My First Time: An Oral Sex Primer
By Carol Cobillard
First Edition, May 2008 Copyright © 2008 by Carol Cobillard All rights reserved. Illustrations are borrowed from W IKIPEDIA IKIPEDIA and other public- domain sources including Gray's including Gray's Anatomy. Anatomy. They should be self-explanatory.
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First Edition, May 2008 Copyright © 2008 by Carol Cobillard All rights reserved. Illustrations are borrowed from W IKIPEDIA IKIPEDIA and other public- domain sources including Gray's including Gray's Anatomy. Anatomy. They should be self-explanatory.
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Introd Introduct uction. ion.............. ......................... ........................ ........................ ........................ .................... ........ 1 The Penis Penis is is a Girl’ Girl’ss Best Friend............. Friend......................... ........................ .............. 7 Erecti Erections ons ........................ .................................... ........................ ........................ ........................ ............ 11 Exchan Exchanges ges of Bodily Bodily Fluids Fluids ........................ .................................... .................... ........ 21 Seduction, Seduction, Propositi Proposition........... on....................... ........................ ........................ ................. ..... 25 Seduction Seduction of the Innocent.. Innocent.............. ........................ ........................ ..................... ......... 41 Seduction, More of ........................ .................................... ........................ ...................... .......... 49 The Pace Pace ......................... ..................................... ........................ ........................ ........................ ............ 55 The Role Role of Breasts Breasts in Oral Oral Sex ....................... ................................... .............. .. 61 Safe Safe Sex and a Mothe Mother’s r’s Care Care ........................ .................................... ................ .... 63 My First First Penis Penis to Play With.................. With...... ........................ ........................ .............. 65 A Girl’s First Penis (other girls) ........... girls) ....................... ........................ .............. .. 71 Mutual Mut ual Oral Oral Sex............................... Sex........................................... ........................ .................. ...... 77 … On a Dare................. Dare............................. ........................ ........................ ........................ .............. .. 79 The Whys Whys and Wherefo Wherefores res ....................... ................................... ...................... .......... 83 The Aesthet Aesthetics ics of Oral Sex ....................... ................................... ...................... .......... 87 More More About Safe Safe Sex ........................ .................................... ........................ .................. ...... 93 Girl Girl on Top Top ......................... ..................................... ........................ ........................ .................... ........ 95 The Protoco Protocoll of the the Sexually Sexually Liber Liberal al Communi Community ty .......... 99 Variatio Variation: n: the Protocol Protocol for Non-virgi Non-virgins ns ....................... ............ ........... 103 The Story of the the Rest Rest of Your Life............. Life. ........................ ................... ....... 107
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I come from the "down there" generation. That is, those were the words-spoken rarely and in a hushed voice-that the women in my family used to refer to all female genitalia, internal or external. — Ensler, The Vagina Monologues
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ver since Monica Lewinsky and a series of stories, most fictional like The Rainbow Party, made oral sex mainstream, there has been an anticipation coupled with apprehension in relation to it among pubescent boys and girls. I grew up in the protective surroundings of a communal sect, heir to traditions of 1960s-era sects and naturist groups and communes and most especially of the sex-as-religion cult the CHILDREN OF G OD that my Mom had fled when its leader and self-styled “prophet” David Berg1 descended into pedophilia and abuse. “Mom’s Friend”, who had established a refuge for abused mothers and children including refugees from the CO G, held to the notion that sex at puberty is natural and good, but established certain feminist-oriented and anti-abuse rules:2 1
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Berg.
Mom’s Friend does not believe in code words and acr onyms; she used by habit only words to be found in the OED or 2
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That full control of an amorous engagement belongs to the girl That the girl is entitled to pursue orgasm and it is the boy’s duty to help her That under-18s should engage in activity of a sexual nature only with partners of the same age or within 10% of that age That oral sex is an essential part of foreplay That sexual relations are best and safest when conducted in the presence of friends and family That male circumcision has not only Biblical mandate and cosmetic value but health and tactile advantage That there must never, ever be any sort of compulsion or coercion in sex.
All of these points have relevance beyond the borders of Mom’s Friend’s property, the place where I lived from ages 13-19, when I went away for the last two years of college. What I have written in this extended essay is relevant to boys and to girls as they look forward to the event of their first oral sex encounter. I argue that it is the individual and not society who is the best judge of when she (or he) is ready to begin her (or his) sex life and that laws which purport to be in the interests of protecting children often do nothing of the kind. Religion, most religions, like most of politics engages in crass hypocrisy and scaremongering. Merriam-Webster. Postmodern SMS text messengers may like to have a list of abbreviations. Try this: http://tinyurl.com/fagcs
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In its own way the Christian Right mimics radical Islam in its misogynism and its control-freakery. Children are better taught to keep themselves safe by following the guidelines above, and by banishing from their lives hypocrisy, false modesty and other barriers to humanity and the human condition, to sexual sharing and innate urges. Seduction is, of course, the key. Much of life, and certainly much of sex, is peer-driven. Romance and passion, unlike “love” the keys to adolescent sexual urges and enjoyment, should be given free rein. At the same time by banishing the secrecy, the shame and the embarrassment that is so often artificially associated with nudity and sex one is kept safe. Just as innocent, primitive societies know no rule that says couples should disrobe and make love in private, neither should we. Tandem sex has a multiplier effect leading to arousal and to magnification of enjoyment: the vicarious compounds the personal. There is more: sex is an exchange not only of pleasure but also of bodily fluids: of DNA carried down from our first ancestors. These are holy fluids to be savored and honored, never wantonly disposed of. It is the essence of oral sex, and the fluids, male and female, are the Hosts of a Holy Communion. This is why, when I am asked by girls of any age, but especially pre-teens and young adolescents, what is the most important aspect, the thing to look out for, in oral sex I answer that it is the anticipation of ejaculation3. Girls should feel that semen is lovely and they should welcome it and enjoy For medical details, see: http://tinyurl.com/3zu8ab. For practical details including an illustrative video, see the incomparable Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ejaculation. 3
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and swallow it. The other point I like to make is that a girl should love a penis for its own sake. This is something that is clearer to pubescent and young adolescent girls than to older ones more concerned with finding a life partner; but the lesson is relevant to every female. She needs to master the art of flirting and sex and perfect her own capacity for orgasm before finalizing the criteria she will use in selecting a mate. It is argued by social engineers, selfish zealots and guilt-ridden controllers for whom all pleasure, and more specifically sexual pleasure, is “sin” that unmarried minors must be denied free access to their own bodies and the free exercise of their bodily functions. What postmodern religious movements generally, and the 1960s commune movement as well, tried to do was to free young people from such historical baggage, to resolve their shyness and immunize them against guilt and fear and hesitation. Religious movements such as the CHILDREN OF G OD argued that sex is, itself, a religious experience. Encouraging early sexual experimentation—careful, protective permissiveness within the foregoing parameters—was bound to yield confident, welladjusted adults who would recognize the importance of sex to their own future psychological and physical health and would be capable both of choosing a life partner wisely and of raising a future generation in their own mold. The role of oral sex in this is clear: the penis and vagina are not and must not be seen as repellant; on the contrary they are holy instruments of passion and the correct impulse ought to be to embrace the sex parts of the opposite sex, to kiss and caress and excite them orally, to stimulate them until the need for penis in vagina is irresistible. Indeed, the highest form of love-
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making is the brining of the sex parts to the cusp of orgasm and only then joining penis and vagina. Ejaculation is, indeed, an event that marks the arrival of the Holy Spirit, and the exchange of bodily fluids is true Holy Communion, the DNA of generations back to Jesus, back to Adam. Any child who has reached the age of reason should know this; and such a child should be aware that, very soon, her or his sex organs will develop to the stage where they can produce fun and joy. And homage to Jesus.
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will do her bidding—pleasure her clitoris—on her terms, in the knowledge that only then will he and his penis have claim to her mouth and her vagina. It is not that the girl does not love the penis for its own sake but that the maximization of the pleasure of both partners, and the girl’s absolute right to pursue orgasm and the statistical facts of female arousal dictate that her arousal must have primacy. This is the feminist rule. There is, and there should be, an urgency once boy and girl recognize a commonality of interest, or desire and of will. There need be no reticence, no lengthy “mating dance”, no particular drama. Mutual arousal followed by tactile sensation: caressing, fondling, kissing of breasts, vagina, penis. 13- and 14-year-olds in particular seem to give short shrift to mouth-to-mouth kissing and embrace; there is a rush to embrace the sex parts. A boy might sit with the girl on his lap, or seated between his legs, and he might fondle her breasts and vagina/clitoris until she has reached a state of excitement and asks him to move in front of her. She would then begin to make love to his penis and to choose whether to bring him to orgasm and ejaculation in her mouth, or to stop and have him kneel in front of her to kiss and lick her vaginal area and bring her to the cusp of orgasm before inserting his penis and ejaculating in her vagina. Recognizing, in our faith, the essential role of semen as Host, she might take his penis into her mouth at that point. Or, if she had elected to bring him to orgasm orally he would almost certainly have still, or again, sufficient erection to slide his penis into her vagina and reinforce her climax. The right of option belongs to the girl and the presence of her friends nearby assures that her boy will not override that.
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Needless to say, confidence comes with experience. The point of encouraging a girl to watch her peers and her elders at sex is so that even at her first intercourse she will know unhesitatingly how to perform. A penis should never be intimidating; it should be a girl’s best friend. The circumcised penis especially is open to her examination and its most sensitive parts respond instantly to her fingers, her lips and her tongue. The satisfaction for a girl of removing a boy’s underpants, playing with his penis to make it stiff and bringing it to ultimate excitement and ejaculation in front of friends, and perhaps family, cannot be overstated. They too should see her in ecstasy, in a state of grace, witnessing to the evangelical principle of sharing and of romantic endeavor. It is an incredible disaster that religious, educational and social engineers would deprive unmarried girls from the sight of any penis (except, perhaps, those of babies)5, from any knowledge of sex education (except abstention), and from any knowledge of how, even “in due course” de se faire jouir (i.e., to translate from the French, “to have an orgasm”). It is all quite bizarre: girls
I have never known my father. But to me the concept of a girl who does know and live under the same roof with her father, yet has never seen his penis, is unfathomable. The penis as source of life and source and vector of pleasure makes it essential that it should be seen and admired by all its progeny, at the very least. Going further, there is no reason why a father should be hesitant to let his daughter see his penis in a state of erection, nor to see her mother fondling it and making it ejaculate: this is, after all, he end of romance and passion and the origin of love and of live. But I accept that this later liberty will not soon be a part of mainstream existence. 5
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who grow up among primitive tribes know more and do better for themselves.6 It is for this reason that girls should be allowed, indeed encouraged, to see and discuss matters of sex: with their friends and peers, with their parents and brothers, and with their future sex partners. It is true that girls need to be warned and prepared for predator outsiders, but within their own community they must find security. It is ignorance and apprehension that lead to the occasional outrage, like the awful abuse by Josef Fritz of his daughter, his wife, and his incestuous offspring.
Except, of course, in those Islamic and African soci eties where the wicked and pagan act of female genital mutilation is performed. 6
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ew pubescent or adolescent boys will fail to respond quickly and positively to the prospect of oral sex. Gay teens coerced by peers into attempting heterosexual sex are a special, unfortunate case with unpredictable but usually sad results. Among “normal” boys, some will be fear not being able to get an erection7 on cue, and that fear can create its own reality, usually overcome with diligence and care by the girl, and physical stimulation by her of his penis. In recent years boys have occasionally taken Viagra and similar drugs in anticipation but I think that’s going too far and it’s virtually never necessary. The minuet we used to “initiate” boys and girls into oral sex (and indeed vaginal sex) at their “coming out” was sensuous enough to arouse most of them without heroics. Quite aside from the occasional “defloration party” sponsored by the mothers of a boy and girl deeply involved in the post-David Berg sex-as-religion movement (where the mother of the boy generally brought him into the room to meet an already-naked girl and saw to the taking down of his underpants at the threshold) we brought the boy and girl together clad in their underwear. He would take off her bra if she wore one 7
Image borrowed from: http://tinyurl.com/3g52ac.
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and then her panties and she would lower his underpants. It is particularly important that the girl’s breasts are in view, that the boy and those watching can see them. In the nicest scene, the boy’s penis would start to rise as soon as exposed to air and to the girl’s sight. Or it might be semi-erect already and get caught in the folds of his underpants. Or the girl might have to stimulate it. But this is the most fantastic, the most romantic scene: a girl shyly, curiously staring with anticipation at the now-unclothed penis rising before her brightly against the darkness of a bed of pubic hair and the roundness of the boy’s scrotum. If this is the boy’s first sexual experience, he and those watching must appreciate the symbolic vesting of God’s grace in penis and boy; his coming of age, the rite of passage, the promise of exquisite, shared joy. The boy who has been properly reared will be prepared for this event, and will be proud to show off his penis rising. He will be unlikely to experience any impediment to erection, any embarrassment and certainly not any shame. Concomitantly, a girl should show grace and confidence in undressing and being undressed, in displaying not only her breasts or breastlets but the inner folds and recesses of her vagina. Indeed, as she approaches climax she should be aware of her surroundings and glory in the public nature of her pleasure and the vicarious appreciation of friends and family. She is, too, glorified by penis in mouth—by oral sex as foreplay—and, most of all by her reception of semen in direct Communion with the Holy Spirit. Friends of the girl would hold her bent legs up and apart, so boy, girl and witnesses could watch the boy’s penis push its way in, eased by mucus and saliva, piercing her hymen and beginning its hypnotic, inand-out trajectory until finally ejaculating. Typically the
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girl would be invited to take the penis back in her mouth: the mingled blood and mucus and semen was a sacramental Host; and the boy would kiss her vagina too, before escorting her off, nude and proud, to a party.8 I do not know if such parties exist any more, but they are, or were, a symbol of the intersection of puberty, defloration, orgasm-ejaculation and religion, There is, too, a mystical relationship between a mother and her son’s penis—a relationship never acknowledged in polite society, even among naturists, but nonetheless recognized ever since Oedipus. For that subculture in which a mother is free to see her son’s penis grow incrementally and, in due course, her son sexualized and the penis erect before a girl, the relationship becomes intense and the release is through the sight of his—her—DNA ejaculating. The presentation of penis to girl and her reception of it in her mouth symbolizes the transference of boy and spirit to the next generation; the ejaculation is Communion, and it represents the divine order and, as well, divine ratification of that generational transfer. Society as a whole is horrified by the factual and biological basis of sex and it has created moral and emotional blockages that have, over centuries and as a tradition inculcated neuroses and emotional stilting at odds with nature and humanity. These are reflected in inhibition, hesitation and constructed guilt. One of the reflects of the Relationship is the matter of penile circumcision—nearly always a female-driven act. Aside That the girl’s participation was entirely consensual was assured by the fact that she would have been taking birth control pills for at least a month in advance. She would, of course, have had a hand in selecting the boy who would be her partner. 8
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from religious (still, a reflection of ancient female instigation) and public-health factors, circumcision reflects the female notion of beauty, the feminist ideal, and the urgency of access to the glans for the girl in whom spiritual-sexual excitement is rising. Some find it unnerving and inappropriate for a mother—or other female relative, including a sister—to orchestrate the first sexual experience of a boy. But really this goes on all the time, only more discreetly and subtly. While nudist circles pretend to enjoy the naturist life without any sexual connotation, the truth is that this is false: it’s just that the sexual undercurrent is unacknowledged. I see nothing wrong with a mother or sister taking pride in her son’s or brother’s penis and arranging an appropriate introduction; and the same goes for a daughter’s or a sister’s first liaisons. Indeed, with respect to a young girl, the protective influence of an older relative can guarantee both her safety and her pleasure. And family and peer involvement are part and parcel of the “sexual effectiveness” project to banish false modesty, false pride, embarrassment, selfish lust and arrogance. The fact is that inhibitions aside—and our whole ethic was to abolish sexual inhibitions—girls love to play with boys’ penises and bystanders love to see a boy become aroused: this is the main interest of those girls who see anything to be amused about in pornography. As a practical matter, oral sex does not require a really stiff penis and it’s one of the advantages of an oral sex event (or, for that matter, party) that it is workable even if the boy’s penis is somewhat limp: his orgasm will not be perfect but he will ejaculate. And his “success” will almost always lead to full confidence and full erection in
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the future: which brings us back to our first point that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Most often, with a girl who is aware of the mechanics of erections and of boy-psychology, the penis can be made fully erect or nearly so by the mere process of oral sex. Nuzzling the end of the penis, especially a circumcised one, with her lips, kissing it and running her tongue around the head; and flicking the sensitive underside of the last inch or so of the penis with her tongue: these will excite it. If a penis starts to wilt during the process of sex—perhaps because the boy’s mind has wandered or because he has become fretful or his attention has been drawn to bystanders and kibitzers—then a brief removal of the penis from her mouth and a light re-stimulation with her tongue will give it a chance to fill up with blood again. This is important in the moments before ejaculation because the ejaculation itself will feel most grand if the penis is really stiff. There’s another issue to consider. When I was between the ages of 12 and 14 it became a hobby of mine to seduce pubescent boys. I got to know that many such boys are insecure about penile size. That, of course, is a subject of sensitivity for older boys and adult men too, played upon by spammers purporting to sell quack enlargement pills, serums, patches and devices.9 For Mom’s Friend as for ancient Muslim theorists and Sharia Law, puberty starts with the first pubic hair and not with sexual maturity, menarche and spermarche. I can vouch for the fact that a boy with just a few pubic hairs is quite capable of a fine erection and a nice orgasm and may ejaculate a little or more than a little. Oral sex is quite satisfactory for girls with a bit of pubic hair too, 9
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/penis/MC00026.
