability: get me drunk and I may not be able to control my actions. Good, you want this. I jokingly call her out, then snip and ask her about the movie she saw. I use her misspelling of scary from her Facebook post (call-back humor), which is also baby babble. I am again condescending to her (she called me dude, which is not the frame I want, and I need to retake control). My use of 2 ?s shows I am quite interested (not 3 like she used, which would show A LOT of interest). H: only when I’m super comfy. D: Huh? H: Yus, it was fwightning!!! Note: Her first text makes no sense (at first). It starts lower case which suggests possibly she had started to type something, then erased it. I do ask her about it, but she snips and answers my second thread about the movie. What I find out later in the exchange is that she can only get super drunk when she is comfortable with the person she’s with. Notice her baby babble again, which is her accepting my frame of her being submissive. D: Which one H: Its called The House of the Devil
D: Scaaaaawy! Horror is my fav. I bought Descent. U c it? H: No, have you??? Note: When I ask a question and leave off the question mark, it’s because I’m not that interested. This thread if I keep it going, will lead nowhere (talking about horror films). I return to baby babble, then move on to my goal: get the meet up. I see a bridge now. I bought a horror film, she likes horror films, let’s have a movie night. D: Long ago…creepy. Ok we’ll have a moovie nite. But u can’t get TOO wasted H: Eh, I won’t be that comfy. Note: Again, I don’t ask, I tell her we’re getting together. Enough BT-spiking (and a bit of rapport about horror films), time to move on to the goal. Also, I am permitting her to drink, just not get TOO wasted. I do want to keep the door open for PD, but she mustn’t misbehave. I am creating an offer (movie nite) which she can accept IF she meets my conditions (just drink a little). Here, she elaborates on her original text about comfy, saying she’s not comfortable enough around me to get hammered. Good to know, need more comfort. D: Good. Thursday nite works 4 me H: I can’t stay out late, cus I work Friday. D: Yeah I can bring it over with my popcorn maker. Casual attire is suitable. H: You’re not coming to my house. Please recall I live under a bridge. Note: Her tone has gone from babble to adult. She is once again following my lead. Also notice that while she is IOD’d me (showing disinterest by saying she’s not comfortable enough around me to get hammered), I reframe this into the positive. Good, I don’t WANT you to get hammered anyways. I also totally disregard that thread which would move me in the wrong direction, and go back to my goal of the meet-up. Again, I am not asking a question, merely making the point that I’m free Thursday. She can comply to my schedule. When she says she can’t stay out late, I completely navigate around that objection by offering to go to her place. She objects to this, but to me this implies she is willing to come to my home. D: I’ve seen worse but ok. Monty keeps telling me he wants to meet u H: Hm…A live subject would be much better. D: Also have Donnie darko. You’ve seen that? H: M-hm, I have it on vhs, ghettO harhar Note: I have in prior texts explicitly told her I never judge…important for her to know in the context of ASD. I am again being nonjudgmental about her house. I create more PD by using my dog as a reason to come over. Her response makes no sense to me. A live subject? Rather than ask her to explain, I snip to another thread. I need more comfort/rapport, so I bring up another movie she probably likes. She jokes that it’s ghettO (notice her cute emphasis), again as a way for her to indicate her low status.
But she lets me know she’s ok with it (harhar). D: Classic. Got another creepy one but don’t remember which. C u Thursday toots. Movie nite!!! So excited H: He’s so cute H: Friday! Note: I end the thread, then go back to the invite. I need to emphasize to her how much I’m looking forward to our meetup, to create a sense of guilt if she flakes again (3 !s). She refers to Monty as cute, feeding into the PD I’ve established. But then she objects to the day. GIRLS WILL OBJECT!! All the time. Keep working around these objections. D: Bizy Friday D: Saturdays open H: I have a dindin on Saturday… Note: She is using my dindin phrase from a prior text, again mirroring my style to seek rapport. I again tell her when I’m free, without actually asking her. The … creates suspense. As in, “I can’t make it Saturday, but I don’t want to leave you hanging, so complete this thought for me.” D: Sun? D: Or cancel your dinner!! H: Cannot cxl!!! Sunday, might be okay, but it has to be early. H: I have all these rules. Note: I at first try to negotiate another day, then realize this is not being definitive (read: masculine) enough. So I assert dominance and command her to cancel her plans for me. I do it with 2 !s, and she responds with 3!s, essentially trying to yell louder than me. She lets me know she has boundaries which I need to respect (she calls them rules). I am somewhat ok with these, but I need to be the one setting the conditions of the relationship, not her. D: Sunday it is. Break ur rules. I’m worth it (An hour passes. This was a ballsy statement, and it could’ve gone either way). H: My goodness, talk like that will get you very far, Mr. Decibel. Note: This was a high-risk approach, but it spiked her attraction (and probably increased my seductiveness). She lets me know I’m doing what I need to do. She even uses Mr. as a way again to indicate her submissiveness. D: :) I know babe… Note: I reward her submissiveness with a smiley face, then again go cocky (to stay
congruent) and tell her I’m well in control of the frame. The … creates suspense. Look at that statement without the … and realize how condescending (in a negative way) that would sound. H: Why don’t you cancel ur Friday??? I’m not worth it =( Note: She is now challenging my authority. She wants me to bend to her schedule. She is amping her challenge up with 3 ?s. She then TELLS ME (doesn’t ask) that she isn’t worth it. Again, she is lowering her value relative to mine. What is her emotional state? Not angry or defiant, but actually hurt. She feels that her value is truly lower than mine, and uses a sad face to illustrate this. Rather than justify why I’m unwilling to meet her demands, or validate her sadness, I choose instead a harsh end to the conversation. D: Touché Note: I am rewarding her LOGICALLY for having a sound argument, but I am not willing either to negotiate with her or to justify her emotional response. Naturally, since her demands are not being met and I am not validating her emotions, she goes dead air. I am PUSHING her away here, having done much PULLING to work with her on the meet-up (negotiating from Thursday to Sunday, then not too late Sunday, because of her rules). In the end, she needs to realize that I am in control. Also note, she is now (FINALLY) becoming emotionally invested in our interaction. Case #2: Going sexual and showing intent Background: My wing C-dub picked up HB CVS on her way home from CVS, 5 min walking nighttime on street. This was 1 week ago. Some brief texting that day, then nothing until (while driving to Vegas) I coach him through this exchange... C: Are you causing trouble?? (Dead air for 1 ½ days, then at 1140pm) H: Of course. Note: Chill the fuck out! Girls may take 1-2 days to respond. C: What kind?? H: Drunk dialing…always dangerous Note: She wants to play a game I might call “what trouble are you causing?” We reward this by playing along. C: Yeah, I’m kinda tipsy too, but as long as we use protection we’re ok ;) Note: Boom, we go from talking about drunk dialing to sex talk in 0.5 seconds. Playful,
not sleazy. H: Why do u need a condom to masturbate? :-)) Note: Shit test. She’s trying to see if he’s a chode, or if he can go toe to toe with sexual banter. C: Ewww dirty gurl!! C: Don’t make me have to spank you! Note: Reframe. HE isn’t masturbating. SHE’S a sexual predator, creepy, a perv. Still, we keep the sexual banter going. We are dominant by threatening to punish her misbehavior. H: What, are you MLK? I have a dream… Note: And yet another shit test. Obviously not that drunk, either. Actually, very clever. I likewise use comments like “dream on” to counter sexual shit tests. C: You know it :) Note: I got this response from a girl EXACTLY as he got the above. I gave it to him to send his girl. It shows you’re not gonna accept her tooling but are playful about it. H: Dont u have to work in the am? C: No mommy I’m in vegas. Note: Shit tests passed. She’s moving on to another thread. She is trying to be a mommy, or assert dominance by calling him out for misbehaving. Not gonna happen. She gets called out. H: Why r u texting me? U should be motor boating some DD’s right about now. :-> Note: She wants to keep the sexual banter going. C: I can multitask. Hey aren’t you DD??? :p Note: Time to shift the sexual banter to HER directly, implicitly stating intent. H: 32E Note: Possibly another shit test. Gonna assume so. Either that or she’s qualifying herself. C: Liar!!
