Nobod~
can dim the light which sninl'S from within "
•
Dear Friend, Congratulations for taking this essential step toward creating and enjOying the health and vitalrty that you deserve! Of the many 'Nho talk about creating a change, you are clearty one of
the few """ take real acboo-and """ get to enjoy the rewards. ThIS program contains a unlqL.
The Path to Permanent Weight Loss is a -6 day WOf1
1. An introductory audio session outlining the program and the steps to set you on a path to sustainable change. You WIll also learn a technique that can help you deal wrth any bad feelings (including the feelings that drive you to eat for comfort) in literally two to three minutes. 2.
FOU' DVOs (and companion audios) of me WOI1
srce t~
bodes, losing 35, 65, 80, even 263 pounds natlXally and WIthout pills or medlcal
intervention. These films, narrated by noted teacher of psychotherapy aoe Madanes,
not only will show you what these people did to transform themselvelS but also Wlil show you how to do the same.
3. An audio S9SS/on on the Urge Buster tool that will teach you how to control your craVings and condrtlOl1 yotXSeIt to be disgusted by un_hy foods you once even loved. 4.
One bonus OVO that features Lyndsey, who came to a seminar frustrated wrth two extremely physically challenged daughters who constantly demanded her attentIOn and
angry at her emotionally absent husband. ThIS is not a film about wetght IoISs but about the path of happiness and fuffillment, the path we all need to find to make sustrunable change In our lives.
5. A wor1
Wanmest Regards, Anthony Robbins OlarlT\M 01 the Board
DISCLAIMER:
The advice, routines and interactions presented in this product are solely for infonnationaJ purposes and are for people of normal good health and do not constitute medical advice and are not intended to be a substitute for proper medical care provided by a physician. The authors, copyright holders, Robbins Research International, Inc., Anthony Robbins and Cloe Madanes assume no responsibility for any circumstances arising out of the use, misuse, interpretation or application of any information supplied in these products. Always consult your doctor for appropriate examinations, treatment, testing and care recommendations. Do not rely on information in these products as tools for self-diagnosis.
Application of these principles may vary from person to person. Results obtained vary, and specific outcomes may not occur.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. SESSION ONE: Your Path to Progress: The Real Secret to Lasting Weight Loss
............................ 1
2. SESSION TWO: Beverly: The Power of You
............................... 13
3. SESSION THREE: The Urge Buster: How to Instantly Break Your Pattern and Take Back Control
4. SESSION FOUR: Shelia: Let It Shine
29
....................................................................................... 39
5. SESSION FIVE: Regina: Reclaiming Adventure
6. SESSION SIX: Gulia: The Power of Purpose
............................................................... 49
....... 53
m! ~1 1111
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
THE PATH I II ,11111111 lI i, 11 1111 SESSION ONE: Your Path to Progress: The Real Secret to Lasting Weight Loss You are embarking on a joumey that will finally stop the cycle of emotional eating and help you reclaim the body and life you really deserve. This is about getting energy back into your body. It is about freeing yourself up. It is about having more joy. You are going to find yourself in a position where you want to move, where you feel alive. Weight loss happens when you are happy. Human emotion is the most powerful force in the universe. If you learn how to align your emotions, take advantage of them and feel the experience of fulfillment, then so much of the inner pressure that makes you look for distraction disappears. Your behavior will naturally change, and so will your body. It does not mean all of your stresses are going to go away or the world is going to change. You are going to change and control your perceptions. You are going to uncover your inner conflicts. You will still have them (we all do), but they are not going to control you at the level they do now. If you are overweight, they have control over you, and if that is going to change, we have to get to the source. Why do you do the things that you do? Why do you say you want to lose weight but then eat the things you absolutely know are not good for you, or say you are going to lose weight but do not exercise? One reason is you are exhausted. You are tired from stress, from all of the things you are dealing with inside. Energy has power. If you do not have energy, it is pretty hard to be paSSionate, isn't it? You"';l1 not have the power for your kids, your friends and, most importantly, your spouse. So we have to rebuild energy, and it is both physiological and psychological. We have to make those mental and emotional shifts that will release that energy inside of you that has been trapped by stress or inner conflicts.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
THE CRAZY EIGHT
ESCAPE THE "CRAZY EIGHT"
SADNESS DEPRESSION
FRUSTRATION ANGER
NEEDS THEY MEET
NEEDS THEY MEET
CONNECTION
SIGNIFICANCE
VARIETY
CERTAINTY
Your feelings drive all of your behaviors, including your eating. Very often we have two different emotions-extreme opposites-that we go to when we feel frustrated, depressed, angry or sad. Please see the illustration above: we go into one emotion for a while and then gradually go down and over to the other side, and when we are on the other side, we come back around again. We go back and forth and get trapped in patterns of anger, frustration, depression and sadness. For example, we go from sadness to anger back to sadness because parts of us tend to take over at different times. When you watch the films, you are going to see these women very often reclaim a part of themselves that they had at a different stage of their life, a part of them that was strong, playful or more feminine. When you do the same and get outside this craz:y eight, you are going to feel as amazing as they do.