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even for girls who would be uncomfortable or hesitant to try invasive, penetrative sex. But given that sex, oral or otherwise, should be reserved for same-age partners there is not usually any cause for concern, dysfunction or dissatisfaction. And as far as what makes a penis “gorgeous” is concerned, it is not so much size (and anyway 85% of penises are within a narrow range of that) as proportionality and functionality. Indeed, the bigger problem with oral sex is the bigger penis. Here’s a rant, published on Craigslist, from a guy upset about problems relating to his “giant dick”. 10 And I can testify from experience that such oversized penises simply will not fit easily or comfortably in a girl’s mouth and they are much overrated. There’s another problem too: average (which includes 85% of male population and lesser penises may for purely practical reasons have fewer occasions of impotence. In other words: for those who have an inclination, however fleeting, to believe those lying spam emails, be careful what you wish for. People have, anyway, different tastes and aside from the fact that personality means, or ought to mean, more than physical appearance I can remember surprising results at some of those “blind date” parties I attended at college where a half-dozen boys and a halfdozen girls would come to a party and pair off, eventually to have sex. To some degree people choose partners who look like themselves, or like a parent. I’m not sure this applies to a speed-dating sort of affair, and with the blind-date parties there was the problem that if you didn’t pair off quickly you got stuck with what was left over. Which might or might not be a bad thing; I can’t 10
http://snurl.com/craigsbig.
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recall any boy who would attend such a party who was sexually dysfunctional or sexually unattractive. Indeed, most were quite solicitous of a girl’s needs, which is how they got on the invitation list in the first place. Like the boy in the short film11 who, after himself having his p enis ministered to, caresses his girl, removes her panties and lifts her vagina to his lips for a lengthy session of oral lovemaking. Girls, or nearly all of them, love to see erections except where the erection is threatening, coercive or inappropriate. An erection is distinctly inappropriate in a normal naturist environment; but Mom’s Friend, following her COG experience, thought that the sight of an erection on a young or not-so-young boy was cute. She encouraged boys and girls to be nude, and provided places in her property, notably the pool area and the basement, where nudity and even sex were common. Not every boy there or anywhere will be able to coax an erection on demand, especially a virgin boy. This may be one reason why oral stimulation of the penis was so important to Mom’s Friend. Or it might have been a gender equality matter: since Mom’s Friend regarded cunnilingus as such an important guarantor of a girl achieving climax she could scarcely deprive boys of the stimulation and orgasmic enhancement offered by fellatio. And in my experience, tickling a penis with my tongue, especially its underside, stimulates it to erection in a most delightful way. Invariably such an effort attracts the attention of any bystanders: girls love to see a penis going from flaccid to stiff at the behest of one of their friends. There is also a degree of asymmetry here: girls’ arousal may be 11
http://tinyurl.com/ysympa.
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shown by the state of their nipples and the state of their facial countenance, but it is far more subtle than that of boys. It follow that an important issue for every girl to consider, especially when there are others watching, is what action to take with respect to the recalcitrant penis: what to do to if the boy has trouble getting an erection. In most cases, if a boy has been brought to ejaculation in a girl’s mouth once he will have no trouble getting an erection when aroused at any future time. This may not be true, however, if he is engaging in public sex for the first time: the mere fact of people watching may impede an erection. Also, he may easily get an erection for oral sex but not for vaginal sex. A girl needs to take account of this and respond appropriately. The first point is encouragement, but more important than that is constant physical stimulation. The girl’s tongue should tickle the underside of the penis, it should encircle the head of the penis, and her lips should provide light, but constant, rubbing to the tip. And every so often the girl should take the penis out of her mouth and examine it, giving an opportunity for blood to flow into it and make it stiffer. Ultimately the penis need not be completely firm for oral sex to succeed although he orgasm will be better and the semen flow greater if it is. On the other hand, this problem is likely to go away, or at least be diminished, for subsequent rounds of oral sex, and also after the boy has succeeded in giving his girl an orgasm orally and perhaps finished that with penis in vagina, his confidence should be enough to carry him through in the future. If his penis is young and not too big, and if he has sufficiently moistened the vagina (as he will have if he’s brought her to climax orally) then his penis should slide into her easily enough even if his
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erection is incomplete. In fact, pubescent boys can actually build up their erections from scratch with the penis in the vagina. This is something that those “naughty nannies” who seduce their under-age charges have always known. (Actually the case I am aware of involved a boy with early puberty where the nanny didn’t expect to find a mature penis and was delightfully surprised when undressing the boy for his bath.12 At that point, like Mary Kay Letourneau13 with the penis of her 12-year-old pupil, she found the opportunity for sex irresistible, started playing with the penis, undressed herself, moistened her vagina, and got the boy to slide his penis inside her. I heard this story from the boy concerned when, as I often did, I talked with him during our own lovemaking about his “first time”.) The ready availability of sexual opportunity and the speedy denunciation of violations of established norms—of which the most pertinent in this connection are the “same age” rule and the requirement that boy and girl must be “properly introduced”—mean that in a well-managed sexually-liberal community there should be little abusive behavior: any who transgress community norms will be excluded. An inappropriate erection will be ignored even if (unlike in ordinary naturist community) the boy or man with such an erection does not immediately conceal it. In short: an erection must be viewed in the light of the facial expression of its owner: a sheepish smile on the part of an eager boy is to be addressed quite differently from a lustful grin on the part of an older man. For a classic case of precocious puberty, see: http://tinyurl.com/52p5lm. 12
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau.
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In our community the greatest distinction was that of social condition in the sense that while premarital sex was greatly encouraged, adultery was forbidden. In most cases, therefore, an incidental erection on the part of a married man could be safely disregarded as it could represent no threat. One was left to consider Divine Brown’s (Estelle Marie Thompson) was quoted as saying, with regard to Hugh Grant’s penis, “I’ve seen bigger and I’ve seen smaller. His was cute.” That, in my experience, could be said of most penises, tumescent or flaccid.
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Cervical mucus really is a wonderful thing. It tells us when we are fertile or not, it helps transport sperm or not, and it is an indicator of general vaginal health.14 Now I just swallow the semen and find it much more convenient and enjoyable.15
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t can be assumed that semen will be swallowed, never spit. This responds not only to Biblical command and the theory of semen as Host, but good taste and common sense. Much has been written on this subject on university Web sites, and I commend readers to such commentary. (Using G OOGLE, include the search limiter “site:.edu” and you will eliminate most pornography and commercial rubbish.16) The issue goes further, however, in the old sex clubs, especially the “oral sex clubs”, it was customary for a virgin boy and a virgin girl to be initiated into the group by publicly exchanging oral sex at a time of the girl’s period, and for the boy and girl to be seen as en joying the taste and retention of each other’s bodily fluid. There was an unstated assumption that there was something bizarre, inappropriate or taboo about this; 14
http://tinyurl.com/4j62ls.
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http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1927.html.
Samples: http://tinyurl.com/22ylxl (cunnilingus, PDF); http://tinyurl.com/3dtsbr (fellatio); http://tinyurl.com/48jkm7 (arousal, PDF). 16
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except that at the same time, boys and girls find it sensuous, complimentary and endearing to have their partner want to consume and digest and make part of their body such discharges and leaks. Under Mom’s Friend’s ethic (or ethos) it was not a challenge or a trial but a matter of accepted belief that semen should perhaps be seen—perhaps a drip or a slight trickle if friends were observing (after all, who was it who said that, like justice, ejaculation should be done and seen to be done?)—but that it should be savored, enjoyed, swallowed. With mutual oral sex, the soixante-neuf of French lore17, said by many, myself included, to be the most exalted form of sexual congress, the issue can scarcely arise. I write more about this later on. Particularly with girl on bottom alternately sucking penis in and pushing it out of her mouth, the semen will be ejaculated in such a way that she will have to swallow it and the challenge for her is that it should not go down the wrong way, and that she anticipates it enough so that she can direct it with her tongue. Meanwhile her partner will be pressing his tongue inside her vagina collecting mucus and blood, as well as stimulating the clitoris to bring on climax. The two manipulations will generate more mucus for the boy to enjoy. When at our One scarcely needs a link to educational Web sites for this; many university self-help clubs for sex advice have lesson pages. Here’s one informative, illustrated site: http://tinyurl.com/54au8n. No commercial site, however, is likely to show the kind of eager-to-please, vicarious-delight-inyour-orgasm facial sunlight that I have seen in adolescents for whom the memory of their first orgasm still tingles, and for whom a shared orgasm affirms the presence of the Holy Spirit. 17
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nude dance parties a couple would have sex this way we would always see them proud and happy afterwards: there is a unique satisfaction in having an appreciate audience during flirting, arousal, excitement and through to orgasm and, given that mutual orgasm is the finest sort, mutual oral sex comes as close as any human endeavor to the sensuous ideal. In the wake of the two sexual revolutions—that of the 1960s launched by the general anti-Establishment and anti-Taboo student revolts and carried by the development of home video recording and playback, and the second revolution of the 1990s set off by the Internet—the restraint on wanting, savoring and consuming menstrual and penile discharges has dissipated. Indeed, it has become an essential component at both the professional and amateur level of sexual photography. Whereas the provincial Tennessee jury in the "Harry Reems" prosecution18 had described and shown to it by the prosecution details of the ejaculation into Linda Lovelace's mouth and the dripping of semen from her teeth, and such an outré performance likely influenced them to convict, today the knowledge that a U.S. president did the same in his White House office would render such a description banal. The practice need not be defended here. One can accept or reject the sacramental character we attribute to ejaculation and semen and to orgasm generally, but the natural desire to fondle and embrace the sex parts of the opposite sex remains insatiable. Only exterior forces—social condemnation, peer opinion—can counter this natural force. Religious Truth United States v. Battista, 646 F.2d 237 (6 th Cir,. 1981) http://tinyurl.com/3swrly; United States v. Peraino, 645 F.2d 548 (6th Cir. 1981) http://tinyurl.com/48cavf . 18
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is in the eye of the beholder, so that for the believer it is an absolute truth and for the skeptic it is an absolute myth: herein lies the source of much of sexual dysfunction and the reason why early sex education and demonstration is essential, bearing in mind there is the risk that the authorities may deem the imparting of sexual knowledge by demonstration to minors a form of child abuse.19
http://snipurl.com/kennethlhall. Just exposure to nude art may be deemed "offensive": http://tinyurl.com/qvvj4; http://tinyurl.com/4hzyrd. 19
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In some societies the seduction of virgins is regarded as a bad thing, and yet it is accepted as normal and proper for young men to try to seduce virgins. In such a society, if a girl is seduced, she is blamed and not the young man; it was her business, it is said, to pre- serve her virginity. — Mackie, Persons and Values (1985), p. 40
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ow much more valid is the regime we have today, in civilized parts of the world, where women enjoy gender equality and are entitled to see sex as a source of personal fun and pleasure. Seduction—by a member of either sex of a member of the other—is the most important, and the most elaborate and variable, element of the sexual minuet that will hopefully lead to oral sex, followed then or later, even months or years later, by fabulous vaginal sex. Drawing first from my own life and my own experience of early sex, I would like to think that most girls are just as eager for sex as most boys and that indeed many or most are just as captivated by the notion of oral sex. When I was a little girl I always knew that when I reached puberty, when I grew breasts and had pubic hair, I would somehow be eager to take boys’ penises
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into my mouth and into my vagina.20 Mom had, as long as I can remember, a poster of Louis Abolafia on her bedroom wall. Who is he, you may ask. Well, he was the candidate for President of the Nude Party and ran against Richard Nixon. He wasn’t yet 35 years old and couldn’t have won in any case, but he did make a point. And Mom always admired his penis. 21 A later accomplishment of Abolafia’s was to cofound the annual Erotic Exotic Ball in San Francisco, an event which still exists although Louis is long dead, sadly of a drug overdose. Anyway, it always seemed obvious that Louis’s penis belonged in girls’ mouths the way Mom took her boyfriends’ penises in hers. What Mom and her circle of friends wanted to teach their daughters was that “the penis is your friend” and fun to It is very important that boys and girls learn early on, through sex education, the Internet and from seeing older peers at sex, exactly how oral sex is done. It is wrong for any boy to impose his penis on a girl without her being familiar with the protocol. This only leads to male-dominated sex and deprives her of the expression of her right to equal status and equality in the pursuit of pleasure. A girl must know, the first time she is faced with the challenge of accepting or rejecting, or of reaching out to fondle, a penis exactly what will follow. And a boy must know that the vagina holds no secrets, that it is a treasure of girldom and a source of mutual joy. Openness and the banishment of modesty and embarrassment over puberty and the development of sexual capacity is another important contribution to overall sexual health subsequently, and to the freedom to enjoy one’s body and one’s sexual attributes. 20
See the photo of Abolafia, showing off his penis and his topless companion, published in The Spectator in 2000: http://snurl.com/louisabolafia. 21
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nuzzle up to with your mouth. But only if the boy is of “good breeding” and the “right sort”; that a girl had to be aware of the risk of abuse, coercion, selfishness and arrogance. Boys have to be made aware that girls are unimpressed by the sight (or the presence, proximity) of a penis as such: it is the personality and the character behind it, the romance and the passion, that impress. I can recall an infinite number of times when a boy, expecting to impress, has exhibited himself only to be met by giggles and jeers: it wasn’t so much the physical appearance of his penis that led to derision but the boy’s presumption and lack of social grace. In our communal homes and even during that one year I lived with Mom on a houseboat, liberal sexuality permeated the atmosphere. Nudity was common, sex was public, if limited to a closed circuit of likeminded families with a particular religious orientation. Unlike conventional naturists, members of our group, and allied communities, welcomed signs and displays of affection, arousal, sexuality and sex. Seduction could begin with an erection and a comment. That said, it should not be assumed that we as adolescents inevitably engaged in sex randomly just because we could. We might, or we might not: the right to refuse for any reason or none at all was precious to us. In conventional, mainstream life that’s unlikely. But as with us and with half of teen sexual activity, mainstream or not, our sexual lives were peer-driven. They were reinforced by parental observation and approval, but that was mainly to keep us safe. Seduction is always easier when it is welcomed, when the potential or putative partners come from the same social universe and seek the same result from the exchange of data. In the simplest case, common enough among young teens
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in certain circles, the friends of a virgin girl will present a boy to her and all will know that the girl is expected to take down the boy’s pants and play with his penis. Teens from, say, age 12 to 14 tend to go quite directly to the matter of touching each other’s sex parts and not to dwell much with kisses and caresses elsewhere. As they get older, whether scantily clad or even naked, they will send facial signals and after a few words start to kiss and embrace; for the boy to reach for the girl’s vagina and the girl for the boy’s penis takes time. In either case, the outcome should be obvious from the start: this is not a matter of brash propositions by crude men to strange women, bound to fail 95% of the time. In the year I lived with Mom on a houseboat, when I was 12 and 13, I seduced more than a dozen pubescent virgin boys. Many girls—like many boys—enjoy the sport of seducing the naive. Since I almost never wore a bra, it was easy enough to hypnotize a boy and, when I saw him peeking, draw him onto the boat and, in due course and in a process that involved constant chatter that prevented the boy from exercising independent thought, eventually expose his penis by way of turnabout and fair play. With his pants down I would “own” him, and I would play with his penis and bring him to ejaculation and, if I felt like it, challenge him to kiss and lick my vagina and clitoris. While such sport is easier for girls—in the sense that the success rate is bound to be over 90%—a more subtle but similar game works for boys as well: one simply has to spot the eager, the willing and the vulnerable girl. The technique of “constant chatter” is well known to confidence tricksters and professional seducers: only that way can the instigator remain in charge. And once penis is in mouth the end result must be ejaculation and
