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Attitude is Everything Change Your Attitude…and You Change Your Life! By Jeff Keller Copyright © 1999, 2001 by Attitude is Everything, Inc. All rights reserved Worldwide. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the copyright holder. This eBook is distributed at http://www.AsAManThinketh.net.
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DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my wife, Dolores, for believing in me and encouraging me to follow my dreams.
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INTRODUCTION
The Night That Changed My Life The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes mind.of
—William Jam es
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n 1980, I grad u ated from law school and thou gh t I’d be a law yer for the rest of m y life. After all , th at’s w ha t I’d w an ted to d o since my early teenage years. At first, everyth ing w ent acc ord ing to plan. Afte r lots of stud thattosupm m er, p assed th e Bar Examina tion an dl w as adying m itted racti ce Ilaw i n New York. My persona life w as also on the up sw ing. In early 1 981, I m arr ied Dolores, a law school c lass m ate. I w as on m y w ay to mu ch succ ess and hap p iness. Or so I thou ght. But, after practicing law for a few years, I realized I w asn’t hap p y at all . Sure, there were some things I liked about being a lawyer. I enjoyed helping p eople resol ve their d ispu tes, especially when I could save them the agony of lengthy
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court proceedings. Yet, there w ere so m an y things abou t bei ng an a ttorney that I disliked — and that j u st se emed to d rain the li fe out of me. Mound s and m ound s of ted ious pap erwork and motions t o be filed. Constant delays and p ostp onem ents. It w as not u ncomm on for a trial to be postpon ed 10 tim es. I Dreaded Going To Work
I conti nu ed to gri nd out the w ork but gre w m ore and m ore d issati sfied as an attorney . I w as fru strated and very d ep ressed . To p u t it blu nt ly, I d idn ’t like my life, and saw no w ay that things w ere going to imp rove. Have you ever had a job where you dreaded going to work most days — where you felt the “ weight of the world ” on your shou lders e ach d ay? Well, tha t ’s how I felt. I w as literally hu nched ov er... an d in p ain, both p hysic ally and em otionally. I looked m u ch old er than m y years. I began to get head aches all the ti me, and m y stomach was c onstantl y chu rning. Feari ng that I had some seri ous h ealth p robl em, I saw some d octors and they ord ered a battery of tests. Every test c am e back w ith the same result — they couldn ’t find anything physically w rong with me. One of the doct ors suggeste d th at I take Maal ox to c alm m y u pset stomach. Sp iritu ally, I w as d ead . N othing i n m y life ha d m u ch meaning. This d ay-to- d ay dru d gery was al so affecting m y ap p earan ce. Althou gh I wa s in m y late 20s, I looke d like I w as 40! In the early part of 1985, shortly after I had turned 30 years old , I w as burned out. And , one partic u lar eveni ng, w hile sitting alone i n m y d en, I knew that something h ad to chan ge. N ot know ing w hat to d o, I sim p ly said out l oud , “There’s got to be more to my life than this... there’s got to be more than this misery and unhappiness.” Help Comes From An Unlikely Source
Later that night, I w as w atchi ng TV in the den . It w as
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arou nd 1:00 am , and m y w ife, Dolores, had alre ad y gone to bed . Bu t I w as feeling s o dow n I cou ldn ’t sleep. I “ channel surfed ” looki ng for someth ing to occu p y m y time. I tuned in to, of all things, an You are not what infomercial. Normally, I would have you think you are. changed channel fracBut what you think tion of a that second, but in fora some YOU ARE! reason, I listened. The product being peddled —Dr. Norman Vincent was called The Mental Bank and was endorsed by actress Flore nce Hen d erson of Brady Bunch fame. The Mental Bank was a home-study course that explained how everything w e achie ve in lif e is base d u p on ou r su bconsciou s bel iefs. I felt so desp erate at tha t p oint that I d ecided to go f or it. I pull ed night ou t my cred it card ordere point d the of program. That in my den was an thedturning my life. By the way, when I sheepishly told Dolores what I had d one a d ay or tw o later, she w as shoc ked. “ You d id w hat? ” she aske d in amazem ent. It ’s not that she obj ected to the p u rcha se — it wa s ju st so out of c ha ra cter for me to buy something like that on impulse... and w orse yet, f rom a TV infomercial! Several days later, The Mental Bank program arrived at m y doorstep. And I w as fascinated an d exc ited to be gin learning how to ourthat thoughts the heard qualitythese of ourideas. lives. Prior ti me, determine I ha d n ever Unfortu na tely, they d on ’t teach you th is stu ff in school! The Mental Bank program spu rre d m e to s eek out other m otivati onal res ou rces. I began to read books by N ap oleon Hill, Og Mandino, Norman Vincent Peale and Robert Schu ller. I star ted read ing the Bible on a regular basis. An d I eagerly listened to inspiring audio cassette programs by Zig Zi glar, Earl N ighting ale an d m an y other s. I felt like a person who had wandered for days in the desert with a parched throat... and then suddenly found a stream of
Peale
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water! Now, I can ’t tel l you th at everyth ing in m y life cha nged overn ight, becau se it d idn ’t ha pp en that wa y. Bu t, from the moment I began to change from a negative attitude to a positive attitud e, I s tarted to get sign ificant results. I felt better. I ha d m ore energy. An d I star ted to achieve goals never accomplished all to becau that se ofI would a cha nge in have my atti tu d e! I ’mbefore... also happy report that w hen p eople now ask how old I am ... and I say 44, they inva riably r ep ly, “ You look so m u ch y ou nger ! ” It ’s all in the attitude. From Lawyer To Motivational Speaker
I conti nu ed my sel f-stud y p rogram in m y spare time, wh ile I w orked fu ll time as a law yer. The p ositive thinking w as helping my attitude at work, but I felt a passion for my “ hobby ” that I never f elt for m y w ork, and I d reamed about the d ay I c ould w alk aw ay from m y job. In 1989, after four year s of int ensive research a bou t att itude and motivational concepts, I agreed to present some adult education seminars in the Never underestimate even ings at a local high school. I w as to be pa id $30 for each tw oyour power to hou r class. N ot the kind of change yourself. money that lets you quit your —H. Jackson Brown, Jr. d ay job!
As I stood in front of the cl ass to start my first seminar, I was p etri fied. My heart was p oun d ing and I w as sweating. Bu t somehow I managed to muster the courage to just do it. The students loved the class, and I got a real adrenaline ru sh fr om p resenti ng th e m ateri al that had revol u tionize d my own life... and that had the power to do the same for others! I was on my way. Eventually, the speaking fees grew a little larger, and in 1990, I decided to phase out my law career over the next
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few years. This w asn ’t a simp le d ecision. I had gone to fou r y ears of c ollege an d three year s of l aw school to obtain my law d egree. On top of that, I had spen t 10 years of m y life as a practi cing lawy er. When you h ave that m u ch invested in a career , it ’s not so easy to w alk aw ay. Then , of cou rse, there w as the m oney iss u e. As a l aw yer, ’d be Iearni wasng onthat trackmto earn in — a few —$100,000 uch and m ore for years, the restand of Imy profession al career. Taking A Stand
Although I was earning a little m ore inco m e from m y new “ hobby, ” I realized that I ’d have start-up expenses in launching m y new enterp rise . Fortu nately ,
A positive attitude is a person s passport to a better tomorrow.
—Unknown Dolores and Ithe hadyears. saved To some m oney over sup p lem ent my inco m e, I began t o sell a line of merchandise with my unique “ Attitude is Everything ” logo. Bu t there w as no w ay to avoid it — I’d have to take a huge financial step backward to start my new bu siness. .. at le ast in th e beginning. And yet, it w as ti m e to move on . I felt as i f I w as bei ng pulled out of the legal profession and into my new career. Whenever I spoke to an audience or wrote a motivational
essay, w as so invigor ated an d fu ll of life. I kn ew th at ’s w here II be longed . So, I made a gradual transition — w orki ng fo ur d ays a week as a lawyer, then three days a week... and then two d ays a w eek... u nt il, in 1992, I began w orkin g full ti m e as a m otivati onal speaker an d w riter. Tru st me, my m other w asn ’t thril led w hen I tol d her that I was givi ng u p the p ractice of law to speak about atti tud e. After all, it d oesn ’t carry th e p resti ge of s aying “ My son is a law yer! ” But these are issues you have to deal with when you
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take a stan d in life. You h ave to fac e the f act that som e people w ill d isap p rove of you r deci sion. I also learn ed tha t you often h ave to le t go of some th ings i n you r life and take a few steps backward before you can move forward in a new d irection. Part of the pr ice I had to pay w as gi ving up the money, prestige and security of my legal career. the way, it turned my mother became veryth at supBy portive of mas y new careerout, , especi ally w hen she saw I was making progress — and that I really enjoyed my work. Why am I telling y ou all this about m y career tran sition? It ’s not to impress you with what I ’ve d on e. Believe me, I’ve m ad e plenty of blu nd ers and m istake s along the w ay. I’m shari ng m y sto ry bec ause I w ant you to know how d rastic ally m y life chan ged — and how m u ch bette r it got — wh en I mad e a change i n m y at titud e.
Proof positive that, indeed, attitude is everything!
Think, act and talk with enthusiasm and you ll attract positive results. —Michael LeBoeuf
How You’ll Benefit From This Book
Some final thoughts before we launch right into this material: This book can help you, no matter how positive or negative you are right now. If you ’re negative, don ’t
d esp air. You can u se th ese concepts to d evel op and maintai n a p ositive atti tud e... and to achi eve incre d ible breakth rou ghs in you r life. If you ’re already a positive person, you can use these princi p les to soar to ev en greater heights of succ ess and fu lfillment. I’ve spen t m ore than 14 years researc hing w hy it is tha t some people succeed while others achieve disappointing results. Du ring that time, I ’ve read a few hundred books and thou sand s of m agazi ne artic les on atti tud e and success. I’ve li stened to m ore than 2,000 hou rs of aud io cassette pro-
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gram s. In ad d ition, I ’ve interviewed countless high achi evers to learn their “ success secrets. ” More imp ortan tly, I hav e personall y app lied eac h and every su ccess strateg y that is d escribed in th is book. So, I know from firsthand experience that these ideas work — and that they have the power to literally transform your life!Please don ’t m isund ers tand me. I d on ’t claim to be a “ know-it-all ” on th ese su bjects. Far from it. I consider myself a “ work in progress ” and I continue to learn every day. However, I know what it ’s like to have a negative attitud e, becau se that ’s the kind of attitud e I ha d for th e first 3 0 years of m y life. I know w ha t it ’s like to d ou bt you rsel f and your abilities, because that ’s w ha t I d id for 3 0 year s. All of the p ositive c ha nges tha t I ’ve m ad e in m y life are the result of practicing the principles you
’ll read abou t in this book.
Think... Speak... Act
This book is conveniently divided into three Parts, and each Part conta ins a serie s of lessons. So, if you ever n eed reinforc em ent in a p artic u lar area, i t w ill be easy f or you to tur n to th at le sson a nd re-read it. In Par t 1, Success Begins in the Mind, we’ll be foc u sing on the power of attitude and belief to shape your destiny. You ’ll learn how you r su ccess init ially d ep end s on the w ay thatInyou K. Your Words, w e ’ll concentrate on the w ay Par TH t 2, IN Watch that you SPEAK... how your attitude is reflected in your w ords. .. and how p ositive langu age c an h elp to p ropel you toward your goals . In Part 3, Heaven Helps Those Who Act, w e ’ll cover the final leg of ou r jou rn ey. Even if you th ink p ositively ... an d sp eak p ositi vely... you w on ’t achieve yo u r d reams u ntil you ACT. You can ’t sit bac k an d ju st ex p ect su ccess to pa y you a visit. In this section, you ’ll learn the acti on steps th at w ill turn your dreams into reality. When you THINK, SPEAK and ACT in ways that supp ort you r su ccess, you ’re firing on all cylind ers. .. and on the w ay to ac hieving ph enom enal res u lts in your lif e.
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PART 1
Success Begins in the Mind
Successis a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success. — Dr. Joyce Brothers
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LESSON 1
Your Attitude Is Your Window to the World Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world. — George Bernard Shaw
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t was just after 1:00 pm and Sara was getting hungry. She had p u t in a fe w p rodu ctive hour s of w ork at her desk and d ecided to get a bite to eat at a n earby cof fee shop . A few minutes l ater, Sam w alked into th e coffee shop. H e, too, w as on his lun ch break. Sam sat d ow n at a tabl e a few feet aw ay from Sara. The sam e w aitress served Sara an d Sam that afte rnoon. Each customer waited about the same amount of time before th e w aitress took the ord er. Each of th em recei ved thei r m eal aroun d th e sam e time. Each of them w as served w ell-p repared, w hole some food. And eac h w aited the
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sam e am ou nt of ti m e for the w aitres s to deli ver th e check. Bu t th at ’s wh ere the s imil ariti es end ed . Sara had walked into the coffee shop with a smile, a spring in her st ep an d a very positive ou tloo k on the w orld. It Attitudes are a was plain for everyone to see.
secret power working 24 hours a day, for good or bad.
— Unknown
H d y langu and her. postu er re bo reflected h erage optimism Sara had a delightful lunch, exchanged some pleasant conversation with the waitress, and went back to work with a re-
cha rged battery . Sam, on the other hand, had entered the coffee shop w ith a sc ow l on h is face. H e looked like he ’d been su cking on sour p ickles all m orning. H e w as hu nched over and tense. is body lwhen angu the agewaitress cried oudidn t “ Stay aw ay frhis omorder me! ” He wasHannoyed ’t take imm ed iatel y. H e w as ann oyed at how long i t took for his meal to arrive. H e comp lained about t he food, and w as fur ious wh en he didn ’t get h is check righ t aw ay. Why did Sara and Sam have such different experiences in the coffee shop? Remember that each was treated in exactly th e sam e w ay. It com es d ow n to th is: Sar a sees th e w orld w ith a p ositive atti tud e. Sam see s the world with a negati ve attitud e. A Definition Of Attitude
Think of your attitude as the mental filter through which you ex p erie nce the w orld. Som e p eople see the w orld through the filter of optimism (the glass being half full) w hile other s see l ife throu gh a filter of p essimism (the g lass being half em p ty). Let m e give you som e exam p les to explain the difference between a positive attitude and a negati ve attitud e. The p erso n w ith th e negati ve atti tud e thinks “ I CAN ’T.” The p erso n w ith th e posit ive atti tud e thinks “ I CAN . ”
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The person with the negative attitude dwells on problems. The person with the positive attitude concentrates on solutions. The person with the negative attitude finds fault with others. The p erson w ith the p ositive atti tu d e looks f or th e good in others. The p erso n w ith th e negati ve atti tud e focu ses on w hat ’s missing. The person with the positive attitude counts his or her blessings. The p erson w ith the negative attitud e sees limitatio ns. The p erson w ith th e p ositive atti tu d e sees possi bilities. I could go on and on with examples, but I ’m sure you get the id ea. When I talk to au d iences abou t attitud e, I often ike to use wber ord w p hat ictuIres. eople to pun d erstand land remem saidThey . Lethelp me p p aint this icture for you : Your attitude is your window to the world. Everyone Starts With A Clean Mental Window Let ’s take a f ew m omen ts to dis -
cu ss w hy I s ay that your attitud e is your window to the world. We all start out in life with a
You can t always control circumstances. But you can control your own thoughts.
goo d atti tud e — or, sh ou ld I say, a clean m ental w ind ow. Ju st — Charles Popplestone w atch you ng children . They ’re always laughing and giggling. They have a sunny disposition. They love to explore new things. Consi d er the atti tud e of a child w ho ’s learning to walk. When he s tu mbles and falls d own , w hat does he do? I ’ll tell you w hat h e doesn’t do. He doesn ’t frown or bl am e the carpet. He doesn ’t p oint f ingers at his moth er or father fo r givi ng him l ou sy instru ctions. H e d oesn ’t quit. Oh, no. He
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smil es, gets u p agai n and m akes another atte m pt. And another . H e keeps goi ng for weeks and w eek s with a p ositive atti tu d e u ntil he gets it right! H is w ind ow is squ eaky clean, and he fee ls like he can conqu er the w orld. But as you know, there comes a point where life starts throwi ng so m e d irt at our w ind ows. And h ere ’s what happens: Ou r w ind ow s get splattered by criti cism from p arents and teac hers. Our w ind ows get smu d ged by ridic ule f rom p eers. Ou r w ind ow s get s m eare d by rej ection. Ou r w ind ow s get soiled by disapp ointm ents. Our w ind ows get cloud ed by d oubt. The problem is, the dirt keeps building up, and all too many p eople d o nothing about it. They continue to go throu gh life with a f ilthy w ind ow. They los e thei r enthu siasm. They getup fruon strate d dand d epress ed.becAnd cally, they g ive th eir ream s — all au semost th ey tragi fail edto clean th eir attitud e w ind ow. That ’s the ro ad I w as travel ing d ow n. I had a dirty w ind ow w hen I w as an attorney . And the l onger I staye d in that fi eld , the f ilthier my w ind ow g ot. I saw n o possi bilities. H ow could I ? My w ind ow was splatte red w ith the mu d of negativity . Wash Your Window
Bu e of God , I learn th at m ally Iatti hadtudtoedso o w ast then, cleanby of the f mygrac w ind ow! I had to imed p rove I cou ld see the w orld c learly again. Afte r I rem oved the gri me fr om m y w ind ow, a w hol e new w orld opened u p for me. The fru stration an d d ep ress ion lifted . I ha d m ore confid ence. For th e first ti m e in ma ny year s, I cou ld see th e magn ificent p ossibi lities tha t life h ad to offer. And I w as abl e to make a c aree r transiti on an d d o w ork that I abso lutely l ove. When you really think abou t it, I ’m in the bu siness of helping p eople to c lean off their w ind ow s — to get a better atti tu d e!
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Do you see w hat I mean w hen I say t hat attit u d e is your w ind ow to the w orld ? Can yo u ap p reciate how you r atti tu d e affects the w ay you see e veryth ing in you r life? More importantly, are you beginning to see those areas where your w ind ow needs to be w ashe d ?
You Control Your Attitude It ’s your j ob to keep you r w ind ow cl ean. Su re, I can give
you a little encour agem ent. And other p eople can encourage you , too. Bu t in the end , nobod y else can d o it for you . You see, you alw ays h ave a choice. You can leave the f ilth on your w indow and look at l ife throu gh a sm eared glass . Bu t
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. — William Shakespeare
there are consequences that — and the y ’retonot approach very p rett y. You ’ll go throu gh life neg ative an d fru strat ed . You ’ll be u nhap p y. You ’ll achi eve only a fracti on of wh at you ’re cap able of achieving. There ’s a bette r w ay. When you choose to take out you r squ eegee and clean you r w ind ow, life w ill be brighter an d sunnier. You ’ll be hea lthier an d h ap p ier. You ’ll set some am bitiou s goal s... and begin to achie ve them . You r d ream s will come alive again! Still doubting whether you really have the power to ’re thi nk ing, “ Jeff, th at ’s chan Perhaps yod eu w easy ge foryour you atti to stud ay.e?You r atti tu ou ldn ’t be so good if you had m y probl ems. ” Granted, so m e real ly d evastat ing th ings m ay have h ap pen ed to you. You may have end u red mu ch su ffering. Perhaps you ’re goi ng th rough some tough tim es ri ght n ow. But, even under the worst circumstances, I still contend that yo u hav e the pow er to choose your atti tud e. I ’m not saying it ’s easy. Bu t the fact rem ains, the c ho ice is you rs. Let me tell you about a man who is well qualified to
sp eak on the su bject of attitu d e. H is na m e is Dr. Viktor
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Frankl, and he w ent through hell on earth — and m anage d not only to su rv ive... bu t to insp ire million s of peop le. You see, Viktor F ran kl end u red years of horror a s a p risoner in the Nazi death ca m ps. A happy person To make matters worse, his father, mother, brother and his is not a person in a
certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
w d iedcham in cam p s or Every w ere kidlled in ifegas bers. ay, Frankl and the other prisoners suffered from hunger, cold and bru tality. Can a p erson control his or her attitude in a situation — Hugh Downs like that? H ere ’s w hat Dr. Fran kl had to say about the importance Man ’s Search For of attitude in his best-selling book, Meaning:
“Everything can be—taken from one a man but one the set last ’s attitude of the human freedoms to choose in thing: any given ’s own way. ...Even though conof circumstances, to choose one ditions such as lack of sleep, insufficient food and various mental stresses may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone.” N ow, if Dr. Fran kl and the oth er p riso ners h ad the ability to c hoose their attitud es in th e face o f su ch u nsp eakable
su w hoes? are w e to claim tha t w e cann ot take c ontrol of ffering, our atti tud As Hu gh Down s has s aid : “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” That ’s a pow erfu l state m ent — and it ’s the truth. When it ’s all said an d d one, you, and you alone, c ontrol your atti tud e. Attitude And Success
Okay, let ’s say you clean off your window and develop a
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positive att itu d e. You ’re sm iling. You sit hom e an d th ink p ositive thou ghts. Will tha t alone lead you to outr ageou s su ccess an d th e reali zation of you r fond est d ream s? N o, it w on ’t... because there ’s more to success than just having a great atti tud e. To m aximize your p otential an d achi eve you r goals, you need to apply certain time-honored success that have helped millions of people principles to achieve of extraordinary re sults . And they ’ll do th e same fo r you ! In the next 11 lessons of this book, I ’ll be taking you th rou gh th ese su ccess p rinciples, step by step. You ’ll lear n about confronting your fears, overcoming adversity, harnessing the power of commitment and much, much more. You ’ll get the inf orm ation an d insp irati on you need to start living th e life you ’ve al w ays dreamed about. Still, you may be wondering, what do these success p rinc lesord have do w ith attitG! u dThat e? ’s wh y I say attitude is In ip aw —toEVERYTHIN everything . Without a positive attitude, you can ’t activate the other principles. You r su ccess in life begins and end s w ith you r attitude. It ’s onl y w hen you clean your atti tud e wind ow that the other succ ess princi p les can shine throu gh. If you r wind ow is smudged, only a fraction of the light of these principles can get throu gh . You r succe ss is lim ited , or even bloc ked . t wco henmyou learn p your atti tud wind ow the Bu l ight es p our ingtoinkee and you can u see these empclear, ow ering p rinci p les to earn m ore m oney, have m ore sati sfying relationships, increase your spiritual awareness and reach you r full p otential . When you combine a positive attitude with the other su ccess princi p les, you becom e un stopp able!