(Dead air, 1:38am. She likely went to sleep.) Next step: He has successfully reengaged her, created sexual tension, spiked BT, showed he’s dominant and playful and can play games with her. She’s now primed and ready to ask out. On the reopen, he’ll need to get BT back up, then work the logistics. Case study #3: Setting a goal Always select a goal before you initiate an exchange, then to get there you need to mentally map out the steps. Example, if I want to set as my goal getting her to add me on Facebook, I'll open a thread that will in a few steps take me to that goal. Here's how I did this (this is abridged to make my point): HB: I'm going to new york tomorrow so I can let loose midair. DB: I love NY! Ur 1st time?? H: No, but I havent been in a few years. Any recommendations? D: Tonzzz. Let's take this to facebook. H: Fine by me. With this girl, I'd been denied FB a couple times via text, and this was my predetermined way of assuring this time she'd add me. Case study #4: Being present To summarize, accept that just as with in-person communication there are layers, subtext and subcoms, this is no different with text. So in essence a man and a woman can subcommunicate to each other thru text. Let me show you an example... D: Whew what a night! Vegas will never be the same (Dead air for 2 hours) H: Good for you D: But I should be recovered by 2moro. Let’s hang out babe H: got a school event D: U party animal H: Totally D: Did u have any fun this wkend? (Dead air) D: Hmm…feels like u had a stressful day H: Yeah i hate my kids. I love the kids i had last year. D: Wow I’m sorry about that. Nothing u can do huh? H: No right choices. Can’t leave the kids even though i can’t stand them D: Aww that’s too bad. Ur too cute to feel like this. Well then I owe u a backrub Note: So read between the lines here. This is a girl who is usually very talkative via
text. I go away for the weekend and she’s giving me one-word responses, dead air, lacking punctuation and capitalization (for a teacher, this is big!). Those are the subcoms. Being present with her allows you to sense all that. My first clue was her response, “Good for you.” This was unusually sarcastic for her. For that reason, I threw in “babe” as an endearment. When I teased her about not having a fun wkend, she shut down. I then realized I wasn’t being present with her emotions. She was upset about something, so I addressed this with her, and she opened up. Her response was a bit shocking, so I needed to empathize and give her unconditional value (that is, asking nothing for myself). Case study #5: Calibrating sexuality This chick is a religious zealot and not sexual. I’m gaming her for practice. She ain’t my type. D: Whew what a night! Vegas will never be the same H: why? what happened? D: Uuuuuuugghhh Note: Less is more. Rather than elaborate, this one word should speak volumes. H: this one can stay with Vegas and the guys… Note: She uses “…” to indicate she doesn’t want to hear about it, yet is somewhat intrigued for me to fill in the gaps. She’s too conservative to hear anything about chicks or drinking, so I stack. D: Haha how was ur wkend H: pretty good. nothing grand or eventful…and nothing to keep between the girls. Note: She is still trying to play the “what stays in Vegas” game. It’s good that she wants to engage in a game with me, but I need her to move on because of her ASD. Also notice that she begins all her sentences with lower case; if she were usually going upper case, then suddenly a text comes lower case, that might mean something about the haste and sloppiness of her response, but here lower case is her baseline. D: Bleeehh. Girls have cooties H: :[ Note: I am disqualifying myself. I don’t want her to get the impression I’m a womanizer. If I wanted to be playful, I woulda thrown in a ;) at the end. But I sense she may get disgusted with me. She responds with a smiley, again because less is more. She is unhappy with my tease, so I need to save face a bit. D: But not U silly!!
H: ^_^ shucks Note: Recovered. Time to move on to getting her out. D: But should be recovered soon. Let’s hang out H: you got it Note: Normally, I’d timebridge, but I want to see how eager she is to see me. She’s okay with it, but doesn’t make any suggestions. I would reopen in a week or so, if I get bored. Case study #6: Frame control and persistence This girl is fun and wants to meet up, but our paths aren’t crossing. So we’ve been texting every few days. D: Whew what a night! Vegas will never be the same H: what the F did u do to vegas? Note: Right out of the gate, you can tell she’s not as rigid as the previous girl. She uses F to show her edginess. I have initiated a game and she wants to play, which will include personifying the city. D: Uuuuuuuggghhhh H: That tells me nothing. Note: She’s trying to give me a command, and isn’t backing down. This is not the frame I want, so I don’t answer. D: I’m sure you’ll hear it from Vegas. How was ur wkend? Note: City is personified. I stack. She might pick that thread but I hope she goes with the second one. She actually goes with both. H: Nope. Me n vegas had a bad break up. We don’t talk. As the weekend, Crazy. Don’t befriend spaniards, they party too much n too hard. Note: She is playing the game of personifying the city. Again, you want girls who play games. Notice the Crazy instead of crazy, as in it was really crazy. D: Baby pleeeze handle ur booze btr. Ur just a little lady! (Dead air) Note: I could’ve gone many directions here, but because she was trying to frame-MOG me at first, I need to assert dominance to break her frame. As with the other text
exchange above, I do this by calling her baby, giving her fatherly advice and calling her little. She doesn’t go anywhere with this, so I move on to getting her out. D: But I should be recovered by 2moro. Let’s hang out H: I can’t tmrw. I have plans. Another time tho. D: Cancel!! I’m way cuter :)) H: Haha. Another time. D: K babe Note: It is always good to demonstrate to girls you are persistent, and that they should work her schedule around yours. I don’t want to sound too demanding, so I toss in a joke and some exaggeration (2 !s and an extra happy mouth). She gets it (Haha) but repeats her promise to meet up another time. If I didn’t close this exchange I may be perceived as disgruntled, so I wrap it up with a K babe, to show I’m perfectly ok with it. Case study #7: Playing games I love girls who love to play games. I prefer those kindsa chicks, the ones who can take some teasing and throw it right back at ya. Here are some of the texts one girl and I exchanged that illustrate the game-playing that we both adore (and why I’m so addicted to text game)… Saturday… dB: Happy hween to u and spooks!! (She made a ghost out of a cloth and named him Spooky) HB: Thanks! You too and your little goblin… dB: Hmph he’s not THAT little!! dB: This pantyhose don’t keep me warm. How can girls stand it? (I wore pantyhose for Halloween as part of my Batman costume) HB: You said panty! dB: Sure batman wears pannies! Ugh no room for…personal growth :( HB: Hahaha. dB: >:-( HB: >:-) dB: Gotta find a home for the armadillo HB: Gross. dB: I knoooooow HB: Ahhaha. Ur a riot Monday… dB: Waaahh working my tiny white ass off. I deserve meatballs tonite HB: If only… dB: Also donuts I think. Whatevs HB: Sounds like trouble, buddy. dB: No trouble sounds like a blender. This sounds special HB: Ok, I meant sounds like a heart attack…
dB: Yesh!! I need to not do that. What can I give myself that won’t kill me?? HB: Mmm, veggies? dB: Blechhh! Chimichimichangas!!!!! HB: Yum, I’m bean…that works too. dB: Bring it over. Tuesday… dB: Ahhh so lovely having the day off. What should I do today…maybe see a movie. Maaaaybe go to the beach… (She hates her job) HB: Sigh* maybe paint a canvas or take a stroll though the park… dB: Yes or kick a monkey. Dunno…so many options :)) I’m such a dbag HB: Well, a douche bag is a male whore. Maybe you mean just douche??? dB: Did not know that. Need to wiki that shit. I mean SOB HB: Its been a heated debate. Are douche and douche bag exclusive of each other… we may never know. dB: I think they’re the same. I’m gonna ask my mommy HB: That’s my verdict dB: Mine is guilty!! I’m a dbag. HB: Haha. Can’t be a db without being a d… dB: That’s not fair. When do u get off? I’m talking about work here, u sicko HB: Haha, you took it there! 6pm. Why??? What do you want from meeeee dB: Ok we’re doing standard after work HB: Sounds good. dB: c u at 630. that’ll give me time to douche. Jkjkjkjk. Not HB: Sheeeet. I’m gonna need time to douche. dB: No comment HB: Ha dB: Proly b more like 645 HB: Y dB: Z HB: W HB: …hatever dB: W dB: …iseass HB: Oh, we’re gonna have fun… dB: What?!?! Aren’t we already? So you get the point. This is fun stuff you throw back and forth, both via text and in person. I’m always thinking, “how can I make this a game worth playing?” They squeal and giggle with delight at this shit, at least the ones worth keeping around, fucker! Case study #8: Exaggeration You can add letters to words to lengthen them as if you were prolonging their pronunciation. This exaggeration increases the power of the word, and you can learn