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the only question is whether there will be one orgasm or two. But let’s talk about seduction by and of adolescents who have not enjoyed a sexually open childhood. Many of these teens will have access to nude dance parties and topless swim parties as I did; and certainly the first of those two types of events led to sex on the part of virtually couple there: within an hour, every couple would be dancing up close and every girl would have an erect penis pressing against her and, from time to time, she would be “adjusting” it. Eventually she would likely be adjusting it into her mouth, and if she and her partner did not prance off to a private corner it would be because they were cavorting and displaying themselves in sex next to the dance floor. Or on it: often the partners would take turns kneeling before one another, pridefully performing oral sex to the music, smiling in anticipation of orgasm given and received. This is an interesting concept: oral sex as ballet. Swim parties are, overall, less likely to lead to universal sex. At M OM ’S F RIEND’S H OUSE, however, sex could be its own justification and toplessness invariably led to bottomlessness and more: we were, after all, a closed circle of likeminded, sexually active members of linked communes and families. We had been raised in awareness of sex and the likelihood that we would become sexually active at puberty. In the absence of a nude social event like those, peer pressure on a target boy or girl can be contrived: typically two couples would party together and the experienced couple would lead the virgin or naive couple to disrobe and, step by step, to get to the point of no return. It is just not that difficult to get an adolescent to take her clothes off, if the environment and the conversation are right. Arousal is contagious; and if treated properly
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before and after, the loss of virginity need never bring regret and is anyway irreversible. For us, defloration meant freedom. How the use of one’s peers in a concerted effort to bring a pubescent girl or boy into the fold would work depended on the age of the target. Only rarely when I was in middle school and high school did I reveal to girls outside our closed community the facts of our sexual liberalism; our secrecy was our protection. But once in a while I could tell that a girl was ripe for sexual awakening. I would not even start such an attempt without thought and planning, and usually at the behest of a boy who admired the girl, or more exactly lusted after her body. The scheme worked best for a lonely girl, of course. The target would typically be aged 13 to 15. Together with an accomplice, perhaps the girl I have called in my autobiographical essays “Terrific Girl”, who was a couple of years younger than I and bore the image of total innocence, I would befriend the target girl and spend all possible moments with her. Gradually, over a few weeks, she could and would have instilled in her the notion that she totally needed physical touching. Only then would she be brought together with the boy in question. Terrific Girl and I, and partners we would have for the event, would act as “shills”. The target girl would be made comfortable, relaxed and totally committed to following instructions. She would remain still, virtually hypnotized while the boy took off most of her clothes. She and the boy—and the rest of us—would now be in their underwear; after some delay and much chatter I would prompt her to take down her boy’s underpants. (The point here is to counter a lifetime of erotophobia inculcated into the girl, a fear of sexual desire, an assumption that only boys may legitimately have unre-
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strained libido. How different is this, anyway, from Sharon Lamb’s book “The Secret Lives of Girls: What Good Girls Really Do—Sex Play, Aggression, and Their Guilt”?) Before the girl knew what was happening her panties would be off, her legs would be far apart and her boy’s mouth would be at her vagina. She would be positioned so she could watch him kissing and licking and enjoying the taste of her. Meanwhile, the rest of us would be naked now and fondling each other, kissing penises, having vaginas licked. Then, as minutes passed, when she was flush with orgasm the boy’s penis would be stiff and close to her face and she would have to hold and caress it, to kiss it, to open her mouth for it, to make love to it, to be glad to have his semen surge into her mouth. Her mouth and her vagina were ours, and her boy’s. His penis, and in due course the penises of other boys in our group, were hers. All the effort of all those weeks would be worth it the moment we saw our boy’s penis come out of her mouth, sticky and wet, fresh from having ejaculated. We would tell the girl that she had to swallow the semen, and she invariably would. Typically, when a girl for the first time has a penis in her mouth and her head is bobbing up and down to excite it, she has no time to think of anything else, least of all whether there is anything else she would rather be doing. She needs to please the boy, and she will need to deal with the semen that is about to spurt into her mouth, and she has time and space only for that. On the first occasion there might—there probably would be—hesitation on her part, and we would have to urge her on to take the penis into her mouth. On the second date, a few days or perhaps a week later, the initiative would more likely be hers. But our training was
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not done. We needed to teach her the difference between purported “love” and romance: the disconnection in our ethic between sexual urge and pleasure, and commitment and love. Orgasm is its own reward, sufficient in itself. At the third or fourth assignation the original boy would be replaced by one our most handsome, personable boys, skilled in transference. We now had to get her to want his penis just as much, or even more, than she had wanted—or been willing to take—the penis of the first boy and play with it unhesitatingly, make love to it, and drink its semen. Our success in this would affirm our ability to displace her value and judgment system and replace it with our own decision-making, our commands. The choreography was exactly the same: sequential oral sex, fellatio and cunnilingus; but the boy would be random. Any boy, at least any boy chosen by us, would do. (The end result was a girl who had become one of us, her religious commitment bent to accord with our conception of sex as religious expression, her modesty abandoned, the sacrament recognized as being any exchange of orgasms rather than a single act of marriage. For her sex in tandem with others became a synonym for group worship as it for us. This was no debasement: if you look around at the literature on love and sex and on the sex scandals of recent times from Profumo to Spitzer the enabling factor is always what “J” (actually Joan Garrity, author of “The Sensuous Woman”) pointed to in the 1960s: an unwillingness by sheltered, prissy wives to put a husband’s penis in her mouth and receive his semen. Ms. Garrity described in some detail how she would stimulate her partner’s penis orally, making him totally dependent upon her and keeping him loyal. The
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girls who lived and romanced at MOM ’S FRIEND’S HOUSE would go out in the world knowing what they wanted in life and able to judge a man’s sexuality and his character; to demand that he satisfy her sexually and able and eager to satisfy him.) In such cases, and in many more, “love bombing” works remarkably well: this was, in fact, the method used by David Berg’s minions to recruit followers for the C O G. The target must be surrounded by friends who show intense affection and who chatter constantly. This works especially well with girls who have any kind of insecurity or who have unmet needs. A girl whose breasts have never been seen in public will soon be displaying them to us and be proud to see her partner’s penis made erect at their sight. I have known dozens of “promise keepers” who have, in the post-Monica era, first concluded that oral sex would not break the “promise”, and then decided that virginity is contrary to reason. Or contrary to God’s will. Or that orgasm is an irresistible force. Or all of the above. None of this is necessarily or likely the work of a single day but it is a single and continuous process: one that can only end with the girl having a mouthful of semen and wishing for more in the future. Success in seduction depends not only on method but on personality and skill. If this were not so, and if it weren’t true also of nearly all of those talents and skills which so many authors fraudulently promise to teach you in 200 pages or less, at great expense. You cannot learn to play the piano at concert level in 100 days at ten minutes a day; and you cannot learn Chinese in 100 days at 100 minutes a day of study. But many, perhaps most, boys can “sell” themselves and can convince a girl—not just any girl, but many of them—that there is
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nothing she would rather do in all the world than to take his penis and kiss it and put it in her mouth and make it ejaculate for her and swallow his semen. The strategy may be imitation (of Monica); it may be conviction (i.e., religion, as in David Berg’s assertion that girls ought to perform fellatio and ought to swallow the semen as an act of piety)22; it may be a realization that there is no greater flush of joy than in the orgasm of oral sex—and since more than half of all girls and women cannot reliably count on orgasms from vaginal sex but almost always can reach climax with a boy’s tongue pressing against clitoris and stroking the vaginal area. One trick for the seducer is to manage to bring the conversation around to such subjects. Whatever a girl may pretend, she will almost certainly have seen oral sex on the Internet and may well have a fear not of the act itself but of revealing her knowledge of it lest others think ill of her. Think: if Ugly George could get girls in New York City to disrobe before his webcam so he could put their topless images on cable TV, then any boy, likely far more handsome than Ugly George, can get a girl not only to disrobe for him but to take down his underpants, play with his penis, and give him great joy in exchange for similar delight afforded to her clitoris.
He did not, in fact, make this argument consistently. Sometimes he acknowledged that some girls would not like oral sex and that many girls would resist swallowing semen: http://tinyurl.com/yopxe5. But Mom’s Friend took a different view, one that probably more accurately represented Berg’s position: “Male-male homosexuality is not allowed but lesbianism is tolerated. Anal sex is prohibited. Oral sex is encouraged if the female swallows the semen.” http://www.exfamily.org/children-of-god/. 22
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Always remember, however, the “same age rule”: Genarlow Wilson did not, and it caused him grief even though the age disparity was only 2 years. 23 (On the other hand, Edison Chen's indiscretion had no legal consequences for him or for the women whose crotches and penis-filled mouths he photographed because all were of legal age; and anyway that was Hong Kong. 24 A further good idea would be not to record the event on a camcorder or cell phone unless you are sure that your jurisdiction does not prosecute oral sex performed by minors. Or, like Roman Polanski, you might have to seek asylum in France where they don’t consider sex fun to be a criminal offense, least of all oral sex fun. Let’s go back to first principles. The first of the first is to choose your target wisely. One general rule is that the best prospect for any confidence trickster is someone who has been scammed before. On that basis a virgin boy eager to shed his virginity might target the sort of girl that I was: one who enjoys being the first girl to wean a boy from masturbation. Or, even better, to find him before he has ever masturbated and to make it unnecessary and redundant for him ever to learn.25 Failing that, one can seek out a girl Wilson v. State, 282 Ga. 520; 652 S.E.2 d 501 (2007) http://tinyurl.com/4sr2zy, rev’g http://tinyurl.com/3t3fwu. 24 http://tinyurl.com/ynptn2 (“Hong Kong Stars Edison Chen, Gillian Chung & Cecilia Cheung Sex Photo Scandal”). The background to the story is here: http://tinyurl.com/4t6rqk. 23
Mom’s Friend used to shoo unaccompanied boys away from “public displays of affection” after a few minutes, following advice given her by her spiritual advisor, Rev. X. The fear was that, aroused without the likelihood of heterosexual relief, they would resort to self-help (by which she meant “selfabuse”). 25
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who enjoys having her breasts silently admired and whose response is, as mine would be, to gaze at the boy’s penis, or at his bulge. It really doesn’t matter (as I’ve repeatedly said) how far along in puberty the boy is or whether his penis is of any particular dimension. We are talking about reciprocal (i.e., one after the other) oral sex, boy to girl and girl to boy or the other way ‘round. It isn’t a zero sum game, and it may well be true that it is just as much fun to give as to receive. Much has been made of the obsessions of ancient provenance on the part of religious philosophers, the teaching profession, scouting leaders and, dare I say it, parents over masturbation.26 David Berg was probably the first prophet to approve of masturbation as a means for children to learn of sex and to approach the notion of religious ecstasy. But even Berg was inconsistent and it seems that he did deem fellatio a better alternative so long as the girl swallowed the semen.27 At least one fo lIronically, in the case of handicapped boys tormented post-puberty by their inability to pursue orgasm, masturbation by mothers has been counseled: “Libido does not discriminate. ‘When frustration asserts itself, it can make a cerebral palsy victim more aggressive,’ says M. Lachal[, himself wheelchair-bound and incapable of normal sex or selfgratification]. ‘Sometimes it's terrible. When you are a mother, and your adolescent son is tormented by physical needs that render him uncontrollable, that disrupt his studies, what do you do? Well, certain mothers are led to relieve their child, to masturbate him.’” (LE M ONDE , Oct. 22, 2002) http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/mondehandicapes.html. 26
“Male-male homosexuality is not allowed but lesb ianism is tolerated. Anal sex is prohibited. Oral sex is encouraged if the female swallows the semen: http://tinyurl.com/4tle84. 27
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low-on cult of former members of Berg’s church backtracked, interpreting Onan’s punishment28 as proof that masturbation of a man to the point of ejaculation could not be tolerated even if it was a female performing it. Caressing and fondling were encouraged, but it was deemed essential that mouth-to-genital stimulation follow.29
Lots has been written on Onan; here’s here’s just just one exa mple: http://www.rtforum.org/lt/lt67.html http://www.rtforum.org/lt/lt67.html.. To our minds one cannot pick and choose among pre-Christian biblical commands: if Onan was wrong, then circumcision is still mandatory. And so on. The so-called “New Covenant” vaunted by Catholics and Protestants alike is a self-serving myth. This carries on to the notion of marriage as sacrament: it is the act of penis penis in girl that girl that is the sacrament. 28
It is is no sur surpr pris isee that that reli religi giou ouss phil philos osop ophe hers rs and and mi mi nisters tie themselves in knots over such issues. Rev. X, religious advisor to the landlady of the boarding house (actually a commune) where I lived for some years, was quite specific in explaining that it was tongue and “lips” (meaning both mouth and labia) and penis and vagina alone that should be the sources of major stimulation and orgasm. It seems that the technique of fellatio used by some women to hurry their partner’s orgasm would violate this norm: 29
http://tinyurl.com/6crb26 (naughty video of oral sex in the try-on cubicle of a shop, recorded by the boy in question). The fact that the girl in the video takes pains to collect and swallow the semen may be a redeeming factor. How Talmudic in style such glosses become! A more serious criticism of that hasty cubicle-sex would be that the orgasm was not mutual. Many or most voyeurs who subscribe to the so-called “creampie” fetish argue, similarly and consistently with Rev. X, that the penis must be inside the girl at the time of ejaculation: http://creampie.com.. http://creampie.com
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Thus: oral sex is the proper substitute for masturbation. Even if one considers that early adolescence is an inappropriate time to begin vaginal sex, whether out of fear of pregnancy or out of a confusion of love with romance and passion, it is proper to encourage girls and boys to engage in oral sex as soon as they are physically ready as a means of avoiding the greater evil. The key is less the views of parents than those of ones peers. In applying the foregoing rule in a specific case one needs the support of peers. An innocent seduction is easily undertaken at a party with a group of two or three couples. The assisting couples will cooperate in the seduction by showing off their own oral sex in a context where doing so seems totally natural and inevitable. If an atmosphere of passion can be developed, delightful mutual oral sex of the soixante-neuf kind soixante-neuf kind is so natural, so contagious and so arousing that so long as your date has a positive attitude to the disrobing it is a good bet that she will be unable to resist her boy’s penis. The girl should take that penis and draw it to her mouth (and, at the appropriate time, her vagina) and you should never press or force it upon or into her except at her invitation to do so. To do otherwise is to ask for trouble and to permit of misunderstanding and later accusation, with costly results. This is another good reason to have another likeminded girl or two, preferably a friend of one’s own girl, present and watching and setting an example by enjoying her own oral sex and showing off the semen ejaculated into her. Both should have their eyes open at all times. The whole point is to see as well as being seen. To enjoy as well as being enjoyed. That is the essence of seduction: and the performance of the promise.