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LESSON 2
You’re a Human Magnet Whether you think you — can or think you can ’t — you’re right! — Henry Ford
W
hat ’s the key to su ccess? Why d o som e p eople succeed while others fail? Earl Nightingale, the great success writer, broadcaster and speaker, addressed this issue in his famous recorded m essage entitl ed “The Strangest Secret.” In th is program , he iden tified the key to su ccess in ju st six w ord s. Of cour se, he w ent on to ex p lain it i n m ore detail — but the foundation of his su ccess sec ret is only six wo rd s. You ’d like to know the si x word s, w ould n ’t you ? Well, before I tell you th e key to su ccess, you m ight be su rp rise d to learn that th e sam e six word s are al so the key to f ailu re! Are you read y for the key to s u ccess? H ere it is:
W E BECOM E W HAT W E THINK A BOUT. On a gu t level, does m ect, akeNightingale sense to you? In his rese arch on th that e subj f ou nd that all
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of the great writers, philosophers and religious leaders have agre ed that our thou ghts determine o u r actions. H ere are the observations of a few great thinkers on this very point. Napoleon Hill said: “What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” The Bible reference s to contains thinking,numerous incl u d ing these: “ According to your faith be it — Benjamin Disraeli unto you. ” (Matt hew 9:29) “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) “If you can believe, all things are possible. ” (Mark 9:23) Ralph Waldo Emerson p u t it thi s w ay: “A man is what he thinks about all day long.”
Nurture your mind with great thoughts.
“There Robertyou Colli er offered is insigh is nothing on the earth cannot have —thonce you t: have mentally accepted fact that you can have it.” And finall y, there are the w ell-know n w ord s of H enry Ford, w ho sai d : “Whether you think you can — or think you can’t — you ’re right!” How This Principle Works Let ’s examine this concept a little further
BECOM E WH AT WE TH IN K ABOU T.
— that WE H ere ’s how it
w orks. If you constantly think abou t a p artic u lar goal , then you ’ll take s teps to m ove to w ard th at goal . Let ’s say that someone (whom we ’ll call Fred) thinks he ’s capable of earn ing $30,000 p er year . Like a hu m an m agn et, Fred w ill attrac t those emp loymen t opp ortun ities that w ill move him in that direc tion. As long as Fred cl ings t o that thou ght, he’ll reach his goal of earning $30,000 per year. N ow, w ha t if Fred begins to think, “ H ey, I’d like to earn m ore m oney to m eet the growing need s of m y fam ily. I want to earn $50,000. ” Will Fred ’s income increase? It d ep end s. Ju st how strong is Fred ’s beli ef that h e can
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earn $50,000? It ’s qu ite p ossibl e tha t Fred would like to earn $50,000, but he doesn ’t believe that he ’s really capable of earn ing that amou nt. In that c ase, Fred w ill not reac h his incom e goal of $50,000. If, on th e other h an d , Fred continually thinks about earning the higher income... and believes in his ability to achieve that goal, he will, in fact, increase $50,000. As youhismincom ight exepto ect, thi s conce p t is not li m ited to m onetary goals. Su p p ose you ’re shooti ng a roun d of 95 on th e golf cou rse right now. By concentra ting on bri ng ing that score dow n to 8 5... an d by tru ly believing in you r abil ity to d o so... you ’ll begi n to take step s to mov e towa rd that goal. You m ay take lessons. You m ay pr actice m ore. Bu t in th e end, you ’ll bring your score down and reach your objective. Dominant Thoughts Rule The Day
The idea that we become what we think about has also been exp ressed as the L aw of Dom inan t Thou ght. This m eans that there ’s a pow er w ithin eac h of u s that prop els us i n th e d irection of ou r cu rrent d om inan t though ts. The key word here is DOMINANT. You can ’t expect p ositive res u lts wh en you spend 10 second s a day th inking positively... and the remaining 16 waking hours dwelling on n egati ve ou tcom es! Here ’s the bottom line. A little p ositive th inki ng d oesn ’t p ce positive su lts.toJulose st like a little of a daiet d oes-, n ’rod t w uork. I t ’s likeretrying weight bybit eating h ealthy low-c alorie breakfast. .. an d th en pigging ou t on cake and ice cre am for th e rest of the d ay! The sam e is tru e of ex ercise — you can ’t do a few minutes of exercise ONCE a w eek and expect to be p hy sically fit. A little bit Look at positive thinking in the same way. ju st doesn ’t get the job done. Instead , yo u m u st take c ontrol of you r m ental ac tivity and think p ositive ly throu ghou t eac h and every d ay u ntil i t bec om es a habit. Remem ber, it ha s to be yo u r dominant thought p att ern.
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Take a moment to consider your dominant thoughts in th e maj or areas of you r life. Are they serving you ... or holding you back? Attitude Adjustment Leads To Real Estate Ownership
Let me share a personal ex am p le to dem onstrate the pow er of ou r tho u gh ts. In the 1 970s an d ea rly 1980s, I observ ed m any p eople i n m y area (L ong Isl and , New York) wh o were making a lot of money by purchasing homes for investment pu rp oses — and renti ng the m out. The hom es w ere ap p reciati ng in value c onsid erably each year . Su re, there were the usu al head aches of hav ing to d eal w ith tenant problems, but the return these investors were getting w as inc red ible! Well, I kept thinking that I should start buying some investm ent hom es. Bu t I nev er took an y action becau se I continu ed to d ou bt m ysel f. My thinking w as d om inated by all of the th ings that could go They can because w rong. Simp ly p u t, I had a they think they can. lousy at titud e. And w ith a nega— Virgil tive attitude, is it any wonder th at I nev er took the fi rst step? H ow ever , after I s tarted read ing books and listening to tapes on the power of attitude and belief, I decided to change my attitude about real estate investm ent. In the sum m er of 1986, I d ecided th at before the end of that year I would purchase two investm ent hom es. This time, I w asn ’t goi ng to all ow any n egative thou ghts to c reep i nto m y m ind . For six months, I focused my thinking on one thing — ow ning tw o inves tm ent hom es. I w rote d ow n my goal s several tim es each day and ref erred to them of ten. I believed , at th e d eepest level of m y being, that I ’d own two hom es before the end of the year . In the evenings and on w eeke nd s, I went w ith real est ate agents to loo k at h om es. I personall y visi ted abou t 100 hom es and rese arched hu n-
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d reds of others. In the fall of 1986, I p u rchased an investm ent p rop erty. What a great feeling of accomplishment — to do somethi ng that I wou ld n ’t allow m yself to d o before. Bu t I still had w ork to do. And on Dec em ber 2 9, ju st two d ays be fore the end of the year , I reac hed m y goal and boug ht th e secondAs invest m ent I look backhome. at why I was able to purchase the real estate in 1986, while I “ couldn ’t ” do it in the years before th en, the an sw er is clear. In 1986, I believed th at I could d o it. I had an u nsha kable p ositive atti tu d e that prop elled m e forw ard to reac h m y goal. This entire experience was tremendously valuable to m e. In fact, it w as p riceless... becau se it tau gh t m e that you can achieve your goal when you believe in yourself and keep you r thou ghts f ocu sed on th e posit ive. Attitude Vs. Action I’ve been talking a lot about
thinking and you might be w onderi ng wh ere action fits into this process. It ’s true that you don ’t get results without action, but recognize that thought precedes action. I always knew the actions that I ’d have to take to bu y those i nvestment p ropertie s — contact real tors, visit p ropertie s, revi ew new spap er li stings and so on. Bu t I nev er took the f irst step as l ong as I ha d a n egative attit u d e. The instant I c han ged m y atti tu d e, I felt com p elled . andbelnoth ing w asisgoi to stopp moint e! Thatto’stake w hyaca tion.. p ositive ief system theng starting for the achievement of any goal. When your dominant belief is that you can achieve your goal, you begi n taking th e actions nece ssary to m ove in that d irection. Your Circumstances Reflect What You’ve Been Thinking About
Face this f act: You r beli efs broug ht you to w here you are toda y, and you r thinking fro m this point f orw ard w ill take you to w here yo u ’ll be in the futu re.
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In fact, you r resu lts in every area o f you r life reflect you r d eeply held thou ghts abou t you rsel f. Consi d er you r finances. What are your beliefs in this area? Are you constantly thinking about not having enough money? Dwell on th at thou ght (a l ack of fu nd s) and you blo ck the fl ow of m oney t o yo u . And the matter of you relationships. If you thi nk thatthen, you dthere on ’t’sd eserve m u ch, attract f riend s and partners into your life who won ’t treat you very well. I ’ll bet you know someone who always seems to go out with th e “ wrong ” p erson . In fact, th e last 29 p eop le th ey ’ve gone out w ith w ere w rong f or them . Do you th ink th is is a m ere coincidence? Oh, no. There is a deeply held belief inside tha t ind ivid u al that attracts these peop le into his or her li fe. And w het her we ’re talking ab ou t finan ces, r elationships or careers, the fact remains: If your thoughts don’t change,
your results won ’t change. Change Your Thinking Fortunately, there ’s exciting n ew s. You CAN chan ge your thou ghts, there by changing you r results! H ere ’s how. For
starter s, becom e aw are of w ha t you say to you rself all d ay. Each of us has an internal voice; in other words, we talk to ourWhat we sincerely selves! Too often, h ow ever, w hat believe regarding we say is negative, critical and
ourselves is true for us.
self-lim . Perha p“ Is you yourselfiting thinking, can ’tfind do this ” or “ I always mess things — Orison Swett Marden u p .” These thoughts work against you. Instead, repeat to you rsel f that you can and will accom p lish y our goal. As we ’ll discuss more fully in Part 2 of this book, it ’s also im p ortant to bec om e aw are of the w ord s you u se o n a regular bas is. For examp le, d o you p u t you rsel f d ow n or talk about the things you could never have or achieve? Your m ind hears eve ry w ord you speak — and , like a m ag-
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EVERYTHING
net, you ’ll ultimately attract the events and circumstances that co rrespond to your d om inant bel iefs. So, m ake sure to u se p ositive w ord s about your self and your g oals. Repetition Is The Key
Here are two more action steps to help you become more posit ive and get the res u lts you w ant. STEP 1. Every d ay, read som e p ositive, u p lifting liter-
atu re. Find 15 -30 m inutes i n the m orning to d o this — and it ’s also a good idea to do some reading right before bed . There are li terally thou sand s of m otivational books and articles to choose from. Read whatever speaks to you — it cou ld b e the B ible or oth er sp iritu al m aterial, or p erha p s insp iring biograp hies. You ’ll find a wide selection of success books in the Psychology and Self-Improvement section of any bookstore or library — so check them ou t. STEP 2. Every d ay, listen to
motivational cassette tapes. You can li sten to au d io tap es in your car while commuting, at home or during your exercise routine. The key is repetition. When you hear these messages over and
Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations. — Ralph Charell
over theyyou beco you — and begimne ptoart i mofplement them to i m prove your life. The tap es will get you thinking abou t you r attitud e an d other su ccess prin ciples on a d aily basis. Of cou rse, cassette tap es are not a substitu te for ACTION . It ’s u p to you to pu t these id eas to work! So, if you read som ething p ositive and listen to m otivational c asse tte tap es every d ay, it w ill mak e a p henom enal d ifference i n you r life. I can tell you from p ersona l exp erience that these tec hn iques w ork if you hav e the d iscip line
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to sti ck w ith them . The lesson I ’ve learned is this: Chan ge you r thi nking an d yo u chan ge you r life! You will become w hat you th ink about. Don’t Count On Overnight Success
Before con clu d ing , I ’d like to c lari fy a few things abou t p ositive thinking and the power of our thoughts. First of all, positive thinking doesn ’t mean that you ’ll achieve your goals overn ight. I t ’s not as if you start thinki ng a bout m aking more money and the next morning you wake up and find a stack of d ollar bill s at you r bed sid e. N ot by a long shot. Su ccess requires ef fort, c om mitmen t an d patienc e. And secondly, positive thinking doesn ’t mean you w on ’t have any more problems. Believe me, you ’ll have p lenty of s etbac ks al ong th e wa y. H ow ever, if you contin’ll ue to believe in yourself, take action and persist, you overcome those obstacles. Remember, you are constantly moving in the direction of your dominant thoughts. Everything you achieve in your lifetime flows from your thoughts and beliefs. Negative thinking yields negative results... and positive thinking p rod u ces p ositive results. Keep you r attitud e w ind ow clean an d brig ht so that the p ositive thou ghts c an come shining through . It simply makes no sense to think negative thoughts...
u nles s you w ant to g et negati ve re sults . And I know you d on ’t want that to hap pen. So, from th is p oint f orw ard , choose you r thou ghts w isely and u se this pow erfu l princi ple to get f anta stic results i n you r life!
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LESSON 3
Picture Your Way to Success! You must first clearly see a n thing your i mind before you can do it. — Alex Morrison
I
n a recent television interview, singer Celine Dion was asked if she ever dreamed at the start of her career that someday she ’d sell millions of records and be on tour, singing in front of tens of thousands of people each week. The singer replied that none of this surprised her, as she had p ictured the w hole t hing si nce s he w as five years ol d ! She was not bragging, and has worked unbelievably hard to earn every bit of her su ccess. Wha t she l earn ed at an earl y age w as her abil ity to tap into the p ower of holding a vivid, powerful image... to picture the star she wanted to become. World-class athletes also incorporate the power of imager y to reinf orce in their m ind exactly how they wan t to perform. Whether it ’s a figure skater completing a difficult jump... a tennis pro acing his opponent with a perfect serve... or a golfer driving the ball long and straight down
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the fai rw ay, man y top com p etitors m entall y envisi on a su ccessful outcome before actually achieving it in the “ real ” world. Visua lizat ion, ho w ever, is not som eth ing reserv ed solely for singers, athletes or movie stars. In fact, it ’s something you ’ve used since childhood to create the circumstances of youLet r owmnelife. clarify w ha t I mean . Visua lizat ion is often described as “ movies of the mind, ” “ inner pictures ” or “ images. ” We all store pic tu res in ou r m ind s about th e type of relationships we deserve, the degree of success we ’ll attain at work, the extent of our leadership ability, the am ount of money w e ’ll earn a nd accu m u late, and so on. Mental Movies From Childhood
Where do these pictures come from? Well, we begin to ” early in life. If we were critid eve lop oultr u“nw m ental cized or fe orthymovie as yous ngsters , we rec ord the events (an d the feel ings assoc iate d w ith those even ts) as ima ges i n ou r mind s. Becau se w e frequ ently d w ell on these p ictu res (both consciously and subconsciously), we tend to create life situ ations that correspon d to the srcinal i m age. For example, you may still hold a vibrant image of being Imagination is criti cized by a teac her in elemen more important tary school. You felt humiliated
than knowledge.
in of you the whole class. Later on,front when were tempted to offer you r op inion in sc hool or i n a grou p of p eople , you held back and kep t qu iet... all the w hile rem em bering (even if only on a subconscious level) how painful it was when you were criticized. The picture remains in your mind and exerts tremend ous influ ence over you r p resent acti ons. Unfortun atel y, m any of us have not u p d ated or revise d our childhood movies, so we ’re continually producing — Albert Einstein
resu lts tha t fall short of our fu ll p otential. Wha t follow s are
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some techniques for using the power of visualization to imp rove virtu ally every a spect of you r life. Take Responsibility For Your Own Movies
Not all mental pictures can be traced to your childhood. You ’re constantly generati ng mental movies b ased on your relationships, career of ex your p erie nces an dimages, oth er events. ter what the source mental there N o’smatone — — p oint that I w ant to d rive hom e: You and only you are in control of you r ow n m ovies . Let ’s try a short experiment. Think about an ice cream cone f illed w ith you r favor ite flavor of i ce cream . Does tha t create a pic tu re or im age for you? I ’ll bet it d oes. Okay, now think about an elephant. Can you see it? Chan ge the col or of the ele p ha nt to p ink. I n a frac tion of a second , you f orm ed an image o f the pink e leph ant. Can you bring ba ck th e p ictu re of the ic e cream cone? Of c ou rse you can. Can you see w ha t I m ean? You h ave control over the p ictures that oc cu p y your m ind . H owever , w hen you d on ’t consciously decide which pictures to play, your mind will look i nto th e “ archives ” and keep re- p laying old m ovies on file in y ou r m enta l librar y. Change The Meaning Of The Old Movie It d oesn ’t se rve yo u to deny w hat hap pened in a p ast e xpe-
rienc e, no m atter how p ainful or d isap p ointing. You can ’t, for instan ce, cha nge th e fact that you w ere criticized by the teacher. You can , however, alter your interpretation of the event. That is, at the time you were srcinally criticized, the meaning you might have assigned to the experience was “ I’m not good enough ” or “ My opinions are worthless. ” Whil e this was th e interp retati on of a c hild , yo u m ay h ave inad verten tly carr ied it i nto you r ad u lt life. Tod ay, thou gh , you can consciously chooseto view the situation differently — for ex am p le, the teac her m ay h ave d isagre ed w ith you ,
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but it wasn ’t a statement about your intelligence or your overal l worth a s a person! Create New Pictures
We can create new mental movies whenever we choose to d o so. And w hen w e d evel op (and conce ntrate o n) new images that evoke powerful feelings and sensations, we ’ll act thatansupport new thee. first stepinis ways to create im agethose of you r dpictures! esired ouSo, tcom You are lim ited only by you r im agination. As you know, most people are terrified about public sp eakin g. In sur vey after su rv ey, it is listed as the # 1 fear that people have — ran ked ah ead of the fear of d eath! So, when most people are asked to even consider making a speech, what kinds of pictures do they run through their mind s? They see them selves stand ing nervou sly in front of the au d ience. Perhaps t hey ’re having trouble re m embering w hat mental they w screen ant to say thesebei m agesthat over andwon over on ’t your and. Ru youn can sure you have m u ch success as a speaker! Instead, form a picture in your mind in which you ’re confi d ently givi ng your presentation. The au d ience m em bers are listening to you r every w ord . You look shar p . You r delivery i s sm ooth . You tell a fu nny story an d th e au d ience is laughing. At the end , you get a war m rou nd of ap p lau se. People come up afte rw ard to congratu late you. Do you see how these ki nd s of mental i mages c an h elp you to bec om e a better s p eaker? Recognize, however, that the pictures in your mind are not fulfilled overnight. But, by being patient and by persistently f ocu sing on these m ental imag es, you ’ll au tom atically start ac ting i n w ays that su p p ort you r visi on. Picture Your Way To Sales Success If you ’re involved in sel ling an y p rod u ct or servic e, it ’s vital
tha t you see you rsel f succeeding on a consi stent basi s. If you ’re not getti ng the results you w ant, there ’s no qu estion that you ’re holding onto pictures of sales mediocrity... or
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sales d isap p ointm ent.. . as opp osed to sale s su ccess. Right now, think about your next meeting with a prosp ect. In your mind , how d o you see the encoun ter? Are you confident and persuasive? Are you enthusiastically You have control over explaining the benefits of what
the pictures that occupy your mind.
’re offering you ? Is thted e pinrosp ect receptive and interes w hat you ’re saying? Can you vivi d ly — Jeff Keller see a su ccessfu l outcome to you r meeting? Remember that you ’re the producer, director, script writer, lighting coordinator, costume designer and casting d irector of you r ow n m ental movies. You get to choose how they turn out! By m ental ly rehearsi ng and ru nn ing successfu l outc omes throu gh your mind, you ’re paving the
w ayOfforcourse, su ccess y ou r sales crun areer. if in you currently images through your mind where the prospect rejects your ideas and has no interes t in you r p resentation, you ’ll attain ver y lim ited success from yo u r sales efforts. You ’ll attract those people — and those situations — that correspond to your negative images. Relax And Involve Your Senses What ’s the be st method to use w hen conc entrati ng on your
new images? I t ’s been p roven your m and ind isnot most re ceptive to visualization when youthat’re calm thinking abou t a lot of things si m u ltaneou sly. So, sit d ow n in a comfortable chair at home, close your eyes and do some deep breathing exerc ises to c lear you r m ind an d relax your bod y. Now, develop images that involve as many senses as you can. The more sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches you p u t in you r p ictures, the m ore pow erfu l the “ pull ” for you to m ake you r visi on a reali ty. Here ’s an example. Let ’s say you ’ve al w ays dreamed of ow ning a beac h-front hou se in the Cari bbean. Pictu re the
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w hite an d p each-colored hou se. See the gree n pa lm tree s slowly swa ying in the gentle breeze. Sm ell th e salt air. Feel the w arm sand between your to es. Feel the s u nshine on you r face. Isn ’t this paradise? And all this can be yours if you hold onto this image and do what it takes to achieve
Vision is the art of seeing things invisible to others.
it! Also,associated rememberwith that strong those images emotions have even m ore power , so be sure to add positive feel— Jonathan Swift ings to you r v ision. F or instan ce, w hen visu alizing you r id eal job, combine the vivid mental pictu re and the p hysic al senses with the terrific emotions of pride and satisfaction you ’ll have w orki ng in th at new p osition.