to calibrate exaggeration just like anything else, with lots of practice. You can do the same with punctuation such as ! and ?. The more !s and ?s, the more alarmed/excited/ confused/interested you or her may seem. H: How was Vegas??? D: Meh Note: Her 3 ?s indicates she’s really interested in the answer. My simple response of Meh is short and sweet, letting her know I didn’t care for it. As opposed to this exchange: D: Yeeeeahh!!! It’s movie nite! H: Wait!!!! I thought we settled on Sunday????!!!! D: Meeeh didn’t feel like waiting but ok Note: First, notice through exaggeration of Yeah and 3 !s how excited I seem about hanging out with her. She registers this excitement and has to counter it with an objection that has REALLY exaggerated punctuation. Next, instead of just saying meh, I exaggerate it so she knows I’m very displeased about waiting to see her. Another but similar case study. One of my dates is 19 years old and a go-go dancer. Notice all the exaggeration she puts into her initial texts to me: D: Fun chatting!! Get home safe H: Yessss I got hereeeee… <:)>… Thanksssss… Aww I knowww hope to see u again hun D: Fo shnizzles H: Haha.. I lovee it… A few days later: D: U around this Sunday? H: Aww sundayyy im superrr busy hun…. Well I guesss we have to wait until u come back from vegasssssss bby! D: Yeeeah!! We made it to Vegas! :) H: Thankgooooooodnesssssssss bbe!!! U have sooo sooo much fun.. N remember what happends n vegas stays n vegas bby!!!!! D: Noooo!! I’m a good boy! Usually…;) H: Hahaha Note: So she’s clearly on the extreme end of exaggeration, but you’d expect that from her age and background. When I respond with similar exaggeration, she feels like I’m on the same page. Of course, I’m older and a man, so my exaggeration is gonna be much tamer, lest we both sound like a couple wired high school girls. Also take note of my use of punctuation, pop culture and emoticons. I cover this stuff in other case studies. NOW. I come back from Vegas, send her a few texts, and she’s dead air. Uh oh. I feel
something’s off. I text her best friend that she’s not been responding. A few minutes later, Go-go starts responding again, but notice how much tamer her texts initially are. Then as I respond and BT goes up, she returns to her old style. H: Hey hun do u want to hang out after ten… I have to attend this meeting at my job n it ends at ten D: Yeppers. Is it in LB? H: Yeahhh D: I like yardhouse. H: Mm that sounds good D: I kinda like beer. K pick u up at 10!! H: Ten thirtyyy cus I have to get home n change hun D: Ten twenty eight and it’s a deal! H: Haha… Ok sounds good..im sooo excited yay! H: I told u my age right? D: Yea ur 52 H: Hahaha… Wow I look reallly gooood for 52 huh D: Not bad. A few crows feet but Botox will help that H: Hahaha.. O yes indeed <:)> D: Ttyl silly ;P Note: So what got her back? First, me using something playful like yeppers vs yes. Next instead of asking what she wanted to do, I made a statement of what I like (Yardhouse, a bar in Long Beach), ending with a period. I like yardhouse. Alpha. An implicit invitation to join me at the bar I like. Then I started working in more !s and playing a game of when to meet up. Lastly, I used teasing to circumvent any objection she may have about our 21 year age difference. Case study #9: Baiting sex talk This girl has typically had a high ASD. Any attempt to sexualize got me dead air. But I found a way to bait the conversation to get her to open up. D: How's apartment hunting? H: HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT MY HOUSE?!? So not very well :-D D: Oi vei. What am I gonna do with u?? Note: The phrase “what am I gonna do with u” is fatherly, and can be taken into sexual territory easily if she plays along. She doesn't want to at first, but I move it there. H: Nothing. D: Ehhhh...I can think of something... Note: Notice how effectively the ellipses create sexual tension.
H: What? A spanking? Those don't do much. Note: Maybe not overtly sexual, but it's enough to get my foot in the door. D: Hmmm...I like the way u think but...too vanilla H: Harharhar, I jest. D: Riiiiiight (Dead air) Note: Hmmm shows I'm thinking about her response, and then I reward it before I criticize it as too mundane. I may have once again hit her ASD. However, it's better to show intent and have to recover than to get pushed into the friend zone. So I recover... D: Xoxo :) H: Thanks H: What r u doing tonight?? Note: Suddenly, this spike in BT with just the right amount of sexual intent sealed the deal. She wants to see me for a late night date. D: I'm bizy...hanging out with u ;) H: Oh, I'm going to a movie with my fwend, we can hang out after if its not too late? Case study 10: Dealing with the player vibe One morning this chick texted me early to let me know I move too fast (via text, I'd offered to give her a back rub...this is too fast for her). As background, this girl goes to Borders every Friday night til close to read romance novels. This exchange is long and wordy, but the point is I took a girl who swears I'm a manipulative player, and probably have changed her beliefs enough to get out again. H: Not sure how i feel about vegas clubbing. D: I'm over it (Dead air) D: Took me a week to recover H: No kidding D: Smoke everywhere gave me a sore throat. Ate like a pig. All that driving. I need a spa day (Dead air) D: Have a good thanksgiving H: You too D: Seeing family? H: Course D: Everything ok?? H: Yeah D: How was borders
H: Of course It’s awesome D: I don’t believe u! H: Well It’s better than meeting jerks at bars or clubs Note: So with a little teasing and prying, she opens up as to the reason she’s reengaged me. Up til then, very quick answers. I am now being present with her. D: Hmmm is that a reference to me? H: That’s a reference to all guys D: Am I a jerk? H: All guys are D: Oh ok. So how am I a jerk Note: Notice that when I really care about a response, I use two ?s (as in Everything ok??). When I’m just fluffing or when my question is almost rhetorical, I drop the question mark. H: all guys just want the chase and the game and to get laid. Note: She begins the sentence lower case, indicating maybe she typed something and then redid it. Possibly she had a strong emotional response first and then had to mute it? She also ends the sentence with a period, which is unusual for her. This indicates a firm belief. All guys just want to get laid. Period. D: Obviously not true. You have an extensive dating history do u? H: Totally D: Riiight D: Companionship means more to me than chasing and sex. Note: Here, I end with a period, for the same reason. This is my firm belief. H: Well seems like every guy i’m interested in turns out to be jerks. So stupid. D: Ok well I’M not a jerk. Can’t speak for the other guys you’ve dated H: i didn’t say i dated them. I’m just saying the guys i might be interested in seems to be jerks D: Because they objectify u? H: No they’re just jerks D: I don’t know what that means but there are millions of guys so just go out with another one who isn’t a jerk D: I don’t date bitches. Lifes too short H: It’s hard to find non bitches and non jerks D: It’s really not that hard. Maybe something about u is attracting jerks? H: Great. D: What is H: That I attract jerks. And that they’re the smooth ones.
D: I have no idea if u do or not. But if it’s a trend in ur life then u need to consider it. H: What you mean. Am i too easy. Is that why Note: So now she’s finally gone from preaching about men, to seeming interested in my opinion of her. This indicates an investment, and an appreciation of my value. Also note she drops the question marks in that last text for the same reason…she’s making almost a rhetorical comment. She doesn’t think she’s easy nor that it’s the reason. We are mirroring each other’s punctuation. D: You’re far from easy. Maybe ur too nice. Maybe guys think they can walk on u. I used to be like that H: Why would they think they can walk on me. I’d kick their asses. Is that the first impression D: I don’t know u well enough. It’s a common problem tho H: What is D: Being too nice and others not respecting u. Happens to guys and girls H: Great. D: That’s life. U should be able to avoid those people tho D: I think ur a great girl and u shouldn’t change Note: So now, I feel like she’s absorbing my advice and is a lot less guarded. At this point, I need to start letting her know I’m not like all the other players, and that I appreciate her as a person. Up til she opened up, this wouldn’t have hit. H: Thanks. I’m just annoyed that all guys I meet are jerks D: Duuude you’re being evasive. I’m a great guy. I would love to get u out of ur bubble. Did I say something to make u think I just want sex?? H: I just needed to vent. And you tried to kiss me several times. D: I respect ur boundaries. But it’s a big leap from wanting to kiss and only wanting sex. D: It’s a man’s job to make the first move. Otherwise it never happens. It didn’t bother me H: I see D: Aaaanyways I’m not a horndog but I am affectionate. I’d like to hang out again H: Haha we’ll see D: Up to u. It’d be nice to have u around. But if reading about it appeals to u more then I’ll understand Note: This is all push-pull. Pull in by telling her I’d like to hang out. Push away by again referring to how she spends her Friday nights fantasizing about romance. H: Haha there hasn’t been any new books out yet. So it’s all repeats and getting boring. We’ll see Note: So she now is laying the foundation to coming out with me, saying her