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And if one is going to criticize the public aspect of the initiation, the coming out, then one needs to consider the alternative: for it is not chastity, that alternative, it is secrecy and shame. There is nothing more normal than for a boy and girl with hormones to be aroused by each other and to excite each other to the state of orgasm. And to enjoy the flow of the semen that reflects (because it contains) the human soul and the divine presence. There is a reason why boys and girls, men and women, are transfixed by a penis in the moments leading up to ejaculation, why one needs to see that semen spurt into the girl, wanted and needed and consumed by her. This is the ultimate in what is natural and innate in us because we are hard-wired, in the image of God and of Jesus, in that sense.
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The lex Iulia, passed for the repression of adultery, punishes with death not only defilers of the mar- riage-bed, but also those who indulge in criminal in- tercourse with those of their own sex, and inflicts penalties on any who without using violence seduce virgins or widows of respectable character. — Institutes of Justinian, J.B. Moyle transl. (2002) p. 205, Title XVIII (“Of Public Prosecutions”)
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here is, as I have discussed elsewhere, a fetish shared by many that involves seeking out virgins to seduce. At the extreme it can be a cultural norm as in Jaipur, India.30 Teen sex clubs follow that route, and I for a while I belonged to a “homework club” that had as its real object the seduction of the innocent. The “club” consisted of a handful of boys, most of them quite popular, intelligent and desirable and one or two of them rich, and a succession of innocent girls who, except for those who would in due course get with the program and assist in recruiting more virgins to replace those who left, and in inducing those virgins, by way of peer pressure, to perform oral sex on the boys, did not stay long.
D AILY TELEGRAPH, April 14, 2008, For sale: 13-year- old virgin http://tinyurl.com/5uca2l. See also the allegations made against Warren Jeffs and the FUNDAMENTALIST CHURCH OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS , for example in this collection of N.Y. TIMES articles http://tinyurl.com/6rkokf . 30
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The scheme was always different, yet it was always the same. There would be an academic session: on history, on science, on French—it didn’t matter. The room temperature would be kept high. At some point there would be a call for toplessness. Not out of the blue, mind you, but following a particular charade, a particular choreography that made taking off our tops a natural, impulsive act. That might be, that day, as far as we would go. But perhaps that day, or perhaps on another day a little skit would be played out and one of the girls, perhaps me, would remark to the boy beside me that it wasn’t fair, he had an erection in secret, we weren’t supposed to have secrets and let’s see it. And I would fumble with the boy’s pants and his underpants and his erection would be in plain view and as naturally as could be I would fondle it and soon it would be in my mouth. And soon enough he would have ejaculated into my mouth. Eventually it would be the new girl’s turn and never, not ever, did one of the new girls refuse. Her handling of the penis might be tentative and inelegant, and she might find the semen hard to swallow. But in the end she would manage, with us cheering her on. And she would be one of us. If not that day then soon she would have an orgasm of her own, a boy’s tongue insistently at her clitoris, her breasts wiggling to the cadence. This reaffirms the importance of breasts in the course of sexual excitement—and that importance is not limited to visuals and to arousal of the boy: hormonal changes upon arousal affect both the clitoris and the nipples.31 But, virgin or not, many girls—and all those who have been properly prepared by their peers or conditioned by their seducer, want to be seduced, want to flirt 31
See note 16, above.
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and play with a penis and take that penis into their bodies: mouth, vagina or both. Insofar as we are talking about young teens—under 16—it should be taken as a given that the seduction must not be a one-on-one pro ject but should have the support, if not of the girl’s mother and/or sibling then of her friends. And if not that, then the boy will need to contrive friends and confidantes for her, and will need to love-bomb her over some considerable time. The girl needs to know that she will be kept safe. And, at the last minute, she needs to know that the penis is her friend and that holding it and putting it in her mouth is the best thing that could happen to her. And that semen is delicious and delightful. As indeed it is. Ultimately, the underwear party is probably the best arrangement: when the couple is ready for oral sex they will have easy access to each other’s sex parts, and meanwhile they can maintain decorum for the target adolescent. In an underwear party there are three, or sometimes two, couples including at least one close friend or relative of the target person. It may or may not be a sleepover; a sleepover is nice because the ex-virgin can spend the night in bed with her (or his) first partner; but of course much depends on the presence or absence of approving elders. While the target couple may both be virgins, it is really better and easier if only one of the couple is inexperienced. If both are virgins it would be better to sort the participants so that each virgin has an experienced partner. Once the party has begun and the target’s favorite music is playing the couples should have at least an hour to socialize and prepare the atmosphere. The conversation should then be turned to romantic and sexual
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topics. It will be necessary for one couple to set an example and, one hopes, to assist in arousing the target couple. The lead boy will remove his girl’s bra if she is wearing one and she will sit in a chair and fuss over his underpants, removing them at a point where, if possible, his penis has started to rise and is pointing straight at her. She will them immediately play with it, kissing it and putting it in her mouth, and she will begin the steady pace of back-and-forth with her head to excite him. It shouldn’t take more than five minutes to bring him to ejaculation, at which time she will, with some panache, collect the semen on her tongue and swallow it. The boy will then take off the girl’s panties and, with her seated forward in the chair, he will minister to her vagina, putting his tongue into it and kissing and licking all her soft parts before concentrating on rubbing her clitoris with his tongue to bring her to climax—however long that takes. The target and, if there is one, third couple should duplicate the exercise in tandem, which will provide a model and a cadence for the girl or boy being introduced to oral sex. The rest of the choreography is obvious: the virgin girl will be induced, if necessary through insistent pressure by the others, to unclothe and play with, and ultimately take into her mouth and bring to orgasm, her partner’s penis. And of course a big fuss will be made over her after she has swallowed his semen. When the target is a girl the most exciting moments are three: when she puts a penis in her mouth for the first time, when she makes it ejaculate, and then when she cries out with her first orgasm from oral sex. As often as not a virgin girl will spill, and perhaps make a mess of, the semen as it spurts into her mouth. She
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will need encouragement to collect what she can to swallow. On the other hand, it’s always cute, lovely to see drips and trickles of semen on young girls’ breasts. These days a lot of such events are preserved on mobile phone videos, but that’s a dangerous practice and I always advise against it: remember the Genarlow Wilson story: if there hadn’t been a record of his having his penis in the mouth of a 15-year-old girl he would never have been arrested and convicted32. Another such story (one of many) is that of R. Kelly, indicted on child pornography charges, accused of videotaping himself in sex acts with a 14-year-old girl. I have little sympathy for him: with the exception perhaps of those who marry33 —and I don’t mean the “celestial marriages” to minors of the dirty old men of the F UNDAMENTALIST C HURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS with their marital bed for deflowering teenage virgins upstairs from the wedding chapel in the Yearning for Zion temple. But where boy and girl are of the same age, eaHis conviction was eventually quashed by the Georgia Supreme Court: see n. 23 above. 32
Thus http://tinyurl.com/63trwf & http://tinyurl/dnuq. Others http://tinyurl.com/4mulns & http://tinyurl.com/3gbus8. Compare http://tinyurl.com/ 3u26g7 (“Sex teacher Stephen Morrow jailed for after getting teen pregnant”), http://tinyurl.com/6z42lt (“37-Year-Old Pregnant Woman Marries 15-Year-Old Boy in Georgia”), and perhaps most notorious of all, Mary Kay Letourneau: http://tinyurl.com/62lf8s. Seductions of young boys by older girls and women, not uncommon between the 1960s and 1980s among the Children of God, were rarely prosecuted in the past. The film “Notes on a Scandal” deals with this in a more current fashion and addresses many of the side issues: spiteful, jealous denunciation most particularly. 33
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ger and excited to experience orgasm, there is nothing but good that can come out of penis in mouth and tongue at clitoris. And when they are done, the boy and girl should not wash until they are ready to go home. Semen should be worn as a badge of honor, whether it is on one’s face, in one’s hair, on one’s breasts or at one’s vulva and matted pubic hair. Orgasm and ejaculation are to be celebrated and remembered and vicariously enjoyed, too, by family and friends. What a sight it is—something to be treasured: a seated young girl hesitantly draws down the underpants of her boy standing in front of her, and his penis springs out and she can’t take her eyes off of it. It may be a big, grown penis with lots of pubic hair and a relaxed scrotum; or the penis may be pubescent and smallish with just wisps of pubic hair; the scrotum may be tight against the boy’s body. But the girl will not care; and if the boy does not yet have an erection her friends will prompt her what to do. To fondle it and kiss it and run her tongue over its tip and underneath where it is most sensitive. And then to put it in her mouth and move her head back and forth and her tongue all around. And then to keep a steady back-and-forth pace, building up the boy’s tension and excitement that her friends will describe to her as they see it on his face. And with or without warning there will be a drop, or a stream, or perhaps waves of pulsating semen. And the girl should not stop until all the semen is in her mouth and at her lips and perhaps dripping a bit onto her breasts. And the boy will be grateful. He will be prompted to kneel before her, to remove her panties, to spread her legs gently, to spread her labia and gaze at her beautiful vagina. And to make insistent but gentle love
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to her with his tongue until she quivers at the approach of orgasm. Why the sight of all this should be so endearing in fact, when people claim that it is repugnant and grossly indecent I cannot say. My mom got rid of her virginity at 16, perhaps young for her era and perhaps not; I got rid of mine, albeit accidentally, before I was 12. Neither of us ever looked back, and neither of us considered that privacy or seclusion during sex is anything but a perversion of nature and of natural humanity. The fact remains that once properly conditioned, mothers (but less so fathers) are quite happy to see their daughters with a penis in their mouth; and both mothers and fathers love to see their sons with their penis in the mouth of a girl. I have to wonder how many lives have been ruined, how many marriages destroyed, how many babies unborn, because girls and women accepted the “conventional wisdom” that oral sex is demeaning, disgusting and “contrary to nature”. Semen, far from being repellant, is the essence of what makes us, the creator, or at least the catalyst for the creation, of our souls: no wonder everyone who sees a penis in a girl’s mouth needs to linger until the penis has ejaculated, and takes a critical view of the girl’s mouth movements against that penis. It is the genuinely sensuous girl who fascinates, enthralls and—inevitably—attracts other boys, other penises. So much of what we do and are made to do by our parents when we are young seems designed to keep us from sex, while so much of what we see, especially in films, on television and in the press, seems aimed at titillating us. There is a clear hypocrisy there. The Internet has freed us to some degree: but it has also driven us to secrecy and privacy, and that is wrong. Progressive
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groups at colleges and universities are doing something to combat this; and educated people have always been more adventurous sexually than less educated strata of society. But having seen, recently, how the State of Texas moved to repress the Fundamentalist Mormons there—a repeat of 19th Century attacks, legal and physical, against John Smith and Brigham Young and their followers—I realize just how dangerously repressive American society is. That should not stop us from seduction nor from encouraging the young to seduce each other, but it must make us wary. On the positive side, once a pubescent teen has been exposed to heterosexual orgasm there is no chance of reverting or turning back. Surgeons can perhaps fake a hymen34 but the girl’s urgent need, di scovered and recognized at her first orgasm, will not go away. In the olden days mothers choreographed their daughters’ sexual escapades, and their attempts to entrap a husband, from behind the scenes. Now, in this era of gender equality, women’s professional advancement and sexual liberality (sadly, sometimes more imaginary than real), there is little to preclude a mother from being there for her daughter’s first penis—other than the imagined, artificial horror evoked in mainstream society.
http://tinyurl.com/6x5d5j. See also Virginity discourse ... sexual initiation aftershock : http://tinyurl.com/37zgr3. 34
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e have discussed for the most part situations where one or both partners have been brought up in a sexually-aware, progressive, quasinaturist family or community. That may be the ideal, but it is uncommon. We have also considered situations where friends, if not family, can be enlisted in support of the seduction and to exert peer pressure on the prospective partner. In the absence of such background (including the likelihood that the girl, especially, would “always have known” and looked forward to her reception of a penis in her mouth in her early teens, assistance), gentle but persuasive strategy must be used. We shall assume that the active partner is the boy. Steady expression of affection over a period of time may lead to the opportunity for embrace. If, beyond kissing, the boy can caress the girl’s breasts and caress her clitoris he can assume that, with due care, his penis will soon be in her mouth. She does not need to know that this is his goal, but he does need to entrance her with constant chatter. Meanwhile, by minimizing for the time being the removal of clothes, revealing only the parts that are necessary to get started, the girl will be set at ease. Ideally the couple should be, over time, reduced to their underwear. But by leaving on his underpants the boy will allow the girl to assume, correctly as it happens, that he does not intend to penetrate her vagina with his penis at that time. It is, for the moment, unimportant whether the girl’s bra is removed. The boy should, while kissing the
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girl, caress her clitoris with his fingers, moistening them with his own saliva. And as the girl is brought to a state of comfort, he should, while kneeling to the side, move his face over her crotch, slide her panties down, and kiss her vulva, squeezing his tongue gently between her labia. He can then slide her panties off and gently spread her legs and thighs apart, all the while kissing her pubic area and sliding his tongue over vagina and clitoris. He should maintain a steady pace, pressing his tongue every so often as deeply as possible into her vagina. After three or four minutes of this the girl should be totally relaxed and now aware that the excitement building up within her can lead to orgasm. The boy should now surreptitiously remove his underpants, lift his leg up and over her head, and present his penis to her mouth. Only now will the girl be aware, for sure, of the quid pro quo: she has enjoyed the romance and is en joying the anticipation of climax, and she can not avoid the obvious. She must open her mouth and accept the boy’s penis. If the girl does not instinctively caress the penis with her tongue and lips the boy can, by moving his hips, receive oral pleasure on the penis. In due course the girl will probably become aware of what she needs to do, and press her lips firmly against the penis. If she does not, the boy will need to tell her. But at no event should he cease his constant rubbing with his tongue against her clitoris. He must keep up a steady pace, circular or up and down, until the girl actually achieves orgasm. At such time he can become slightly more assertive with his penis and his hip movements, following the cadence that feels best for him. He should avoid changing position unless the girl
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insists or unless he is making insufficient progress towards his own orgasm. It is an open question whether the girl should be told in advance that, of course, the boy will ejaculate into her mouth and, if so, how much warning she should have. It’s very important that the girl should want to treasure the semen and to swallow it; and if only for that reason one doesn’t want her to gag or to have an unpleasant surprise of any kind. One doesn’t always have an opportunity to time things as one would wish, but a workaround for this is when the girl is in the midst of her period and the boy makes a show of enjoying her blood and mucus. I myself have had oral sex with a boy first removing my tampon and if tactfully approached I think most any girl should be willing. After that the girl as counterparty will be obliged to receive her boy’s semen without complaint or hesitation. In all other cases, no general rule can be offered, and the boy will have to make a judgment call. Presumably he will have garnered some knowledge of the girl’s personality, directly by speaking to her, or in advance from the friends who introduced her. And, assuming the two have been “properly introduced”, they should have solid respect for each other from the start. I personally believe that if the boy remains on top of the girl with his face to her vagina, continuing with his penis in her mouth after she has reached climax and she continues massaging his penis with her lips and tongue, then she must certainly expect him to ejaculate soon. She will still be in the first blush of first orgasm and likely quite happy to receive his semen, if unsure of what she will do with it once it’s in her mouth. The boy should certainly tell her not to stop massaging his penis until he has fully ejaculated, until all the semen he has
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to offer is inside her. Then he should roll over, take her in his arms, embrace her and kiss her and bid her to swallow his semen, at the same time showing that he is happy to taste his own semen. Indeed he should mount her and press his penis into her vagina at this point. If she is a virgin, this is the most beautiful, the most appropriate time for her to dispose of her virginity, her hymen. This is totally optional and must be consensual, bearing in mind that many girls, especially young teens, will have chosen oral sex as an alternative to vaginal sex and not simply as foreplay. In either case, when he is done the boy should kiss his girl’s vagina as a matter of afterplay, tickling her clitoris with his tongue by way of promise for the future. If, on the other hand, after her own climax the girl is uncomfortable with the boy on top of her, he will need to roll alongside and guide her head to his penis and be more explicit as to what she should do. Either way, with him on top or with him seated and the girl approaching his penis from above, he can signal his needs with his hips. He can, in the seated position, maintain constant chatter. As he ejaculates he can tell her to swallow, and when she has swallowed most of his semen he can embrace and kiss her and share the taste. In the thrall of orgasm nearly any girl will do her boy’s bidding, and the boy should not hesitate to tell the girl exactly what is desired of her, exactly how to move her mouth along the penis, and tell her just as the semen begins to spurt so that she can prepare to swallow it. In many, if not most, seduction cases leading to a girl or a boy having oral sex for the first time this will be the adolescent’s first touching—and sometimes even first view—of a penis or vagina as the case may be. It is very important that after both partners have fully re-
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covered composure post-orgasm the ex-virgin should have time to explore the partner’s sex parts. A girl should finally lose all “fear” of a friendly penis, she should come to know the penis as her friend, as the thing of beauty and romance and passion that it is. Oral sex of girl on boy is the most sensuous act known to humanity. For this reason it is something that should be shared with friends just as those whose faith derives from the 1960s commune are wont to do. It should be no surprise that “oral sex clubs” and “nude dance parties” make such displays the centerpieces of social gathering. That a girl of 14 or 15 can be brought in a day from shyness to assertiveness, eager to play with a penis and bring it to ejaculation with her mouth demonstrates the naturalness and the beauty of the act. She will, of course, concomitantly want to show off her inner labia, and enjoy her boy publicly bringing her, too, to orgasm. The concept of “gross indecency” is truly a relative thing, isn’t it! And there is an important warning for every boy and girl who would set out to seduce a prospective partner: do not come across as arrogant or even confident. Shyness and romance will attract your target partner, and grooming and gradual but insistent progression will bring the reward of mutual orgasm and shared bodily fluids that you seek. At all times the bywords are “gentle”, “sensuous” and “respectful”. The aim of seduction ought to be not just one orgasm but the awakening of one’s partner to a new life of flirting with the conscious aim of having penis in mouth, enjoying reciprocal orgasms and exchanging bodily fluids: time after time after time, as a renewable resource and fantastic pleasure. And as oral sex is
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vicariously delightful and infectiously arousing, one aim of the seducer or seductress should be to assure that the partner will be impelled to do so in front of others, to create an atmosphere of sexuality and reinforcing and self-perpetuating excitement.