’t be Some Finally, don concerned quality your images at the outset. peoplewith can the create livelyofcolor pictures while others have trouble getting anything more than a fuzzy im age. It ’s als o p ossible you m ay on ly be abl e to get a p artic u lar feeling at the beginning as opposed to a clear im age. In any case, don ’t worry about it. Do the best you can and don ’t compare yourself to anyone else. Your images The key is to spend several will become sharper over time. minutes each day running these new movies in your mind. Write A Check To It ’s extremely powerful to outcomes — and to run there ’s another technique
Yourself
formulate images of successful them through your mind . But, you can use to accelerate your su ccess. You can c reate vis u al aid s to m ove you tow ard wh at y ou w ant. In 1990, while he was still relatively unknown, comedian Jim Carrey wrote a check to himself for $10 million for “ acting services rendered. ” The check was postdated Tha nk sgiving 1 995. As Car rey explained , it w asn ’t about
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money. H e knew th at if he was ma king that mu ch, he ’d be w orki ng w ith th e bes t p eople o n the best material . Carrey earned about $800,000 for his work in Ace Ventura and The Mask. Then, in late 1 994, he w as pa id $7 million for h is role i n Du mb and Dumber. In 1995, he ear ned m any m ore m illions and is now getti ng $ 20 m illion p er movie! Jim C ar rey ’s “ p ostdated chec k ” exerc ise is a grea t exam ple of the power of the subconscious mind to actualize a goal that is held with deep conviction and feeling. Thinking about your goal and forming images in your m ind w ill go a long w ay to c reating the su ccess you d esire. However, when you also use a tangible representation of your goal (such as a check), your chances of success are even greater! Now, I ’m not sharing this example simply because it ’s an tingyou, storytoo! abou t Jim Carrey . This sam e tec hn ique caninteres w ork for Why n ot te ar ou t one of your checks ri ght n ow and p ostdate it three or five years from now with the amount that you want to earn for “ services rendered ” ? Make sure to look at that check at least once a day... and believe that you ’re moving toward that goal . Getting The Job You Want
You can u se vi sua l rem ind ers to your ad van tage in a lo t of — ’s not lim ited to checks. H ere ’s an example ways ’ll call Robert Jones. involving ait friend of mine, who we Robert rec eived his pa rty ’s nom ination f or a ju d geship, and he’ll be on th e ball ot in an u p com ing ele ction. While R obert stan d s an excellent cha nce of winn ing th is election (and reali zing h is dream of bec om ing a ju d ge), he ’s still a little nervous... and doubts creep into his mind now and again. I suggeste d to R obert that he make a han d w ritten sign that reads JU D G E RO BERT JO N ES and that he pu t that s ign w here he ’ll see it every day (for example, on
his nightstand an d on the bathroom m irror) . I also recom-
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mend ed th at he w rite thes e word s on a c ard he can carry i n his wallet. By looki ng a t those w ord s throu gh ou t the d ay, Robert is cond itioning his m ind to vi ew him self as a ju d ge. H e ’s going to start thinking about w earing the black robes . H e ’ll If you can dream it,
you can do it.
see veryon. e ris he enters thees couertroom Ase asthese imag — Walt Disney become stronger and stronger, Robert will take those actions that will bring this picture into reality. He ’ll cam p aign m ore. H e ’ll make sure his party is d oing everyth ing p ossible to get the voters ou t on Election Day. Whil e Robert c ould have formed stro ng m ental i m ages without the use of the sign, it has so much more power w ith the visual ! The sign is run a remind er to images Robert to think about beingaiadjudge... and to successful through his m ind . Of cou rse, there are no gu aran tees tha t this will w ork for Robert — or th at it w ill always w ork for you. Bu t, once you try this for yourself, I think you ’ll find that it ’s an incredibly p owerf ul ai d to hel p you get wh at you w ant! So, is th ere a position that you w an t to achieve? Sales m an ager... su p erv isor... attor ney... ow ner of you r ow n bu siness? Wha tever i t is, create a visual ai d a nd you r m ind w ill get to wor k to bring that p ictu re into you r life. It Works Both Ways
Be very caref u l w hen u sing visual remind ers. Som e p eople use negative aids — and with very serious consequences. Bu m per stic kers of fer a p rime exam p le. While rid ing in m y car a few years ago, I notic ed a bu m p er sti cker on the c ar in f ront of me. The bu m p er sti ck” In the last few er read, “ I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. year s, I’ve se en this sam e bu m p er sticker over and ov er. It ’s obviou sly qu ite p op u lar. Ju st a silly little rh ym e, righ t? A
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harmless joke? Wrong! There ’s nothing funny or harmless about this message. When you p u t something l ike that on your c ar, you are programm ing your m ind to ke ep you in d ebt ! Think about someone who puts this bumper sticker on her car. We ’ll call her Ali ce. Ever y m orn ing, Alice steps outside theleday and sees statement I owe. ’s greet When it to tim e to ave w ork, shethe goes bac k to h er “car and ” sees “ I ow e. ” This i d ea w ill become em bedd ed in h er subconsci ou s m ind . She ’ll form mental pictures associated w ith being in d ebt. An d , if you recal l Lesson 2, Alice w ill alwa ys attrac t wh at she thinks abou t most. In this case, she w ill attract l ots and lots of debt. If you ask Al ice w hy sh e never h as enou gh m oney, she ’ll say that s he has bad lu ck. The tru th is, Alice is carel ess about w hat goes into her m ind . The “ harmless ” little bu m p er sti of todexample ay bec om you r reali ty tomor row. Alice is cker a perfect of es someone throwing more m ud on an al read y d irty atti tud e w ind ow. If attitude is everything , then Alice ’s predominant attitude is “ I’m a debtor! ” With an atti tud e like that, what d o you think her fu tu re w ill bring — prosperity... or more debt? We both know the answ er to that qu estion. Lights... Camera... Action Well, there you have it — some suggestions for creating
and benef from you r own m ental m ovies. Remem ber, ’t take control and develop your own movies, if you doniting you ’ll continu e to replay the old on es. If the old m ovies are serving you , that ’s grea t. Bu t if th ey ’re holding you back i n any w ay, get started today and u se the inc redibl e pow er of your m ind to pic ture you r w ay to greate r succ ess!
Hear Jeff Keller, Bob Proctor, Jim Rohn, Cynthia Kersey and other great Personal Growth Teachers at http://www.mp3Motivators.com/
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LESSON 4
Make a Commitment... and You’ll Move Mountains! What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exact ly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it. — Alexander Graham Bell
I
u sed to thi nk I knew w hat c omm itm ent and p ersi stence meant. Trying hard. Making a lot of attempts.H ow ever, I d id n ’t grasp the true meaning of these concepts until I read a sm all p ap erback book entit led The Ultimate Secret To Getting Absolutely Everything You Want , by Mike Hern acki. Commitment is the essence of The Ultimate Secret. According to the author, the key to getting what you want is the “ willingness to do whatever it takes” to acc om plish you r objective. N ow, before your m ind ju m ps to concl u sions, le t me add that i n sayi ng “ whatever it takes” I exclu d e all actions w hich a re illegal , u neth ical or w hich h arm other p eople. So, exactly wh at d o I mean by th is “ willingness ” ? It ’s a
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mental att itud e that says: If it takes 5 steps to reach my goal,’Ill take those 5 steps; If it takes 55 steps to reach my goal,’Ill take those 55 steps; If it takes 155 steps to reach my goal,’Ill take those 155 steps. Of course, at the outset, you usually won ’t know exactly how m any step s will be required to reach you r goal. This doesn matter. To succeed, all that it’stakes necessary—is regardless that you make a’tcommitment to do whatever of the nu m ber of step s involved. Where does persistence fit in? Persistent action follows commitment — that is, you first must be committed to something before you ’ll persist to achieve it. Once you ’ve made a commitment to achieve your goal, then you ’ll follow through w ith rel entl ess d eterm ination and action u ntil you attai n the d esired resu lt. The “Magic ” Of Commitment
When you m ake a c omm itmen t and are wil ling to do w hatever it takes, you begin to attract the people and circumstances necessary to accomplish your goal. For instance, once you devote yourself to becoming, say, a best-selling auth or, you m ight sud d enly “ bump into ” a literary a gent or “ discover ” a tele vision p rogram offering ad vice on this very topic. It ’s not as if th ese res ou rces nev er exi sted before. It ’s ju st that your m ind never f ocu sed on f ind ing them . Once you commit you create a mental of what yourself it wouldtobesomething, like to achieve it. Then, yourpicture mind imm ed iatel y goes to wor k, like a m agn et, attracti ng ev ents and circumstances that will help bring your picture into reality. It ’s im p ortan t to reali ze, how ever, tha t this i s not an overnight process; you must be active and seize the opp ortu niti es as they ap pear. The magic which flows from commitment has never been m ore el oqu ently or m ore ac cu rately descri bed tha n in the follow ing w ord s by W. H . Mu rray : “Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw
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back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely Effort only fully commits oneself, then Providence releases its reward moves, too.
after a person refuses to quit.
All sorts things occur to have help one“that wouldofotherwise never — Napoleon Hill occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.” Doors Will Open Here ’s another m iraculo u s feature of the pow er of c omm it-
’ ment: You don know at off the if outset howatoplan achieve you r goal. Su re,t have you ’to ll be better you have of attack, but it ’s not es senti al that every ste p be map p ed ou t in adv ance . In fact, when you have th e w illingn ess t o d o w hatever it takes, the “ right ” step s are of ten sud d enly re veal ed to you. You ’ll meet people yo u never c ould have p lann ed to m eet. Doors wil l u nexpectedly open fo r you. It might see m like luck or good fortu ne is smil ing on you ; in tru th, you ’ll ha ve created these posit ive events by m aking a c om m itm ent and ,
thuHere s, instructi ng you r m ind to loo k for them . ’s an ex am p le of how a d oor un exp ectedly opened for m e. In 1989, I start ed w riting mot ivationa l ar ticles. I ’d learned about the p ow er of a p ositive atti tud e and the other success principles, and I was committed to sharing this information with others who could benefit from it. But I had no idea w here to start. Do I send m y arti cles to newsp ap ers. .. su bm it them to m agazines ... write my own book? The first thing I did was submit an article to a local newsletter for people involved in training and human resources . Tha t artic le w as pr inted in th e sum m er of 1990.
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A few m onths late r, I got a ph one c all from a gen tleman nam ed Stuar t Kamen, a fr eelance writer w ho also worked w ith bu sinesses to p rod u ce new sletters. Stu art said he ’d seen m y ar ticle wh ile visi ting th e h om e of his bes t fri end — and w as ve ry imp ressed w ith it . Then h e aske d m e, “ H ave yo u With ordinary talent
and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
ever thought writing ” of newsletter? Quite frankly,a I hadn ’t thought of d oing m y own new sletter . We arr an ged a m eet— Sir Thomas Buxton ing and Stuart ex plai ned how w e could w ork toge ther to prod u ce a new slette r that w ould m ake t hese self-development concepts available to thousands of people. Attitude is About one month later, the first issue of
Everything slettethan r w as nine pu blished. w e ’reac ve been going strongnew for more years — And and have hed hundreds of thousands of people with this life-changing information! H ow d id it all hap pen? I w as committed to sharing th ese p rinci p les w ith others. I had a positi ve attitud e. I started w riting. And th en, Stu art Kam en, a com p lete strang er, entered m y life — som eone w ho knew just how to turn m y dream into reality. Ah, the m agic of com m itment! A Word Of Caution
Before you get too excited about waltzing easily toward you r goals, I cau tion you . Even w ith a c om mitmen t, everythi ng w on ’t be rosy on your path. Life will test you to see how serious you are about achieving your objective. Ob sta cles w ill ar ise. You ’ll m ake m istakes and suffer d isap pointments and setbacks, some of which may be quite sever e and eve n temp t you to aband on your goal . That ’s when it becomes important to follow the sage w isd om of Winston Chu rchill, w ho said: “ N ever, never, never
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give up.” Or th e ad vice p rovided by Jam es J. Corbett: “ You become a champion by fighting one more round. W hen things are tough, you fight one more round.” If you ’ve m ad e a com m itment to acc om p lish a goal, you can overc om e tem p orary d efeats. .. an d you will triumph! Commitment Pays Off For Aspiring Novelist
A few years ag o, American Way magazine carried a fascinating interview with best-selling novelist David Baldacci. Baldacci is the author of the immensely successful novels Absolute Power, Total Control and The Winner. Millions of cop ies of his books have been sold . Let me assure you, however, that Baldacci was no overn ight su ccess. H is accom p lishm ents an d financi al achievements were the result of his total commitment to d evelop ing his tale nt s as a w riter . Like m e, Bald acci star ted ou t as a law yer. H e started law sc hool i n 1983 and d idn ’t give any thought to becoming a best-selling novelist. H e sim p ly enj oyed w riting. Yet, at th e ou tset, Bald acci knew th at h e d idn ’t have the nece ssary w riting skil ls. So he mad e a com m itmen t, as he pu t it, to learn the c ra ft of w riting. For th e first five year s, he didn ’t finish any of his proj ects. Ever y d ay, he ju st worked on characters, plot develOne person with a opm ent and other w riting basi cs. At the tim e, he w as a p racti cing commitment is worth lawyer, and he and his wife had more than 100 people tw o youn g child ren. When d id he who have only an find the time to do this writing? interest. Baldacci worked on his writing every night from 10:00 pm until — Mary Crowley 2:00 am . N ow, th at ’s a commitment t o d o w hatever i t takes ! H e p ointed ou t, how ever, that he had fun w riting — it w asn ’t a chore. By th e wa y, I ’m not suggesting that you stay up all night to pursue your goals — that 10:00 pm to 2:00 am shift certainly wouldn
’t
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w ork f or m e, and it may n ot work for you, ei ther! After 10 ye ars of w riting, Balda cci had com p leted some shor t stories an d a few screenp lays. H is total sales: ZERO. All that he had to show for his efforts were a lot of rejections from ed itors. In 1996, all of Baldacci ’s efforts pa id off... big tim e! H e received m illions of d ollars for the literary m ovie Absolute Powerand to his blockbuster thriller . The star rights of th e movie w as Cl int East w ood. Su ch is the p ow er of a p erso n w ho is c om mitted. He Refused To Quit I’ve le arned a lot abo u t the m agic of comm itm ent f rom m y
good friend , Jerr y Glad ston e. In 1986, Jerr y started his ow n company, American Royal Arts, selling a variety of collectible s. On e year l ater, he d ecid ed to concentra te on sel ling animation H ean secu red , sma l icenses w ith er Brothers, H an na art. Barbera d other ller stud ios.Warn Bu t he realized that to really grow his business, he needed to sell Disney ar t. For th ree years, he w rote l etters and called Disney h ead qu arters re qu esting p erm ission to sell Disney art. Each time, he got the same answ er from Disney: N O. That didn ’t stop Jerry. H e kept contacting Disney ex ecu tives. On e execu tive fina lly had j u st abou t all she cou ld take of Jerr y. So she told h im , in
The who rewards perseverefor farthose exceed the pain that must precede the victory.
aMaleficent voice andfrom tone reminiscent of Sleeping Beauty, the evil queen from Snow White and Cruella DeVil from 101 Dalmatians all rolled into one, — Ted Engstrom “ You ’ll never get a Disney license! ” Time to give u p , righ t? N ot Jerr y! Throu gh all th ese rejections, he kept a great attitude. He called more executives at Di sney. And then on e gentle m an at Disney , hop ing to get rid of Jerr y on ce an d for all, said , “ Well, the on ly tw o
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places we would consider allowing a gallery offering Disney artwork to open would be either Minnesota or Massachusetts. ” Jerry ’s busines s w as in N ew York, and he h ad no d esire to open a gall ery i n a remote l ocation. Gu ess w hat Jerry d id? H e flew to Boston the very next d ay. And by the end of the day, he had Street in Boston ! signed a lease for a place on Newbury H e called the Dis ney exe cu tive to report th at he h ad the Massac hu setts location. They bot h had a good l au gh. And then th e execu tive said to Jerry, “ If you had the c ourage to go u p to Boston the n ext d ay an d op en a p lace ju st like t hat, w e have to p ut you on the Di sney program. ” With in a few w eeks, Jerry op ened the Boston galle ry featur ing th e Dis ney line. Within a year, he was given permission to market the Disney li ne throu ghDih sney is N ew store .H eJerry ha sd now d one business w ith f or York 10 years. has sol m illions of dollars of Disney art and is the largest volume Disney animation art d ealer in the w orld ! Talk abou t comm itm ent.. . talk abou t keeping a good attitu d e in th e face of rejection! Jerry w as goi ng to get the Disney l icense no m atter w ha t it took. Ju st ask Jerry, an d he ’ll tell you “ in a N ew York m inu te ” that attitude is everything! As Long As It Takes I’d like to share with you the story of Benjamin Roll, who
lives in N ew p ort Beach , California. In 1990, at th e age of 67, Roll grad u ated from law school . N atu rall y, before he c ou ld start practicing law, he had to pass the California Bar Examination. On h is first attem p t at the e xamination, he f ailed . On h is second attem p t, he failed . And he fai led the third tim e... the fourth time... the fifth time... the sixth time... the seventh time.. . the eight h tim e... th e n inth tim e... th e 10th tim e... the 11th tim e... th e 12th tim e... and th e 13th tim e.
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Let m e ad d on e imp ortan t fact: the Bar Examina tion is given o nly tw ice each year. So, at the tim e of his 13th faile d attem p t, Roll w as now 73 years ol d . Most p eople w ou ld have quit, but not Benjamin Roll! H e took the ex am for the 1 4th time.. . an d h e passed ! In 1997, at th e age of 74 , Roll w as ad m itted to p ra ctice law in ’s a it th state Californ ia. dNoow, here guytakes. who ’s As committede ... an dof w illing to w ha tever Roll explained, “ I was g oing to p ass that cotton-pic kin ’ exam if I lived long enough . And I d id ! ” Does this story tell you anything about the importance of atti tud e? Most peop le w ould n ’t even consider starting law school in their 60 s. Yet, here ’s someone who not only enrolled in law school, but was willing to spend six years after grad u ation stu d ying to p ass the B ar Ex am . Wow! Benjamin Roll ’s story i s sim ply fu rth er p roof tha t
attitude is everything! Time To Make A Commitment Now, let ’s ass u m e you h ave a goal i n m ind . The next question to ask y ou rself is, “ Am I w illing to d o w hatev er it takes to achieve this goal? ” If your answer is, “ I’ll do just about anything, except that I won ’t do _____ , ” then frankly, you ’re not c omm itted. And if you ’re not committed, it ’s likely that you ’ll be d erail ed and not a chieve you r objective. For instance, m an y peop le start a new bu siness with this app roac h: “ I’ll give it six month s qu to it. prosper. If things don ’t work out after six months, I ’ll ” This is not a m ental atti tu d e that le ad s to success. Where w ou ld n oveli st David Balda cci be if he had said, “ I’ll try the writing for one year... and if I can ’t sell anything, I ’ll give it u p ” ? H e’d have mis sed out on the o pp ortu nity to d o w ha t he loves. .. have fi nan cial ind ep end ence. .. and live his d ream! Now, I ’m not suggesting that you just bull ahead without a plan and hop e for the b est. Of course you should set timetables, deadlines and budgets so you stay on course an d su cceed as qu ickly as p ossibl e. Bu t th e reality is, d esp ite your m ost c aref u l plans, you d on ’t know how long it will take to achieve you r goal. .. and you can ’t foresee all
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LESSON 5
Turn Your Problems into Opportunities Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. — Napoleon Hill
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hen faced with problems or setbacks in your life, what is your immediate reaction? If you ’re like most people, your first impulse is to complain. “ Why d id thi s have to hap pen to me? What am I going to d o now ? My plans are ruined! ” This respon se is only n atu ral. How ever, after th e initi al d isap p ointm ent w ears of f, you h ave a choic e to m ake. You can either wallow in misery and dwell on the negative asp ects of your situ ation or you can find the ben efit or l esson th at th e p roble m is offering. Yes, you ’ll probably face a period of uncertainty or stru ggle, bu t there ’s alw ay s a flip sid e to t he d ifficulty. You see, a “ problem ” is often n ot a p roble m at all . It may actually be an opportunity. For instanc e, a p robl em m ay p oint ou t an a d ju stment you can m ake to i mp rove c ertai n cond itions in your life. Without the problem, you never would have
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taken this p ositive ac tion. For example, you probably know or have heard about someone w ho los t his or her j ob and then w ent on to start a successful business. Often, that person will tell you that if he or she hadn ’t been laid off, the new business would never have b een starte d . What s tarted as an adversit y ended as a gol en oppyou ortunit Howupabout thedtimes werey.absolutely convinced that a particular job was perfect for you; you had a great intervie w and ju st could n ’t wait for the offer. But the offer never came — som eone els e got the j ob. You w ere d evastated ! Days or mon ths l ater a new j ob cam e along, and y ou real ized th at the fi rst p osition w as m u ch less d esirable than the one that came along later. The earlier rejection was, in fact, a bless ing. Anoth er exam p le is the d eal on th e “ dream house ” w hich fall s throu gh... onl y to be rep laced by som ething even b etter . Finding the Benefit
The New York Times printed an essay, “ Is There Meaning to a Brain Tumor? ” written by a 40-year-old woman named Sharon w ho w as told that she had a large tum or be hind her left eye. The tumor was surgically removed in a six-hour operation. Fortunately, it was benign. Can you imagine som eone fi nd ing a h ost of benefi ts in this f rightening situ ation? Accord ing to S haron , there hav e been m any p ositives . touched by to theher outpouring of help andSharon supportwas thedeeply community gave and her family d u ring this c risis. People i n th e com m u nity, some of w hom were only acquaintances, provided evening meals for her hu sband and thei r child ren. H er friend s m ad e arran gem ents f or her hou se to be cleaned. Sharon le arned about the h u m an capaci ty for kind ness and for h elp ing others i n time of nee d . H aving confronted the fragil ity of her ow n life, Sha ron now says that she developed a more positive attitude and is eager to accomplish the goals she set while lying in her
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hospital bed. She also has developed a closer, more meaningful relationship with her brother and sister. As Sharon exp lained , it too k a p ersonal m isfortu ne for her to see how good life can be. She has gained a new appreciation and zest f or li ving b y overcoming a tr ying an d d ifficu lt exp erience. From Tragedy To Triumph
The road to su ccess often travels throu gh ad versity . Ju st ask entrepren eu r Dave B ru no. In th e 1980s, Bru no w orked his way u p to national s ales man ager f or a m edic al equ ip ment com p an y. H e an d h is w ife, Marlene, and their three young children lived in a lovely suburban home in Milw au kee. Things w ere looking good . Bu t in 1984 Bru no lost his job. An d sever al mo nt hs later — w hile sti ll ou t of wor k — Dave Bru no w as drivi ng hom e at ni ght w hen hisinjuries, car vee including red of f thecollapsed ro ad an dlungs, crashed. suffered massive bro- H e ken ribs , a bru ised h eart, a ru p tured splee n an d a lac erated liver. The d octors did n ’t know if he wou ld live. Bru no himself thou ght h e w as goi ng to d ie. No pressure, no After tenu ou sly cling ing to a lif e support system for three days, diamonds. he w as m iracu lously i n the cl ear. — Mary Case Bru no felt like he ’d been given a second chan ce. While recovering in the hospital, he started to think about w hat h e wou ld d o w ith his l ife. Prio r to the ac cid ent, and indeed for most of his life, he had collected motivational and insp iratio nal quotes . H e had learned as a yo u ngster the am azing pow er qu otati ons c ould hold, as his mother had a h abit of s trategi cally p lacing them through out the hou se an d on th e refrigerator . They alwa ys lifted h is spirits and p rovi d ed d irection. Suddenly, he had a flash of insight about what to do. H e ’d start a bu siness to share thes e qu otati ons w ith others,
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so th ey, too, could be insp ired. Bu t he d idn ’t have a clue about how to do it . And after he got out of the hospital there was more bleak new s. Because of astron om ical m ed ical bills an d th e inabil ity to wor k, Bru no h ad to decl are bankru p tcy. H e and his fam ily lost thei r hom e and m oved into a c ram p ed ap artment. Yet Bru no w ould n ot gi ve up on h is dream. H e pu shed onw ard , w ith a p ositive atti tud e and relentl ess d eterm ination. Over th e next few year s, he took j obs wh ere he c ou ld learn about m arketi ng and p rinti ng. H e w as always looking for a vehicle for his quotations. On e d ay, an id ea hit him like The things which hurt, a ton of bricks: H e ’d print the qu otations on cre d it card stock. instruct. Later that evening, he was — Benjamin Franklin
watching and saw com-p am ercial forTV a credit card acom ny ’s “ gold card . ” Even better , he thou ght. Print the qu otes on m etall ic gold card s that peop le could take with them w herever they w ent. So, he cre ated a serie s of qu otations on top ics such as attitud e, lead ership, p ersi stenc e an d cou rage. H e called them Su ccess G old Card s. Five years after leaving the hospital, Dave Bruno sold his first Su ccess Gold Card . An d , I ’m h app y to report that he’Dave s now Bruno sold mturned ore than tw o m illion ofinto those card s! a tragic accident an incredible triumph. Business Disappointment Is Blessing In Disguise Now, I don ’t want you to think that this principle only
ap p lies to traged ies, becau se nothing could be fu rth er from the truth . I ’d like to share a business example that reinforced my faith in this concept. In March of 1991, after an exha u stive searc h, I selected a comp any to screen p rint m y
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A ttitude is Everything T-shirts. In late June, I committed myself to a local and national adverti sing camp aign t o m arke t thes e shi rts . A serious issue developed in early July. Instead of filling an ord er in tw o It is a rough road weeks (as srcinally promised), that leads to the ’t fill the the screen printer didn heights of greatness. order for more than five weeks. — Seneca This was unacceptable, and I decided to find another screen printer. But I ’d already established my pricing and delivery terms based on discussions with the srcinal printer. This was a major problem, right? What if I couldn ’t find another comp any to d eliver a p rodu ct of equal qua lity at or near th e sam e pric e?