MY CRAZV EIGHT Recognizing your own crazy eight is the first step to understanding where you go
under stress so you can take the right measures to change your pattern. The first emotion I go to in times of stress is: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
The second emotion I go to in times of stress is: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
THE PATH III prlll!!1 lI illl 1111 MAXIMIZE YOUR RESULTS Follow the steps below to get the most out of this program and maximize your results.
IDEAL SEQUENCE Day 1:
Listen to Session 1 audio, Your Path to Progress: The Real Secret to Lasting Weight Loss
Day 2:
Watch the first film , Beverly: The Power of You
Day 3:
Listen to Session 3 audio, The Urge Buster: How to Instantly Break Your Pattern and Take Back Control
Days 4-6: Watch the next three films, Shelia: Let it Shine,
Regina: Reclaiming Adventure, and Gulia: The Power of Purpose Day 7:
BONUS Film: Lyndsey: Starting Over: How to Let Go of the Past and Celebrate Your Life
Other Notes to Maximize the Program: 1. The audio sessions are designed so you can listen while you dove, clean or work out. They were created so you can listen anywhere and take advantage of NET -no extra time. 2. You are going to get on the path as soon as you start this process, but when you begin watching these films, it is going to intensify. It will feel like when you go to a movie and get absomed in the life of the characters. You feel for them, care about them and at some level unconsciously identify with them. You are going to relate to some of the women more than others, but they all have different psychologies and challenges that will affect you in their own way.
3. Usten to the audio for repetition. The first time you hear the program, you understand it. The second time you hear it, you start to feel it even more. When you do it enough times, it gets in your body and you start to do things automatically.
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
THREE FORCES TO CHANGE YOUR BODY The women featured in the films were not told what to do in terms of diet or exercise, and yet they all changed. There are three forces that will ultimately turn your body
around. 1. Psychology/Emotion: Emotion is what starts or stops a diet and what gets you to start or stop exercising. Eighty percent of success, including weight loss, is psychology. Twenty percent is the mechanics, the "how to." 2. Diet: Diet matters, but not as much as you think. Whether you do a diet or not, it is all based on emotion. You are only going to start
dieting because something inside you shifts emotionally. 3. Exercise: Stop thinking "exercise," and think "fun movement." Emotion comes from motion. When you are happy, you tend to move. Create a ritual for yourself, and do something every day! When you start exercising, you feel so much more alive emotionally. When you feel great. you eat differently. It is a chain reaction. But what makes so many people begin to lose weight and then gain it back is the loss of motivation. For most people, their drive comes from pain, not pleasure. That is important because pain usually goes away, and then they lose their drive. If you actually linked your
motivation to pleasure, you would make more progress.
TWO TYPES OF MOTIVATION Pull Motivation: You are doing something because you want and desire it. Push Motivation: You or someone else is pushing you to do something. (VVhenever a push happens, we tend to have some part of us that pushes back.)
Unking your motivation to pain is not sustainable. Eventually it loses its power, and what was originally a compelling reason is no longer an issue. Think of it as a pressure cooker that goes through four stages.
"Wil"l awareness is ["ougft t to an emotion. power is [,ro ugft l lo your life"
THE PATH I II
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THE DISSIPATION OF DRIVE: The Pressure Cooker: Why Most People Start to Change Only to Return to the Problem Stage One: A person Ms a threshold; the problem causes such a significant amount of pain that they feel pressure to take action to change it.