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“P
ace” comprises two issues. How rapidly the seduction process can be concluded, and how rapidly one should proceed to ejaculation. The answer to both was given many years ago by Mae West: “I Like A Guy What Takes His Time”. As with fishing for fish, “flirty fishing” or “FF-ing” as David Berg called using the promise and performance of sex as bait to lure souls for Jesus, needs to be conducted gradually, increasing commitment being sought and obtained before challenging basic principles and assumptions theretofore held by the target person. A girl (or a boy) whose friends are sexually active is an easy target; one who has secretly explored the Internet and has a hidden eagerness is likewise good potential for quick disrobing and arousal. Or arousal and disrobing. It is well to work in stages. A topless party may of two or three couples can work, and it does not matter—so long as this is made clear to the girls—how big, how developed, their breasts may be. Once the tops are off, however, the chatter must never stop, not until a penis is in the girl’s mouth and she has come to realize that she is having fun, as are other girls next to her. At that point there is no going back; the boy can hint with slight movements of his hips how she should handle his penis; he can remind her to keep her lips and tongue firmly against it. He should also remind her how beautiful she is and how much pleasure she is giving and how
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much pleasure she will receive after he has come. And he should, he must, ejaculate into her mouth and the other girls must guide her to swallow his semen. And then boy and girl must change places and the boy must bring his tongue into place at her vagina and however long it takes, he must kiss and lick and caress her and bring her to orgasm. If, then, she wants his penis inside her vagina—as was almost always the case at M OM ’S FRIEND’S H OUSE —he will surely have his erection back and she will surely have joy and delight. In stimulating the sex parts of both boy and girl my years of experience tell me that one should work at a pace slower than the partner would like. That is perhaps counterintuitive, and it differs from what most girls do, which is to move up and down over the penis as fast as possible. Speed in massaging the penis with one’s mouth does not equate to accelerating the pace of male orgasm and ejaculation; what is more important is consistency—steadiness of cadence. A slower pace serves as a kind of tease and it may increase the volume of semen produced. Going too fast or pressing too hard or changing the pace too often can spoil the event, it can also make the girl sore. Sex is not a competitive sport; as I said it’s not a zero sum game. Indeed, tandem sex adds to the event by providing vicarious pleasure to the fact of one’s own physical orgasm. Everyone, upon seeing a penis approach an eager vagina or an open mouth, is breathless to see the penis enter; and also eager to see a trickle of semen flowing in due course. When I have a penis in my mouth I want to regulate the speed of the boy’s own movement. I may also want to vary the movement and to take the penis out of my mouth from time to time to inspect, admire and kiss it in the full knowledge that I am setting back
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my boy’s ejaculation by 30 to 60 seconds each time. I inspect the slit at the end of the penis. If there is any seminal fluid35 there I want to taste it as it’s a promise and a sample of what is to come, although of course with much more force and volume. Also it’s an indicator of the boy’s excitement and delight. Oftentimes I will play with any drops, pressing a finger to it and then transferring it to my lips—and even to the lips of the boy. A boy who is unwilling or hesitant to taste his own semen has re jected our philosophy and ignored the essence, the very meaning, of semen as carrier of the divine aspect of man. If the main aim of the fellatio is to bring the boy to my way of thinking about sex and religion, then I will want to be particularly methodical and deliberate, and I will want to be watching the boy's face and, if suitable, take the penis out of my mouth from time to time to evangelize—to encourage him to associate the pleasure, and especially the anticipated orgasm, with faith and salvation. I always assert myself to the boy, largely because Mom and Mom’s Friend taught us that we were heir"Pre-ejaculate is a clear mucoid fluid produced by a ccessory sex glands and expressed on sexual stimulation into the urethra. The organs that produce this fluid are Cowper glands, the glands of Littre, and possibly the glands of Morgagni. Pre-ejaculate volume may range in normal men from a few drops to more than 5 mL. Pre-ejaculate functions naturally as a chemical neutralizer to the urine's residual acidity in the urethra and thus provides the basic pH of the semen, allowing for safe passage of sperm.", Chunovsky and Niedeergberger, Copious Pre-Ejaculation: Small Glands—Major Headaches , J. ANDROL., 2007:28, No. 3, citing Chughtai, et al. A neglected gland: a review of Cowper gland . INT J ANDROL. 2005;28:74-77: http://tinyurl.com/62cbc5. 35
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esses to the feminist movement, that we were entitled not only to pursue orgasm at each and every sexual encounter but that it was for us to set the pace. In our faith’s very explicit kind of childraising, mothers of boys would teach their sons that restraint was a virtue. But mothers of boys, explicitly or not, have a mystical relationship with their son’s penis and this is why such mothers’ presence at a defloration party was so significant. She would get to see his—and her—DNA marking the entry into sexual and communal life of a virgin girl, his nurtured penis the instrument of her awakening. How different is this in principle from a bat mitzvah, a quinciñera or any other celebration of coming of age? And there are special cases, special performances. It may take a long time, but one of the best oral sex events is when a girl takes her boy’s penis and runs her tongue over its tip slowly in a circular motion, deliberately and constantly, over and over again, without taking the penis in her mouth until the moment of its ejaculation, at which point she slowly squeezes its tip with lips and tongue, moving her head not in a bobbing way but slowly up and down, draining the penis of semen. This is the most memorable of performances but most times neither girl nor boy will have the patience for it. More often another dramatic demonstration of semenHost is this: the girl will collect the ejaculated semen on her tongue, spread it over the head of the penis and display it to those watching before sucking it back between her lips to swallow. I have seen some girls repelled by such demonstrations of affection, passion and pleasuring; but more often adolescent girls want to imitate what they have seen and to learn more about the biomechanics of the penis. Meanwhile there is a conundrum here: people like to see ejaculation; they like to see semen
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spurting from the little slit at the end of the penis. But they do not like to see semen wasted or disrespected: the semen belongs in the girl’s body; it must become part of her.
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reasts serve as markers and identifiers, as arousers and attracters. The reader will not need me to tell him or her how boobs, nude or nearly so, excite and derange. The breasts shown in the illustration36, stage 4 adolescent breasts, are supremely evocative. As I wrote above, it was by virtue of being bra-less and wearing an oversized T-shirt whereby pubescent boys could peek at my breasts that I engaged them: having caught them peeking I could eventually demand sight of their penis to play with. Every girl of 13 or older knows the power of breasts, and how to encourage or discourage boys from transferring their constant thoughts of sex to her. Mom’s Friend, like David Berg, considered such thoughts a positive thing, never “lewd”, never “lascivious” but rather an affirmation of evangelism. Mom’s Friend went further, taking this to its ultimate conclusion: a young girl with a penis in her mouth, the head of the penis peeping out from time to time at the bystander, her eyes sparking, her smile anticipating ejaculation—this reaffirmed the natural order and brought boy and girl closer to God, drew the bystander into faith. In other words, breasts served as religious symbol and aphrodisiac; and Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puberty. The "puffiness" of their nipples would make them particularly attractive to certain males. 36
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sex, the renewable resource and element of every religion, would be the ultimate form of prayer, and source of joy. It was for this reason that adolescents must put their bodies on display and that so many opportunities for nudity existed at M OM ’S F RIEND ’S H OUSE. Whereas “nice” girls are told by their mothers to keep their knees together, Mom’s Friend remonstrated otherwise: boys and girls might be inspired by the sight of genitalia; penis and vulva were, as God’s deliberate creations, worthy of respect and regard; even staring would be no offense. Lest the reader ridicule such practice as child abuse and misuse of religion, let it be remembered that quite apart from the sex-as-religion subcultures that have come to light already (Warren Jeffs’ FUNDAMENTALIST C HURCH OF L ATTER D AY S AINTS is one), many mothers choreograph their daughters’ dating and sex lives; that half of 15-year-olds have lost their virginity; that oral sex has been a sport of puberty since the 1960s and made respectable since the 1990s and Monicagate.37
The dispute is only as to degree: Caitlin Flanagan, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Monica, THE A TLANTIC, Feb. 2006 http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200601/oral-sex. 37
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om’s Friend’s theory was that because sexual relations of boys and girls of 12 to 18 years of age among her charges and those of the communes and families associated with her would be strictly limited to same-age adolescents of the opposite sex within a closed circle of that community, there would be little or no risk of STDs. To the extent that a small number of virgins came into the circle there was some risk but it was negligible. The task of policing the boundaries of the community fell on the mothers of teens. The doctors among Mom’s Friend’s community—there seemed always to be doctors, lawyers, politicians, mostly but not always female, among Mom’s Friend’s circle—approved. At age 19 or when we went off to college, whichever came first, we were obliged to use condoms. The first rule of Mom’s Friend was, however, to banish hypocrisy. She and her lover did not hide their sexuality from her daughter (whom I call in my essays “Older Girl”) nor from her stepdaughter Terrific Girl. Why should a young child be “sheltered” from facts of live and love? A girl who has seen her mother cradle a penis in her hand and make love to it with her mouth and her vagina will, it can be fairly and empirically argued, scarcely be “damaged” by the sight: after all in primitive societies and one-room homes all over the world this is common currency. Instead, the child will learn by example and grow up without the sexual stresses, restraints, and hang-ups that so permeate our society, frustrate adults and impede relationships.
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GOD INTENDED FOR US TO GET ACCUSTOMED TO SEX LONG BEFORE THERE WAS ANY PRO- CREATION or any sex or intercourse. And therefore you wouldn't be so preoccupied with it when you fi- nally hit puberty or somewhere near there, and you wouldn't just go crazy about it. If you were already accustomed to it, there wouldn't be any big deal about it, nothing new!—It's only natural! — David Berg (“Moses David”) 38
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have related many times in numerous essays the story of my defloration, and my first experience of oral sex soon thereafter. I was 11-1/2 with budding breasts and pubic hair, and in the course of horsing around in the nude with a boy just a year older I suddenly found myself sprawled on the floor, my legs apart, and his “big-small” penis firmly in my vagina. For a long time thereafter I believed the boy’s story that it was an accident and that he had continued on with sex because it felt so good: that it had all been a surprise to him too. With more experience I came to believe that he had probably contrived the situation, and indeed that he must have lubricated his penis with saliva and directed it deliberately between my thighs. 38
http://www.exfamily.org/pubs/ml/ml779.shtml.