Well, rather thanset getout depressed and curse my rotten luck, I immediately to get another, better printer. Within one week, I found the printer I was looking for. N ow, instead of hav ing an ord er filled in tw o to f ive weeks, it is filled in two to four days. Eight years later, I ’m still w orki ng w ith this vend or. Losing the first screen printer was the best thing that could have happened! Of course, I didn ’t know it at the time, but I kept beli eving tha t I cou ld m ake this see mingly “ bad situation ” turn out to my advantage. And I did. Experiences this taught that when shu ts, there ilike s alw ayshave a better oneme waiting to be oneopdoor ened . Career Change Emerges From Frustration
My own career transition is another example of how benefits com e from p robl em s and d ifficu lties. I w as never interested in self-development materials until I had years of u nh ap p iness after grad u ating from l aw sc hool . I only found these principles after I ’d rea ched a low p oint in my life. I now reali ze tha t all the m iserie s I end u red w ere real ly
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blessi ng s in disgu ise! I can see, qu ite clearly, how th e even ts of my life “ set me u p ” for wh at w as to com e. I had to go through the tough ti m es and the unh app iness — and to br eak t hrough that lo w mood so I w ould u nd ers tand the p ow er of a posit ive atti tud e. So, when someone tells me they ’re discouraged, or it ’s obvious theyI’ve have know gh what thatc ha lfeels like. be aennegative there! attitude, By goingI throu some lenging tim es, I learn ed things th at are i nv aluable to me — and I can relate much better to Adversity brings out those w ho hear m y prese ntatio ns and read m y writi ngs. our hidden potential. And the reali ty is, if I had n ’t — Jeff Keller grown more and more dissatisfied with my work as an attorney, I never w ou ld have been op en to sw itching c areers. If “C Iticing had rated as ahav or “ C-,f”orI would pt p rac law. mI ywjob ou ld e ”settled living ha ave “ Cke ” life. It ’-s only bec au se I w as a “ D- ” ... an d head ing f or an “ F” ... tha t I w as moti vated to m ake a c han ge! When someone asks m e w hy I chan ged careers, I rep ly, without hesitation, “ LOTS OF PAIN ” — physically, emotionall y an d sp iritu ally. An d it ’s that pa in — too intense to ignore — that f orced m e to make a dec ision and m ove in an oth er d irection. Life is no w an “ A ” ... and things are on ly getting better!
N ow, let ’as look at younegative r life. Can you thinkturned of anyinto situations where seemingly experience something positive? Maybe you w ere dis m issed from a job... and then land ed a better posi tion. Or, p erhaps you h ad a heal th p robl em an d it cau sed you to cha nge you r d iet or to s tart exe rcising regu larly. Carefu lly review the d ifficulties an d setbacks you ’ve faced — and identify the benefits and lessons that cam e out of th ese exper iences . The positives are there.. . if you look f or them !
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How Adversity Serves Us At this point, let ’s exam ine seven w ays i n w hich ad versi ty
can serv e us. 1. Adversity gives us perspective. On ce you ’ve recovered from a life-threatening illness, a flat tire or a leaky ’t seem ’re able roof doesn so trou bling an ym to rise above the petty annoyances of ore. dailyYou living and focus your attention on the truly important things in you r life.
2. Adversity teaches us to be grateful.Through problems and difficulties, especially those which involve loss or deprivation, you develop a deeper appreciation for m an y asp ects of your life. It ’s tri te but tru e — you d on ’t usually appreciate something until it ’s taken away fromvalue you. When hot you water, ’reyou sud d enly hot wyou ater.have N otno u ntil sick do you cherish good health. The wise person continues to d w ell on bless ings, even afte r th e p eriod of los s or deprivation has passed. Remember, we ’re always moving in the direction of our dominant thoughts; therefore, concentrating on what you have to be gratef u l for brings even m ore goo d things i nto you r life. 3. ing Adversity brings hidden potential. After sur, you viva d ifficult ordout ealour or overcomin g an obstacle em erge em otionally stronger . Life ha s tested y ou an d you w ere e qu al to the task. Then, wh en the next hu rdle appears, you ’re better equipped to handle it. Probl ems an d chall enges bri ng ou t the best w ithin u s — we discover abilities we never knew we possessed. Many of us would never have discovered these talents if life hadn ’t mad e us travel over so m e bu m p y groun d . Ad versi ty reve als to you your o w n strengths and capacities, and beckons you to devel-
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op those qu alities even fur ther. 4. A dversity encourages us to make changes and take action. Most p eople c ling to old, f am iliar p attern s regard less of how boring or p ainful their l ives have bec om e. It often takes a crisis or a series of difficulties to motivate Problems often life’sthem way to of make letti ngadjustments. you know that you ’are re off course an d need to take c orrec tive ac tion. 5. A dversity teaches us valuable lessons. Take th e exam p le of a failed business venture: The entrepreneur may learn something that enables him or her to succeed spectac u larl y on the n ext ventu re. 6. Adversity opens a new door.A relationshi p termi nates an d you go on to a m ore sati sfying relati onsh ip. You lose your the job “and find ”a isbetter one. In at these instances, problem not a problem all, but rather an opp ortun ity in d isguis e. One door i n your life has been shu t, but th ere i s a better one w aiting to be o pened . 7. Adversity builds confidence and self-esteem. When you muster all of your courage and determination to overcome an obstacle, you feel competent and gain confidence. You have a greater feeling of self-worth and carry these positive feelings into subsequentyou activities. Look For The Positive Sure, you ’ll ha ve you r share of p roble m s and ad versiti es in life. I’m n ot su gges ting that w hen traged y stri kes you d eny
am saying is your emotions or refuse to face reality. What I d on ’t immediately judge your situation as a tragedy and d w ell on h ow bad off you are. Sometimes you w on ’t be able to instantly spot the benefit that will come from being in you r situa tion... but it does exist. You a lwa ys hav e a choice. You can v iew you r p roblem s
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as negative and become gloomy and depressed about them . Let me assu re you this ap p roac h w ill only m ake things wor se. Or, you can s ee every s eemingly negative exp erienc e in your li fe as an op p ortu nity... as som ething you can learn from... as something you can grow from. Believe it or not, your problems are there to serve you — notSo, to destroy u ! you suffer a p robl em or setbac k in you r the n extyotime life, don ’t get d iscoura ged or give u p . Don ’t let problems cloud you r atti tu d e w ind ow fo rever . Clear off tha t clou d y w ind ow. You m ay find , afte r the d u st settl es, that you can actually see better than you did before! Just remember the w ords of Nap oleon H ill: “Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. ” Continu ally ask yourself w ha t you ’ve learned from you r trying ex p erience and focu s on m oving forward and growing as a p erson. In timand es of alwa ys stri to m an optimistic attitude an crisis, open mind —vefor thisaintain is the environm ent tha t w ill allow you to fi nd the benefi t in you r difficulty.
ATTITUDE -- it really makes the difference in how we feel, how we look and how we perform in every area of our lives. That's where our effective motivational products fit in. Our unique Attitude is Everything selections will help remind you -- and others -- to have a positive attitude (the only kind worth having!).
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PART 2
Watch Your Words
Repeat anything often enoug h and it will start to become you. — Tom Hopkins
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LESSON 6
Your Words Blaze a Trail The words you consistently select will shape your destiny. — Anthony Robbins
W
hen was the last time you seriously thought about the word s you u se each and every day? H ow caref u lly do you select them ? Now, you might be thinking, “ Jeff, why all this fuss about words? What ’s the big d eal? ” The an sw er is simp le. You r w ord s hav e incredible pow er. They can bu ild a bright future, destroy opportunity or help maintain the status qu o. You r w ord s reinforc e you r belief s... and you r belief s create you r reality. Think of thi s p rocess as a row of dom inos that looks like this: THOUGHTS
‘
WORDS
‘
BELIEFS ACTIONS ‘
‘
RESULTS
Here ’s how it w orks. Tom has a TH OUGH T, such as “ I’m not very good when it comes to sales. ” Now, let ’s
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remem ber t hat he d oesn ’t have thi s thou ght only once. Oh, no. He ’s run it through his m ind on a regular basi s, m aybe hu nd reds or th ousand s of tim es in his l ife! Then, Tom starts to use WORDS that support this thou ght. H e says to his friend s an d colleagu es, “ I’m n eve r going to d o very w ell in sales ” or “ I ju st hate m aking sales calls approaching again, Tom these or p hr ases over anprospects. d over... in”hisHere sel f-talk and in repeats h is discu ssions w ith others. This, in turn, strengthens his BELIEFS — and it ’s at this stage w here the ru bber re ally meets the road . You see, everythi ng th at you ’ll achieve in your life flows from your beliefs. So, in ou r sales exam p le, Tom d evelop s the beli ef that he ’s not going to be successful in sales and that he w on ’t earn m u ch m oney. This becomes e m bedd ed in hi s subco nsciou s m ind . Wh’tat believe can p ossibly th at he belief ? Becau Tom doesn in hisflow salesfrom ability, takes very se little ACTION, or he takes actions that aren ’t p rodu ctive. H e doesn ’t d o the things that w ould be nec essary to succ eed in sales. And then, quite predictably, Tom gets very poor RESULTS. To make matters worse, Tom then starts to think more negative thoughts... repeat more Words are, of course, negative words... reinforce negative beliefs... and get even more the most powerful drug used by mankind. neg ative resu lts. It ’s a vicious
cycle! Of course, this whole process could have had a very happy end ing if Tom ha d selected p ositive THOUGHTS... and reinforced them with positive WORDS . In tu rn , he ’d reinforce the BELIEF tha t h e ’s su ccessfu l in sales. As a resu lt, Tom w ou ld tak e the ACT ION S consis tent w ith th at bel ief... and w ind u p w ith ou tstand ing — Rudyard Kipling
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My point is don ’t underestimate the role of your WORDS in this p rocess. People w ho feed them selves a stead y d iet of negati ve w ords are d estined to have a n egative attitude. It ’s a simp le matter of c au se and effect. You can ’t keep repeating negative word s and exp ect to be a high achie ver. And that ’s because negative words will always lead tonthe reinforcemen ally to egative outcomes.t of neg ative beli efs — and eve ntuWhy You Don’t Want Me To Fix Anything In Your Home When it comes to home repairs, I ’m lost . You w an t m e to rep lace a faucet or f ix som eth ing in the toil et tank ? I ’d have
a better chance of reaching the top of Mount Everest. Carp entry or electrical w iring? I ha ven ’t got a clu e. You w ant to know m y ulti m ate Achi lles heel? It ’s those instru ction sheets that explain how to assemble something that you ’ve ju st taken out of the box. You k now w hat I mean — “ Figure those black and white booklets with references to 10A” that show you (or claim to show you !) w here all the nu ts and bolts go... an d how all the p arts fi t together . Instruction sheets have the same affect on me as kryptoni te had on Su p erma n. If you rec all the ol d Su p erman program s, the vil lain w ould shoot bull ets at S u p erm an — an d th e bu llets bou nced off his chest ha rm lessly. Bu t th ere w as one s u bstanc e that S u p erm an co u ld not d efend agai nst — kryp tonit e. Whenever t he bad guy hel d u p a pie ce of kryptonite, Superman got wobbly and began to lose his power. Well, when I see an instruction sheet, I get weak in the knees and lose m y pow er. I ju st know it ’s u seless for m e to even look at it. There ’s no way I ’m going to u nd erstand it. So I pu t d ow n the instru ctions an d yell for Dolore s to c om e in an d sh ow m e wh at to d o. For Dol ores, it ’s a p iece of cak e. H ow d id it come to t his? I d on ’t claim to be the sm artest guy in the world, but I consider myself to be reasonably
intell igent. Am I missing some gene f or hom e rep air skills
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that other people w ere given? N o, that ’s n ot it, ei th er. The an sw er is qu ite obviou s. For th e last 40 year s, I have repeatedly sai d , “ I’m no good at m echan ical thi ngs ” and “ I can ’t fix anything. ” And, lo and behold, after 40 years of u sing n egati ve w ords, I ’ve developed a strong belief that I can ’t d o these thi ngs. Dou lyou how I created this situation caref abousee t the w ord s I u sed? And , the by tru not th isbeing I cou ld eventually reverse this trend if I ’d start using positive w ords abou t m y abil ity to make rep airs. Scientist’s Words Are Worth Looking At
Years ago, I read an article about Kent Cullers, a scientist who headed NASA ’s Search for Extra Terrestrial Int elligence p roject. Cu llers, w ho has a d octora te in physics, was developing software that searches for radio
In
signals universe.indicating the presence of other life forms in the Sounds a little like Star Trek, doesn ’t it? Bu t m ake no mistake about it, this is some pretty technical scientific research. And yet, Cullers has a physical challenge to contend w ith. Let me tell you h ow h e d escribes it. H e refers to hi s cond ition as “ a trivial affliction ” and “ just barely an inconvenience. ” Wha t is Cull ers ’ parwords are seen the ticu lar p hy sical cha lleng e? A
state of mind, character and disposition of the speaker.
tou ch migraine of arth ritis? Or an occasional headache? Kent Cu llers is blind . That ’s righ t... he ’s blind. Isn ’t it incred— Plutarch ible that someone can describe blind ness as “ a trivial affliction ” or “ just barely an inconvenience ” ? By u sing th ese w ord s, Kent Cu llers i s emp ow ering him self to achieve gre at things. H e doesn ’t give any p ower to his l imitatio ns an d , as a res u lt, he is able to transce nd them and accomp lish m ore t han those wh o have their si ght.
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What obstacles are you facing in your life right now? Imagine the power you could unleash if you saw them as “ just barely an inconvenience ” instead of as an insurmountable barrier. To Tell... Or Not To Tell
When the importance of using langua ge Itospeak m oveabout you toward your goals, somepositive of you m ay be “ wondering, Jeff, d o I say th ese po sitive w ord s to m yself or d o I also say thes e word s to other p eople ? ” You may be afrai d tha t if you tell others abou t you r goals, they ’ll think you ’re bein g conceited — and they may eve n laugh at you. Allow me to suggest a few guidelines in this area, with the un d erst and ing that there are no “ hard and fast ” rules — and you should d o what works b est for yo u. To begin w ith, u se p ositi ve self -talk a s often as possibl e. ’ talking In my view, th eyou more th’et have mer rier. Afterabout al l, you to you rsel f, so d on to worry othersrehearing you r com m ents. The ke y is that you hear this positive input again and again... and it becomes deeply rooted in your subco nscious m ind . Whether to share your goal s with other p eople is a m u ch tricki er issue. On e th ing I ’ve learned is thi s: Never discuss your goals with negative people. All they ’ll do is argue and point out all the reasons why you won ’t be successful. Who need s that? Ofte n, these “ negative nellies ” are the
ones wh oordo li ttle or — noth ingthe inytheir lives . They hav e no goals dreams and don own ’t w ant an yone el se to su cceed , either. Yet, th ere are som e insta nces w hen you can benefit by telling oth ers about you r goals. First of all, m ake sure tha t you ’re speaking with someone who ’s extremely positive and totall y su p p ortive of you r efforts. This shou ld be the kind of person who would be absolutely delighted if you achieved this goal... and would do anything in his or her pow er to assist you . You m ay hav e a friend or col leagu e th at fits this role — or certain f am ily m em bers.
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It ’s also im portan t to s hare your goal s with others w ho are w orking with you to achi eve tha t ou tcom e. For examp le, if a sal es m an ager w an ts to inc rease sal es in th e com ing year by 2 0 perc ent, he or she w ould m ake this go al known to everyon e on the staf f. Then , everyon e can w ork together to a chieve i t. Even thou gh I ’m encoura ging you I to use tive word s ’m posi to move you toward your objectives, not suggesting that you ignore the obstacles that you may face — or that you disc ou rage feedba ck from other p eople. Before embarking on any goal, you w ant to prep are for w hat m ay be com ing dow n the road . Personall y, I p refer to d iscu ss those issu es w ith someon e w ho is p ositive. .. someon e whose feedback includes creative solutions to the difficulties that m ay ar ise. Furthermore, I ’ll only discuss my plans with people who are Ifqualified to render angoing intelligent opinion subject. you ’re thinki ng of into you r ow non buthe siness, it simp ly ma kes no sense to consult w ith you r Un cle Elmer , especi ally if Uncl e Elmer is negative an d w orked for som eone el se all of his life. Wha t d oes he kn ow a bou t own ing a business? He ’ll give you a list of reasons NOT to go into bu siness for you rself . After you r little chat w ith Un cle Elmer, you ’ll start to d ou bt you rself . You d on ’t need that kind of help! Words And Accountability There ’s another reason why, in some cases, you might
d ecide to share yo u r goal w ith someone el se. And that ’s for ac coun tab ility. In other w ord s, if I tell oth ers I ’m going to do something, then I hav e to go ahead and d o it! Think of this app roac h as “ burn ing your bri d ges . ” Let me assure you I ’m not a believer in “ burning bridges ” when it comes to personal or business relationships. Bu t someti m es the only wa y to move fo rw ard in life — and to achieve an ambitious goal — is to cut off all avenu es of r etre at.
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This can be a very u seful stra tegy. We m ay tell a frien d that we ’re going to work out at the gym three times this week — knowing that at the end of the week, this friend w ill ask wh ether w e d id , in fact, go to the gym three ti m es! An even m ore dr am atic exam p le is that of well -know n motivational speaker Zig Ziglar.
The people who always talk about a lack of money generally don t accumulate much of it.
Zigl ar d his ecided to go on a d iet and reduce weight from 202 p oun d s to 165 pou nd s. At the same time, he was writing his book See You At The Top. In the book, Ziglar included a statement that he got his weight — Jeff Keller d ow n to 165 p ou nd s. This w as 10 months before the bo ok went to p ress. And then he plac ed an ord er with th e p rint er for 25,000 cop ies! N ow, rem em ber, at the time these words, Ziglar actually w eighed 202. H ehe pu wrote t his credibil ity on the l ine w ith 25,000 people! By including a statement that he weighed 165 pounds, Ziglar kn ew that h e had to lose 3 7 p oun d s bef ore the book w as printed. And , he d id ! Use this strategy selec tively. Limit it to tho se goals th at are very i m portan t to yo u — and w here you ’re com m itte d to go th e d istan ce. Is it risky ? You bet it is. Bu t it ’s a tre mend ous m otivator! Words And Emotions
In his best-selling book Awaken the Giant Within , Anthony Robbi ns d evote s an enti re chap ter to the w ay in w hich our vocabulary affects our emotions, our beliefs and our effectiveness in life. I don ’t agree with all of Robbins ’ philosophies, but his observations about the power of words are right on the m ark. R obbins i s keenly aw are of how certain w ord s im p act ou r em otio na l intensity . For instance, let ’s say th at som eone h as lied to you . You could react by saying that you
’re “ angry ” or “ upset. ” If,
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however, you used the words “ furious, ” “ livid ” or “ enraged, ” your p hysi ology and you r subsequent behavio r w ou ld be d ram atically altered. You r blood p ress u re w ou ld rise. You r face w ou ld tu rn beet red . You ’d feel tense all over. On th e other han d , w hat if you characte rize d the si tua“ annoying ” orintensity “In ” ? This tion as your said thatconsiderably. you were peeved lowers emotional fact, saying that you are “ peeved, ” explains Robbins, w ill p robab ly make you laugh — an d break th e negative emotional c ycle completely. You ’d be m u ch m ore relaxed . Robbins gives other exam p les of how you can lower the intenChoose words that sity of negative emotions. will point you in the Imagine, for instance, replacing direction of your goals. “ I’ve been destroyed ” with “ I’ve ” ...” or been usingofthe“ I phraseset“ Iback prefer instead hate. ” Of course, you can also intentionally select words to heighten positive emotions. Instead of saying “ I’m determined, ” why not say “ I’m unstoppable! ” Or, in p lace of d eclaring th at you “ feel ok ay,” try “ I feel p hen om enal! ” or “ I feel ju st trem end ou s! ” Ju icy, exciting w ord s like th at lift you r sp irits to a h igher le vel and p rofoun d ly influ ence those around you. When you consciously decide to use such terms, you ’re actually — Jeff Keller
’ved been choosi ngers to change th e dp ath on dwifferently hich you an ing. Oth w ill respon to you you travel’ll alter you r p erception of yourself , as well . A Closer Look At Your Words Let ’s take a look at your li fe for a mom ent. Are there an y areas wh ere yo u ’ve been using phrases like “ I can ’t,” “ I’m no good at ____ ” and “ It ’s impossible ” ? We all kn ow p eo-
p le wh o m ake state m ents l ike these :
I can’t draw.