Stage Two: As a person takes action, they make progress toward eliminating some aspect of the problem (e.g., they lose 10 of the 40 pounds). which lessens the intensity of the pain.
Stage Three: When the intensity of the pain is reduced, the drive to complete the change is lessened and the motivation to completely resolve the problem is lost. Without pan to drive the person, they graduaJ~ return to their old behavior pattems.
Stage Four: The person goes back to some of their old pattems, and before you know IT, they are back to needing to lose 20 pounds.
EXERCISE: The Pressure Cooker In the past, what has been your main motivation for weight loss? Has it been pleasure or pain? What happened?
Deciding to create what you want can change the pressure cooker. Yau want to feel alive, be able to breathe differently and move differently. You need to find something that excites you. If you are doing it only to get out of pain, it will not last.
ANTIIONY ROBBINS
THE ARC OF STRESS & THE CYCLE OF CARING How to Get Out of Pain into Pleasure in a Moment Whatever we focus on, we feel. Many times we are not even aware of what is making us stressed. But when we are under pressure or feel internal stress, what most of us do is reach for food. We try to change our focus. We try to change our body. Eating changes our focus and the way we feel. Whenever you get pressure or stress in your body, it shows up in a predictable way. The following exercise is a four -step process to take you from your pain and pressure, your arc of stress, to your arc of pleasure and cycle of caring.
1. Identify how you create pain. Answer the following questions: a. Where does the stress or pain start? (The Location) b. What is the pain's direction in your body? (The Arc) c. What color do you associate with the pain? (The Energy) 2. Rate the intensity of the pain. Use a scale from zero to 10, where 10 is totally painful and zero is none at all.
3. Reverse the pattern. Choose a new color, location, direction and emotion. Repeat seven times. 4. Test it. Measure it again to see if the pain has lessened, disappeared or become pleasure, from negative 10, to zero, up to positive 10.
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Example: Susan
The four steps were illustrated with Susan, and in only a few minutes, she went from a negative 8 of pain to a positive 7 of pleasure. She started by remembering a time in her life when she felt deep stress, pressure or pain in her body. Once she found the right experience, she was asked where her pain was located. She responded that the pain was in her belly. When asked what its direction was, she said it traveled from her belly and got stuck in her throat; that was her arc. The color she associated with her pain was an intense red, and the rating she gave it, from zero to 10, was an 8. Susan's Arc of Stress Location Direction Color Rating (Pain)
Belly From her belly to her throat Intense red
-8
Susan was in a place of incredible emotional pain. To reverse her arc, she chose a color that represented peace and strength, and for her, it was the color green. She was told to take the color green and have it start where the pain used to end and have it flow into her mouth, down her throat, through her heart and way down into her belly. The most important instruction was for her to feel the pain going through her heart and to breathe and enjoy IT.
Susan's Reverse Arc: Arc of Pleasure and Cycle of Caring Color Direction Tempo Rating (Pleasure)
Green with flecks of golden light Outside of her mouth, through her heart and into her belly Slow +6
The repetITion of reversing the arc is crucial, and fo< Susan it only took a few tries before she reached a pcsitive 6 of pleasure. To increase her arc of pleasure, she thought about the gi~ that this process was giving her and the people she loved. She thought about her husband and her two sons, slowed her pace and added a touch of gold to her color green. Susan's experience was that the stress le~ her body. In the past she would hold it in, and the more she did that, the more it leaked out. In times of stress she would eat; then she would scold herself for it and start a cycle of behavior that would only make things worse. She felt like now she was in a place where she could handle hAr c::t
Irh hAttpr
ANTHONY ROBBINS
EXERCISE: Arc of Stress to Arc of Pleasure and Caring Can you remember a time in your life when you felt some really deep stress, pressure or pain in your body? Step One: Identify It 1 . Where does the pain start?
2. What is the pain's direction?
3. What color do you associate wi1h the pain?
Step Two: Rate It On a scale from zero to 10, how painful is the stress? 10 is totally painful, and zero is no pain at all. Write down the number that represents how you feel.
8
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Step Three: Reverse It What is a color that you associate with peace, strength or joy?
Take the color that you associate with great peace, strength or joy and start it where the pain used to end and go in reverse direction to where it used to start. Make sure it goes through your heart. It can come out of your body or stay in your body, whichever you prefer. Do this seven times in a row.