alternative sucks. D: Yeah one thing I’m not is boring. Look if u have any issues with me it’s better if you’re honest and up front about it. I will always respect whatever u want H: I just want to be friends. Is that cool Note: No. It’s not cool. D: I have no agenda. If things happen then they happen H: I see Note: She doesn’t argue with that reasoning, which means to me she is accepting it. If she “happens” to get seduced, so be it. D: Also I happen to know ur very romantic. U want that in ur life H: How did you get that Note: She doesn’t ask, she states “how did you get that.” This to me indicates agreement. As opposed to disbelief: “How did you get that???” She’s on board with my line of reasoning. D: Haha a little birdy. I am too D: The deal I was gonna make was I promise to stop if something makes u uncomfortable, if u agree not to stop yourself from going after what u want H: I have to figure out what I want first Note: Again, an implicit agreement. I offered to make a deal with her previously, but she shut me down with “That's ok. I'm good” and so I went dead air. Now she’s implicitly agreeing to the deal, on the condition she first figures out what she wants. D: Right. All I can do is offer myself. My plate is full right now…I’m not looking to take anything from u Note: I am making it clear that my life is great, hers isn’t, and she is welcomed to enter my awesome reality. Though at times I am almost qualifying myself, I keep it restrained enough not to lower my value. With this final comment, I let her again know I am here to give her value and am asking nothing in exchange…just an open mind. As long as she feels secure that I won’t use or manipulate her, and that I have intent but no agenda, I can move forward to seduction. I also want to point something out here. While this chick is really cute, we are pretty incompatible and she's giving me way more trouble than she's worth. Understand however that your goal currently is to become fluent speaking text with all kinds of different (and difficult) women. Yeah, if you manage to hook up with hot high-value girls along the way, props to you. But I encourage you to keep plowing through these sorts of interactions to extract knowledge and experience, no matter how annoyed you
get. Case study 11: Dangers of multithread Here's an exchange that didn't go so well for a couple reasons. I eventually recovered, but it coulda gone smoother. One problem is when you start working down a new thread but she refuses to let an old one die, so you have two threads going on at once. The one you want to pursue runs the risk of being derailed by the other one. The other problem is I pushed a little too hard for a meet-up and it back-fired. As usual, I try to push harder than not enough, and sometimes you need to go into recovery mode. As background, she posted on Facebook how lousy Saddleback Ranch was the night before. Another reason to lurk on FB, so you can have something to talk about. I opened with this... D: Saddle ranch is a geeeehetto. Can't stand it H: Hahaha seriously. I was like this is why I don't come here. It was out of control. D: It's like a car wreck in progress. How can you not gawk tho...i kinda luv cholas :( H: Hahaha it was entertaining that's for sure. I was amazed Note: First note her use of 'hahaha.' I will mirror this back later to help save the interaction. Also, we've taken this thread as far as it needs to go. Her BT is up. Time to move onto the invite. To do this, I will transition from general to specific statements about the venue, meaning... D: Don't worry I would never take u there! D: Ok maybe on special occasions like ur birfday H: Lol thank god. D: U live in burbank? H: Well one things for sure if you did bring me I would probably be one of the most intelligent chicks there. H: Ya the burbs Note: Ok, she still wants to go down the first thread. I'll amuse her a bit by qualifying her on her intelligence, but I want to pursue the logistical thread. To do this, we are breaking the threads into two subexchanges, as opposed to combining them into one message. D: Uhhh you'd be the ONLY intelligent chick there D: So let's do old town 2nite. Not as ghetto but it'll work H: Lol thank you. I guess ? Haha H: I dunno bout tonight i'm exhausted. Eash.but I will let you know maybe we could
meet up at some point D: Yeppers. I stayed up late too so may just stay in and watch flicks. U can join me if u like Note: Rather than be in a date holding pattern, which is far from ideal, or give up, I push for an alternative option. This requires a lot of comfort to work, which I never established since the initial interaction was very brief. She shoots it down harshly. H: Lol what so you can kill me ?? Thank you very much for the offer but I don't know you well enough to be hangin with you at your house. Note: She really doesn't calibrate with IOIs here. No smiley faces, not “know you well enough YET,” no nothing. Ends with a period to show a definitive belief. Rather than validate this, I first try ignoring it (after a bit of dead air). D: Whatcha doing tmrw? Note: She goes dead air for almost two hours, so I decide to run some recovery. I act as if I just now got her text and am responding 2 hours later... D: Hahaha yeah the only thing I've killed is time! Brat... H: Lol ya khule. Hey I will let you know what's goin on tomorrow I may go to my friends birthday D: Awesome I do some stripping on the side if u need. Just saying. Ttyl Note: Recovered. She misspells cool and shows interest in meeting up to indicate everything's ok. I throw out a game about me being a stripper, then show nonneediness by leaving the convo with 'talk to you later.' She kept the exchange going after this, showing she wanted to play that game. Case study 12: Opening direct I had a brief first interaction with this chick, mostly going direct and doing a little rapport. I told her she had cute elbows in set, which really fired her BT. Next day I open with call-back: D: OMG those sexy elbows!! Uh oh this is bad H: Haha I know they are hard to resist Note: We have started a game, called “you have sexy elbows.” We’ll throw this joke back and forth a bit as her BT rises. Notice again a little bit of exaggeration with !!. I could’ve ended “this is bad” with an emoticon, an ellipse, a period or !. However, I don’t want to use up all my tools early on, and leaving off the period mirrors her text the night before. D: Argh I knooooow ;) hey I’m hanging out with the boyz tmrw til 9ish. Let’s go
barhopping after! H: Yea we will see what’s up. I will oil up my bows for you D: Perfect I like my bows slippery ;) Note: So a little exaggeration of “know,” and a flirty wink to reaffirm my direct approach on day 1. I let her know I’ll be around with no plans after 9 (the 9ish indicates I’m superchill about my plans). Notice the use of ‘hey’ which adds a sense of ‘oh by the way.’ I’m also letting her know I have other plans if she declines, so nothing’s riding on her response. I maintain the frame I'm busy and she’s an after-thought in your social calendar. I move to the meet-up seeing that she’s responsive enough to comply. We tread on some sexual territory about her lubed up elbows, me setting the frame clearly using ‘slippery’ and adding another wink. If this interaction were to have continued, that woulda been my last winky for a while; don’t overuse it. Case study 13: Salvaging a fucked up set I met this chick a month earlier and the set went horribly wrong. The mother hen blew me out. I assumed this would never go anywhere. But a month later she finally answered my original Facebook message, so I get her number and we text. I'll pick it up about an hour into the interaction. She's complaining that she's too old. I am actually a little older than her, but the cockblocker insisted I was lying and that I was in my 20s. This is abridged. D: Meh I'm old enuff to be ur babysitter! H: Ha! Ha! Think we went over this, no? I'm waaay older...as I remember D: ...ur pretty hot for 64 ;) H: Whaaat? 1964 or u mean 64 y/o?! :) well, my bones apparently are tht of 80 y/o!!! D: 80's is perfect! I love milfs...the older the better H: Puhleese, I'm not even a coug yet!!! Only a puma! :) D: Grrr (She tells me she's got a flu and feels like shit) D: Need me to come baby u tonite? H: Ha. Ha. Wouldn't wanna expose u to my germs! D: How sweet of u. I think ur not infectious by now H: Too sicky for company! And, when I said MILF, I meant it figuratively! :) D: Yea don't get any funny ideas. I need a lot of comfort first H: Huh? Ha. Ha!! Ur funny! U make me laugh. Thx- I almost wrote u off...almost :) D: Thanks...I think? Eh u couldn't handle me ;) H: Whaaat!?? I'm still laughing. U r so Wrong. Not to mention, what r u referring to?! If I jumped to conclusions, my bad. But it sounded like u were offerin more than just friendly comforting/babying. Right? D: I'm just flirting with u babe. This wouldn't happen if u weren't so damn adorable
H: Nooo! I don't like adorable. No! And btw, I don't know how to flirt. Guess tht's obvious:) Thx tho—it's nice of u to say I'm adorable *^* D: Well I was gonna say sexy as f@ck but not sure how you'd take it. D: Don't worry I'll teach u how to flirt H: Oh...my. Tht's good too:) H: Alrighty. Go ahead yoda:) D: You're in good hands. Just...relax... H: I am relaxed. In fact, kinda doped up w/all my cold meds! My sinus feels like it was roto-rootered H: Think ur last name good for first name:) H: Ya know, there's more to me than my f**n sexiness! D: Oh no you're not gonna get my last name THAT easy. Don't even know if you can snuggle D: We'll see... H: U can't stop me. And, i'm the queen of snuggle. Not tht u can get THAT!! Ha! Hee! D: I'm not too worried about that baby H: Ha. Ha. Ur full of ego & bravado eh?! Put ur money where ur mouth is my dear Decibel. Ah—why do men cheat? Just watching extra—bout tiger woods...so lame. H: Think u'd be a fine friend!!! Will u be my friend?? Please? :) D: Not ego. Confidence. Tigers got no integrity H: True, true. D: I don't like to put frames around relationships. Let's just take it day by day H: Where does ur confidence come from? What's ur bio? D: Haha guess you'll find out in time H: U r such a lawyer! U sure ur not?! D: No waaaay H: Yeah, no. JK. Lawyers kinda suck...except me:) D: I know that's why I've been wanting to get to know u. But u took soooo long to get back to me! H: Hee...:) I'm kinda old fashioned, skittish, & a little clueless about men in general. Never really get it tht a guy is interested. Serious! D: I'm sure u get hit on a lot (She then gives a loooong text about how guys don't hit on her or think she's a sugar momma, or they feel threatened by her. She really opens up and shows she's got substance and standards here.) D: I have high standards too. Except where you're concerned. Kidding!!! You're awesome and should never settle H: Thx Decibel. I heed tht w/much weight. U actually have no idea... *^* (I was driving home while texting.) D: I'm home!! Gonna stuff my face n shower H: Cool—will let u get to tht. Just don't stuff ur face in the shower! Hee:) lol:)