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(You can imagine, Dear Reader, if only from looking at Moses David’s illustration accompanying this chapter, that 11-1/2 was not particularly young in terms of his theology, but you should bear in mind that the very reason my Mom, and Mom’s Friend too, left the C O G was their dismay over the involvement of prepubescent children in sexual activity.) Shortly afterwards, once I’d come to terms with the event and how it hadn’t been the fun it should have been, and after I’d talked about it with my Mom, It was conventional wisdom that to maximize her orgasm potential a girl would need to share oral sex: a boy would need to bring a girl orally to the cusp of climax and only then put his penis in her vagina if the girl was to be assured orgasm. And in turn, the boy would be expected to have the girl take his penis in her mouth and bring him to, or almost to, ejaculation. Beyond that was the issue of the religious significance of exchange of bodily fluids. The first time, and every time, semen rushed into my mouth from a penis I felt a flush of importance and joy:39 I was receiving the DNA of Jesus: Holy Communion. I saw my breasts as a lightning rod, as lanterns signaling for the Holy Spirit to enter my body. The excitement of the boy was entrancing; it made me that much more eager for the onset of his ejaculation; I tried to guess when this would happen, which stroke would set him off—I had seen untold other I have seen many girls at oral sex and there is si gnificant difference when her motivation for urging semen to spurt from a penis into her mouth is a religious one. Religious or purely secular, it should always be happy and fun; I cannot understand how anyone, girl, or boy, could see fellatio as debasing or dirty. A friend has proposed this as an example: http://tinyurl.com/4conhx. 39
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girls do this, though mostly from a safe distance. And when the semen came, I wanted to catch it all. I wrapped my lips tighter around the penis and tried to draw more out, and then I swallowed what I had and felt grand. I was imitating the older girls I’d seen playing with penises, and My Mom too, whom I occasionally saw in sexual embrace. I changed places and the boy began to kiss my vagina and lick my clitoris and press his tongue inside me. Somebody was prompting him from alongside; at one point I became bold and moved my legs further apart and put my fingers to my labia to ease his tongue’s access to my clitoris. He kept it up for a long time; and only when I cried out—my first orgasm with a boy—did he put his penis inside me. It all seemed so natural; and it was so unlike the time before when I’d felt only soreness and the only good part was that I knew I was rid of my hymen and that boys would now look up to me. For about a year previously, like many and I suppose most girls going through puberty and especially those in a naturist environment, I was acutely aware of girls’ and boys’ sex parts and their hidden and not-sohidden sexuality. With other pubescent and almostpubescent girls I began to watch teens in their mating dances, penises aroused and penises penetrating and penises ejaculating.40 And also vaginas being kissed and overjoyed. Probably the time was about right anyway, but I knew my Mom would have liked to have seen the In our community it was not unusual for family, friends, peers and others to have a view of adolescents cavorting and making love. Indeed, brothers and sisters might make love in each other’s presence and with each other’s friends. 40
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event. At the CO G and among a lot of the offshoot sexas-religion cults mothers play a direct role in their kids’ growing up and having sex. Deflation justifies a party. (It is important to note that with us, as with any community of nudists irrespective of their outlook on sex and sexuality, puberty is noticed but taken for granted. I imagine that the naturist convention is to ignore it, however hard that may be. We, on the other hand, gave affirmative attention to the sexual development of our peers, and any boy whose penis had started to grow, and any girl whose breasts had reached an interesting stage, would certainly hear comments about it. And at the point where the boy was producing semen and the girl menstruating, he and she would be attracting close attention from the opposite sex and from kibitzers generally. Girls and boys, by the time that happened, were unlikely to let shame, embarrassment or modesty intervene. On a very few occasions what I take to have been homosexual tendencies led the disappearance of a boy and, necessarily, his mother from our community.) What I missed at my coming out was an orgasm, and I knew that. So I orchestrated an oral sex event, at which a boy of my choice and I would make love to each other’s sex parts by mouth. There was a teen audience and, for my part, I showed off the semen I collected in my mouth before dutifully swallowing it. From then on I was part of the sexually-active crowd at the commune where we lived; but within a year Mom and I had moved away to a houseboat and the following year I devoted to perfecting oral sex skills with virgin boys I seduced along the pier. It was only later, when Mom broke up with the guy who owned the houseboat and we moved to MOM ’S FRIEND’S H OUSE, that I began to think of sex directly as a spectator sport that should be performed sen-
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suously: penis and vagina should be seen; orgasm and ejaculation should be public. I think not many mainstream people, even promiscuous ones, would go that far. But it is part and parcel of our faith and constitutes a valid subculture and lifestyle. For me and for all of us, a first occasion of oral sex was a rite of passage. Under Mom’s Friend’s ethic, it was also an essential part of foreplay and the major source of sexual pleasure for girls. It was, furthermore, a means of spreading joy by sexually arousing those watching, thus a source of vicarious pleasure which ought to multiply that of the copulating couple. For us girls, growing up in a sexually liberal environment, erotophobia was alien. The human form, sex parts and all, held as much beauty for us as it did for the ancient Greeks. But at the same time, we knew that our boys were responsible and respectful whereas “outsider” boys most often were not. There was a distinct difference between the penis of one of ours and that of a stranger: indeed the fear of strangers inculcated in us by our mothers kept us safe, while our early knowledge of sex and the inevitability of our wanting to enjoy and share it at puberty also kept us safe.
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[T]o have sex together with the opposite sex at the age of pu- berty & throughout your teens when you need it the most is virtually either forbidden or made impossible! NOW WHY DID GOD MAKE YOU NEED SEX SO MUCH AT THOSE AGES UNLESS IT WAS HIS WILL? You're the strongest & you've got more sex drive during your teens than almost any other age. I've said before that I think the Lord must have been in favour of marriage at about 12 or 13 because you're first able to have children at that age. — David Berg (“Moses David”) 41
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hether or not a girl’s first sex—oral or vaginal—is the result of seduction, her susceptibility to being seduced will be driven by her mind-set, and that is framed by her peers. In the most explicit case—and, I argue, the safest and best—the event will be staged, and one or more girlfriends will be present to provide support, advice and protection. The boy and girl should undress to their underwear and proceed from there. While the atmosphere is best if one or more of the girlfriends proceeds first to have sex with her own boy, sometimes the girlfriends are unaccompanied. The sub41
http://www.exfamily.org/pubs/ml/b6/ml902.shtml.
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ject girl takes down the underpants of the target boy and, with or without guidance, proceeds to play with his penis. Apprehension on the part of either girl or boy can usually be resolved by the girlfriends and in most cases an erection happens quickly even if the boy is inexperienced. Erection involves both psychological and physical stimuli and either is enough to generate the relevant excitement and blood flow. Furthermore, arousal is selfenforcing. Once the girl has hold of the boy’s penis she should not let go, and once she has the boy’s penis in her mouth she should not, until ejaculation, remove it except very briefly either to allow it a moment to restore maximum stiffness or to bring the head of the penis into view, for herself and for her friends. In this day and age there are so many how-to Web sites and on line42 so many homemade, amateur video recordings and webcam files not just of adults but of teens also engaging in oral sex that few girls or boys should need to approach their first time ignorantly or naively. What for us in the early 1990s and before seemed innovative—Mom’s Friend’s insistence that oral sex was a vital part of foreplay, if not (as in soixante- neuf ) a perfect romantic encounter in itself—today is commonplace. The comment of veterans of the 1960s sexual revolution that “sex was a form of hello” had, post-Monica, transmogrified into “oral sex is just a nicer “Amateur porn” sites, especially those outside the United States, like http://pornoamateurs.be are useful sources, although often weighed down with commercial pornography and, of course properly bereft of images of teens who appear to be underage. Cell phone videos are commonly exchanged among peers, but this bears obvious legal risks as Genarlow Wilson found: see n. 23 above. 42
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form of first kiss”. In many places the peer pressure is overwhelming; among the “peers” will be siblings and friends eager to take on the role of first sex partner, publicly or privately.43 While the ideal in our ethic is that the girl should be assured the opportunity to pursue (note that I do not say “achieve” although that will be the normal outcome) climax at each and every sexual encounter with a boy, “turn about” as “fair play” cannot be mandatory—nothing in our sexual lives is obligatory. Whether or not the girl in this case will (with the support, if need be, of her friends) choose to make the boy perform cunnilingus on her after his ejaculation depends on circumstances. So long as her protectors are present there is no reason to think the boy would decline his duty if asked, or indeed that he will not take the initiative or not enjoy the opportunity. But that is for later. There was at one time, and there may still be, a home party scheme whereby a group of women would be taught how to perform fellatio by a lecturer/instructor, with the help of sterilized plastic dummy penises. It struck me as both incongruous and superfluous, and my impression must have been correct since the Web site, I wrote once in an autobiographical essay about “The Big-Breasted Girl”, a precocious 13-year-old who attended a nude dance party I was at and who, in the end, could not resist the sexual electricity and her partner’s erection. Other girls, including myself, stood by and as the boy’s penis repeatedly hit the wrong target felt impelled to assist in aiming it. To the onlooker there is an irresistible urgency to see an erect penis meet its target, whether vagina or mouth. And to see the proof of orgasm (for as many, including the inimitable Al Goldstein, have said: “Orgasm, like justice, must not only be done but be seen to be done.”). 43
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and perhaps the course, are no longer around. To my mind the only requisite for exquisite oral sex is the desire to give and receive. And there are few rules: be gentle, keep your eyes open and watch both penis and face of boy, welcome the semen when it rushes into your mouth and don’t stop until the last bits of semen have spurted out and been swallowed. The key points to know are the sensitive areas of the penis, and that stroking the underside of the tip with your tongue is a key to stiffening even the more recalcitrant penis. It is the girl who should set the pace, but she should be responsive to the boy in that regard. The best advice I can offer is always to go slightly more slowly than the boy would like: a form of teasing which will excite him all the more and which may increase his output of semen. By and large, the more semen he ejaculates the better the orgasm for him: and, of course, the greater the Communion. For sex is always a religious experience, and oral sex the more so, and semen is nothing if not a Host of Holy Communion. Begin with the lips firmly placed against the head of the penis, and stroke the penis with lips and tongue. Forget all that has been said of “deep throat”: the sensitive part of the penis, like the sensitive part of the vagina, is at the beginning. Changing the pace except in the most gradual manner is likely to interrupt the build-up of sensation and delay the approach of orgasm. The girl should be aware of this, and change cadence only if that’s what she wants to accomplish. Ejaculation should occur in five to fifteen minutes. At a girl’s first time with a penis in her mouth she may not anticipate this happening, but her girlfriends might, or the boy may give warning. Most importantly, the girl should want to welcome the semen and should not pull
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away or let the semen spill. Most of the techniques for showing off ejaculation are likely to reduce the pleasure to the boy. The extreme methods, which provide both lovely view and a different sort of pleasure for the boy, include continuous stimulation of the tip of the penis with the tongue without ever putting the penis directly in the mouth. I would not recommend such methods for a first time; and they do take much longer to complete. It is better to bring the boy to ejaculation in your mouth, and deliberately let some semen leak out back onto the penis: you can lick that off later but its sight will signal to those watching that ejaculation has happened. I think it is crude to open your mouth wide to display the semen before swallowing it: that is for a porn show; what you are trying to do is to bring a boy to ejaculation with style and panache, and to swallow the semen he has given you. There was an element of trust on his part when he put his penis into your mouth; there is no reason for those watching not to believe that the trickle or drips of semen they see are not just a representative sample of what you have been given and have consumed. Furthermore, the way in which a girl approaches the penis, once exposed to her, is very important both from the standpoint of the boy’s satisfaction, the viewers’ vicarious enjoyment and the girl’s own appreciation. She must have a positive, unhesitant manner. There must be no doubts in anyone’s mind—least of all hers—that to take the penis into her mouth and bring it to ejaculation there is absolutely what she wants most to do. Her eagerness must be felt and must be seen: through her smile, through the sparkle in her eyes, through her continuous gaze at penis and face of boy. And she must know—the boy must exude his feeling and inten-
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tion—that when she is done the boy will put his face between her thighs and reciprocate, gladly and happily kissing her clitoris and licking her vagina to bring her to climax: not just by way of reciprocating but because it is the most natural thing and his real desire. That “society” should suggest, should ever impose the idea, that an urge to join tongue and penis or vagina is unnatural or sinful or unlawful demonstrates only the hijacking of socalled morality by perverted social engineers and misogynists. There is something symbolic when the boy’s penis, once the boy’s underpants are lowered and once it is uncovered, slowly moves upwards until it points directly at the girl. This is the time when she should make her first move, grasping it, caressing the boy’s scrotum lightly but without tickling, kissing the tip of the penis, running her tongue beneath its head and then, finally, licking around the head and sliding it halfway into her mouth. If the girl is topless at this point, the boy should become increasingly excited, not just from the tactile sensation at his penis but from the sight of the girl taking it into her mouth and from the sight of the girl’s breasts. The girl’s strategy should be never to let the boy’s excitement and the atmosphere of sexual electricity cease building—not until the explosion of semen into her mouth.
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W
hen I was about 15, it came to be thought in our circle that mutual oral sex, soixante- neuf 44, was the highest and most beautiful and most delightful form of sex. Indeed, at the nude dance parties I would go to, couples would take turns at it, trying—not very successfully most times—to coordinate their orgasms, girl and boy. Whether the girl was on top or on bottom she would be largely in control and while the boy could, by moving his hips slightly, adjust the timing and the lingual friction on his penis the girl had the greater power. Indeed, if the boy was dilatory in his oral stimulation of her clitoris and vagina she could signal her disappointment and force him to pay proper attention simply by pausing in her stimulation of his penis. The concept of public sex even more so than of naturism generally implies a vision of the sex parts of the human body as objects of beauty. The derision of the vagina as cloaca, ugly and sinful, is part and parcel of the misogynist control of women by male-dominated sohttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/69_sex_position. Image is from an engraving by Félicien Rops for Le Diable au Corps , 1865, reproduced by WIKIPEDIA. 44
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ciety. The test of true sexual and social liberation is the recognition of the beauty in the act of girl-on-top with light shining on her vagina and her boy partner’s tongue inside. In this position one sees the clitoris being stimulated and the condition of the girl at climax. Representationally, with girl on top and her orgasm as priority she—and the feminist ideal45 —are redeemed. The boy is not ignored. The girl will hold his penis straight up and she will control that, too. With lips and tongue, in a cadence that matches her own arousal and excitement and rush to orgasm, she will play with the head of the penis, stimulate it with constancy, and enjoy her reward at ejaculation which all can see. It is the simultaneous, or nearly so, exchange of bodily fluids that marks mutual oral sex in its fullness as Holy Communion. And, repeatedly, vicariously, all the couples will share in this closeness to the Divine, before and after their own presentation and reception at center stage. It is the precious sight of mutual pleasuring, the easy exposure to view of penis and vagina, and the loveliness of trickles of semen that produce, in the bystander, appreciation and sexual eagerness.
The feminist construct need not be negative: http://www.nyls.edu/pdfs/meyer 8.pdf 45
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P
erhaps the most common circumstance behind a girl engaging in oral sex on a boy for the first time is a dare : by the boy, or equally often (and far more convincingly) by the girl’s friends, her peers. I call this the “boy in the chair” situation, where the virgin girl is induced to play with the penis of a target boy seated pantsless in a chair, and she is goaded on by her friends to put the penis in her mouth and to make it ejaculate. And, hopefully, to swallow the semen. The classical sex clubs used to use this for an initiation, the boy then having to perform oral sex on the girl, and the whole affair being timed to the girl’s period: the concept of exchange of bodily fluids that my circle considered a religious event here, borrowing from outside social norms, was an effort at humiliation and degradation. For the initiated it is, of course, exactly the opposite of that. Our rule as to same-age partners and strictly consensual sex had as specific aim the avoidance of inequality and of coercion: it might equally be said that for the first time one should choose a partner of limited experience and unlimited patience, of outgoing personality and charm. If love is scarcely of relevance, romance and passion definitely are. This is something that can be appreciated by a girl from the age of 13, and with support from friends a girl of that age can easily collect the confidence to perform. More commonly is the problem of the attitude of a pubescent boy: a modicum of seriousness and compassion are needed on his side, and for that reason I found it wise to limit the number of
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other boys present, and if there are more than two others to have them outnumbered by girls. It is true that many girls, and not a few boys, insist on privacy and secrecy in the matter of sex, let alone oral sex. But this is wrong, misconceived. The drama of anticipation, arousal, excitement and orgasm is to be seen and appreciated—and it is naturally contagious as well as being a renewable resource. Ideally boy and girl will undress each other, which should lead the boy’s penis to start becoming erect, something that not just the girl but the others watching can appreciate. But for socially-imposed sanction, guilt over lust, embarrassment over enjoying a natural pleasure, girls and boys would have neither inhibition, (false) modesty, shame or hesitation: they would respond quickly to natural urges and admit to the need for sexual joy. True, for a girl aggression and coercion and unrequited passion on the part of a boy yield fear, danger and pain. This does not mean that every liaison must be preceded by a lengthy courtship, nor does it mean that arranged partners—sex between boy and girl matched for the occasion by their friends and family—is not often the best. One hopes that every girl shall be in an environment without fear and that she will be safe, protected by friends and family. One hopes that every penis she sees will be gorgeous and that she will enjoy pleasure and have recognized her right to pursue orgasm each time. Still, there are bound to be disappointments: this is a risk in any of life’s enterprises, including sex. For me the minuet would go like this: a new boy would be presented for my approval. We would flirt briefly and there would be mutual signals. Ideally we would be now in our underwear: I would take down his underpants and see his penis. He would remove my bra
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and perhaps my panties. I would seat him in the chair provided; he would be seated forward, his legs apart, his penis ready and accessible. I would kneel in front and play with his penis, put it in my mouth and, depending on its state of erection either work on exciting it by tickling its underside or go directly to exciting it to ejaculate for me—a process of five to ten minutes. We would change places; he would kiss and lick at my vagina and if he didn’t do so on his own accord I would insist that he press his tongue inside. He would run his tongue repeatedly and steadily over my clitoris and I would guide him as to whether I wanted quick, flicking strokes or—more usually—slow circular movements. And in 15 to 20 minutes I would almost always reach a climax. And I would want his penis in my vagina: perhaps he would even have a second ejaculation. The foregoing also happens to be the best scenario for a girl’s defloration, the only difference being that since the girl is probably not on the Pill her friends will need to have contraceptive foam, or perhaps a condom, available for application AFTER the first penetration (which should always be with lovely, bare penis) if the boy is likely to proceed to second ejaculation.