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I’m no good at math. I can’t rem ember nam es. It ’s impossible for meto m ake that kind of money. When you m ake t hese comm ents day in and d ay out fo r 10, 20 or 30 years, you ’re program m ing you r m ind for failure! comes aback to your Everyif one ese exam p It lesallreflects negative attiattitude tu d e.. And you of seeththe world through a smudged window, you ’re going to use negative language... and get disappointing results. Fortu na tely, you can control you r w ord s — which means that you have the ability to build a positive belief system.. . an d to prod u ce the res u lts you want . The first st ep is awareness. Let ’s exam ine the p hrases you ’ve bee n u sing in four key areas of your life — relationships, finances, caree r an d healt h. 1. Relationships Do you say things like “ All the good m en (o r w omen ) are taken! ” or “ People ar e alw ays taki ng ad vantage of me! ” If you d o, you ’re literal ly p rogramm ing you rsel f for u nh ap p y
relationships. Your mind hears every w ord you speak an d it sets out to prove you right. With regard to our above examples, your mind will see to it that you attract only those persons who will disappoint you or take advantage of you. Is this what you want? If not, stop repeating (and cau sing your mind to focu s on) s u ch negati ve state ments! 2. Finances
What w ords d o you u se o n a regu lar basi s to desc ribe your current financial situation and your prospects for the future? Phrases such as “ I’m always in debt, ” “ The economy is lousy ” or “ N o one i s buying ” work against you. Far better to choose language which reaffirms prosperity and better economic times. Of course, you won ’t necessarily have abu nd ant w ealth w ithin a f ew d ays af ter chan ging the way you speak. But the physical conditions can change only after you r beliefs hav e altere d . Clearing up you r lan -
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gua ge is an im p ortant fi rst ste p ! After al l, the p eople with w ealth in this w orld d id n ’t get that w ay by m oaning about be ing i n p overty . And the peop le w ho alw ays tal k abou t a lac k of money generall y d on ’t accu m u late m u ch of it.
3. Career If I were to ask you about your career prospects over the
next five to 10 years, how would you respond? Be honest. Would you say that things w ill probabl y remain th e same as they are now ? Or wou ld you d escribe a higher p osition with more challenges, more responsibilities and increased financi al rewa rd s? If you resp ond “ I d on ’t know w here I ’m going in my career, ” chances are not much will change. You r lan gu age refle cts you r lack of vision an d d irection. I f, on th e other han d , you h ave a c lear goal w hich you can (and
do) art an icuexcellent late fairly chan oftence — even if only you rsel f — you stand of re aching th attogoal. The same, of course, holds true if you have your own bu siness. Do you u se langu age that is consiste nt w ith the growth of your busines s? Or d o you constantly tal k abou t how you ’ll nev er get to th e next level ? 4. Health
Without question, our words have a profound impact on ou r health. For examp le, imagine that a grou p of u s sat down to what to obehou a perfectly and you d elicious m eal.seemed Then , tw rs later I wholesome called an d told that eve ry person wh o ate w ith u s had bee n ru shed to the hospital and treated for food poisoning! Suppose that you felt p erfectly fine before I called. H ow w ou ld you react after hearing m y info rm ation? Most likely, you ’d clutch you r stoma ch, get p ale and feel very ill. Why? Because my words instilled a belief in you which, in turn, your body started acting upon. This same bodily reaction would have occurred even if I was playing a cruel j oke an d w as lyi ng abou t th e w hole si tu ation! You r
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body respon d s to word s it hears you an d other p eople say. That ’s why it makes absolutely no sense to keep repeating that yo u have “ chron ic back pa in tha t w ill never go away ” every year. ” By or that you get “ three or four bad colds u ttering these s tatem ents, you a re actu ally instructi ng you r body to m anif est pain and d iseas e! ’t disease don or misund ers— tand . I ’you m notcan suggesting any youPlease deny pain or that overc omethat illness — but there ’s certainly nothing to be gained (and much harm that can flow) from using language that reinforces suff ering an d incur ability. You Have A Choice
Well, have you thought about the words you use in these four areas of your life? When we repeat certain phrases over and over, it ’s as if a “ groove ” is form ed in ou r brain. We keeprerep laying th etrou same in ouyou r h ead broken cord . The bleold is, refrain w hen ever says like thesea w ords you ju st d eepen th e groove , replayi ng the sam e old myths in your mind, strengthening the same old beliefs... and getti ng th e same old results . Recogn ize, how ever, th at ju st bec au se you ’ve sai d things in the past there ’s no reason to blindly continue doing so. While it takes some d iscipline an d vigi lance on you r p art to make c han ges i n your langu age, it ’s well worth the effort! So, from now on, consciously choose words that will point you w in hen the direction you you sl ip. of your goals. Ask a friend to remind Remember, it ’s up to you to speak in a way that will move you toward what you want in life. Therefore, use w ords that are c onsi stent w ith th e path you tru ly w ish to be on... take action along those lines... and watch yourself begin to travel in that w ond erful direc tion!
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LESSON 7
How Are You?
Your day goes the way the corners of your mouth turn. — Unknown
O
ur answer to the question How are you? seems like such a sma ll thing. Bu t w e m u st answ er that questi on at least 1 0 tim es a d ay — and p erhap s as m any as 5 0. So it ’s not a s m all thing at al l. It ’s a significant part of our daily conversations. When som eone ask s How are you? what do you say? You r an sw er is usu ally no m ore than a few w ord s. And yet, that short response tells a lot about you — and your attitu d e. In fact, you r resp onse c an literally shap e you r atti tude. I’ve obse rved that th e res p onses to How are you? can be classified into three categories: negative, mediocre and positive. Let ’s examine these three categories and some comm on response s un d er eac h one.
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Negative Responses
The negative replies to as: “ Lousy. ” “ Terrible. ”
How are you? inclu d e p hrases such
““ IIt’m tired. ’s not m ”y d ay. ” “ Than k God it ’s Frid ay.” “ A d ay ol d er and a d ollar bro ker. ” “ Don ’t ask. ” When someone responds with “ Don ’t ask, ” I know I ’m in for trouble. Tha t p erson i s going to u nleash a m u ltitu d e of com plai nts and m ake m e sorry f or aski ng How are you? in th e first p lace! And I really pity those who take the “ Thank God it ’s ” ap p roach to life. Think of w hat they ’re saying. Friday “ Mond ay, Tu esday , Wedn esd ay an d Thu rsda y are bad d ays every week. ” For these people, four-fifths of their work week is lousy! The fifth day, Friday, is “ bearable ” only because they know they ’ll ha ve the next tw o d ays off! Is this a way to li ve your lif e? Are you beginning to see how these negati ve p hrases c an p oison your atti tud e... and tur n off other p eople? Mediocre Responses
Those in the mediocre group are a step up from the negative bunch — but they still have plenty of room for imp rovement. H ere are some of the thi ngs they s ay: “ I’m okay.” “ N ot t oo b ad . ” “ Could be w orse . ” “ Sam e old , sam e old . ” “ Hangin ’ in there. ” “ Fine. ” Do you reall y w ant to sp end a lot o f tim e w ith som eone w ho th inks that lif e is “ not too bad ” ? Is that the person you
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w ant to d o busi ness w ith? When w e u se w ords l ike these, w e also d iminish ou r energy . Can you i m agine someon e saying “ Could be worse ” with an upright posture... and a lot of enth u siasm ? Of cou rse not. These peop le soun d like they haven ’t slept in tw o d ays. There ’s no getti ng aroun d it. People w ho use med iocre w ords ill develo p ayou m edioc e... and get m edioc re resu lts.w And I know d onre’tatti wantud t that! Positive Responses Then , there ’s the positi ve app roac h. These are the enth u si-
asti c p eople wh o say: “ Terrific.” “ Fantastic. ” “ Great. ” “ Excellent. ” “ Super. ” “ I’m on top of the worl d . ” “ It d oesn ’t get an y better . ” Those who use positive words like these have a bounce in thei r step an d you feel a little better j u st by being a rou nd them . Be honest. H ow did you feel as you read the p ositive list? I d on ’t know about you, but I ’m energized and excited as I review th at list. These are th e peop le I look forw ard to m eeting tod ay. These A smile is an inexpenare the people who are more
likely to get myback bu siness. sive way to improve Why not go and re-read your looks. the negative list and the — Unknown m ed iocre list. Say them ou t loud . H ow d o they m ake you feel? Bu mm ed ou t, for su re! You see, if given th e cho ice, I ’d rather be around people w ho a re p ositive and fu ll of life... as op p osed to th ose wh o are neg ative an d listles s. It ’s like t he old saying that ever ybod y lights up a room — some when they walk into the room...
and some when they walk out! You w ant to be the one w ho
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lights up a roo m w hen you w alk in! As for m e, w hen som eone ask s me How are you? I u sually respond w ith Terrific! It projects a positive attitude to the other person and the more I say it, the more I feel terrific!
Join The Positive Group Well, you ’ve had a chance to review some typical responses in each category — negative, mediocre and positive.
Whic h of these p hr ases d o you u se m ost often? Whic h resp onses d o your friend s and fam ily use? If you find you rsel f in the n egative or med iocre grou p , I suggest you imm ediatel y consi d er revi sing your respon se and joining the ranks of the positive. Here ’s why. When you ’re asked How are you? and you say Horrible or Not too bad, you r p hy siology is ad ver sely affected . You tend to slump posture.your shoulders and head and take on a depressed What about your emotions? After stating that you ’re lousy, d o you feel better? Of cour se not. You feel even m ore d own in the du m ps bec ause neg ative words and thoughts genera te n egative f eelings, and eventu ally, negative resu lts. And it ’s up to you to break it. Even if real circu m stances in your li fe persu ad ed you to state that you ’re lousy — perhaps a promising business deal fell through, or your child received poor grades in school — your gloomy attitude does to improve the situation. make matters worse,nothing your mediocre or negative reply To turns others off; they ’re dragged down just being around you and hearing your p essimism . Form A New Habit
If all of these negative consequences flow from your w ord s, w hy d o you conti nu e to say them ? More than li kely, it’s because you haven ’t recognized that you have a choice in the m atter . Instead , you ’re following a habit that you developed many years ago... a habit that no longer
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serves you . In the end , yo u r ow n w ord s are a sel f-fu lfilling p roph esy — if you say Everything is terrible, your m ind is attracted to those people and circumstances that will cause that state m ent to be tru e. If, on the other han d , you rep eatedly state that your life is Wonderful! your mind will begin to m ove in a p ositive d irection. Foryou instance, just consider what happens when you resp ond that you ’re Excellent! or Terrific! As you say these words, your physiology begins to correspond with your optimistic language. Your posSay you are well, tu re is more up right. Other p eople are attracted to your energy or all is well with you, and vitality. Your business and and God shall hear personal relationships improve. your words and make Will all of your life ’s problems m agic isapmotion p ear? a Nvery o, bu t them —come true. you ’veally set din Ella Wheeler Wilcox important principle: We get what we expect in life. I can tell you from firsthand experience that this is one of those little things in life that makes a big difference. Abou t 15 years ago, w hen som eone aske d m e How are you? I’d say something like Okay w ith ver y little en erg y. You know w hat I w as d oing? I w as program m ing mysel f to have “ okay ” relatio nship s w ith p eople. I w as p rogram “ okay ” succ m ysel f toanhave ess.and I wan as “pokay rogram m ing m ing yselm f to have “ okay ” atti tu d e... ” life. Bu t then, than k good ness, I learned that I d idn ’t have to settle f or a n “ okay ” life! So I p icked u p m y respon se a few notches and began to say Terrific! I said it w ith som e energy. Su re, at first it w as a little u ncomfort able. Som e p eop le looked at m e like I w as a little stran ge. Bu t after abou t a w eek, it started to com e natu rall y to m e. And I w as amazed at how much better I felt, and how people were m u ch m ore i ntereste d in talki ng w ith m e.
Believe m e, th is is no t rocket sci en ce. You d on ’t need tal-
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ent, m oney or good looks to hav e a gre at attitud e You ju st need to get in the habit of using a high-energy, positive resp onse, and you ’ll get th e sam e exciting resu lts I got! What If I Don ’t Feel Terrific?
Whenever I d o a prese ntatio n an d rec omm end to the au d ience that th ey gi ve a very u pbeat response to How are you? someone upterr to ific? me Iafterward and says, “ Wh at if Ialways real ly dcomes on ’t feel d on ’t w ant to li e to my friends and co-workers by telling them everything is wond erfu l wh en it i sn ’t.” Now don ’t get m e w rong. I p u t the hi ghest value on integ rity... an d telling th e tru th . Yet, I d on ’t think this is a matter of telling th e tru th. Let me ex p lain. Assum e for a mom ent that S ally feels tired . When som eone at w ork asks her How are you? she w an ts to be p erfe ctly honest so she says, I’m tired. Here ’s what will happen. ’s tired . She ’ll feel Sally will belief that sheslump ’ll probably even m orereinforce fatigued the . She her shoulders and let ou t a sigh. She ’ll hav e a lou sy, u np rod u ctive d ay at work. And let ’s get back to the person who asked Sally the question — and who probably A cloudy day is regrets it now ! Tha t person al so no match for a feel s w orse. After all, w h en someone tel ls you h ow tired she sunny disposition. is, d o you f eel u p lifted ? N o wa y. — William Arthur Ward
Just the suggestion of the word “ tired ” and you start yawning. So, Sally h as brou ght herself d ow n, as w ell as her co-w orker. Okay, Sally goes h om e after her gru eling d ay, and now sh e’s exhau sted. So she plops i nto her f avorite chair and opens the newspaper to look at the winning lottery numbers. As she pu lls her ow n ticket out of her w allet, she d iscovers tha t she ’s hold ing the w inning tic ket. She ju st w on $10 million! What do you think S ally wou ld d o? Remem ber, she ’s
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very tired. You a nd I both kn ow that S ally w ou ld leap ou t of her chair , be ju m p ing u p an d d ow n, screaming and w aving her ar m s in th e air. You ’d think she was leading an aerobics class. Naturally, she ’d ru n to p ick u p the p hone to c all her fam ily an d friend s. She ’d be a bund le of ener gy and w ould probably stay all night c elebrati ng.. . and p lann ing w hat to do w ith theup money! Bu t wait a second . Ten se cond s ago, this w om an w as exha u sted. N ow, she ’s got the energy of a 15-year-old cheerleader who has just been told she made the cheerleading s qu ad . What happ ened i n thos e 10 second s to change someone from being utterly exhausted... to wildly exu beran t? Did she get a shot of vitam in B-12? Did an yone throw a bu cket of ice w ater in h er fac e? N o. Her transformation was entirely mental! I ’mwnot try ing to ,dbuiminish w ha t Sally feeling. H erNow fatigue as very real t it w asn ’t as m u chwpas hysic al as mental. So, w as Sally telling the tru th w hen sh e said she w as tire d ? It reall y has very little to d o w ith the truth . It ’s a m atter of wh at Sally chose to focu s on . She cou ld con centrate on feeling tire d . Tha t w as one op tion. On the other han d , she c ould have thou ght abou t the m any bles sings in her li fe and felt very f ortu na te and energized. H ow w e feel is very ofte n a su bjective matter . When w e tell ourselves that we ’re tire d , w e feel tired . When w e tell ou rselves w en feel ific, weewfeel izedabou . As you recall fromthat Lesso 2, wterr e becom hat energ w e think t. ’ll Respond With Enthusiasm
For the next mon th, try this ex p erim ent. When an yone asks How are you? — whether it ’s someone at work or a cashier at the store — respond with energy and enthusiasm that you ’re Great! or Terrific! Say it w ith a sm ile and a sp arkle i n you r eye. I t d oesn ’t m atter wh ether or not you c om p letely and total ly feel terrif ic at that m om ent. Simp ly app ly the act-
as-if p rinci p le. In other w ord s, if you w an t to be m ore posi-
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tive, act-as-if you already are and, pretty soon, you ’ll find that you ha ve, in fact, becom e m ore p ositive! Don ’t worry if you feel a little uncomfortable saying these words at the beginning. Stick with it and eventually you ’ll grow into it. You ’ll quickly notice that you feel better... that others want to be around you... and that positive results weill e youare r wyou? ay. By th wcom ay, How I can alm ost hear you say T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C!
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EVERYTHING
LESSON 8
Stop Complaining!
Troubles, nursing.
like
babies,
grow
larger
— Lady Holland
H
ow d o you feel w hen someone u nloads all of his problems and comp laints on you ? N ot very up lifting an d energizing, is i t? The tr u th is, nobod y likes to be arou nd a complainer — except, perh ap s, other comp lainers. Of cou rse, al l of u s com p lain at on e time or anoth er. The important question is: How often do you complain? If you ’re wond ering w hether you comp lain to o mu ch, sim p ly ask your friends, relatives or co-workers. They ’ll let you know. Now, when I say “ complain, ” I’m not talking about those instances when you discuss your problems in an attempt to search for solutions. That ’s constructive and commendable. And I ’m not referring to those occasions when you share your life experiences (including disappointments) with friends or relatives in the context of
by
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bringing them up to date on the latest developments in your life. After all, part of being human is sharing our exp eriences and sup p orti ng each other . Nobody Wants To Hear About Your Aches And Pains
Maybe a f ew exam p les will give you a better i d ea abou t the kind of complaining that ’s counterproductive. One of the most comm on a reas of c om p laint is the su bject of illness. I n this c ategory are c om m ents such as “ My ba ck is kil ling m e ” or “ I ha ve a terribl e sinu s head ache. ” Worse yet, some p eople get very graphic in explaining the gory details of their particular ailment (such as “ I had this green stuff oozing ou t of m y... ” ) And d oesn ’t it just m ake yo ur d ay w hen your co-w orker tell s you th at he or she is nau seous? Let ’s face it. What can I p ossibly d o for you if you ha ve a stom ach ache? I ’m not a p hysi cian — go to a d octor if you why are you have a medical problem. More importantly, telling me this? You m ight w an t sym p athy, bu t all you ’re d oing is Self-pity is an acid d raggi ng m e dow n an d reinforcwhich eats holes in ing your own suffering. Talking happiness. about pain and discomfort will — Earl Nightingaleonly bri ng you m ore of the same — and encourage those around you to look f or th e exits. When it com es to c om p laints ab ou t illness , the principle of escalation usually rears its ugly head. Here ’s how it w orks. You tell your fri end abou t the agon y you w ent throu gh w ith the f lu . You r friend interrup ts and says, “ You think you had it bad. When I ha d th e flu, I ha d a 104 d egree fever and had to be rushed to the hospital . I almost died . ” Or, tell someone that your back or foot hurts — and count how many seconds it takes for th at p erson to sw itch th e conversation to his or her own back pain and aching feet. Comp lainers love to p lay thi s gam e — their pain is al w ays w orse than you rs.
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Don’t Let It Rain On Your Parade
Anoth er favorite c om p laint area is the w eather. It starts to rain and people say, “ What a lousy, miserable day. ” Wh y d oes some m oisture f rom the heavens m ake i t a lo u sy d ay? When someone makes that remark to me, I respond, “ It ’s — ”but wet out day, it ’’sreaprogramming great day! ” By associating rain with “ lousy you yourself in a negative way. Furthermore, your complaints about the weather w on ’t cha nge the c ond itions. It sim p ly m akes no sense to get upset about things over which you have no control — and w hich h ave no signif ican t im p act on you r life. Finally, there are the petty complaints, such as “ The w aiter d id n ’t com e over to take m y ord er for five minu tes ” or “ John got an office with a larger window than I have. ” Life presents too many difficult challenges for us to get
bogged down with silly things gripe about insignificant things, like you that.’reAnd alsowhen sayingyou something abou t you rsel f. If I ’m your emp loye r or a mem ber o f your team , I ’m wond ering how you ’ll react w hen w e really have a p rob lem w orth w orryi ng about! He Had Every Reason To Complain
Recent ly, I w as in m y office an d th inking a bou t som e of th e things that weren ’t going as well as I ha d p lanned . You know, the typ ical business problem s — resu lts not hap p ening as fast as I had exp ected . And I ’ll confess th at I ’d been d oing a little com plaining a bou t it. Then Ped ro walked in. Ped ro is in hi s early 20s and came to this country about six years ago from Honduras. He works for a company that cleans homes and offices. You talk about a p ositive atti tu d e! Ped ro is one of the m ost positive people I ’ve ever met — always smiling and upbeat. On this day, however, I asked Pedro about Hurricane Mitch and its imp act on his hom eland . The smile qu ickly left his face. H e told m e of the d evastation the hu rric ane
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had c au sed . Thou sand s of peop le had d ied. More than a million p eople w ere le ft h om eless. Ped ro said th at h is fath er, mother a nd brother stil l lived in H ond u ras, and he had no idea i f they w ere d ead or ali ve. He had no way to contact them — all the phone lines in that are a had bee n d estroy ed. Pedro s aid he thought about his Can f am you ily ever y d ay. imagine the agony of not even know
ing i f you r
family is still alive? Then Pedro went on to tell me about all the things he w as d oing to hel p the people in H ond u ras. H e w as collecting m oney, clothin g an d other nece ssities. H e w as actively w orking w ith the rel ief organ izations. Instead of just griping about the problem, The secret of happihe w as doing w hatever he c ould ness is to count your d o to e ase thei r p ain. After with blessings while others began to speaking realize just howPedro, incon-I are adding up their sequential my own problems troubles. were... and how fortunate I am! — William PennYou
better believe I stopped complaining. I faced the rest of the day w ith renewed ener gy and a m uch bet ter at titud e. By the w ay, several weeks later I saw Ped ro again. An d yes, he had his usu al w inning smil e and his gr eat atti tu d e. The good news is that his family members are all alive. The bad news is that lost. Clean everything flood and are now livi ng in a they s helter w ater inis the very sc arce. Disease is ram p an t. I can ’t even f athom w hat it ’s like to lose everything you own and have to start over from scratch, especi ally un d er these d ifficu lt cond itions. Can you? There ’s no dou bt abou t it. Pedro has every reaso n to w hine abou t his f am ily ’s bad lu ck. Bu t he d oesn ’t. H e realizes that comp laining w ou ld be a terribl e w aste of his ti m e and energy . Than k you, Pe d ro for remind ing al l of u s that com p laining is not th e answ er to ou r chall enges in li fe.
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Putting Things In Perspective There ’s another valuable lesson that we can learn from Pedro — and that ’s the impor-
tance of keeping things in perspective. Over the years, I ’ve noticed that complainers lack perspective — they tend to blow thei r p robl ems w ay out of proportion. Optimistic people... people with great attitudes... tend to have a sense of what ’s truly important in life. The dictionary defines perspective as “ the capacity to
Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. — Charles Dickens
” view things in their true relation or relative importance. Think abou t the p eople you know. Do you have any friends who get bent out of shape because they got a flat tire? And how abou t those w ho sever ties w ith close fam ily m embers bec au se of a d isp u te over the seati ng ar ran gem ents at a wed d ing? I t ’s clear t hese fol ks h ave lost sight of the “ relative imp ortance ” of things! I think we can all learn from Eddie Rickenbacker, who drifted in a life raft for 21 days, hopelessly lost in the Paci fic. After s u rviving th e ordea l, Rickenb acker sai d , “If
you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you ought never complain about anything.” Let me share with you some of the things I ’m grateful for: 1. I’m in good heal th. 2. Dolores is in good hea lth. 3. We hav e our ow n hom e. 4. We hav e plenty of food to eat an d clean w ater to drink. 5. We live in the United S tates an d enjoy freed om . 6. I love m y w ork.