Step Four: Test It Measure it again to see if the pain has lessened, disappeared or become pleasure, from negative 10, to zero, up to positive 10. On a scale from zero to 10, how does the new state feel? Write down your answer.
If you were at a level 8 or 9 of pleasure, what type of gift would that be to you and the people you love?
In this new state, do you feel like eating? Why or why not?
ANTHONY ROBBINS
You may find the first time you do this exercise that you lower the pain but are not yet at pleasure. Do it again. Add another color; try a different tempo. Think of the people you love and how this is a gift for them, and do it again. Once you have done this a few times, you will be able to do it in a minute and go straight out of stress to a place of comfort. And guess what? When you are in a place of comfort or peace, you are not going to reach for comfort foods; you are going to be free. Whether you have 20, 50, 100 or 200 pounds to lose, you are going to spend the rest of this program watching real women face challenges and break through their pain. In doing so, they uncover the true source of what controlled their patterns of behavior and caused them to gain weight. Let this become one of the most important weeks in your life. It is the week you get on the path, start making real progress and reclaim the joy and happiness you deserve.
"An uncomforlable feeling is nol an enemy. it's a gifl 1(lal says, 'gel (IOnesl; inquire.' We reach oul for alco(lOl, or food. or lelevision, or credil card 50 we can focus oulll"re and nol nave 10 look al tl/e feeling. And tlwt's as il should be, because ill our imlOcence we (wven'l knowII (lOW . So now w('"t we call do is reaell oul for a paper a>Jd a pencil, write Inougl'l down, alld investigate." -Byron Katie
THE PATH I II ~ermlllni Wlrl~1 III! NOTES
ANTHONY ROBBINS
NOTES
THE PATH I II ,11111111 1I IIi l 1111 SESSION TWO: Beverly: The Power of You Step One: Watch the Film Two years before Beverly came to see Tony, she had been in a horrific car accident that pinned her to a telephone pole, crushing her left arm and her left heel and ripping all of the tendons in her right knee. Over the next two years, three different doctors had her on so many pain medications that she said she felt like a walking zombie. And during those years, she put on nearly 150 pounds. She had been heavy her entire life, ever since she started talOng diet pills in college, and she had always had a problematic relationship with food, but this injury took her over the edge. One day she saw a photo of herself and realized that she was almost as wide as she was tall. She was 5 feet 5 inches and weighed 356 pounds. She used to watch football games on TV and realized that she was heavier than the linemen playing the game! One day when she was with her doctor, who was prescribing her fourth breathing medication and her third blood pressure medication, she told him that she needed to change - and change fast. She came to Tony's Date with Destiny seminar, with losing weight being at the top of her list of priorities.
She stepped onstage with Tony and spoke with him for about an hour. When she went home, she sat down with a nutritionist and created a plan for getting hea~hy again. Over the next six years, she lost 200 pounds naturally and without any IOnd of diet foods, drugs or surgery. She did this by eating nonmal, hea~hy food and doing moderate exercise. She went from a size 28, where 28 f~ tight to her, to her current size, which is between an 8 and a 10. She went down 20 sizes! It was an incredible transformation. In fact, she said that recentily her adu~ son wanted to tell her something. He said, "Mom, I'm not sure that it's very appropriate for me to be telling you this, but ... you're a babe!" When Beverly came onstage with Tony, that was the last compliment that she ever expected to hear from anyone, much less her son.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
During the conversation, Tony did not give Beverly specific directions for her diet and exercise. This was because despite the injuries and all of the things she had been through, the last thing that Beverly needed was information. In fact, the last tt>ng she needed from Tony was motivation or pushing or a lecture on how to live her life. That's not what Tony does. What she needed was a new experience.
She had been living under the shadow of some dominant emotions that were coklring her whole life. These dominant emotions are different for everyone, but for Beverly the emotion was fear-fear of being judged, fear of experiencing intimacy and fear of being herself. Incidentally, she revealed later that as a young girl she had been sexually abused and was an incest survivor, so she had good reason to feel the way she did. But at this point in her life, her fear and shyness were not serving her. They were killing her. What she desperately needed was the experience of appreciating herself, of relaxing, of enjoying herself and her flow of emotions.