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t may be fairly asked what motivation would lead a girl and boy to exhibit their oral sex before family and friends. Collegial sex is not innately unnatural. If, in the manner of David Berg, self-appointed prophet of the CHILDREN OF GOD , one accepts that sex is a religious phenomenon and an expression of devotion and an evangelical act, the rest should come naturally. Although in fact collegial or public sex was not an essential nor a predominant fact of life in their communes it did occur sporadically, and it was a frequent feature of the commune movement of the 1960s. It is also a fact of life in some primitive societies untouched by so-called Christian morality and by Islamic repressive rigor. If, like the girls of the COG, one accepts that sex is an expression of humanity and religious welcoming, then its performance in secret is sacrilege and its celebration before others is sacrament. In that context it is never pornography unless it is exploitive. This must, however, never be an excuse for permitting child pornography free rein: pornography, including child pornography, is commercial exploitation and never a matter of freedom of expression. 46 As a ma tter of fact, while there should be no room for false modesty and embarrassment nor any hesitation to enjoy sex in front of family and friends if one is so inclined, the danger from perverts and aggressive strangers is real and adolescents need protection from them. The risk is http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/apr/17/ internet.childprotection 46
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such that it is difficult to form an opinion on how one should address the situation of adults who, while under age, filmed their sexual antics and now, being over 18, publish those films. The Genarlow Wilson case sheds light on the risks here. The ubiquity of mobile telephones with video recording capability has created a real danger that compromising situations may be recorded without regard to risk. The fact is that the underlying urges are, in general, irresistible and boys and girls, already aware from the Internet and TV of what awaits them at puberty47, are unwilling to wait, sometimes even that long. Oral sex, as non-invasive and safe as sex can be, is a reasonable compromise. Neither penile size nor vaginal development matter, and if the couple is motivated and eager, oral sex will happen. I was not yet 12 years old when I started and, especially among the boys of my group once introduced to sex, like the virgin bull after his first mounting, the need for sex became constant. There was also a missionary component: the “flirty fishing” duty to introduce and to inspire boys of my own age. Indeed (but this reflects the special environment of sex-as-religion in which I was growing up) on a number of occasions a girlfriend would approach me to seduce her brother, typically of 12 or at most 13 years old: and she would be there as I went through the usual minuet of intriguing him with breasts and sexual “poetry” until we reached a state of undress and until his penis was in my mouth: and indeed until he ejaculated, whether a few drops or a few teaspoonsful. http://www.teenpuberty.com and http://en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Puberty are two Web sites typical of those that educate children of varying degrees of sophistication. 47
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In this day and age of gender equality there is no reason why brothers should not be presenting their pubescent sisters to boys for introduction to oral sex, but the fact is that whether through misogyny, a warped sense of gallantry or so-called “chivalry” many boys and fathers tried to keep their sisters and daughters in submission and ignorance as long as possible. But it did happen: and although I was deflowered almost accidentally in the course of a nude tumble with a boy during horseplay before I was 12, and then went on to try oral sex because I already had seen others doing it, mostly today it is the other way around, at least for pubescent and adolescent girls. While an 11- or 12-year-old girl may be ready for oral sex, I don’t, with what I now know, think it’s time for them to have a penis in their vaginas just yet. But that is a matter for each girl to decide for herself: the present of a family member or a friend ought to be to assure her protection from coercion, and to assure that her partner will not be selfish, and will take as much time as is needed to bring her to orgasm orally too. A girl’s rite of passage, her defloration, her first penis-in-mouth are not all that far removed from the traditions of quinciñera and bat mitzvah and sweet sixteen. Whatever their original meanings, these ceremonies today constitute the doorway to sex, the rejection of hymen, a public flirt. Today it is rare for a girl to remain a virgin after her prom night. The Rainbow Party may have been a fable, but 13-year-old girls as often as not dream of performing oral sex; and they are constant visitors to Web sites that show erect penises. This is something that should not be ignored. In this sense, the best companion and escort for a girl, or for that matter a boy, is the mother. Moses David and a number of his successors in the milieu in which I
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grew up (my mother fled the COG soon after I was born) approved of parental guidance in the matter of early sex. There is no doubt that many mothers watched over their daughters as they were deflowered, although this is denied by those who were in power in the Church and is still denied today in much of the literature. But it’s also true, and this is less denied, that mothers involved themselves in the seduction of their sons by teenage girls and young teachers who were on the staff of the Church. Mothers have always had a mystical relationship with their boys’ penises, a relationship that—the Oedipus story apart—is rarely discussed outside the most arcane and obscure journals of psychology and parapsychology. This is underlined by women’s role in decisions over circumcision, but also by their tendency to monitor, however discreetly and surreptitiously, their sons’ sexual activity. Mothers have always been tolerant of such things. Whether for a mother, or a sister or brother, or a friend, to see a girl gingerly, hesitatingly, grasp her first penis, fondle it to make it stiffer and then cautiously bring it to her lips and into her mouth: this is touching, fetching, delightful. One knows that the next time and all the times thereafter will be different, she will have the experience of joy, of semen—and of her own subsequent orgasm, and there will not be hesitation, there will not be diffidence. It will still be cute, her acts and her emotions; but the newness will be gone, the novelty. Confidence will have replaced shyness; expectance and anticipation, wonderment.
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T
he fascination—and not just on the part of voyeurism fetishists—with the sight of penis in mouth reflects our nature. So fetching is the sight, and the urge to enjoy oral sex, that the State has made it illegal, although since Lawrence v. Texas 48 there has been far less direct intrusion into private conduct, even when that conduct is collegial, i.e., there is group or exhibitionist sex. In England, the fetish of dogging 49 takes this further, with couples intending that they should be watched by strangers while having sex. For fellatio the ideal is for the head of the penis to be visible often, and for the ejaculation to be seen to be induced by the firm pressure of tongue and lips upon it; at ejaculation there should be a visible trickle of semen to affirm the event, and a subtle exhibition by the girl of the semen in her mouth and being swallowed. Demonstration of cunnilingus, at least in the more common positions, is somewhat less attractive to the bystander: this is a fact of physiology and line-ofsight limitations. The most important aspect of cunnilingus is not, however, what is to be seen but the facts of mutuality, of feminist realization of right, and rejection of the “cloaca syndrome” that finds female anatomy re539 U.S. 558 (2003) http://tinyurl.com/6p4mh6, di scussed in Wikipedia http://tinyurl.com/br2tj, the Duke University Law School site http://tinyurl.com/66sez8, and elsewhere. That the case concerned sodomy of the homosexual kind does not limit its holding: it is a privacy case. 48
49
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/dogging.
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pellant. The modern sexual etiquette ordains that the boy should always kiss his partner’s vagina and at least moisten it with saliva using his tongue, and ideally he should bring his partner to the cusp of climax by massaging her clitoris orally: only then should his penis enter the vagina. This new “soft norm” (i.e., ideal, or recommendation) owes its recognition to the outspokenness of modern college women, building on feminist argument, social equality and the fading of religious restraints. Here again mutual oral sex, certainly with girl on top, resolves the visual issue: the girl’s beautiful vagina is plain to see, and the movements of the male tongue doing penile duty can be fully appreciated. On the other hand, my experience is that for a first time at mutual oral sex, and particularly when the partners are pubescent and the penis not fully grown, boy on top tends to work better, with easier access for the penis to the girl’s mouth. The only caveat is that the girl must respond promptly to movements of the boy’s penis as he will be trying to signal to her exactly what pace to proceed at, and how and when she has put insufficient mouth pressure against the penis. If a boy is concerned that his penis is not receiving adequate stimulation in the girl’s mouth he will tend to slack off on his titillation of her vagina with his tongue, and the entire process will lose momentum; the boy may even lose his erection temporarily. While we limit our advocacy of youthful sexual exploration to legal partners—which in all Western jurisdictions would include boys and girls from age 16 plus and in many of them same-age partners, at least from age 14—the fact is that many boys and girls are having sex, especially oral sex, from age 11 on. Most will be physically mature, or at least pubescent; few religions
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(and certainly not Islam or the Fundamentalist LDS) would countenance sexual activity of a boy or girl without at least pubic hair. On the other hand the CHILDREN OF G OD did, and many children were stimulated sexually in various ways. Indeed, young, prepubescent boys were sometimes seduced by the nannies and teachers: this was certainly true of Davidito, David Berg’s stepson, who while still a young boy had his first sex with one of the teachers while his mother looked on.50 Even professionals disagree.51 More correctly, children should be informed and educated about sex; it should not be hidden from them; but only children with mature or ma- turing sex parts should be encouraged to engage in sex play, and then only with others of the same age . The reason is clear: there must be no coercion and no abuse; but if one accepts the view that sexual dysfunction in later life is due to maladjustment and sexual denial early on, then it follows that it is the hostility, the guilt and shame, the “sinfulness” that are wrongfully associated with early and free sex that lie behind not just much of sexual incompetence but much of marital failure. Start with this: since the 1960s we have known that the way to a man’s heart has been oral sex. “J” explained this in The Sensuous Woman, and since then there has been a whole sexual revolution, but still there are those who refuse and who deny. And there are those who would prohibit: and not just “sodomy” and “crimes against nature” of all kinds: abortion, too; but when they rail against “abortion” they are also railing against policies and practices that would 50
http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/davidito.html.
51
http://www.geocities.com/cobil1/wp_isteensexbad.html
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avoid the need for abortion: they are seeking to ban con- traception and to re-criminalize non-marital sex and, I would suppose, all sex other than for the immediate purpose of procreation. Yes: bring back all those biblical and Talmudic rules, all but the ritual bath. I think the raid in Eldorado, Texas in April 2008 had something to do with this.52 That said, the point more relevant to the aes- thetics of oral sex is that these social engineers and moral dictators deem the penis and the vagina disgust- ing . They would, if they have sex at all, have it in the dark. And they would deny their women pleasure and keep their offspring in submission and ignorance. In our community, on the other hand, when I was growing up, nudity was encouraged and their was no secret about puberty: rather boys and girls were admired during their changeling months and years. No boy ever felt the need to be embarrassed over, or to hide, an erection, whether it was incidental and unintended or whether it represented evidence of admiration and arousal. It is said that sex without commitment within a community leads to friction and jealousy and resentment, but that is no more true in the case of a closed (and hence, from an As we now know, the raids were staged and the “16year-old complainant” did not exist: it was a hoax call from a known hoaxer in Colorado that gave the authorities an excuse to raid the compound. There would have been few mobile telephones there, and nobody to gain from any complaint, The Arizona and Utah authorities regretted the invasion of the compound, which has likely severely compromised relations with the FLDS and the child-protection interests of those states as well as Texas. The Texas minimum age for marriage had recently been raised from 14 to 16 with the FLDS community in mind. 52
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STD standpoint and with respect to adolescents who are not involved in the wider world) community than of any other population. And probably less so since there is a moral and a social understanding, and a responsibility between girl and boy to please and to express pleasure at being pleased. Sex is a bodily function: if not one like any other, then certainly one that is natural and essential. It is deprivation of sex that is damaging, even crippling. It is therefore cute to see a boy and a girl of 11 or 12 or 13 or 14, seated in chairs, their faces and their sex parts highly visible, talking to each other and, perhaps, becoming sexually charged. Often, indeed, they will preen and cavort for an audience and take pride in their acknowledged sexuality. And why not? This is, or should be, part of growing up. It is wrong that formal naturists should prohibit public displays of “affection” (or, more correctly, sexual excitement). Romance and passion play an important role in our physiognomy and our psychology at least from the appearance of our first pubic hair. Invariably any sexual interaction between shy, naïve youngsters would be in response to encouragement by others, their peers usually. Nothing surprising there, of course. Everybody likes to see a penis aroused and played with by a girl, even more so when they think its ultimate destination will be that girl’s mouth. Furthermore, from the girl’s standpoint this minuet validates her body, her new breasts, her smile, her flirting. And of course she will be presenting her clitoris to the boy and her reward should be a flush of orgasm, something that will please everyone. Yet that is not, in my opinion, the most important aspect of early communally- or collegially-supported or -sponsored sex. Society, especially in this era of high-
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profile commercialized sex, adolescents need to be told and shown that the significance of penile and breast sizes is less than meets the eye. Seeing friends at sex can be very reassuring in that regard, convincing a boy or girl that there is little to be gained by waiting until penis or vagina are fully developed, especially if it is oral sex that is to be undertaken. With such reassurance young adolescents are likely to be appreciative of opportunity and pleasure, and as they grow they will retain their priorities and superficialities will be relegated to their proper place. Furthermore, the opportunity to enjoy sex early, with parental approval overt or tacit, means that there is no guilt and, after the first time, no shyness. Confidence and style take pride of place: and of course the recognition of romance and passion, over “love” and unreasonable expectations. It is nice to see a girl grasp a penis for its own sake and press it to her lips; it is nice to see a boy draw apart a girl’s labia and press his tongue to her clitoris. After the first or second time these adolescents will acquire style and panache, but even the first crude attempt is lovely to see. A rite of passage in progress, indeed. It is, as Rev. X used to say, refreshing to see excited, anticipatory “pink bits” in God’s image they too: proof that sex is a form of prayer, recognized, rewarded, answered by orgasm—itself proof of God’s presence in us. It is enough to make a mother beam with pride. And for the rest of us to acknowledge the universality of the urge and its satisfaction.
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In the post 1980s era, an era when the COG became THE F AMILY , and THE F AMILY following its close shave with Lord Justice Ward’s judgment53 in the English court abandoned at least an overt, public endorsement of underage sex (regardless of the relative ages of the partners), “safe sex” has been presented a public health concern. But in fact it has been co-opted by those who would insist on abstinence and ignorance. We need not, here, exposit on the reality of teen pregnancy and STDs in the absence of proper sex education, and the uselessness of abstinence education in the context of teen sexual urges and broadcast titillation. Nonetheless, a review of reality will help in parrying accusations—not new—that teen sex leads to disease. Mom’s Friend’s Rules made infection wildly improbable. Adolescents of the same age and of the professional class rarely are STD carriers. 54 The vectors for the HIV are well known: there are racial and sexualpreference criteria that may not be politically correct, but are nonetheless valid. And there is the primordial barrier, well recognized by Mom’s Friend even in the early days of the late 1980s: adolescents who limit there 53
http://tinyurl.com/55hj5t.. http://tinyurl.com/55hj5t
As to the U.S. age distribution of AIDS cases, see: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsage.. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsage 54
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sexual relationships to a closed circle of similarlysituated, same-age peers cannot infect each other. The only limiting factor is the truthfulness and group loyalty of the members: if any member cheats and fails to use a physical barrier (condom 55) in vaginal sex with an ou tsider, that member can expose the entire cohort. It is for that reason that the role of parents and peers in policing the sexual activities of the members of the group bears such importance. And it is for that reason that shame, embarrassment, modesty, privacy and secrecy have no place in our regime. Beyond that, the oral sex paradigm includes a built-in safe-sex quality. Unless there is a mouth infection or wound, the passage of the HIV is, if not impossible, wildly improbable in the course of oral sex. The role of the mother, to the degree that she cares to and is allowed to observe, and the role of one’s peers is to assure the integrity of the system. It we accept that abstinence and abstinence and chastity are chastity are unlikely, then we need to provide a basis and an incentive for truthfulness and loyalty on the part of every member of the group. These are provided by two elements in parallel: The promise of oral sex as a delight and a reward and a blessing and a mutual gift of the participants The exclusion from the group for anyone who engages in unsafe sex , defined as sex outside the group without the use of a physical barrier.