D: Noooo. That's a girl's job ;) (She goes into a long explanation of how much she likes to eat). D: Totally me too. But I was being dirty H: OMG!! Ur bad! It went over my head. Terrible! Terrible! :) U naughty boy! D: I knoooow! Something about u is making me randy H: Stop flirting w/o telling me!! I'm not good at it yet! Mr. Yoda—ur supposed to school me! H: Ha! Ha! Randy?! Oh! Well—i do have tht effect on men:) lol:) D: Well that explains it. I'm not usually like this. Uh oh this is bad H: My mind needs to be randied—totally gave u the heads up! H: Why bad?! Oh yeah. Right. A hot girl can get any guy randy---u an exception? Puuleese. H: Btw, I have high stnds too. H: Not sure if I should give u all my do's & don'ts, likes & dislikes. Cuz u may edit what u say or how u act—so I'll wait & see...as u also said... D: Babe just be yourself D: Are u affectionate? (She then sends another long text about how affectionate she is and how important that is to a relationship. I tell her I am too). H: Funny- u do seem rather affectionate w/ me but u really don't know me, do u? D: I like to feel. If a man doesn't love to feel he'll never be able to connect with women H: True. True:) D: Not just feel physically but be present with her emotions. H: I'm sensitive, empathetic, caring—to a fault, & very in tune w/ feelings. (We then talk about our families. She tells me she's been divorced for 3 years with no kids). D: That's all in the past. I don't have any use for the past H: Aren't u like 28?!! Maybe we're better as friends:) u should find someone ur age:) D: I'm older babe H: Oh. How old? 30?! D: I'm 40 H: Shut the fuck up!!!! No way!! 1969? Or 1968? D: 69. My fav # H: Ha. Ur fav #? hmmm... Yr of rooster. NOT compatible w/me at all... D: Yeah I know. Opposites attract tho
Case study 14: Qualifying/disqualifying Numbers almost always get more solid when you can get a girl to qualify herself, and demonstrate you are screening her. Here's a case of a girl in her early 20s who told me through the text that she would never date someone my age (40). So rather than apply logic to this, I set the frame that she's a little dork and I'm not really buying anything she says. The last convo ended with her telling me she couldn't text anymore because she had a flask in her purse. I call back to this... D: So a flask eh? U chomp cigars too?? H: Haha only when I'm really hungry D: Goofball D: U have fun w ur friend? Mischief?? H: Yea we were hanging out till almost 6 this morning. She was a close friend in high school. D: Cool so what was that...last yr? H: Haha no almost 6 years ago D: Awww ur besty. So adorable H: Besty? D: Best friend? Come on H: Haha I've never used that word.... D: Oh the things you've been missing. Pffff H: Haha I live life to the fullest. D: We'll see... H: Do you celebrate christmas? D: No Jewish. Well from the waist down. U? (She tells me she loves culture and so she's addicted to traveling) D: I kno what u mean. I've been to TJ H: Haha that's it huh? What's your ethnicity? D: Yeah :( My parents aren't too sure. Half russian half awesome H: Haha nice... I'm part Russian too... D: Which part H: Ohh it moves around it doesn't like to stay in one place for too long D: Oh like a gypsy. Btr not try to steal anything gypsy. Esp my heart! (She then lists some of her talents) D: Wow sexy and talented...what's the catch?? H: Catch? What do you mean? H: I don't think there is one... D: There's always a catch. But maybe ur different. Hmmm H: I don't know you'll have to let me know haha D: Yea now I'm really curious. Alright my little gypsy we'll hang out soon :)
H: Ok... Sounds good ... I'm a working girl though so be patient with the busy schedule Note: Alright, so I open with the tease that she's a cigar-chomping, booze-swigging broad. Next I tease her about her age. Rather than deny there's a difference, I use that difference to make fun of her. Little sound bites like “come on” and “adorable” and “pfff” set my authoritative and dismissive tone. When she tries to qualify herself by saying she lives life to the fullest, I give her my “we'll see...” disqualifier. This one I use tons, whether they're trying to qualify about sex or relationships or whatever. It communicates I'm still not convinced she's worth my time. I don't take her questions about travel or ethnicity too seriously, turning them into jokes. She might have gone sexual with the gypsy comment, but she didn't, so I stayed in a romance frame. Which is fine, girls love romance. The exchange ends with my light bulb going on that she may be unlike other girls, and so maybe just maybe worthy of my time. She agrees to the meet-up, and asks that I be flexible with her busy schedule. Case study 15: Player vibe, again I've had some issues with girls thinking I'm a player. They assume that if you are with a lot of girls, you don't care about those girls and are just doing it for self-satisfaction. So to head this off, I had this discussion with a girl. D: Hey ;) (2 hours pass) H: Heyyy ahh! Sorry I didn't get back to you! Just got off of work.... D: Yea ur a slave. U need a spa day H: I would freaking love one!!! Work 14 hours tomorrow not feeling very excited about it.. D: Let's do it. Sux for u. When r u free? (She gives me a looong text about her schedule and how she's busy). D: That's life. Take some time for yosef gurl H: Don't know how to do that haha D: Oh I'll teach u how. I'm good at taking care of myself... H: Haha oh yeah? Well your a doctor.... Health is your business...tell me the secret haha D: I'm not too healthy. That's not what I mean D: It means taking time to enjoy life's...pleasures. H: Ohhh got ya... I do... I did a lot almost feel like I'm making up for it... D: Ok. Still try to balance out so u don't go nutso. Whatever it is that keeps u sane. For me, food and music, etc H: Yeah I'm feeling a bit nuts haha... For me sleeping is the best...Bought myself a very comfortable bed it's what I look forward to when I get home haha... And music
too... If I'm upset I play guitar for awhile and then I geel better... I love food... But I alwas forget to eat haha.. D: I just got a new bed too. Was getting too many complaints about the old one ;). Guess u can tell I like girls H: Haha I see.... So why arnt ya married or takin? D: I've been thru monogamous phases and I love cohabitation and all that. But I always found myself settling. Til I meet someone who hits all my switches I don't plan on settling down H: Makes sense D: Guys are ok too but they're guys. Girls have an energy that completes me. I always try to be around that H: So your a player then :) j/k D: I get called that a lot but I'm not. I love women. I really try to connect emotionally and satisfy them. Players only care for their own desires H: Ha! You just play the game a bit differently.. It's ok I'm not here to judge D: Nothing wrong with playing games if they're worth playing. Those games r fun. U don't seem judgmental. Me neither Note: So I tried early on to move things sexual but she wasn't taking the bait. Finally after I fished for it, she told me she likes her bed, which is an obvious in for me. Anytime I take on the mentor/teacher role (teaching her about sex or flirting, etc), it shows dominance, so I dropped in that line. Of course, I hit preselection hard and let her know I'm non-judgmental. She probably passed out here, but typically I woulda continued that thread some more, explicitly about girls being horny. Also notice that my texts are really short at first, then as she becomes present with me and more invested, they become longer and more detailed. This is a sign of investment. Case study 16: Pushing girls The girl above said she didn't want to date be because I'm too old. Pushing girls can help screen out the ones who really aren't interested, versus when it's just a test. So while I started the following exchange with the intention of seducing her, it is in the back of my mind that I need to push harder than usual to see if she'll comply. It's a high risk strategy, and in this case it backfires somewhat. That's ok, I feel it's better to push girls and then recover if needed (and in fact I did get this girl out). Also note that this is a little abridged, and takes place over many hours. She goes dead air sometimes 20 minutes between her texts. This means that I can get some BT spiking and horniness induction, but she cools off in between. That makes compliance tough, versus if she were to be fully present with me and quickly responsive. D: Where does ur frymobile travel to tonite? H: Ahh sorry not open tonight... D: Drat I'm in the mood for kimchi fries. Oh wellz. U feelin btr? H: Sorry to disappoint...yeah I'm better... Just got back from eating bobs big boy with my aunt and uncle...