So many people are so driven to do something that they miss out on the experience of life. So many people want to truly enjoy their life again, but they spend their time struggling with drives and desires about food, fat and exercise. When Beverly broke through her limiting pattems, she opened up her possibilities for living. And nearly a decade later, she is healthier, happier and more fulfilled than ever before.
"Love yourself firsl and everytfling falls il110 lifle. You really liave to love yourself firsllo get aflytfling done in IMs world. " -Lucille Ball
THE PATH I II ,I fllll li Wl I ! ~ 1 1111 Step Two: What You Need to Know THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS
What was it in her conversation with Tony that finally enabled Beverly to break through and lose the weight that had haunted her for her entire life? The first step of weight loss is to truly understand the power of you and of who you really are. Bever1y had been living a life of being unfair to herself. Because of things that happened in her childhood, she could not be kind to herself as an adult. Because of certain things in her life that had devastated her years ago, she was not able to truly taste her food, to really smell the flowers. During that conversation with Tony, all of that changed. She was able to appreciate her own experience of life, and that opened the door to a new future. The first step in changing any srtuation is to understand how that situation meets the 6 human needs. The 6 human needs are the most powerful and versatile tool we use to create any kind of change in our life. Why? Because we believe that the 6 human needs hold the key to all human behavior, whether the behavior is positive or negative. If you look at any successful person in any part of the world, you'll find that they truly understand their own needs-what makes them tick, what makes them passionate, what makes them committed. When you understand this about yourself, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to do. So let's take a moment to understand what you 're doing to meet your needs. When you understand that, you'll have access to the real source of power in your life.
So here are the 6 human needs, which are universal for everybody. 1. Certainty-Everyone needs to be comfortable-to have pleasure and avoid pain. Gode words for certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, groundedness, predictability and protection. 2. UncertaintyNariety-Variety and challenges exercise our emotional and
physical range. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well~being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, variety and surprise. Code words for uncertainty/variety are instability, change, entertainment, suspense, exertion and surprise. 3. Significance-Every person needs to feel speciai, important, needed and wanted. Code words for significance are pride, importance, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline and competition.
4. Connection/Love-Everyone needs connection with other human beings, and everyone strives for and hopes for love. Code words for connection/love are togetherness, paSSion, unity, warmth , tenderness and romance.
ANTIIONY ROBBINS
5. Growth-£verything is either growing or dying. We need to constantly develop erootionally, intellectually and spiritually. 6. Contribution-We all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or is eliminated.
The first four needs-certainty, uncertainty/variety, significance ane connectionilove -are essential for human survival. They are the fundamental needs of the personality -everyone must feel that they have met them on some level. The last two needsgrowth and contribution-are essential to human fulfillment. They are the needs of the spirit, and not everyone finds a way to satisfy them, although they are necessary for lasting fulfillment. All of us share the same 6 human needs. That's how all people are alike. The way we are different is which needs we put first, above the others. Of those 6 needs, there are two that you (ane Qexperience so intensely that we wil do almost anything to meet those needs. When you identify your two most important needs, you are discovering your driving motivation, what gives meaning and motive to your life. Everybody prioritizes their needs in a different way. What of the 6 needs is number one for you? Which need is number two? Write out the needs in order of importance for you, the first being most important.
2 ______________________________________________ 3 _________________________________________ 4 ______________________________________________ 5 ______________________________________________ 6 _________________________________________
THE PATH III pIllml U IIII 1111 Even though everyone experiences the same 6 human needs, everyone finds different ways of satisfying those needs. Also, each of these needs can be met in ways that are positive or negative. For instance, you can meet your needs for certainty in a wide variety of ways: by going to school and obtaining a degree; by doing as little as possible and avoiding challenges; by using food, drugs or alcohol as a source of comfort; or by hoarding money and material possessions. In each of these cases, there 's an action or a habit that gives you the feeling of certainfy. What habits do you have that give you certainty? You can meet your need for uncertainty/variety in a variety of ways as well: by reading about different subjects and meeting different kinds of people, by eating many different foods and trying different restaurants or through trying high-risk sports or risking your life through violent behavior. What's interesting about the 6 human needs is that you can meet any of the
6 needs in positive or negative ways. For instance, you can get connection/1ove by doing good deeds and acts of kindness, or you can get connection/love by being helpless and getting people to pity you. Depending on how you operate in the wand, both of these actions can give you the feeling of connection with others.