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7. I get to trav el an d m eet fascina ting people. 8. I ha ve m an y loyal friend s. 9. I d raw str ength from m y relatio nship w ith God. This is ju st a p ar tial list of th e blessi ngs in m y life. An d you know w hat? Even w ith all of these w ond erfu l things, there areIti’ve mlearned es wh en to I squ tartickly to take of wthem ted! But re- some connect ith thfor esegran bl essings... and it boosts my attitude and brings me right back on course. So, what is it that you ’ve been co m p laining abou t late ly? Are they reall y “ life and d eath ” m atters? The next time you ’re tempted to gripe about your problems, pick up a p en an d p iece of p ap er and start l isting all the re asons you hav e to be grateful! Let m e tel l you, i t su re beats c om p laining ! Be A Source Of Positive News I’m not su ggesti ng that you ju st si t back and ignore al l of
the p robl ems in your li fe. H ow ever , rather th an co m p laining, it ’s far better to focus your If you re all wrapped attention and your energy on those step s you can take to sol ve, up in yourself, you re or at least le ssen, you r p robl em. overdressed. For insta nce, let ’s say you ’re feel— Kate Halverson ing a l ittle tired lately . Instead of telling everyone how lousy you feel, make an effort to exercise m ore regu larly or get to bed a little e arlier . To review: Complaints work against you in three ways. First, no one wants to hear negative news about your illness and your problems. Second, complaining reinforces your own pain and discomfort. So why keep replaying p ainful, nega tive m em ories? Third , com p laining , by itsel f, accomplishes nothing and diverts you from the constructive act ions you cou ld be taking to imp rove your situ atio n. ’t care It ’s been said that 90 percent of the people don about your problems... and the other 10 percent are glad
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you h ave them! Seriously t hou gh, al l of u s can cut d ow n on our complaining. From now on, let ’s do ourselves and others a f avor an d m ake our conversati ons u p lifting. The people wh o don ’t comp lain very m u ch (and those wh o speak positively) are a joy to be arou nd . Decid e to join that gro u p — so people won ’t ha ve to cro ss the stree t w hen they see you co m ing!
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PART 3
Heaven Helps Those Who Act Nothinghappensby itself. It all will come your way once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own exertions. — Ben Stein
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LESSON 9
Associate with Positive People A mirror reflects a ’s man face, but what he is really like is shown by kind theof friends he chooses. —The Living Bible, Proverbs 27
I
n high school, Mike spent a lot of time with a bunch of gu ys in his neighborh ood . Accord ing to Mike, these guys just liked to sit on the front porch and watch cars go by. They had n o goals and no d reams. They were al w ays negative. Whenever Mike s u gges ted th ey d o something new, the others would discourage him. “ It ’s stupid ” or “ not cool, ” they tol d h im. Mike ju st w ent along with them , so he cou ld remain par t of the group . When Mike went off to college, he still ran into some negative p eople. Bu t he also m et p eople w ho were positive. .. w ho w an ted to learn.. . w ho w anted to ac hieve things. Mike decided to spend his time with the positive people. Almost imm ed iatel y, Mike started to feel m u ch better a bou t him self. H e d evel op ed a great attitud e. H e began to set
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goals. And I ’m hap p y to t ell you Mike now ru ns his ow n successful video production company and has a wonderful fam ily. On e by one, he is accom p lishin g all of th e goals he has s et. When I aske d Mike w hat hap pen ed to his high school friends, he told me, “ They still live in the same neighborhood. They still negative. And they ’re still ” doing nothing with their’re lives! Mike ad d ed, “I’d never be where I am now if I kept hanging out with those guys. I’d still be at the corner deli playing pinball.” Mike ’s sto ry is a gre at rem ind er abou t the inf luence others have on our li ves. And yet someti m es w e get in the habit of being with certain people — and we just don ’t think about the consequences. H ave you ever heard the axi om “Tell me who you hang out
with and ple I’ll tell you who you are” ? There a lotch of though w isd om in that sim state m ent. H ave you gi ven’s mu t to how this princ ip le has been m old ing an d shap ing your li fe? Think back to w hen you were growing up . Do you remem ber how co ncerned ou r p are nts were abo ut w ho w e hun g out wit h? Our mom or d ad wanted t o meet our friend s and know all kind s of d etai ls abou t them . Why? Our p are nts k new that w e ’d be greatly influenced by our friends... that we ’d tend to pick up some of their habits... and that we ’d probably do the things our friends were d Ou rifp arents w ere conce rned goodwatch reas on. I’oing. ll bet that you have children, you for closely theirAnd friends — becau se of the imp act these youn gsters wil l have on you r child ren. Toxic People And Nourishing People toxic people and In today ’s literature, we see the terms
nourishing p eople. As you m ight expect, toxic peop le are the ones who always dwell on the negative. The dictionary d efines toxic as “ poisonous ” ; toxic p eop le continu ally spew their verba l poison. I n contra st, the d ictionary d efiniti on of
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nourishing is “ to prom ote t he grow th of . ” N ouris hing p eople are positive and supportive. They lift your spirits and are a joy to be aroun d . Toxic people will always try to drag you down to their level. They h am mer aw ay at you w ith all of the th ings you can ’t d o and all of the th ings that are im p ossible. They ba rrage you w ithingloomy state ents aboutsoon theto lousy ecyour onom y, the problems their life, themproblems be in life and the terrible prospects for We become part of the future. If you ’re lucky, they what we are might even throw in a few words about th eir aches and p ains. around. After listening to toxic people, — Unknown you feel listless and drained. Motivational speaker Les Brown refers to these people as “ Dream Killers. ” Psychologist Jack Canfield describes “ energy ” becau them as gy ires se they the p ositive ener out ofvamp you. H ave you ever bee nsuwck ithall a negative person — and felt as if tha t ind ivid u al were p hysic ally taking e nergy f rom you? I think we ’ve all had that experience m an y times. On e thing i s certain: Sp end time w ith toxic p eople and thei r negative m essages w ill w ear you d own . On the other hand , how d o you f eel when you ’re aroun d people who are positive, enthusiastic and supportive? You ’re energized and insp ired . There ’s something truly am azing about p ositive p eople. They se em to have a p osi-
tive thattol ights a room. When around themenergy , you start pic k uu pp thei r atti tud e andyou you’re feel as if you have added strength to vigorously pursue your own goals. When I think about positive people, my friend John Lisicich im med iatel y com es to m ind . When ever I speak w ith Joh n, I feel like I can con qu er the w orld . John is simply the m ost posi tive p erso n you could ever m eet. I like to think of mysel f as a very p ositive p erson. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most positive, I ’d probabl y give m yself a 9.5. I ’d h av e to give Joh n Lisicich a 14! H e ’s
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ju st off th e chart s. H e ’s alw ays p ositive, alwa ys enthu siastic. And he gives a trem end ou s lift to everyon e w ho cross es his path . H is attitud e inspires p eople to greatness! Can you see how your attitude might improve if you had a frie nd like John in you r life?
Those Silly Songs On The Radio I’m su re it has hap p ened to yo u m any ti m es. You hear a song on the rad io, and you say to yoursel f, “ What a r id icu lous song. ” Later that day, you hear the same song again.
The fo llow ing d ay, you h ear that song a few m ore ti mes. As the son g climbs th e cha rts, you can ’t get aw ay from it. You hear it several ti mes eac h d ay for a w eek. Then som eth ing incred ible ha pp ens. You ’re sitting at hom e and all of a sud d en, you start to hum or si ng th at si lly song! If, at that very mom ent, I w ere to ask you w hat you “ It ’s horrible. ” Then w hy think of the you ’d itell on earth aresong, you singing t? me, The real ity is, w ha tever you hear over and over will be at the forefront of your consciousness. As you also know, once that song becomes less popular... and isn ’t p layed as frequ ently on the rad io... you ’ll tend to think about it (and sing it to yourself!) much less often. There ’s an important lesYour friends will son here. The m ind te nd s to stretch your vision... or d w ell u p on w hatever i s repeated
choke your dreams.
over and doesn over . ’Unfortu nately , the mind t discriminate — Unknown between m essages t hat are good for u s and those that are harm fu l. If w e hear som ething ofte n en ou gh, we w ill tend to bel ieve it... and act u p on it. Ju st as a song repeated m an y tim es w ill get us thinking about that song, so too will repeated thou ghts abou t succ ess get us thinking abou t succ ess! So if w e ’ll m ake sure to f ill ou r m ind w ith positi ve m essages, we ’re going to be more positive and move forward bold ly to achieve ou r goals. The m ore p ositi ve reinforce-
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ment the bett er. And w here c an w e get this p ositive reinforcemen t? Well, one w ay is to read m otivationa l books. Congratulations... because you ’re d oing tha t right now ! In addition, we can listen to motivational tapes — and spend lots of time w ith p ositive peop le.
Smokey ’s Sponge Theory I’ve learned a lo t about atti tud e and the imp ortance of sur-
roun d ing m yself with p ositive p eople f rom m y fri end Glen “ Smokey ” Stover. Smokey w ork ed in sales f or 45 year s in the c emetery and fun eral hom e ind u stry. Whil e this m ay soun d like a gloomy fi eld , let m e assure you that Smokey is a positi ve dyn am o! Every ti m e I get off the ph one with Sm okey, I feel ter rific. Smokey explained to me that human beings are like sponges: We “ soak up ” whatever people around us are ’ negative, sayi ng. So, if wthe e spnegati end time w e spon ge up ves with and someone it affects w ou rhoattistud e. Of cour se, the reve rse i s also tru e. When w e hang arou nd p ositive p eop le w e soak u p th e p ositi ve. We feel better. .. an d p erfo rm better . I once asked Sm okey, “ What d o you d o if you ’re speaking w ith a n egati ve person? ” H e sai d , “ I get away from that person as soon as I can. I’ll say something like, ‘Gosh, it ’s been good to see you, Charlie, ’ and I move o n to another person. ” “ I asked w asThen negati ve? ” Sm okey, Did you ever have a fri end w ho “ N ot for very long, ” he sai d . Well pu t, Smokey! Evaluate Your Friendships It ’s cru cial tha t you evalu ate your friend ships f rom time to time — even those you ’ve maintained for many years. Trust me, this isn ’t a minor i ssu e. Those w ho oc cu p y your
time ha ve a signif icant im p act on you r m ost pr iceless possession — your m ind!
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Are yo u surrou nd ing you rsel f w ith n egati ve friend s and spen d ing a l ot of tim e with them in your lei sure hou rs? If so, I ’m going to ask you to thi nk abou t spend ing m u ch les s tim e with these peop le — or even no time at al l w ith th em. Sounds harsh, doesn ’t it? After all, I ’m sugges ting th at you lim it — or eliminate — your invol vement w ith some long-st and ing fyriend s. When te ll m y se seminar s, invariabl someone w illI rai sepaeople han dthis andataccu me of being cold or uncaring. The Are the things around audience member will typically say, “ Shouldn ’t we try to help you helping you our negative friends instead of toward success or du mp ing t hem? ” are they holding you Well, you ’re free to do whatback? ever you think is best, and each — W. Clement Stone situation must be dealt with on itshanging ow n u niqu e facts H ow ever, I’ve found that in most cases, around these. negative friends doesn ’t help them — and it doesn ’t hel p you, either! Everyone ge ts d ragged d own bec au se m ost negative p eople don ’t wan t to chan ge. They ju st w ant someone to listen to th eir tales of woe. If you have a strong urge to spend time with negative friends, ask yourself: “ Why am I choosing to be with th ese people? ” Con sciously or u ncon sciously, you may be choosing to h old you rsel f back — to be l ess than y ou are c ap able of becoming. By th e w ay, I th ink it ’s won d erfu l to try to hel p someone overcom e th eir neg ativity . Bu t if you ’ve been trying for several years... and aren ’t getting anywhere... maybe it ’s time to move on! Let me clari fy one im p ortan t point. I ’m not making a judgment here that negative people are any less worthy than other p eople . I ’m saying there are consequ ences if you spend time with people w ho are negati ve. What are the consequences? You ’ll be le ss hap p y an d less succ essfu l than you could be.
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Toxic Relatives
What do you do if you happen to have toxic relatives? Obv iously, th is is a touchy iss u e. Wh at I ’m going to suggest i s that you d on ’t turn your back o n you r fam ily m embers. Fam ily ties are p recious, and I think w e m u st m ake every ef fort to m aintain ha rm onious family re lationsh ips. Even so, I recommend that you put some controls in place that reduce the impact your toxic relatives have on your life. You ’re not aband oning them or ref u sing to speak w ith them , but you are p u tting some li m its on you r involve m ent wi th them. For example, if you have negative relatives, I suggest that yo u d on ’t go out of your w ay to c all them on the p hone several times each day if you know they ’re going to put you dow n or c riticize your eve ry move . What good c an p ossibly come fr om th at? We get bombard ed w ith enou gh negativity as it is — ju st turn on the r ad io or TV or read a new spap er. Do we need ou r rel atives to provi d e even m ore negative new s? I d on ’t think so! And here ’s another suggestion that will work equally well whether you ’re talking with a friend or a relative. When the d iscu ssion m oves to a n egative subj ect, re sist the temptation to accuse the other person of being negative. Tha t wil l u sua lly mak es things even wor se. Instead, gently shift th e conv ersatio n to a m ore p ositive topic . Remem ber that I ’m not aski ng you to diso w n you r rel atives or ref u se to attend fam ily fun ctions. This i s abou t lim iting you r contac ts w ith negative rel atives so you d on ’t get d ragged d own to thei r level ! Positive People In The Workplace
Just about every organization has some negative people w orki ng there. And someti m es you have to interac t and w ork alongsi d e these p eople. Bu t d on ’t go o u t of your w ay to sp end tim e with thes e proph ets of gloom and d oom. For instance, if you frequ ently hav e lu nch w ith negative
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peop le at w ork, stop having l u nch with them ! All they ’re d oing i s filling you r m ind w ith negat ivity. You can ’t perform at your best if you allow these people to dump their negative garbage into your Good friends are good mind. There ’s no need to be nasty or to tell th em off. You
for your health.
to findng a — Dr. Irwin Sarasonshould m atic wbe ay able of d istanci
diployou rsel f from this “ poisonous ” group. Instead , take charge. Be p roactive. Mak e it a point to eat at you r d esk... to take a cli ent ou t to lun ch... or to sit at a d ifferent table in the c afeteria. Do wh atever you h ave to do to m ake l un ch a positive experience. Make no m istake abou t it. Posi tive p eople are w elcomed in any organizati on... and negati ve p eople are hu rting thei r chan ces for ad van cem ent. The problem of negative work bad dtha t I recently got aedbroc hu reTo “How in the m ailers anhas nougotten ncingso a fullay semina r entitl Legally Fire Employees With Attitude Problems!” The business community is waking up to the fact that w hen it comes to p rodu ctivity in the w orkp lace, attitude is everything! Choose Your Friends Wisely
“Tell me who you As I said at the beginning of this lesson, hang out with and I ’ll tell you who you are.” If you ’re seri ou s
about raise ors...a or promotion in yougetting r ow n abusines imp roviat ngwork... yourselsucceeding f as a hu m an being, then you have to start assoc iating w ith p eople wh o can take you to the n ext level. As you increase your associations with nourishing people, you ’ll feel better about yourself and have renewed energy to achieve your goals. You ’ll become a more positive, up beat p erson — the kind of person others love to be aroun d . I u sed to think it w as important to associate with positive people and to limit involvement with negative peop le. N ow, I believe it ’s essential if you w ant to be a h igh achiever and a hap py ind ivid ual. So, sur roun d you rsel f with p ositive, nou rishing p eople — they ’ll lift you u p the lad d er of s u ccess.
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LESSON 10
Confront Your Fears and Grow Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain. —Ralph Waldo Emerson
A
s I sat i n th e au d ience listening to m otivational speake r Gil Eagles , little d id I know that one senten ce w as abou t to cha nge m y life. Gil Eagles gave a mar velous presentation that d ay. H e had man y valuable things to s ay. Bu t there w as one line — one absolute gem — that stand s out. H ere ’s wh at he sai d : “ If you want to be successful, you must be willing to be uncomfortable.” I’ll never fo rget those w ord s. And Gil w as right on the money. To achieve your goals and real ize you r p otential , you m u st be wil ling to be uncomfortable — to do things that you ’re afrai d to d o. Tha t ’s how you d eve lop your potential! Sou nd s so sim p le, d oesn ’t it? And yet, w hat d o m ost people d o w hen th ey face a frightening situation or n ew
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activity? They bac k aw ay from th e fear. They don ’t take action. I kn ow... becau se th at ’s w hat I did for th e first 3 0 years of my life. And I can tell you w ithou t hesi tation that it ’s a losing stra tegy. Show m e a succ essfu l person and I ’ll show you som eone w ho conf ronts his or her fe ars an d takes ac tion! Examining Our Fears
Have you ever been afraid or anxious before trying a new or challenging activity? Has that fear ever stopped you from taking ac tion? I ’m sure yo u ’ve been p aralyze d by fe ar at one ti m e or another i n your li fe. I know I ha ve. That ’s sim ply part of being hu man. Of course, every person has a different fear threshold. What frightens one person to death might have little imp act on som eone el se. For ex am ple, to some, speak ing i n p blicy.or Oth startiers ngmaight n ewbe business isuscar fearfu l about asking someone for directions.. . or for a d ate. Regard less of how trivial or sil ly you believe — Marie Curie your fears may be, this lesson ap plies to yo u . Wh en I talk abou t fear, I ’m not referring to physical risks that might injure you or endanger your health, such as diving off cliffs in Acapulco or
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
’ scared of those things, too — and I bungee have n ojumping. p lans to dI o m either of t hem . What I ’m talking abou t here are those c hall enges that stand in the w ay of your p ersonal an d p rofessional grow th. These are the things tha t scare you — but which you know are necessary if you ’re going to get w hat you w ant in li fe. The Comfort Zone When you ’re gripped by fear and anxiety, it ’s usually becau se you ’re stepp ing ou t of your comfort zone. Let ’s take
some time to d iscu ss this imp ortant conce pt — and h ow it
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relates to your su ccess and the d evel op m ent of you r p otential. Each of us ha s a comfort zone, a zone of behav ior th at is familiar to us and where we feel comfortable and safe. Thin k of your com fort z on e as the insid e of a circle. X (terrified) X (sligh tly a fraid)
Comfort Zone
The activiti es an d situations t ha t lie inside th e circle are non -thr eatening an d fam iliar. They ’re routine, p art of your everyday life — the t hings you c an d o w ith no sw eat. In this c ategory are tasks such as sp eaki ng to you r fri end s or co-w orkers or f illing ou t the d aily p ap erw ork at you r job. However, you occasionally face experiences or challenges that are outside you r com fort zone. These are rep resented by the “ Xs” in the diagram above. The farth er the “ X” is from the ci rcle, th e m ore af raid you are to p artici p ate in th at a ctivity. When fac ed w ith som ething outside you r com fort zone, you sud d enly feel nervou s. Your p alms be com e sw eaty and your heart p ou nd s. You begi n to w ond er, “ Will I be able to ha nd le it? “ Will other s lau gh a t m e? “ What w ill my friend s and relative s say? ” As you look at the diagram above, what does the “ X” represent for you? In other word s, w hat f ear i s holding you back from reaching the next level of success or fulfillm ent in you r life? Is it fear of approaching new prospects? Is it fear a bou t chan ging careers? Is it fear a bou t learning new skills? Is it fear of goin g ba ck to school? Is it fear of tel ling other p eop le wh at ’s on your m ind ? Is it f ear of pu blic speaking ?
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Whatever that “ X” represents for you, j u st be honest an d ad m it it. My gu ess is tha t thou sand s, if not m illions, of p eop le ha ve the very sam e fear you h ave! In fact, let ’s take a closer look at wh at m ost peop le are af raid of. The Most Common Fears
Dur ing m any of m y p resentati ons, I d istribute ind ex card s to the audience members and ask them to write down, anon ym ou sly, the fe ars tha t are stand ing i n th e w ay of their professional and p ersonal growth . Then , I collect the c ard s and read them aloud . What do you think people write on those index cards? In m ost au d iences, regard less of p rofession or geogra p hical location, the same answ ers com e up agai n and again. H ere are some of the m ost com m on fears they i d entif y:
1. Public Speaking or Giving Presentations. In virtually ever y grou p , th is is th e #1 fear. The vast ma jority of p eople are terrif ied abou t speaking in front of a grou p of p eople. 2. Hearing the word “N O ” or having their ideas rejected. This response is very common among salespeople, especially those w ho m ake col d calls. 3. Changing Jobs or Starting Their Own Business. Over the year s, I ’ve notic ed that m ore and more people are l isting this fear. We have a lo t of u nh ap p y w orkers i n corp orate Am erica tod ay, and they yearn for a m ore sat isfying work environment... but they ’re afraid to do anyth ing abou t it! 4. Telling Managers or Executives “N egative N ews” (what the managers or executives don’t want to hear). This one is self-explanatory. 5. Talking to People in Upper M anagement. Many entrylevel workers and even managers are terrified about speak ing to execu tives in the com pan y. They even hesitate to make “ small talk ” with the president or
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CEO of th eir organ ization — for fear th ey ’ll say som ething si lly or ap p ear stup id . 6. Fear of Failure. Those who w on ’t try something new for fear that it won ’t w ork ou t. (We ’ll tackle this issue in m ore d ep th in Lesson 1 1.)
are eyou any— ofor thehave fears Do Well, you hav anysurprised of them by now yoon u this had list? them in the past? The tru th is, the overw helm ing maj ority of p eople experience these f ears at som e p oint in th eir lives. And if you have some fears that weren ’t on this list, d on ’t worr y about i t. You are s tronger tha n any of you r fears.. . an d you can overc ome th em! The “Benefit” Of Backing Away From Your Fears
When confronted with an anxiety-producing event, most people will retreat to avoid the fear and anxiety. That ’s w hat I u sed to do. You see, backi ng aw ay does relieve the fear and anxiety that would have resulted if you followed th rou gh w ith the acti vity. For instan ce, if som eone asks you to make a presentation within your company, and you d ecline, you save you rsel f the sle ep less nights y ou ’d have w orryi ng about it... and the n ervousness you ’d experience in the days le ad ing u p to the prese ntatio n. In fa ct, I ’ve found that ’s the one an d only benef it yo u get by retreating — a m om entar y avoid ance of anxie ty. Think abou t it for a m om ent. Can you li st an y other benefits that people get when they refuse to confront their fears? I ’ve asked th at qu estion of thousand s of p eople , and nobod y has been abl e to com e up w ith an y ad d itional be nefits. For good reason — there are none! The Price You Pay
Now, I want you to seriously consider the price you pay w hen you back aw ay from th ose fears that are st and ing in the wa y of your grow th. H ere ’s what happ ens :
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Your self-esteem is lowered. You feel powerless and frustrated. You sabotage your success. You lead an uneventful, boring life. Is this a p rice w orth p aying fo r the shor t-term avoid ance of fear and anxiety? Most of us are indeed willing to pay this dear pridic rice, p ly others. to avoid temp orary d iscomfort and p ossible u lesim from Trust me folks, this is insane! In the long run, retreating is not the best way to han d le you r p roble m. You ’ll never be highly successful or develop your talents to the fullest u nless you ’re w illing to co nfront you r fears. My High School Strategy
When I was in high sc hool , I w as pretty shy and d id n ’t feel very good abou t myself . Bu t I w as never rej ected w hen it cam e to asking orthinking, a da te. If you at “ H ew’sere me now, you ’dsomeone probablyfbe notlooking bad looking, but h e ’s certa inly no T om Cru ise. ” My strategy w as real ly quite s imp le. I never asked anyone out on a date. You see, I w asn ’t He who loses wealth going to let anyone reject me. And w hat d id I accomp lish? I loses much; he who felt ho rr ible abou t m yself . I loses a friend loses knew that I had “ w imp ed o ut. ” I more; but he who loses felt powerless, and as you can imagine, I didn ’t have a full courage loses all. — Miguel de Cervantessocial calend ar. I w as sabota ging m y su ccess! Because I refused to face my fear, I remained in the background while most of my friend s and cl assm ates w ent out on d ates . H ow d o you think that m ad e me fe el? Pretty lousy , just as you ’d exp ect. In case you ’re wondering, I did have a few dates during that p eriod of m y life, but only wh en other p eople arranged “ N O ” to me. them. I wasn ’t going to allow anyone to say In reali ty I w as saying “ N O ” to myself.