D: Did they have pumpkin shakes? Mmm H: I dunno I had the chocolate malt... Note: Ok, enough introductory banter. Move on to my goal. It was early enough that I could meet up. When this isn't possible, I go for seduction. D: Old skool. U goin out tonite? H: Always was the OG in the hood... :) nah not tonight have to be up at 4:30 ;( you going out? D: WTF 430?!?! Ur breakin my heart. Was thinkin about it but proly not H: Sorry! D: Why the fk u gonna wake up so early tmrw? H: Working for the hospital...Or should I say “the man” haha D: Did u tell me this? I musta forgot. What do u do there H: I did.. Not going to repeat... Your an ass doctor right haha...Like a proctologist? Note: She never told me what she does in the hospital, and this was her attempt to control the frame. I'm not gonna validate it in any way. Instead, she just opened the door for seduction by calling back to my comment on being an ass doctor. D: Ew no. I touch butts but mostly I do spines D: Asses do nothing for me. Is this weird?? H: Haha to each his own.. D: I'm a little too fond of boobies :( shhh H: Haha boobs are over rated! D: Whaaa?!? No way! How can u not love em? H: They're ok... D: Pff then what's ur fav part on a girl? H: The back of the neck and the stomache D: Yea I can't argue about the neck. That's very sensual. The stomach has to be in shape or no thanks. But I like ur elbows the most. They're reeeeally cute :) H: I agree on the stomach elbows? How do you like my elbows? D: I'm a sucker for sexy elbows. Come on! I love your eyes too. Esp how u use them H: What? You met me for like 5 minutes... D: Obviously u left an impression. U probably hear that? H: Nope.. You just like giving complements Note: She's interested that I'm qualifying her, but still feels the need to challenge and shit test me. It's alright, all of my cold reads have been hitting with her. Also note what she says about the length of my set is true. ALL my sets are about 5-10 minutes. The power of text game is it can turn those brief meaningless sets into really deep investments by the girls. D: No then it seems like flattery which is insincere. I'm sure u get hit on a lot. Maybe ur humble H: Yeah... I'm humble so they say... Just didn't think you could get such an impression
in such a short period of time D: It's ur energy and I can tell when a girl has depth D: Ur also really fuckin cute ;) H: Thanks what kind of energy am I giving off? D: Haha don't get a big head tho...still not sure we click. U have a confident strong energy which still manages to be feminine. There's a little chaos in there Note: I use haha to mirror her frequent use of it. I also disqualify her since I've been mostly pulling. I run more cold reading. She keeps trying to maintain an intellectual tone, so I need to move this sexual now. H: I'm not just curious how I'm coming off energywise D: I assume u don't like leading in your relationships? H: I go back and forth depending on the situation D: What do u prefer? Do u like taking charge on dates and in bed, or do u usually like to relax? H: What do you think? D: No idea. Tell me H: What? But I thought you figured me out... :) D: Never said that! Note: So I ask her if she likes a dominant man. She then tries to give me shit to see if I'll back down. It's a test, because she wants a dominant man and this is a way for me to prove myself. Which I do, by keeping my responses dominant and brief. “No idea. Tell me.” Very bossy and could've back-fired, but instead, it assured her of my dominance. H: I'm laid back D: That's good. Some girls like to wear the pants. That's ok for some guys but it turns me off. I like girls who can relax and be lead H: I'm extreamly independent though D: That's good too. U shouldn't be codependent. I can't stand needy clingy girls. I'm sure u know what I mean (Here she tells me a long story about some weird clingy girl she knew. It's good that she's investing effort, but bad that she's depersonalizing the exchange. I need to make it personal again). D: Yea I couldn't be with that kinda girl. What turns u on in a man? H: Physically or intellectually? D: Physically first Note: I say 'first' though I have no intention of finding out what is intellectually stimulating to her. She's too intellectual. The 'first' lets her know however that this is important to me as well.
(She gives a long list of things she likes in a man's body. Ok, so far very compliant. Time to push her sexually and see if she withdraws). D: I like smooth hair, soft skin, not too skinny. I like a little something to squeeze and spank :) I never liked going down on a girl til a few months ago. Now I love it. Is that one of ur turn ons? H: Really? What was the change of heart? As long as it's done correctly who doesn't get turned on by oral? You forgot to mention boobs... :) Note: Again, see that she's trying to stay dry and intellectual (using 'oral' instead of 'getting eaten out'). I'm being present with her and feel that she's resisting. This is ok, because I want to push her, but normally I would back off. D: But can u cum getting eaten out? H: Getting a bit personal arnt you? D: I'm getting to know u H: Yeah but why do you find it so necessary to know me on this particular level Note: The temptation may be to apologize or back down. If you do, you're headed for the friend zone. By staying resolute with your intention to seduce, there remains the possibility it will happen. At least if she shows up on the date, she will realize there's a very good chance you're gonna try to fuck her. I like to be clear about my intentions. D: I could ask about your shoe size...but those aren't the things I want to know H: Your still not answering the question :) Note: She's always offsetting her dominant or harsh comments with smiles. This lets me know she's still interested underneath it all. D: Which one? Why I'm interested in u sexually? Because if it isn't a match on that level then there's no reason to get emotionally invested H: That's jumping the gun...Didn't we make it clear though that we were only hanging out? No dates no one night stands so on and so forth D: I didn't say anything would happen. I live moment by moment and if things were to go in that direction I like to know what that girl wants. Besides you're not superficial. You would overlook small concerns if you were with a man who otherwise satisfied you H: True... Note: When I push girls, which I do often to the point of them getting upset, I then need to recover. The recovery can look really logical and wordy, but if I stay “alpha” she'll probably get repulsed. I've done this a number of times, even to the point of a girl telling me 'have a good life'; she went on a date with me 2 days later. So my strategy has been to push until they have to decide to bail or stay. Again, high risk and really it's only needed if you're getting a lot of resistance (serial flakers and so on).
Case study 17: Being the punisher Sometimes girls will misbehave to test your authority and masculinity. Without totally blowing the set, you can in effect punish them for this. H: Haha I'm going to start up a 2010 revolution!!!! It's going to be insaine! You can join if you'd like :) D: Uh oh what's this?? Scared H: Scared of change are we? you should welcome it D: Not scared of change. Scared I might have to bail u outta jail! H: Haha I'm a drunken ninja they can't catch me... My revolution will come like a theif in the night D: Yea yea just don't let it come on me Note: Sorry, I couldn't resist. D: You're not planning more public nudity r u? I've seen ur fb pics... H: Haha what? Nudity... D: Those steamy PG13 photos (Dead air.) D: Ohhh you're shy. How adorable. Don't be shy H: Haha hey it's a classy pic. Have it up in case someone wants me to model for them D: I think it's ballsy as fuck! But no I'm not stripping down for ur 'revolution'. Nice try!!! ;) H: Really? Hmm I'm really into vintage pinup stuff...Guess I was trying to go there not that it's real pin up looking but it's a start :) Note: Pretty sure we're talking about different pics. She musta posed half nude or something. Dunno. Notice her ASD went up when I started going sexual, and this is demonstrated via dead air. I then do my usual recovery move by reframing this as her being shy, which I find adorable. D: Fo Sho. D: If u got it, flaunt it H: Haha yeah...I stay pretty modest for the most part... D: Me too. That's really hard to find in this town. I appreciate it a lot when I see it H: Yeah... I think most people assume Im going to act a certain way based off of looks... And get very thrown off once they get to know me.... I hate that... Predetermined judgment sucks D: Yea I always assume the best but aside from that I let people prove themselves. Plus hot girls are everywhere. I'm more interested in the other stuff H: Suuureee... Note: Shit test. I give her some dead air. No response, so I continue.
D: Punk H: As in punk rock!! ;) D: As in you're asking for a spanking H: Ha! Who made you the punisher? D: Yeaaah laugh it up! My palm ur butt ;) D: Believe me I know how to spank too H: You'll regret it little man! This little lady can get crazy and gangsterish... D: Meh H: Ok... You've been warned! D: Ur tiny. I could fit u in my mouth H: Haha see! More predetermined judgment... It's going to get ya into trouble! D: Don't worry I'm not gonna cross u H: Hey Napolian was small...And he conqured some countries D: Mmm I'm a lover not a fighter H: That's good me too for the most part... Ever been in a fight? D: Ya know I don't have that fighting instinct in me. I do defend what's right but I'm not an aggressive person. That's why I'm training in MMA Note: Uhm, DHV. Old school shit right there. Also notice I'm mirroring her use of 'ya.' Look at her BT spike: H: What? You? In MMA? That's intense... Id check it out if I didn't have a piercing that got in the way D: Clit? That's cool H: Nope... The nape... D: Oh yea I remember. I'll teach u once I get good H: Thanks... That would be cool... D: But no biting. Resist the temptation H: Don't worry it'll be strictly punches and kicks to the face haha j/k D: Ugh back in the doghouse u go H: Whhaaatt??? Oh was I being too tough? Note: This girl never uses exaggeration, so when she does, I must've hit emotionally. She is genuinely taken back by my punishment, and asks me basically where the boundaries are. I let her know I'm not seriously reprimanding her: D: Nah I'm playing with u. It's easy H: Haha ok D: Ur a really cool chick. I wanna hang out soon H: Aww thanks... We wil Note: Notice all the emotional ups and downs here, and how I take her to the edge and then pull her back. She threatens to kick my butt at one point, and even then I just brush her off with 'meh' and telling her I'm gonna put her in my mouth (I use this one a lot because of the sexual undertones). Each time she pushes me, I push back until
she buckles. In essence, I am punishing her misbehavior. She will submit to my dominance. This concept is one of the keys of text game. In person, unless you're totally congruent, there will be all those subcoms to trip you up and she will see through it. In text game, she doesn't see you blink, hesitate, think...she just feels the full power of your dominance. That's largely why this is so effective.