You can also feel connection by eating or doing drugs. You can meet your need for significance by accomplishing something great, or you can make yourself feel significant by criticizing someone else's accomplishment-same need, different ways to achieve it. Each need can be met in a low-level way or in a high-level way.
"Witat lies [,eitin
ANTHONY ROB lll NS
EXERCISE: How Do You Meet Your Top 6 Needs?
NeedNumberOne:~~~-=~~--~~--~~----~~~~~--~
(Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution) Here are three ways that I currently meet this neec:
1) _________________________________________ 2) ______________________________________ 3) ______________________________________
NeedNumberTwo:~~---_=~~--~~----~----~--~~----~ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, ConnectioniLove, Growth, Contribution) Here are three ways that I curren11y meet this need: 1) ____~__________________________________
2) ________________________________________ 3) ________________________________________
Neec Number Three: -:-:-~,----=-__,::c----__=_----c___:_--__=_--_,:___=__,_c:___:__:_ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution) Here are three ways that I currently meet this need: 1) ________________________________________
2) ________________________________________
3) ________________________________________ Need Number Four: --:--:-c-----=-~c_--____:~--___:____,_--~~____,____:~___:__,____,_ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, ConnectioniLove, Growth, Contribution) Here are three ways that I currently meet this need: 1) ________________________________________
2) ________________________________________ 3) ________________________________________
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Need Number Five: -,:-:--:-----=-:--,:-_ _-,---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/love, Growlh, Contribution) Here are three ways that I currently meet this need: 1) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ 2) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ 3) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
Need Number Six: -:-:--:----,:c---::------,-------,----:----:--____-c(Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/love, Growlh, Contribution) Here are three ways that I currently meet this need: 1) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ 2) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ 3) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
Each of us is currently wired to strongly favor two needs. These two needs are the force that determines the direction of your life. If you can understand the needs that are driving you - and then understand exactly what you currently feel you must do to meet those needs - you are way ahead of the game. Once you understand how you satisfy your most important needs, you can See clear1y what you need to change. Imagine someone whose most important need is to experience connection/love. In order to experience connection~ove, they might need to feel respected or recognized by everyone they see on any given day. Each of us experiences being respected or recognized in a different way: some of us need to be told that we are appreciated; some of us need to see a look in the eyes. If a person doesn't feel recognized in this specific way, they will feel unloved and experience pain. What are the chances that on any given day everyone will respect them and recognize them? The answer is: not great. No matter who you are, you're going to run into people who don't respect and appreciate you, and even the people who do respect and appreciate you may not express it in the way that you need.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
Bottom line is that you can't put those pecple in charge of your happiness, so you want to organize your needs and values so that you can be certain of meeting your most important needs on a daily basis. For example, you m~ht value connectionliove as your most important need. But instead of expecting love from others in order to feel love, you could decide that you feel love every time you say "I love you" to your children, or you could feel love every time you feel grateful for the good things in your life. If you set up your needs that way, you have a great chance of meeting your most important needs on a daily basis. So pecple set themselves up to fulfill or to fail at fulfilling their most important needs by the way they decide on what has to happen for the needs to be fulfilled. Here is another example of how the 6 human needs work. Imagine that you value both certainty and connectionliove. But which need do you value more? The person who values certainty over connectionllove will not express or feel connection/love until they feel a strong sense of certainty. On the other hand, somecne who values connection!love more will continue to express connectionllove even when their certainty seems to be falling apart. When you understand clearly which needs you value more than the others, it is possible to understand your past decisions and to choose to change your priorities. It should be clear how important the 6 needs are in your life. Now it's time to reorganize how you experience your needs so that you can experience on a daily basis the emotions that are most important to you. Here are some tips on how to manage your needs for greater happiness and fulfillment: 1. Focus on giving the needs, not on getting. What's more reliable and in your control: feeling love through giving love or feeling love through expecting to receive love? Giving puts you in control of your needs. 2. Simplify your requirements for meeting your needs. Instead of focusing on a "jackpot" -a big, u~imate way to meet your needs- focus on many small ways to meet your needs on a daily basis. For instance, appreciate the small things, and take pleasure in living according to your values. These are more consistent and reliable ways to meet your needs. 3. Focus on things that are in your sphere of influence. So many people do everything right to manage their state, only to let themselves get upset by something that is not in their control. Focus on what you can do today.