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Can you see how m y strate gy of backing aw ay from m y fears w orked agai nst me? N ow it ’s tru e that if I ha d asked som e peop le for a d ate i n h igh sc hool, a few of them might have said “ N O.” But y ou know wh at? I w ouldn ’t have d ied ! I cou ld have as ked an other person ... an d an other. .. and eventuall y I w ould h ave gott en a “ YES.” ’t until “ babyI It ”wasn that of I began to takeLittle someby l ittle, steps to con frontcollege th is fear rejection. gained m ore confid ence. And in law school, I had the good fortune to meet Dolores, and we ’ve been married for 18 years! A New Life I’m really no d ifferent f rom you . I hav e my fe ars, ju st as
you d o. And w hen I l ook bac k at the f irst 30 years of m y life, you kn ow w ha t I see? I see someon e w ho achi eved som e dho egree suinsec ccessuas attor ney. But-consc I alsoious. s ee someone w w asof shy, re,anscared an d self Does that sound to you like someone who ’s a motivational speaker? What turned my life around... and improved it a million-fold... is that I learned to confront my fears and take action. I reali zed after years of fru stration and d isap p ointments that hiding from my fears wasn ’t getting me anywhere — and it wou ld never get me anyw here . Of cou rse, I w ou ldn ’t hav e confronted my fears if I ha d ’t first d evel op ed a positi ve attitud e. A “ can-do ” attitude n provided me with the extra push I needed to take action. When you believe you can do something, you have the cour age to m ove f orw ard d esp ite bei ng afrai d . Arm ed w ith a great atti tud e, I d ecid ed to bec ome a p articipant in life and to explore my potential, even though I w as scared . From th e very begi nn ing, I felt so m u ch better abou t m ysel f. I had taken control of m y life, and all sorts of possibilities opened u p for m e. Are you beginn ing to see the incre d ible reward s you can
receive when you ’re willing to develop a positive attitude
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and confr ont you r fears? Reframe The Situation
If I cou ld give you a w ay to confro nt u ncom fortable si tu ations w ithou t fear or an xiety, you ’d be ecstati c an d eternally grateful, wouldn ’t you ? Sorr y, but th ere ’s no such m agical tion . I can ’t wave a magic wand and take away yoursolu fears. H ow then can you m uster the c ourage to d o those things that you fear, but w hich are neces sary for you r su ccess and growth? The next time you face a scary situation, I suggest you take a different outlook. Most people start thinking, “I w on ’t be abl e to do this well and other p eople may laugh a t m e or rej ect m e. ” They get hung up about how w ell they ’re going to perform . Becau se of these w orries, they d ecide to retreat. you shou ld alw i n wpossible, ith a positi tude andWhile prepare beforehand to ays the go extent donve atti-’t be overly concerned w ith the result. Consider yourself an immediate winner when you take the step and do the thing you fear. That ’s righ t. You ’re a winner just by entering the arena and participating, regardless of the result. Moving Forward Even When You’re Afraid For instance, let ’s assume you ’re afraid to speak in public,
but you confr ont you r fear an d d o it anyw ay. The m omen t you get u p and speak bef ore t he au d ience, you ’re a w inner. Your knees may be shaki ng and your voice m ay be qu ivering. T hat d oesn ’t m atter. You faced y ou r fear an d accep ted the challenge. Congratulations are in order. The likely result is that your self-esteem will be enhanced and you ’ll feel exhilara ted . On your first attempt, you won ’t be hailed as the world ’s finest sp eaker. So w ha t? Let ’s face it. You can ’t expect to be an accomplished speaker during your first presentation. Were you a great tenn is p layer af ter you r first
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gam e? Or a gre at sw im m er the first time you entered the w ater? Develo p ing an y skill takes time. I remember my first motivational sp eech. Tha t w as in 1988... and my performance was nothing to write home abou t! I gav e a free tal k to a group of real estate sal espeople, and let me tell you, I was terrified. I couldn ’t take my eyes myvery notses. the con tent ofed mw y ell. presentationoff w as olidFortu and thnaetely, au d ience respond Bu t I had a long way to go before I could call myself a good speaker. On th e second p resentation, I w as a little bette r. And when I had done five or so presentations, I began to rely less and less on m y notes.. . and to d evel op a stronger connection w ith the au d ience. N ow, 11 year s later, I ’m a p rofessional speaker who speaks to thousands of people each year throu ghou t the United S tates . But not forget it ive all tal started w ho ga let ve ’as very u nimthat p ress k in 1with 988.a scared guy She Followed Her Dream I’d like to t ell you a story about a w oma n w ho know s a lot
abou t bre aking out of a com fort zone. H er nam e is Dotti e Bu rm an, an d for 32 years Dottie was a high school English The only way to tea cher in N ew York . Yet, since escape from the the age of 10, she wanted to go
prison of fear is action.
into business. Sheas never gave show it serious thought a career and instead chose the — Joe Tye secu rity of teaching , w ith its regular paycheck and benefits. While work ing as a teacher , Dott ie be gan to w rite so ngs an d p erfo rm th em . It w as ju st a hobby , bu t it kep t her d ream a live. Then, in the l ate 1980s, Dottie m ad e a d ecision. She wou ld reti re from teac hing and p u rsue a new career as a perform er. In th e sum m er of 1988, she subm itted h er re signa tion. Then th e terror real ly hit her . She w as so scared abou t venturing into the un know n that she with-
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d rew h er res ignation and w ent bac k to teac hing. Bu t som ething insi d e Dotti e wou ldn ’t let her d ream d ie. Six m on th s later , in Jan u ary of 1989, she confronted her fear an d retired . At th e tim e, Dottie w as in her 50s! In 1992, Dottie developed and performed her own one-woman mu sical show. The show w as base d on her fe ars of leaving a sec u re in teacthe hing job toofgo1998, into show bunow siness! And spring Dottie, in her 60s, release d her m arvel ous CD, I’m in Love With My Computer , a collection of w itty, insp irationa l song s. She also p erform ed these songs i n a m u sical re vu e in a cabaret i n N ew York City — and continues to p resent her p rograms of ori ginal songs and stories in theaters and cabarets... as well as for organizations throughout the country. Dotti e w ill be the fi rst to ad mit that h er caree r tr an sition has been f illed w ith cha llenges and setbac ks. Bu t has i t been wor it? ”Accord ing to Dottie , “ I’ve never be en hap pier in m ythlife. Brav o, Dottie, for confronting you r fears.. . an d insp iring u s to f ollow our d reams! Just Do It
Running away from your fears is a losing strategy.
Ralph Waldo Emerson offered some simple advice, which, if followed, can transform your life. H e said , “ Do the thing you
” andthis the advice death ofmakes fear isgood certain. Ifear know sense, bu t some p eople are ju st too afrai d to ac t. Rem em ber m y p rior w ords abo u t the st eep pric e you p ay w hen you let your fe ars dom inate you. In the end, running away from your fears is a losing strategy . It w ill only bring you fru stration an d u nh ap p iness. I can tell you th at from p ersonal ex p erie nce. There ’s nothing wrong with having some fears. Su ccessfu l p eop le have fears. The d ifference is th at suc— Jeff Keller
cessfu l p eople take action an d m ove forw ard d espite being
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afraid. It ’s not always easy, I ’ll gran t that. Bu t you ’ll alwa ys feel better abou t you rsel f w hen you face you r fears. In the last 14 years, I ’ve had the privilege of traveling throu ghou t the Un ited States and abroad.. . and of speaki ng with thousands of people. During all this time, I haven ’t met one person who confronted his or her fears... took action.. . anpdeople later wregretted N otmausingle Bubac t I ’kve m et many ho tel l mit.e how ch th eyonree!gret ing aw ay from th eir fears — and letting th eir d reams d ie. As my friend Burke Hedges often says, “ Don ’t be one of those who lets his regrets take the place of his dreams. ” So, stretch you rself . Con front you r fears and be w illing to expand your comfort zone. The courage muscle can be d evel op ed ju st like an y other m u scle — with exercise. And w hen you d o an acti vity ou tsid e your comfort zone a f ew tim es, you know wh at hap p ens? That same activity becom es ’par t of youbonus r comwhen fort zone! There s another you ’re willing to expand your c omfort zone. When you pu sh throu gh fear and take action in som e areas of you r life, you ’ll develop confidence in oth er areas, as w ell. It ’s tru e! As I becam e m ore com fortable as a speaker, I also became a better salesman... a better b u sinessm an ... a better listener. .. th e list goes on an d on . You can try to d an ce arou nd it all you w ant. Bu t you w on ’t develop your abilities to the fullest unless you ’re w illingtotoexpose be u ncom fortable.toLife d oesn ’t and re w challenges. ard those who refuse themselves difficulties It ’s imp ortant that you p u t your self in a p osition to w in — and tha t mean s taki ng acti on d espite f ear. Confront your fears... and you ’re on the way to develop ing you r p oten tial an d lead ing th e exciting, f u lfilling life you deserve. It ’s a d ecision y ou ’ll never regret!
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LESSON 11
Get Out There and Fail Failure is only the opportunity more to intelligently begin again. — Henry Ford
S
he couldn’t pay her credit card bills for 26 years.
She moved 25 times looking for work. She was fired 18 times. She worked for 26 years before she earned an annual salary of $22,000. She occasionally lived on food stamps and slept in her car. You ’re probably thinking, “ If this is a book about success, w hy are y ou d roni ng on and on about a wom an w ho had so man y failu res? ” I’ll tell you w hy. The “ failure ” d escribed a bove is w ellkn ow n TV talk show host Sally Jessy Rap hael. You see, d espite all of her setbac ks, she ref u sed to give u p her childhood d ream of a care er in broad casti ng. She w as w illing to keep failing.. . and keep failing ... un til
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she succ eed ed . Sally Jessy Rap ha el ha s earned m illions of dollars and has enjoyed a long and successful TV career. All because she kept a great attitude despite years of failures. In The Beginning
H ow is it that som eone li ke Sally Jessy Rap ha el can end u re 26 year s of failure an d keep g oing? If you look bac k to your own childhood, I think you ’ll see that you, too, demonstrated tremendous resilience in the face of repeated failures. Rem em ber w hen you learn ed how to rid e a bic ycle? You probably began with training wheels. Eventually, when these crutches were removed, keeping your balance becam e more d ifficu lt. You strugg led to stay u p right, mayb e even fall ing a few tim es an d scrap ing you rself . You w ere learn ing an imp ortan t early lesson abou t failu re. As you practiced, it ’s likely that one of your parents w alked beside you shouting instru ctions, e ncouraging you an d catchin g you as you lost balance. You w ere scared ... bu t excited ! You looked forw ard to the time w hen you w ou ld succeed, wh en you w ould at las t ride fre e on you r ow n. So you kept at it every day, and eventually mastered the skill of rid ing a bike. What contributed to your ultimate success in learning how to ri d e your bike? Well, persistence and she er repetition, certa inly. You w ere goi ng to stick w ith it no m atter h ow long it took! It also helped that you w ere enthusiastic about w hat you set out to achi eve — that you could hardly wait to rea ch you r goal. An d fina lly, let ’s not und erestim ate the impact of positive encouragement. You alwa ys knew you r parents were in your corner, supporting you, rooting for you r succ ess. As a six-year-old learning to ride your bike, you were op tim istic... th rilled ... an d eager t o m eet the challenge. You couldn ’t w ait to try a gain. You knew you ’d m aste r it e ventually. Bu t that w as a lo ng tim e ago.
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Yesterday And Today Now let ’s examine how m ost ad u lts app roac h the d evel opment of new skil ls. Wou ld you s ay they ’re optimistic...
thrilled... and eager to meet the challenge? We both know the answ er to that qu estion is “ N O.” Let ’s ass u m e we a grou p of ad u lts to learn a n ew software program or asked to switch to another position in the comp any. H ow would most respond ? They ’d try to avoi d it. They ’d comp lain. They ’d m ake e xcu ses w hy they shouldn ’t have to d o it. They ’d d ou bt their abil ities. They ’d be af raid. What happened to that six-year-old brimming with vitality and a sense of adventure? Howadult did that child turn Success going from into an moaning and failure toisfailure withgroaning about learning someout loss of enthusiasm. thing new ? As ad u lts, most of u s — Winston Churchill become a lot more concerned about the opinions of others, often hesitating because people may laug h at u s or criticize u s. At th e age of si x, w e knew w e ha d to fal l off the bike and get back on to learn a n ew skill . Falling off th e bike w asn ’t “ bad ” thing. Bu t as w e got older , w e started to perc eive afalling off as a bad thing — rather tha n an essenti al part of the p rocess of achi eving ou r goa l. As I pointed ou t in Les son 10 , it can be u ncom fortable to try som ething n ew, p erhap s even scary . Bu t if you take you r eyes off the goal and instead focus your attention on how others may be vi ewing you , you ’re doing yourself a grave disservice. To develop a new skill or reach a meaningful target , you m u st be c omm itted to d oing w hat it takes t o get there, even if it m eans p u tting u p w ith negative f eedba ck or
falling on your face now and then. Successful people have learned to
“ fail ” their way to
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success. While they may not particularly enjoy their “ failures, ” they recognize them as a necessary p art of the road to victory. After all , becomin g p roficient a t an y skil l requires time, effort and discipline... and the willingness to persevere throu gh w ha tever d ifficu lties may ar ise.
These Failures Make Millions of Dollars
Take th e exam p le of a p rofess ional baseball player. As it is tod ay, the player w ho gets j u st three hits in 10 attempts is at th e top of his profession, making several million dollars a year. That ’s a 70 percent failure rate! And the fans will no d oubt taunt him w hen he stri kes out. And speaking of baseball, what a thrill it was to watch Mar k McGw ire of th e St. Lou is Card inals as he h it 70 hom e runs during the 1998 season. He ’s such an exciting player. Bu t d id you know tha t Mark McGwire s tru ck ou t 155 times
in 1998? Anhdit 457 for hom his ecareer, McGw ire has ru ns; yet, he h as stru ck ou t 1,259 tim es. That ’s almost three times as m any stri keouts as hom e runs! When I ask you to name the — Elbert Hubbardbest basketb all p layer of al l time, w ho comes to m ind ? I ’m guess ing that many of you immediately thought of Michael Jord an. H e gets my vote. Let m e share with you t his sta-
The greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making one.
— Micha el Jord an has a career shooting p ercentage of tistic 50 p ercent. In other w ord s, ha lf of the shots he took i n h is career w ere “ failures. ” Of cou rse, this p rinciple isn ’t limited to sp orts. We also know that show bu siness s tars and m edia p erso nali ties are no stran gers to failur e. Man y actors i nv est 10 or 15 year s, enduring hundreds of rejections before landing a part that laun ches th eir careers. And then , even afte r achievi ng some d egree o f su ccess, they st ill exp erien ce occasiona l box office flops.
On the night he graduated from college, Jerry Seinfeld d id his first com ed y gig. It wa s at a com ed y club i n N ew
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York City. H e bom bed . Wh en asked to d escribe th at even ing, Seinfel d said , “ It w as p retty horr ible. It w as a terrible si nk ing feeling . ” Bu t he d id n ’t quit. H e kept performing his stand -u p rou tine at night. H e had five ve ry tough years. And then he w as invited to app ear on T he Tonight Sho w w ith Joh nn y Carson in 1 981. H e w as a big hit. .. an d on hInisa w to a nall in cred ccessfu l career. nuaytshell, th eseibly indsu ividu als real ize that su ccess, to a large ex tent , is a m atter of persistence. Tha t is, if you keep tryi ng, ke ep d evel oping you rsel f and keep m aking ad ju stments along the way, you ’re going to succeed. You simply need to get enou gh at-bats. .. go on enou gh au d itions.. . visit enou gh p otential c lients. Undaunted By Failure
I want to tell you about two guys who wrote a book containin a collection of insp irationa l stories. They fi gu w ouldgtake abo ut three months to make a d eal w ith a pred ub-it lisher. The first pu blisher they ap p roac hed said “ N O.” The sec ond p u blisher said “ N O.” The th ird p u blisher said “ N O.” The n ext 30 p u blisher s said “ N O.” Having racked up 33 rejections over a period of three years, w hat do you thi nk they d id ? They s u bm itted thei r book to another p u blisher . “ YES.” The said And 34th that publisher one “ YES ” — after 33 “ failures ” — is what launched the spectacular success of Chicken Soup For The Soul, written and compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Ha nsen . If you ’ve been in a bookstore i n the last fi ve year s, I’ll bet you ’ve seen th at book. T here ’s a good chan ce that you ’ve read one of the books i n th e Chicken Soup series. The Chicken Soup For The Soul series has sold over 30 million copies! All becau se Jack Can field an d Ma rk Victor Hansen had the determination to fail over and over... and
to keep going un til they su cceeded . What sustained Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
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throu gh 33 failu res? Their atti tu d es! If these gu ys ha d n egative atti tud es, they w ould have given u p after the fi rst or secon d rejection, missing ou t on a pot of gold . Bu t th eir attitudes remained positive and upbeat — failure... after failure... after failure. What ’s a good atti tu d e w orth ? In their case, abou t 10 m illion b u cks apiece. .. an d still cou nt ing! No Overnight Success
Another examp le of someone w ho end u red years of f ailu re is the p hen om enall y succ essfu l rad io host R u sh Limbau gh. For years, Rush Limbaugh worked at low-paying jobs and was ridiculed before he made a successful breakthrough. After f loun d ering in rad io for 12 years, he w as u rged to get out of the business. In 1979, he Success seems to be left the radio industry and spent
largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
five m iserable s in’t asuited. sales job for which heyear wasn In 1983, he retur ned to rad io and th e rest, as w e kn ow, is history . — William Feather So, when you get right down to it, there is no such thing as “failure” — there are only results, some more successful than others. Failure doesn ’t mean you ’ve reached the end of the line and that success isn ’t possible. The only time success is impossible is when you quit. Quitting final. But continued attempts, mitmen t and is d iligenc e, can be tu rn ed into su with ccess.comNever Give Up
In the early 1990s, the owner of a midwestern company called ou r office to inq u ire abou t m y sp eaking p rogram s, as w ell as our p rodu cts and p u blications. I spoke with him on the phone and p romp tly sent o u t some i nformatio n. When we called to follow up, he ’d say that he was “ thinking about i t and h adn ’t m ad e a d ecision yet. ” At the begi nn ing, w e called every week. N o sale . Then , w e called once a month . N o sale . For a p eriod of a few
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years, w e kept c alling this gentlema n. We kept send ing him qu arterl y newsle tters and flyers. And all w e had to show for it w as on e failure after an other . Bu t in th e sp ring of 1998, a repr esenta tive of his com pany called our office, and I was hired to present a motivationa l p rogram at one o f their s ales meetings. When I m et “ I was the in person,Som he eone told me, impressed with you owner r p ersistence. from you r office kep t calling me for years. .. an d d idn ’t gi ve up . ” Su re, w e p u t up w ith years of failu re. Bu t it was al l w orth i t wh en w e mad e that s ale! Key Questions If you aren’t getting the results you want or have been discour-
aged by failures, ask yourself these questions: 1. Do I have an”unand realistic timetable? Maybe youimmediexp ect to “ skip steps succeed on a grand scale ately. Success is usually achieved by climbing one step at a ti me. And you d on ’t al w ays know how long it will take to a d van ce to th e next level . So, be pat ient w ith you rsel f — and resist the te m ptation to c omp are your progress with that of anyone else! You ’ll advance faster than some, slower than others. Maintain a great attitu d e... take acti on... ma ke ad ju stm ents. .. and the resu lts w ill com e. 2. A m I tr uly committed? Do you have a burning desire to achieve you r goa l? It ’s esse ntial that y ou be w illing to do whatever it takes and that you banish any thought of giving up before you accomplish your objective. Of cou rse, it ’s mu ch easier to be c om m itte d wh en yo u love w hat yo u ’re d oing. T herefore, go after those goals you ’re passionate about, and harbor no thou ght of quitti ng. 3. Do I have too many discouraging influe nces? Unsuccessful results can be frustrating. That ’s why
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w e nee d to s u rround oursel ves w ith p eople who sup p ort and believe i n u s. If you h ang arou nd w ith n egative peop le w ho are h ighly c riti cal or wh o are d oing very li ttle in thei r ow n lives, your energy and enthu siasm will be drained. Therefore, develop a network of individuals to encourage and coach you toward success.