Chapter Four The Emotional Investment Scale A huge element of text game is investment, specifically emotional investment. Is she invested? Are you more invested than she is? How do you get her so invested that she feels compelled to meet you to further your interaction? Well, let us find out...
Z The Emotional Investment Scale (EIS) Ok, you've just met a girl in a bar. She doesn't know shit about you, and probably if she never sees you again, that's just fine with her. She stays happy and busy with school, work and a great social circle. She may already be fucking a couple dudes, so her sexual needs are being met. You are some random guy she spent a few minutes or an hour with. Maybe you made out with her, maybe you bought her a drink, maybe you guys confirmed a date next Saturday. A week or two later, she will many times look back at that brief interaction, and dismiss it as her having a fun night out. Sure she was lucky to meet a new exciting guy, but she's hot and gets hit on by dudes better looking and more interesting than you all the time. So where is the impetus for her to see you again? Sounds like a dismal scenario. And if your text game sucks, chances are you'll never see this broad again. But we have a secret weapon, and that is our ability to get this girl emotionally invested in your interaction. We will slowly get under her skin and give her that impetus to see you again. First let's give a weight to her investment. I do this through a 1-5 scale, where 1 is no investment, and 5 is a lot of investment. Level 1. No response. The number is wood. She is ignoring you completely. Maybe she got back with her boyfriend, maybe she didn't tell you she was married, maybe your wing said something to her friend that ended up blowing you out. Whatever the reason – and often in the end you can only speculate – she isn't responsive. Level 2. She responds to your texts, but the responses are brief, without much
thought, and after lengthy delay. She ignores many of your texts. You get a lot of oneword answers: “Yes”, “Haha” and the death rattle of text game “Lol.” For whatever reason, she is answering some of your texts, but she's just not that into you. Level 3. She begins responding consistently, and after less delay. Her responses reflect she is putting some thought into them and enjoys your texts. When you suggest a meet-up however you may find she goes dead air, or at best gives a token ok that she will eventually reverse. She's satisfied having you only as a text buddy. Level 4. She has become emotionally invested, albeit superficially. She is sharing various personal aspects of her life. She qualifies herself. She complies. She appears to be emotionally affected by comments you make. At this point, she may be willing to see you, but there is still a high chance of flaking. In fact, she could seem genuinely excited to agree to a meet, but don’t be surprised when she goes dead air or cancels at the last minute when that time arrives. Level 5. She is more deeply invested. She suggests the meet up, often giving suggestions. She shares a ton of intimate info about herself, often with long wellcomposed texts. She is gaming YOU. In this stage, flaking is much less likely. Recognize that girls being girls, her level of emotional investment may swing back and forth with their fluctuating emotional states. Realize, too, this is all about her investment of emotions. NOT logical investment, NOT banter. If she’s giving you tons of banter and logical stuff, that’s not the same as real EI. You would like to move your interactions up the scale to 5 whenever possible, because at that point flaking becomes less likely. You can still get girls to meet up at lower levels, and nothing is ever a certainty in the dating world, but increasing her investment will tend to lower flaking.
Z Using Investment There are two sides to this coin. First, you want girls to get invested. But on the flip side, you want to stay at or just below her level of investment. You don't want to be at a 5 when she's at a 2. Always determine her level of investment from moment to moment, and calibrate your own projected level. In particular, when you open the exchange after to you've first met her, it's important to seem like you are not particularly invested. You then game her to become invested, at which point you can telegraph greater levels of investment. When in doubt, always assume she's at the lower level and work from there; that is, if you're not sure if she's at a 2 or 3, assume it's 2.
How to get girls to invest 1. Give value. Through the concept of reciprocation (read Influence by Cialdini), when you give someone value, they will feel obligated to return value. As they give you more and more value, they find themselves invested in the interaction. For example, if I send a photo of my dog to a girl, she will often text me back a pic of her dog. Don't invest too much too early. Look for evidence she's participating in the exchange of value, and amp up accordingly. 2. Give positive emotions. When something makes you feel good, you put energy into obtaining more of it. Make her feel sexy, horny, happy, excited or stroke her ego. 3. Get her to qualify. Sometimes when a girl says something you like, you'll genuinely reward her for this. But don't validate all of her attempts; some of it shouldn't impress you. When she's letting you know how great she is and you're not biting, she will want to meet up to prove she's as qualified as she says. 4. Get her to comply. Have her open up about herself sexually. Be powerful; if a girl feels you aren't a man of power then she won't comply with you. Gain trust; if she feels you're judgmental or inexperienced with women, she won't be able to trust you sexually. Before you send a text, ask yourself, “do I feel powerful as a man when I say this sort of thing?” If not, try to feel that power and find a way to use that feeling. 5. DHV (demonstrate high value). If you seem like a sexual prize worth chasing, they will. If you paint yourself as a loser who can't score, she won't bother investing. 6. Build intrigue and tension. Tell a story with your texts, giving her one piece at a time. Reel her in and then give the punchline after she takes the bait. This is like reading a murder mystery. She feels compelled to keep turning the pages to get to the reveal at the end. In short, she becomes invested in the plot because you've created suspense. Here's an example. A wing met a girl in a bar and he was having a text exchange after she left. She randomly asked him his age. You can answer this directly, but you're wiser than that, right? Consider this point A, and point C is inviting her out on a date. How can you create a path from point A to C while building mystery? Watch: her: U never told me how old u are him: Guess ur gonna have to find out wednesday... her: Why wednesday? him: That's when we're hanging out cutie : ) her: :) Such confidence I like it 7. Push-pull. Especially with sexual intent. Keep them guessing. Show interest, then disinterest. Be dismissive and playfully condescending at times. At one moment seem like you want to fuck her brains out, then the next accuse her of being a bad girl trying
to corrupt you. 8. Preselection. Be non-needy in the way you time your texts. That is, if you go to a club Saturday and then text a girl Sunday at 9am, you're basically telling her you didn't pull. Likewise if you jump through all her hoops and qualify yourself to her, the subtext is you don't get laid a ton. Another more obvious way to indicate preselection is to mention other girls you know, dates you were on, or wild times you simply can't discuss. 9. Look for signs they are seeking rapport, and reward this. If she is mirroring you, then she's trying to seek rapport. If she is offering a lot of intimate details about herself, she is trying to build a connection. This is a good thing. She's becoming invested. How to appear like you aren't invested 1. Don't always respond right away. 2. Don't answer her questions directly (see the age example above). 3. Dismiss her attempts to qualify. Say “We'll see...” 4. Use poor punctuation. Run sentences together. “I'm bored whatcha doin” as opposed to “I'm bored. Whatcha doin?” 5. Use shorthand. Say “R” in place of “Are.” 6. Don't text her everyday. 7. Keep it simple. Sometimes a ;) gets the point across. 8. Don't ask questions. Make observations and commands. “Wake up!! It's beautiful outside” requires no response and shows little investment. 9. Fear of loss. Give her the sense you may become disinterested or distracted at any moment. The EIS In Action Ok, fine, you get that girls can invest emotionally in the text interaction, and you realize certain things inspire investment. Now let's break it down specifically. What tactics should you be using depending on where a girl is along the EIS? And how much of each tactic should you be employing given the level? Below is a graph that summarizes this. You can refer to it during your exchanges, and use these tools according to her level of investment. First, an explanation of when to use what: On the Y axis are the tools I use to generate EI, things that compel a girl to invest. On the X axis are the levels, such as moving a girl from level 2 to level 3, and so on. In difficulty, I’d say getting a girl from a 1 to a 2 is most difficult. This is followed by 4 to 5, then 2 to 3. Getting a girl who’s at a 3 to become a 4 is the easiest. I will list each tool, then under each, the column number (1-4).