20
THE PATH III ,11111111 111,11 1011 Now write down the order in which the 6 human needs will be important to you in the future (number 1 being the most important):
NEED1: __----__----~----__------~--~--~----- (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, ConnectioniLove, Growth, Contribution) NEED 2: __________________________________________ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution)
NEED3: ____________________________________________ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution)
NEED4: ____________________~---------------------(Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution)
NEED 5: ____________________________________________ (Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution)
NEED6: ________----------__----~~__~--~__---(Certainty, UncertaintyNariety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, Contribution)
Now write down three ways in which you will satisfy your 6 human needs in the future:
NEED 1: __________________ In the future I will satisfy this need by:
1) ________________________________________
2) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ 3) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
NEED 2: __________________ In the future I will satisfy this need by:
1) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___
2) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___ 3) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
ANTHONY ROBBINS
NEED3: ________________~ In the future I will satiSfy this need by:
1) ________________________________________
2) ________________________________________
3) ______________________________________
NEED4: __________________ In the future I will satiSfy this need by:
1) ______________________________________
2) ______________________________________ 3) ________________________________________
NEED 5: __________________ In the future I will satisfy this need by:
1) ________________________________________ 2) ________________________________________
3) ______________________________________
NEED 6: __________________ In the future I will satisfy this need by:
1) ______________________________________
2) ________________________________________
3) ____________________________________
THE PATH I II ,mlllal WlIIII
1m
The Power of Emotions There is no question today about the healing power of love and of positive emotions, as well as about the illness-inducing power of negative emotions such as fear and anger. Our emotions are the driving force for all of our accomplishments. Human beings are capable of incredible acts of courage because of love, fear, passion or desire. The wish to feel loved and appreciated can lead to extraordinary accomplishments and to great self-sacrifice. Yet even when most people recognize the importance of emotions, curiously many feel that they have no control over their own emotions. In fact, emotions are here to serve us. Fear keeps us from harm, love brings us together and even anger in certain contexts can serve to protect. The emotions that cause the real trouble, however, are the emotions that are obsolete-emotional habits that are not serving their real function and instead are causing damage. For example, an emotion such as fear may have been an appropriate emotion at the time somecne was faCing a dangerous situation, but fear and anxiety can continue over time even when there is no imminent danger. The emotion is getting fired off, even when rt doesn't have a function, and eventually wears the person out.
Emotional pattems are formed in a certain way. First, there is an event that stimulates an emotion-for instance, something can suddenly happen, causing the emotion of surprise. When that happens, our mind focuses on the event in a certain way, giving it a meaning. We decide: is this good or bad? Almost simultaneously our physiology changes according to whether the meaning is good or bad. This triggers the handful of emotions that we experience on a regular basis. Do you habitually feel sadness Of anger? Joy, fear, shame, disgust? Whatever emotion you tend to feel on a regular basis is usually the one that is activated. Once you are feeling that emotion, you will act accordingly. If it is sadness, you might cry, or if it is anger, you might fight; fear will make you hide or run away, and so on. The same event can trigger a different focus, meaning, physiology, emotion and therefore action. Most people don't experience a broad range of emotions in their lives. They are limited to only a few that they experience over and over again, so no matter what the events, they will experience the same emotions that they regularly experience in their lives. So let's say there's a natural disaster or a robbery; the person who is frequently sad will fee sad, the angry person will be angry, the fearful one will be afraid and so on. We run our patterns of emotions that give meaning to events and determine what we do and the meaning we give to life. These patterns are usually established early on in life, and by the time we become adults, they are obsolete. But we continue to run them, even though frequently they don't lead to the outcomes we would prefer.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
EXERCISE: Make a list of all the emotions you experience in any given week or month in your life.
Now list these emotions in terms of the ones you experience most frequently (you will probably find that there are only three or four emotions that you experience on a regular basis):
Now. of these emotions, list the ones that are most intense:
he these the emotions you want to experience? Yes
What emotions would you prefer? Write them down:
No__
THE PATH I II ~mlllni WI I!~I 1111 We know how easily our emotions can change. Everyone has had the experience, for example, of feeling sad and then someone tells them a joke and they're laughing. They instantly changed from sadness to joy. If this can happen to you once, it can always happen. You can deliberately choose what emotions you want to experience most frequently.