4. A m I preparing to succeed? Success in any endeavor require s thorough p reparation. Are you taking steps to learn everything you can Would you like me to about accomplishing your goal? give you a formula for This means reading books, listening to tapes, taking courses success? It s quite and netw orki ng w ith highly sucsimple. Double your cessfu l p eop le in you r field . It
rate of —failure. Thomas J.
might finding mentor or gettingmean a coach to awork with you. Successful individuals are always sharpening their skills. Those getting unsuccessful outcomes often do the same things over and over withou t m aking n ecessary adjustments. So, be “ coachable. ” Accept the fact that you don ’t already know it all and find resources to kee p you on trac k and moving f orward . Watson
5. A m Iwill truly willingtertodfail? is inevitable. You encoun efeat Face pr iorit,tofailure succeeding . In ou r hearts, we know our most valuable lessons come from ou r failures. Failur e is essential for grow th . Look fai lure squ arely i n th e face an d see it as a n atu ral p art of the su ccess process. Then , failure w ill lose its power over you. The truth is, when you ’re not afraid to fail, you ’re well on the way to success. Welcome failure as an unavoidable yet vital componen t in th e qu est to achie ve you r goals.
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Turning Failure Into Success
You r fail u res are le arn ing experience s tha t p oint ou t th e adjustments you m ust m ake. Never try to h ide fro m failu re, for that approach guarantees that you ’ll take virtually no risks... an d ach ieve ver y little. As Bever ly Sills on ce remarked, “ You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are
doomed if you don’’tt try .” every sale. And you won ’t make No, you won close m oney o n every investm ent . Life is a series of w ins an d losses, even for the most successful. The winners in life know that you crawl before you walk and you walk before you run. And with each new goal comes a new set of failures. It ’s up to yo u w hether yo u tre at thes e d isappointments as temporary setbacks and challenges to overcome, or as insurmountable obstacles. If you make it your business to learn from every defeat and stay focusedally on the result youess! wish to attain, failu re w ill eventu leadend you to succ
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LESSON 12
Networking That Gets Results You can get everything in life you want if you ’ll just help enough other people get what they want. —Zig Ziglar
W
hen I met freel an ce cop yw riter S tu Kam en in the fal l of 1990, it set off an incredible c ha in reacti on th at w ou ld foreve r im pa ct my busines s. Let m e share w ith you w hat happened. Think & In 1992, Stu was a contributing writer with Grow Rich newsletter. At Stu ’s suggestion, that newsletter ran a front page story about me — and how I went from being a l aw yer to a m otivational speaker . At the sam e tim e, I entered into an agreement with that newsletter where they would sell my “ Attitude is Everything ” merchandise throu gh their p u blication. Thou sand s of item s w ere sold . Think & Grow Rich new slette r also be gan to ru n some of my own a rticles in their p u blication . As a result, I got calls from their readers and was hired for several speaking engagements.
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I also got a letter from one of their subscribers named Jim Don ovan , w ho lived i n New York at tha t time. We becam e good friend s. Jim ref erred m e to IN TI Pu blishing & Resource Books, the publisher of the book you ’re now holding in you r han d . By the you re positive and way, Jim went on to write two
great self-helpTobooks of hisLife ownand enthusiastic, people — H andbook A Happier will want to spend time This Is Your Life, N ot A Dress with you. Rehearsal. And all of these great things happened because I tapped into Stu Kam en ’s netw ork. .. and then the Think & Grow Rich newsletter ’s netw ork.. . an d th en Jim Donovan ’s netw ork. The pow er of netw orking is noth ing short of aw esome! — Jeff Keller
’t you like e choice , w ou ldn orking su cceed sooner rathIfergiven thanthlater? Well, netw i s atoway to leverage you r ow n efforts and accelerate the p ace at w hich y ou get results. After all, the more solid relationships you build, the greater you r op p ortu niti es for su ccess. The Benefits Of Networking
While your success certainly starts with you, it grows to higher levels as a result of your associations and relationships with people. Simply put, you can ’t succeed on a gran d scale all by you rsel f. That ’s why networking is so im p ortant. For the p u rp oses of this lesson, let ’s d efine n etworking as the development of relationships with people for mutual benefit. In t he business arena, net w orking h as t he follow ing benefits: • generates n ew clients or bu siness l ead s • incre ases e m p loymen t op p ortun ities • helps in finding the right people to fill critical positions • provides v alu able inf orm ation and resource s
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• assi sts i n solving p robl em s In t he personal realm, he re’s w hat net w orki ng can do for you: • enh ance your social relationships by introd u cing you to new fri end s • help you to bec om e acqu ainted w ith p eople o f vary-
ethnic, culturali and philosophical backgrounds • ing p rovi d e valuable nfo rm ation a nd resource s • contribute to you r sp iritu al gro w th N ow that w e know w hat networki ng c an d o, the ques tion is: Wha t can w e d o to en han ce the effectiveness of ou r network? Let me pass along 16 techniques that I ’ve found productive. To simplify matters, I ’ve organized them into fou r sep arate, bu t related, c ategories : 1) atti tu d e an d action; 2) referr als; 3) com m u nication; an d 4) follow -up . ATTITUDE AND ACTION 1. Project a winning attitude. When it com es to networking, attitude is everything! If you ’re positi ve an d enth u siasti c, p eople w ill w ant to spend time w ith you. They ’ll wan t to help you. If you ’re gloom y and negative, p eople wil l avoid you, and they ’ll hesitate to refer you to their friend s and colleagu es.
2. Participate actively in groups and organizations. Effective networking and relationship-building takes more than paying putting your name a dem directory andthat show ingdues, u p for m eetings. You minu st onstrate you ’ll take the tim e and m ake the ef fort to c ontr ibute to the gr oup . Wha t kind s of things c an you d o? For starters, you can volun teer f or com mitte es or serve as an of ficer or m em ber of the board of d irectors. The other m em bers wil l resp ect you w hen they see you roll up your sleeve s and d o some w ork. They ’ll also learn about your people skills, you r char acte r, your valu es and last, bu t n ot least, your atti tud e! Let ’s get back to Stu Kamen for a mom ent. H e
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w anted to bu ild contacts within ad vertisi ng a genci es, so he joined th e Lon g Island Ad ver tising Clu b in 1994. Stu imm ediatel y began to atte nd the group ’s meetings. When they asked for v olun teers f or v arious p rojects, Stu raised his han d . H e got actively involved! Within six months after joining, somebody app ched d , “and Wever heary good things about ’rehaim you.roa You ha an rd d wsai orker energetic . Wou ld you like to j oin ou r board of direc tors? ” As yo u m ight gu ess, Stu glad ly accepted . And w ithi n a few m onth s, he began to see a sign ifican t increase in his bu siness. In early 1999, Stu told m e tha t w ell over 50 p ercent of his c u rren t busines s can be trac ed to peop le he m et through the L ong Islan d Ad vertisi ng Clu b — proving tha t p eople c an get big results in a sh ort tim e by n etw orkin g effectively.
3. SERV OT HERS your network. Servin ersork! is c ruYou cial to buEild ing an dinbenefi ting from you gr oth n etw should always be thinking, “ How can I serve others? ” instead of “ What ’s in it f or m e? ” If you come across as desperate or as a “ taker ” rather than a “ giver, ” you w on ’t find people willing to Getters don't g et -help y ou . Going th e extra m ile for other s is the best w ay to get givers get. the fl ow of good things co m ing — Eugene Benge back to you . ow can you serve others you r netw ork? Start by H referring bu siness lead s iorn p otential cu stomer s. In ad d ition, w hen ever you see an article or other information that might be of interest to someone i n you r netw ork, forw ard the m ateri al to that person. When I think of ef fective netw orkers, the fi rst n am e tha t comes to mind is Mark LeBlanc. Mark gives presentations to business owners who want to grow their business and to salespeople who want to sell more of their p rod u cts and He servic I ’ve referred many people to Mark. Why? ’s aes.talented, service-oriented person
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w ho h as gone out of his w ay to enc our age m e... and to help m e buil d m y busines s. Mark has put me in touch with people in his own netw ork wh o are in a posi tion to help me. H e dis trib u tes m y ma terial s at his p resentations. Mark is one of those p eople w ho ju st keeps giving.. . an d givi ng.. . and givi ng. ’s wh That y people want hel i ps growing! Mark — and that ’s one reas on w hy h is own bu to siness As th e Bible says, “ Give and it shall be gi ven u nto you . ” That ’s the truth ! REFERRALS
4. If you refer someone, make sure that the person mentions your name as the source of the referral.Be explicit. Let ’s as sum e you ’re abou t to ref er John Sm ith to you r gra p hic d esigner, Jan e Jon es. You m igh t say to Joh n, “ Give Jan e a call, ” and please tellmher that cal I referred you. instances , you ay even l Jan e and let her kn In owsome tha t Joh n Smith w ill be con tacting h er. Then , the n ext time you see or speak to J ane, remem ber to ask if John call ed an d h ow it turn ed ou t. You w an t to reinforc e in Jan e ’s mind that you ’re looking ou t for her and helping her to grow her bu siness.
5. Be selective. Don’t refer every person you meet. Respect the time of those in your network. Referring “ unqualified ” lead w ill reflect p oorlyison really you. Ask your w value heth ertoor not as particular referral going to self be of your netw ork p artner . Keep in m ind that the key i s the quality, not qu antity , of the lead s you sup ply. COMMUNICATION
6. Be a good listener. H ave you ever bee n sp eaki ng to someone w ho goes on and on abou t himsel f and his bu siness — and never take s a mom ent to ask about you? We ’ve all run into the “ Me, Me, Me ” types — and the y ’re the last people yo u w ant to help. So, in your conversations, focus on drawing other
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people out. Let them talk about their careers and interests . In retu rn , you ’ll be p erceived as caring, c oncern ed and intelligent. You ’ll eventually get your turn to talk abou t you rself . Su re, th is is Dale Carn egie 101... bu t it works!
7. d o Call from time to time justyou because H ow you people fee l wh en someone c alls on th you e phcare. one and says, “ H ey, I w as ju st thi nking about you and w as won dering how you ’re doing? ” I’ll bet you feel like a million bu cks! If th at ’s the case, why don ’t we m ake thes e calls mo re often? Every n ow an d then , m ake it a p oint to cal l peop le in your network simply to ask how they ’re doing and to offer your sup port and enc our agement. That ’s right. Call ju st bec au se you care — and becau se that ’s the way you ’d like toEvery be treated. Dece m ber, I p ick u p the p hon e and call certain clients I haven ’t spoken w ith for a lo ng time. Many of these people haven ’t You can succeed best ordered an ything f rom m y comand quickest by help- p an y in years. My call is u pbeat and m y onl y agenda is t o be ing others to succeed. friendly. I don ’t try t o sell them — Napoleon Hillan ything. I ap preciate the bu siness they ’ve gi ven m e in th e ast,aand ju st wan t toy.hear how they ’re d oing , person pally nd pIrofessionall If bu siness com es from these call s, that ’s great. If bu siness d oesn ’t come from these call s, that ’s great. Year after yea r, I d o get bu siness as a r esu lt of m akin g these c alls. Som eon e w ill say, “ I need to order m ore of those Attitude is Everything lapel pins ” or “ Ou r com p any is hav ing a sale s m eeti ng in six mon ths, and they may w ant you to d o a prese ntati on. ”
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Please u nd erstand that th is isn ’t manipulation or a sales tacti c on m y pa rt. I ’m not expec ting these p eop le to gi ve me bu siness. I reall y care abou t how they ’re doing . Bu siness i s simp ly a by-prod u ct of re-connecting w ith them .
8. can Takemake advantage of everyday to meet people.— You excellent contactsopportunities just about anywhere at the h ealth c lub or on line at th e sup erm arket. You never know from what seed your next valuable relationship w ill sprou t. When I go to the gym on the weekends, I always w ear a n “ Attitud e is Everyth ing ” shirt. It ’s a g reat icebreaker and people will come up to me to talk about atti tud e. It gives m e an opp ortun ity to learn about them — and to te ll them about m y com p any. 9. Treat every person as important — not just the “influential” ones. Don ’t be a snob. T he p erso n you m eet ( w hether or not they ’re the boss) may have a friend or relative who can benefit from your product or service. So, when speaking to someone at a meeting or party, give that person your u nd ivid ed atte nti on. And please promise me that you won ’t be one of those who gazes around looking for “ more important people ” to talk to. That really bu gs m e. You ’re talking with someone and — then heeone notices corner o f his eye som he dsomeone eems m out ore iof mthe portant than you ! So he stops l istening to you ... an d abr u p tly breaks aw ay to start a c onversati on w ith th at other p erson. Don ’t d o tha t! Treat every person you encoun ter w ith d ignity and resp ect.
10. A t meetings and seminars, make it a point to meet different people. Don ’t sit w ith the sam e group at every gatheri ng. Wh ile it ’s great to tal k w ith f riend s for p art of the m eet’ll reap greater benefits if you make the extra ing, effortyou to m eet new faces.
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In 1994, I was in Washington, D.C., to attend the annual convention of the National Speakers Assoc iation. At lu nch, instead of sitting w ith some friend s, I sat d ow n at a table wh ere I d id n ’t know anyone. Sitting at tha t table w as a w om an nam ed Joan Burge — and w e struck u p a conversati on. H er com pa ny, Office Dynamics, conducts excellent training programs for administrative office professionals. It tu rn ed ou t th at Joan is also a bi g beli ever th at attitu d e is everyth ing! And , for the las t five years, she has ordere d m y “ Attitud e is Everyth ing ” lap el p ins and d istribu ted th em to some of the p arti cip ants in her training p rogram s. In ad d ition, Joan of ten d isp lays m y literatu re at her program s, w hich h as ge nerated th ousand s of d ollars in business for me. Most imp ortan tly, Joan ha s become a w ond erfu l friend . ’t sit I’m sure gl ad d id nou friendssthat as I w ould have m Iissed t onwith a tremy m endou oppday, ortunity!
11.
Be willing to go beyond your comfort zone. For insta nce, if you have the urge to introduce yourself to someone, DO IT! You m ight h esitate, th inking th at th e p erson is too important or too busy to speak with you. Even if you ’re nervous, force yourself to move forward and m ak e con tact. You ’ll get m ore c om fortable as time goes on .
12.
A sk for what you want. By helping others, you ’ve now earned the right to request assistance yourself. Don ’t be sh y. As long as you ’ve d one your best to s erve those in your network, they ’ll be more than willing to retur n th e favor.
FOLLOW-UP
13.
Send a prompt note after meeting someone for the first time.
Let ’s say you attend a dinner and make a
ATTITUDE
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new contact. Send a short note as soon as possible exp laining how mu ch you enjoyed m eeting and talking with him or her. Enclose some of your own materials and p erhap s inclu d e info rm ation that m ight be of i nterest t o this person ( such as the na me of a trad e m agazine an d a su bscription c ard ). Ask if there ’s anything you canBed sure o to assi st thisthe i nd ividu al. 48 hours after you r iniwithin to send n ote tial m eeti ng so that it ’s received w hile you ’re st ill fresh in you r contac t ’s mind .
14.
A cknowledge powerful presentations or articles. If you hear an interesting presentaTreat every person you tion or read a great article, send a note to the speaker or encounter with dignity w riter and tell hi m or her h ow
and respect.
— Jeff much and learned you from enjoyed their message. One perso n in a hu nd red w ill take the ti m e to d o this — be the one w ho d oes! I’m not saying that speakers and writers are special p eople w ho d eserve to be w orshipp ed . The p oint is, speakers and w rit ers o ften have d eve loped a hu ge netw ork of peop le covering a var iety of i nd u stri es — a netw ork you c an tap into!
15. A LWAY W henSyou referral helpful writtenyour materials, sendreceive a thankayou noteor or call to express appreciation. Follow this suggestion only if you want to receive more referrals and more useful information. If you don ’t acknowledge that person sufficiently, he or she w ill be m u ch less l ikely to assis t you in the fut u re. 16.
Send congratulatory cards and letters. If someone in your network gets a promotion, award or celebrates some oth er occ asion (f or examp le, a m arriage or birth of aloves chil dto) wr a short n ote c ongr atupeople lations.take E veryon be ite recognized, yetofvery few the e
Keller
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time to do this. Being thoughtful in this manner can only make you stand out. I t ’s also app ropriate to s end a card or m emorial g ift w hen a famil y m ember d ies. Building Your Network
The networking suggestions offered above are merely the tip of the ic eberg. You shou ld b e able to c om e u p w ith several new ideas of seeking you r own H ow ? Byexcellent going to books your lion brar y or bookstore and out. the many netw orki ng... and by notic ing w hat other p eople ar e d oing and ad ap ting their i d eas in a way that su its yo u . Remember that networks are built over time and that signif icant results u sua lly d on ’t show u p im m ed iatel y. So be p atient! Bu ild a sol id fou nd ation of relationships and continu e to exp and an d stre ngth en them . You ’ll have to pu t in a lot be fore you begin reaping the big reward s. One final point: Great netw orking skil ls are not a sub stitu being but exc ifellent in you ’rt field. ight ic te PRfor person, you aren tal enteYou d atmwh at be yo au terrifdo — and constantl y learning and im p rovi ng — you r efforts w ill yield disappointing results. N ow, go ahead ! Select a few of th ese netw ork ing tec hniques and imp lement them right away . Get to w ork s erving and im p rovi ng your netw ork. Then you w ill truly have an ar my of troops w orki ng to h elp you succeed!
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CONCLUSION
Change Your Attitude and You Change Your Life To change your circumstances, first start thinking differently. —Norman Vincent Peale
N
ovember 16, 1998. M anila, Philippines.
I ju st finis hed givi ng a p resentation to p eople f rom m ore th an 20 cou nt ries. Wh at an incred ible p rivile ge! Dozen s of people in the audience came up to introduce themselves and to thank me for coming to Manila to share these lifechan ging p rinc ip les with th em. When everybod y had left the room, I w as about to gather up all m y things. Bu t for some reason, I pau sed fo r a mom ent. I looke d arou nd th is em p ty au d itori u m ... 8,000 miles from m y hom e. And I ha d to p inch my self... ju st to make sure I w asn ’t d reaming. I flashed back to 1985, when I sat in my den, negative and d epress ed. I hated m y job as a law yer and h ad n ’t the slightest i d ea how I ’d tu rn things aroun d . N ow, here I w as
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in the fall of 1998 in the Philippines, giving a motivational sem inar to peop le from all ove r the w orld ! “ How did thi s happen? ” I thou ght to m ysel f. The an swer came to m e loud and clear. I changed my attitude. You see, w hen you cha nge you r attitu d e, spa rks fl y in the universe. energ ized.. You You achieve begin to extra s ee new p ossibilities. YouYou m ov’ereinto action ord ina ry results. That ’s wh y I say when you change your attitude, you change your life! Now I ’d be kidding you if I told you the last 14 years w ere ju st a string of su ccesses. Far from it. I ’ve had my share of d efeats and setbac ks al ong th e wa y. Bu t the success principles I ’ve discussed in this book are what have given me the courage, the guidance and the strength to kee p m oving fo rw ard. Take Control Of Your Life
I ap p laud you fo r taki ng the ti m e to read this book. It shows that you ’re truly interested in developing your incred ible p oten tial. Yet, read ing this book i s only the Act as if it were first step to livin g th e life you impossible to fail. w ant to li ve. When you focu s —Dorothea Brande on these ideas — and take action to imp lem ent them — ’re on the w ay to c reati ng you som e exciting breakth rou gh s in you r life. You m ay h ave seen sta tisti cs that only abou t five p ercent of th e pop u lati on reaches a high le vel of su ccess. Why is th at? After 1 4 year s of research , I ’m convince d it com es d own to t his : It ’s the rare individual w ho ap p lies the su ccess princi p les d iscu ssed in this book on a daily basis. It ’s the rare individual who consistently maintains a positive attitude, knowing that his thoughts will become
his rea lity.
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It ’s the rare i nd ivid u al who w atches the w ords he u ses, knowing that he ’s programming his mind for success, m ed iocrity or f ailu re. It ’s the rare i nd ividu al wh o has the gu ts to confro nt h er fears, bec au se that ’s w here her p otenti al wil l be d evel oped — by d oing things she ’s afraid to d o. It ’sdark the rare ind . ivid u al wh o looks f or th e silver li ning in every cl oud And it ’s the rare ind ivid u al w ho m akes a comm itment, follow s throug h w ith a p ositive atti tu d e... and has the p ersistence to get th e job d one. I chall enge you to be on e of those rare ind ivid u als. You ha ve the p otential to bec om e m ore than you ever d ream ed . You hav e greatness w ithin you ... and you r atti tud e is the key to unloc king that p otenti al. Changing m y atti tud e chan ged m y life. And if a bett er atti tud e can w ork m irac in to m share y life,with it canyou w ork m iracles you rs! I’dles like these w ord in s from Dr. Char les Sw ind oll, w ho captu red th e essence of attitud e — and how it dom inates the d irection of ou r lives: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. A ttitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is
more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. “The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. “I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and
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90 percent how I react to it. A nd so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Pretty powerful words, aren ’t they? Do what Charles Sw ind oll suggests an d “ p lay on the one st ring you hav e ” — your ATTITUDE. N ow is the ti me to take c ontrol of you r atti tu d e. N ow is the Go timahead e to start ating in m yourself. irac les inHave you rthe owcourage n life. and —cre believe p ersi stence to follow you r d ream s. And above al l, never, never forget that... A ttitude is Everything! May God bless you on you r jou rn ey.
About Jeff Keller
Jeff Keller, President of Attitude is Everything, Inc., works with organizations that want to develop achievers and with people who want to reach their full potential. Jeff is a speaker, seminar leader and writer in the area of motivation and human potential. For more than 14 years, he has delivered his uplifting presentations to businesses, organizations, groups and educational institutions. Jeff communicates with sincerity, clarity and impact in a way that touches the minds and hearts of those in the audience. Each presentation or seminar is specifically designed to meet the needs of the business or organization being served. He is the author of two highly acclaimed publications -Attitude is Everything Newsletter and the FREE monthly e-mail
newsletter, “Here’s To Your Success.” Jeff is a member of the National Speakers Association and lives in New York. For more information on Jeff Keller’s motivational presentations, products and publications, please visit his web site at http://www.attitudeiseverything.com/ For an instant download of program, Change Your Thinking, http://www.mp3motivators.com/. coupon below to save $5.00 as Everything reader.
Jeff’s best-selling audio Change Your Life go to: See the special electronic a preferred Attitude is
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