Give value Through the theory of reciprocation, if I give value, girls will feel compelled to return value. Once a girl gets in the habit of giving value, she will find herself invested in the interaction. 1. Give a bit of value to start the process of reciprocation. If you give a lot of value, you seem overly invested. If you give no value, there’s no reason for her to either. 2 and 3. If she’s more receptive and returning value, give more value to reward her. Escalate the value exchange. 4. She’s almost very invested, and by pulling back on the value, you will seem less invested. This is desirable. If you are more invested than she is, she is not compelled to keep investing. Give positive emotions You can do this with a simple emoticon, a joke, or turning her on sexually. 1 and 2. Too much of this and you seem to be amusing her, and not yourself. Stay selfamusing, but keep tight reigns on it. 3. Now that she’s getting more invested, adding more positive emotions will compel her to come to you for more. 4. Escalate from simple BT-spiking stuff to seductive stuff. Turn her on. Get her to qualify When a girl qualifies herself to you, she is becoming invested. 1. Not applicable. She’s dead air, so she’s not gonna suddenly start qualifying herself to you. 2. She’s not really attracted, so going into qualifying too early will blow you out. You can do it lightly and see how she responds. 3 and 4. If she’s becoming invested, you can amp up the qualifying harder. Get her to qualify about her body and her sexuality. Get compliance 1 and 2. She’s not that invested, so unlikely to comply. But you can test it out with small hoops that show your power and dominance. Even her responding to your text is her complying. 3 and 4. Make her comply with things like sending you pics of herself, opening up about her sexuality, etc. The ultimate compliance test is her agreeing to meet up. DHV Demonstrate you’re a high-value dude. 1. You can make some comments about a fancy club you’re going to, etc. But if you try too hard to DHV it’ll look like you’re trying to impress her (hence too invested). 2-4. Always maintain the frame that you’re high value. As she gets more invested, turn this from generic DHV to sexual DHV. You are the prize, sexually. Intrigue/tension Start threads or make comments that compel her to think WTF? and engage in the
interaction. 1-2. A ton of intrigue will often jumpstart a lack-luster exchange or dead air. 3-4. Still good to sprinkle it in, but now you’re gonna stop playing so many indirect games and be more bold and direct with her. If you stay too sketchy while she’s investing, she’ll lose interest. Push/pull Challenge is good. Complex wines come from challenging vine conditions. If you don’t challenge women, the results will be bland. Push-pull provides a lot of that challenge (so does intrigue). 1. You can take away your attention, but since she isn’t at all invested, this won’t matter to her. So not relevant. 2. A little gentle pushing and pulling will motivate her to get on board. Too much and she’ll lose interest. 3. Going heavy on the push-pull at times will spike her BT and get her to chase. 4. Back off the push-pull and give her more solid rewards for her high investment. As with intrigue, don’t be too dismissive or you’ll be punishing her investment. Getting chicks a little angry can serve to get them more invested, but this is a high-risk tactic. Preselection There is the obvious stuff like talking about girls or dates. Then there is the subtle stuff like being non-needy in how you respond, when you respond, or if you even respond at all to her. 1-2. She doesn’t care all that much that women like you. But being non-needy will give her the feeling you are worthy. 3. She’s getting on board, and hitting preselection will work to drive up her desire to invest. 4. She feels you’re worthy. Talking a lot about other girls will make you look like a player. Just sprinkle it in, and stay non-needy. Seek rapport You may detect her attempts to seek rapport, and you may seek rapport. This includes mirroring. 1. She’s not at all invested, so why should you seek rapport? She hasn’t earned it yet. 2-3. If she’s starting to invest, look for signs she’s seeking rapport, and then reward this. Mirror her just a tad to communicate a similar desire. 4. You are now more interested in leading, and less about seeking rapport or mirroring. You can still build rapport here, but it’s less important. Fear of loss If she thinks she’s about to lose a high value man, she’ll work harder to get his investment. 1. She doesn’t care about you, so there is no fear of losing you. 2-3. She may be a little affected by the fear of loss, but it won’t hit very hard. 4. She’s very invested now, so fear of loss can really be amplified. Jealousy is a
subset of preselection but also can be used here; for example you can use this effectively by not answering all her texts at night. Keep frequency of texts low Obviously, texting the living crap out of a girl who is not that responsive looks really needy. Calibrate your rate of sending her texts according to her EI. 1-2. She’s not on board. Sending more texts than warranted looks like you’re really invested. Back off. 3. You can start texting more often, again calibrating. 4. She’s very invested, so it doesn’t matter much about your frequency. As long as she’s really invested, you can set the rate of texting and she’ll comply. Don’t open every day 1-2. Just like above, opening a girl every day when she’s not invested looks needy. 3-4. Not a rule, but sometimes useful to back off and let a day or more pass without texting her. Don’t answer directly If she asks a question, you can give a cocky response that doesn’t answer her. 1. Not relevant. 2. When she isn’t invested much, being very dismissive initially lets her know you are far from enamored, and she needs to invest to earn your investment. 3. Now that she’s investing, you can reward her by being more straight-forward and honest. You can still be dismissive here and there, particularly with shit tests. 4. She needs trust to comply, so continuing to be cagey won’t generate that trust. Poor syntax You can use lousy grammar and punctuation, shorthand and abbreviations, to let her know you aren’t invested much. 1-2. Use this often. A beautifully composed text gives the impression you put a lot of thought into it. Don’t give her the impression you give a fuck, since she hasn’t earned it. 3. As she invests, you can demonstrate your own investment by using proper syntax. 4. Do whatever you want, based on your personality. She’s invested, so it’s more important at this point to be clear and direct. However way you need to type this to make her feel it, do it. Keep it simple If I send a simple winky face or a “Hey!” it shows very little investment on my part. Long complicated texts show a great deal of investment. 1-2. She’s not invested, so keep your texts really brief, usually briefer than hers. 3-4. Not as important, but still useful to remind her of your “alphaness.” In general, keeping it simple is a main mindset behind text game.
Don’t ask questions Make observations or comments. Asking questions is high investment…if she fails to respond, your value has dropped. 1. Sometimes you can ask a question which by social standards requires a response, like “did u get home safely?” But don’t ask too many questions because it shows you care about her response, which you don’t. 2. It’s ok to ask more questions, to seek rapport, to get logistical info, etc. 3-4. Back off the questions, and work more on making statements. You’re leading now with the assumption she’s gonna follow. Implicit invitations This is a way to feel out her readiness to meet up, without seeming too invested yourself. 1. Not relevant. She is unlikely to agree to a meet up if she won’t even answer your texts. Not always, but usually. 2-3. Start feeling her out for a desire to meet. Sometimes they don’t seem too eager to invest, and yet will agree to meet. Realize however that at lower EI levels, flake rate is higher. 4. Don’t need to beat around the bush. Be explicit about your invites, but at a level 5 she will often be the one doing the inviting.
Z Inviting Girls Out You can make an explicit invitation like, “Hey do you want to go out with me tonight?” but this is weak. Find ways that make statements. Implicit invitations include: Hey I'm free tonite! Whatcha doin later? Hangin with the bros til 9. Free after that Had a long day. We deserve mojitos Here you are “asking” her out without asking her out. Though less implicit, you can make statements that start with “we should” and “let's”: Too tired to go out. Let's have a movie night Tmrw's midget wrestling nite. We should totally go In so doing, you are asking her out in a non-needy way, with the assumption that she is already on board. Communicate that you have shit going on, and while you plan on doing something it would be great for her to join. You are not necessarily putting her on the spot or making her feel essential to your happiness. Set the frame that girls earn your time: You deserve a nite out with me. Awww you deserve a foot rub Or if she flakes: Hmmm...guess I'll let you make it up to me... BTIS: The Buying Temperature-Invite Sandwich You just made a comment, she responded, and now you can send back some funny response. In the same text, add an invite, and then cap it off with another BT-spiker. Example: D: So what kinda music do u like then? H: IDK everything D: Haha liar! Whatcha doin tonite? Mommy's letting me borrow the car for an hour When she told you she listens to all kinds of music, you called her a liar, which is absurd and probably will get a laugh. You then throw out an implicit invitation, and end the text with another small giggle. Other lines you can use after the invite: “I'm out on parole” and “I locked myself outta the house.”
Z The Flake Almost everyone gets flakes now and then. Many times this is a good thing; it can be viewed as a shit test, and your response to it can increase attraction. Always look at the lameness of the excuse and rate it from 0 to 10 (0 is a legit excuse, 10 is a lame excuse). If a girl is apologetic, gives a lot of thought to her excuse, tries to plan another night to hang out, she calls instead of texts, and the excuses seems reasonable, then that excuse rates low on the lameness scale. If she's not sorry, the excuse is stupid like she forget she was supposed to wash her dog that night, and she seems totally without remorse, that excuse rates high on the lameness meter. As her investment in you goes up, lameness typically goes down. Respond to a flake according to the lameness. If she's invested and gives a low-level flake, be more understanding. If it's a high-level flake, you can be more confrontational. The caveat to this is if you appear emotionally reactive to her flake, it can lower attraction, so make sure to use with caution. Texts I may throw out after a flake: Wow talk about playing hard to get... Guess I have to reserve my time with u months in advance! ;) Ok ok just don't make me wait another year missy!! :p Ok fine I guess I'll let u make it up to me... Cancel! I'm cuter Ugh ur kidding Hmm starting to think ur some flaky LA girl...
And that's it. See ya out in the field!!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Decibel has been in the seduction community since 2007, and has twenty years of experience macking broads. You can download all his free shit at puafieldguide.com. Books include: PUA Field Guide. The definitive collection of anything you'll ever need to know about pickup. Intermediate Pick-Up. A beginner's guide to the basics, including AA and attraction. Inner Game Primer: Stop Being Such a Fucking Pussy. An introduction to inner game. What it is, why you need it, how to get it handled. Text Game Primer. You're reading it, fucker. dB is the resident keyboard jockey at casanovacrew.com, and has made several appearances at their seminars. He co-hosts the podcast The J the Ripper Show with CC's founder, JTR.