•
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Here’s a handy chart on how to put on a condom: http://tinyurl.com/hohfr.. The opening illustration comes from http://tinyurl.com/hohfr that site. 55
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Waitress, oh waitress, come sit on my face … — Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys —
t parties where sex is, so to speak, on the menu and girls are in control, the girls get to dictate the rules and the order of play. There is, for example, the sort of party where lots are drawn to sort out partners and where each couple directs the activities of the next. For whatever reason, it seems that the first girl is often directed to place her vagina over the face of her reclining partner 56 and he has to lick and kiss her clitoris and vagina through to orgasm. Only then will the girl be directed to dismount and put her boy’s erect penis into her mouth. With girl on top whether as just described or in mutual oral sex the public view of her sex parts is glorious and nearly complete. I think it’s satisfying for most girls to have their friends see all their pink parts engorged with blood and their vagina dilated, a boy’s tongue sliding into their vagina and rubbing up against their clitoris. On the other hand, it is something of an exercise in balancing and control for the girl to maintain her position; and on occasion she will have to direct the boy quite specifically as to what she expects of him. If it is a boy’s first time he may find the position unsettling The classic illustration has been borrowed from http://tinyurl.com/5psmdj (“Oral sex education”). 56
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and so it’s particularly desirable for him to watch another couple go first. A girl should never hesitate to intervene, whether by spreading her labia to open the way for the boy to press his tongue into her vagina or to direct his attentions to her clitoris, or to announce when she is approaching climax so that the boy will maintain constant pace and pressure with his tongue. Also, if the girl is drippy, and especially if she is leaking menstrual blood, she needs to assure the boy that this is perfectly natural and that he should allow himself to enjoy the sensation.57 A girl still flush from orgasm has every reason to be excited as she approaches her boy’s penis and slides her lips over its tip. The boy will by this time be extraexcited and he should reach the cusp of orgasm quickly. She can concentrate on making his ejaculation into a romantic, passionate event, collecting his semen in her mouth and savoring it prior to swallowing it. For those who see this as Holy Communion the ecstasy is complete. Girl on top and approaching from below is the signature position for fellatio and it provides maximum control for the girl as well as good visibility of the penis for anyone who cares to watch. Typically the boy will be relaxed, and he will have minimum contribution to the procedure: about all he can do to signal his wishes is to move his hips slightly, perhaps to signal to the girl his desire for a change of cadence, faster or slower. If she grasps the base of the penis, the girl can direct with precision and this helps assure that her lips are firmly It is wise for the girl to visit the bathroom beforehand so that she won’t be leaking any urine as that can be disruptive and unsavory. 57
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against its head, maximizing friction and improving sensation for the boy. Furthermore, when the boy starts to ejaculate she can aim the semen against the roof of her mouth and let it trickle below her tongue, perhaps allowing just a bit to drip down the penis and signal to any onlookers that the boy has reached orgasm. Ideally the boy will still have enough of an erection to put his penis in the girl’s vagina at this point, in a kind of celebratory or victory lap. And there is no reason why the couple cannot embrace in a kiss: the semen does, after all, represent divinity as well as earthly delight and boys and girls should never shrink from tasting their own bodily fluids. In any event, the couple will typically wear any drips and traces with pride. At our nude dance parties we never showered and dressed until we were ready to go home and dried semen, whether on penis, breasts or pubic hair would serve as a sign and reminder of romantic engagement. Indeed, the protocol at some parties is to shower before arriving and not at all before leaving; this may depend as much on the availability of facilities as on personal preference.58 Girl on top works very well for oral sex at all ages. It's my experience, however, that it is unsatisfactory for vaginal intercourse until and unless the boy's penis is fully grown—long enough to reach into the vagina with ease. Even so, it can be tedious for the girl to bounce up and down, and painful for her if she moves quickly and has substantial breasts which bounce. On the other hand, it can make a nice show for onlookers to At MOM’S FRIEND’S HOUSE we had a big communal shower available for pool users, an industrial-strength ondemand hot water heater and plenty of towels so it was possible to shower at will. 58
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see the penis as her vagina moves up and down on it; and the position does give the girl a good deal of control. Also, many boys like to see bouncy breasts and I've found that performing in this way can be erotic and satisfying: I always like to see my sex acts arousing onlookers, and it gives me some satisfaction when a boy and girl who have been watching me begin to fondle each other. It's even more satisfying when, independently aroused, they start looking around, find each other, flirt, and begin to embrace and caress each other's sex parts.
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T
o introduce a young adolescent to oral (and, at the right time to vaginal) sex implies a change of lifestyle, impulses and ambition for which new social rules must be set. There is also a change in the manner in which the new recruit will be treated by those who come into contact. There is, in fact, a protocol: the protocol of adults and those assimilated as such with respect to sex. These concern such common issues as when it is appropriate to proposition, the context in which one is free to have public intercourse, the frequency of sex, the response of girls to a boy’s involuntary erection, bathing; and not to forget the obligation to clean up after oneself. One of the beauties of oral sex is that it need not be messy. Semen may drip, but it should not drip on the furniture; and towels should be pre-positioned to catch whatever does spill. It is true that excessive preparation detracts from spontaneity; but it also adds to anticipation. And to safety: in our community, virtually every girl from the time of her menarche took contraceptive pills. For those to whom evangelization is a religious duty and for whom the highest form religious devotion is sexual congress in honor of the Lord, the maximization of sexual reward in the aggregate implies encouragement of adolescents to begin their sex lives at puberty or soon after. But it is for every person, adolescent or older, to decide for oneself when to share one’s body. The sole duty of the believer is to make opportunity and knowledge and guidance available. The adolescent will re-
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spond in his or her own time—or, in a few cases, not at all. As a matter of actual practice, boys and girls are curious at a young age and their curiosity, once satisfied, disappears until just about puberty. At that point they are conflicted between desire and a fear of inadequacy. The whole point of what has been written in the foregoing chapters is that inadequacy is imaginary and that positive, sharing attitudes of partners and peers and parents can dissipate it. On that basis, if a girl is watching from a distance as another girl takes a penis, plays with it, and puts it in her mouth, and if she is seen to be curious and at the same time curiously uncomfortable yet unable to leave, and if she is of an appropriate age, then she should be invited to come closer and a boy should be found to keep company with her and perhaps to seduce her. And the same, mutatis mudandis , is true if it is a boy of 12 or 13 or 14 who is watching. He should be reassured that his penis is lovely and a girl found to initiate it an him into sexual maturity. A girl will know, as soon as her breasts are visible, just how powerful they are. But she may be fearful of using them properly, and also fearful of recognizing that their link to the boy and to his penis is urgent and can be manipulated to her advantage: among other things, to assure his willingness to perform oral sex for her as and when she chooses. Inviting a curious girl to disrobe, whether or not she wants to have sex at that time, is a charitable, didactic act. Once disrobed she may—as so often happened during our nude dance parties when I was a teenager—be unable to resist. And, after all, why should she? So many times have I seen a girl convinced by her surroundings that now is the time
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to play with her first penis—now, with her girlfriends alongside. The point is that no girl should be embarrassed, ashamed or hesitant to show off her vagina. Nor should she feel the need for privacy when the penis enters her body, mouth or vagina. With luck, she will quickly become a missionary herself, a missionary evangelizing for liberal sexuality and the relationship between orgasm and salvation. And, in the months or a year that follow, she will see her body complete its development, and the penises of her favorite boys mature into big specimens. This is perhaps best illustrated by that tiny subculture where mothers and grandmothers make a party out of their daughters’ and granddaughters’ deflorations, where a pre-selected boy and the coming-of-age girl unclothe each other, play with and kiss each other’s sex parts, and then before friends and family, the girl moves her legs apart and the boy presses his penis into her vagina and through her hymen, his ejaculation confirming her membership in the body collegiate. It is not pornographic or obscene: it is a sacrament and mother and grandmother, sister and brother should be entranced by the sight of an act so basic to human existence, emotion and sensory perception. That said, it must be obvious that a scene where young adolescents disrobe and have sex in front of their elders is possible only in a particular religious and/or social environment. In that sense, the affair of the fundamentalist Mormons and the history of the CHILDREN OF G OD provide certain insight. In my writing over the years I have described many such situations, taken from news reports, law cases and my own research both while at college and later on.59 There is, Many of these reports can be found using a search e ngine such as GOOGLE. 59
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however, a subculture of naturism where family members and friends and acquaintances are comfortable engaging in public and semi-public sex; certain offshoots of the CHILDREN OF G OD and other 1960s cults and communes can be seen as heirs to this tradition. The celebration of puberty is mainstream, as is circumcision; it is the elevation of semen to sacramental level that is bizarre—or was, until the modern Internet pornography industry showed us how very common a phenomenon this is. Psychologists then moved in and drew conclusions from popular culture and religious dogma to tell us that it is not, after all, quite so bizarre. As for oral sex: it should come naturally to girls and boys at puberty, at least under the modern regime of sexual liberality. All will have known of Monicagate; and progressive mothers and grandmothers would have told, and perhaps demonstrated, that penises are for kissing. The above regime could not survive without two further rules—rules that can be seen also in other sexually-oriented cults and sects such as the FLDS at Colorado City, at Hilldale and at Eldorado: absolute discretion, i.e., secrecy and the shunning of outsiders, and absolute loyalty. What happens at home stays at home; gossip is nonexistent. Combined with the perception—true in fact—of female control and assertion of her right to pursue orgasm on each and every occasion, and her right to initiate the choice of partner for the occasion, this yields a society in which oral sex can be unrestrained, public within the community and a universal constituent of foreplay. “Flirty fishing”, then and now, must be exercised with care: not everyone is susceptible to positive influence and to accepting that the sexual revolution has been part and parcel of salvation.
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W
e have discussed the protocol for seduction where one or both of the parties has never had sex, oral or vaginal, before. Where the parties to flirting are experienced—whether they have had sex with each other or with a different partner or partners—the protocol is more straightforward. There are nuances that apply in the various permutations, some of which will be ignored in this discussion, which is intended as a general overview, the basic thrust of this work being on an adolescent’s “first oral sex experience”. I our particular environment, where nudity was common in specific locations (in our own communal lodgings, at the pool and in the basement recreation room) there was an obvious difference in approach when a girl and a boy were already naked when one took a fancy to the body of the other. Looking at someone for more than a minute or two without any other obvious reason is automatically a form of flirting; looking at the other party’s sex parts is an invitation to accept or reject an approach: by and large to return the gaze is an acceptance, at least conditionally. Smiles, conversation and sexual arousal, especially tumescence, enter into this in ways that need not be elaborated here. At the extreme, sexual encounter may be scripted according to a communal order. In the 1960s and later, there existed certain free-sex communes where boys and girls engaged each other at random, a different partner every day. For some, it was an element of dogma that
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paternity of any children born should be communal, uncertain or unknown. But for us in the 1980s and 1990s choice, freewill and consent were established rights, and contraception and safe sex (if “unprotected” by a barrier, then assured by the closed nature of our society and the universe of sex partners) assured. For under-16s there was a distinctly simpler protocol than for older boys and girls. Young adolescents tended not to spend much time on kissing on the lips: they moved quickly to fondling, kissing and exciting each other’s sex parts. But even a 13-year-old would know how to display, how to vaunt, penis or breasts: to develop a relationship from flirt to oral sex in minutes, if that was their common desire. Or conversation might endure for hours until an erection, a stroke, a kiss on the lips moving to a kiss on the clitoris or penis, started a cycle of oral sex and mutual orgasm. Very often the pace would be determined by the atmosphere: other couples, others’ erections, others’ ejaculations; other girls’ desire and relief and delighted noises. Arousal is contagious. In the 1960s the commune movement was a re jection of parental control and historical and religious suppression of sexual impulse and desire. For us, free sex was an affirmation of the sacramental nature of sex and physical attraction, and of orgasm as divine presence and reward. There could be no shame, embarrassment or modesty in nudity, arousal or orgasm. Impulse, attraction, desire were reaffirmed as good and proper; and we followed our parents into a regime of sex as religious expression, semen as instrument of Holy Communion. It is right and proper, and a reflection of humanity and Divine Will, that boys and men from the age of puberty on think of sex much of the time and that
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women and girls do so, at least in terms of romance if not of penis and orgasm, if with slightly less frequency. The freedom that sexual liberation has offered is to do so with less hypocrisy: to admit that the whole point of social interaction is the presentation of one’s body, mind and spirit; and that not a little of this is sexuallymotivated. One has the right to reflect on, to admire, the sexual attributes of those around one; and one has the right to display oneself to best advantage. And to flirt and to take that flirting as far as it naturally may go. All within the limits of propriety and safe conduct, which takes us back to Mom’s Friend’s Rules.60
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Above, p. 1.
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O
ne must not let the experiences of misfits, the socially inept and the emotionally irregular disrupt the proper conclusions of an examination of how early sexual activity influences one’s later life. Where an adolescent freely engages in sex, especially and perhaps exclusively oral sex, and where that sex is supervised and advised by peers and perhaps by family as well, it can only enhance self-confidence and liberate one from insecurity. Much of adolescence is wasted: instead of concentrating on study and learning, the fruitless search for sex partners, or in the absence of that the frustration of masturbation or, worse, abstinence lead to emotional disruption. Romance and passion are natural elements of the human body and spirit, and as the FLDS and C O G members came to know, girl and boy are meant to engage in sex from the moment of puberty and physical awareness. It is a pity when, despite menarche or spermarche, a girl or boy with full capacity is denied access; or else is heaped with obloquy for promiscuity and fornication. The true beauty of penis and vagina are achieved only in observed sex: where others, and not just a single couple, can enjoy vicariously, and can be aroused and carry on romance in parallel. Ultimately it is the entire process, from flirting to arousal, from excitement to ejaculation and girl’s climax, that constitute the beauty and the meaning of life. One is never too young to appreciate the facts of sex, and from the moment of realization of capacity—indeed from the moment one accepts that
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she or he has crossed the line into puberty—one ought to be free, indeed encouraged, to make love. This early experience and self-expression inevitably leads to self-satisfaction: satisfaction with oneself and one’s partners, and to self-positioning in society and the acquisition of knowledge and basis and criteria for selection of a life partner. Indeed, although the data are anecdotal and incomplete, marital stability seems greater on the part of partners who have, out of early sexual learning, come to choose their life partners well. There is a Biblical basis, justification and calling in relation to sexual intercourse, and as we have seen a vital divine function for semen. The ultimate purpose of sexual intercourse is procreation, and we are all obliged to pair off and reproduce. But in responding to this command we are rewarded: and our enjoyment of premarital sex is part of our anticipatory reward. It is also a medium of prayer. This sight of boy and girl in sexual embrace, the sight of the erect penis ejaculating: these are holy sights and it is natural that they should be infectious, that in seeing a penis in a girl’s mouth we should want to see traces of semen, that a girl should want a penis to kiss, a boy should want his penis kissed. The hypocrisy of those who would deny this basic truth is beyond belief. Those who have benefited from early sexual experiences witness most eloquently in respect of its value and importance when they encourage their own offspring to continue the practice as a tradition. And even more when they, as Mom’s Friend advocated, advise, protect and attend their offspring’s first sexual engagements: testimony to the fact of penis approaching and entering girl as an act of sublime passion, devotion, duty. Oral sex must be part and parcel of that, the prin-
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