Now, for each emotion that you would prefer to experience, write three ways by which you can ensure that you will experience that emotion on a daily basis:
EMOTION 1: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ I will experience this emotion on a daily basis by doing or thinking the following:
1) _____________________________________ 2) _____________________________________ 3) _____________________________________
EMOTION 2: _______________ I will experience this emotion on a daily basis by doing or thinking the following: 1) ____________________________________
2) ____________________________________ 3) ______________________________________
EMOTION 3: ________________ I will experience this emotion on a daily basis by doing or thinking the following:
1) _______________________________________
2) _______________________________________
~---------------------------------------
ANTHONY ROBBINS
Step Three: Apply This to Your Life 1. Beverly had a "little courageous person inside" that she was hiding. She had lived a life of fearfulness, undervaluing herself and feeing like she had to do something in order to be a worthy person. Do you have a person inside who is just aching to come out? If you did, what would this person be like?
2. Many people feel that they have a voice inside their head that is critical and discouraging. Some people even feel that they have a voice giving them discouraging comments and thoughts every hour! If you are struggling with a critical inner voice, here is a strategy for you. First, give your voice a name
and even a face and a history. For instance, a woman we know jokingly named her inner voice "Stan." She then explained that poor "Stan" had an unhappy childhood and that now at age 47 he is a bitter man. So when Stan speaks up with his criticisms, she gently explains to him why he's mistaken, feeling sorry for him all the while. Another person had a different inner VOiC8-
the voice that kept inviting her to have some cake and some ice cream, to go out and buy some Pop-Tarts. What she did was name her voice "Baby," saying it's a 3-year-old girl who often asks for the wrong foods at the wrong times. So instead of feeing that this voice inside her head is driving her crazy, she can say: "No, no, Baby, it's not time for Pop-Tarts right now. It's time for celery. You need to get your nutrition." It's kind of fun and crazy, but here's the key: when you have a bad habit that you want to eliminate, the first thing to do is to change it in some way so you can gain control. You need to add something to it that breaks the pattern. By naming your inner voice and giving it a character, you can control it.
26
THE PATH I II ,lrmulIl II r,~1
1111
3. How do your eating and health habits play into your two most important human needs? Think of some other powerful ways that you could meet those needs.
4. How does overeating and lack of exercise meet your needs?
·' You contain a magnetic pOll'er wit (lin
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thaI is
mar" poweIiulllian anylflillq in lhis world, and Ihis unfallromable magnetic power is emiliI'd Ilrrauqlr your lirauqlrls." -Rhonda Byrne
27
ANTHONY ROBBINS
NOTES
THE PATH I I, ,mlll'l WOI!~I I," SESSION THREE: The Urge Buster: How to Instantly Break Your Pattern and Take Back Control The secret to weight loss is not a new diet. The real secret lies in finding the part of you that makes change happen. You want to uncover the part of you that has been pushed down or ignored. You want to reconnect with that part of you that wilt align your emotions, your beliefs and your psychology and just naturally get you to take action in the direction of what you realty desire most, not just food. Being dominated by food-and we have all been there-is the most powerful sabotage to your progress. Anyone who has ever been overweight knows what it feels like when you have to have something. We justify it in our head in many ways, and at times we even blame our desires on someone or something else, like the local fast-food chain. By now you know that the only source that is making you overweight is the pattem of your eating, which is really coming from the pattem of your psychology. This destructive pattern will not give you a life of joy, fulfillment or freedom. The Urge Buster tool will help you break that pattem, however it manifests inside of you, and give you absolute control over the urges in your body. It is a technique that will take any desire, when you feel like you have to have it, and bring you to a place where you can leave it or even have a negative association to it. And you will not just lose weight. Once you leam how to control your urges, you will have a new strategy to transform anything else in your life. Whatever it is you neec to do, you should be able to enjoy it. What would it mean for you to feel alive, energized and happy even when faced with a usually overwhelming task? The Urge Buster tool can be used not only to decrease your desire for something that does not serve you but also to increase your desire for anything, including exercise.
Example: Boy with Hansen 's Soda Using the Urge Buster tool, Tony worked with a boy who could not resist a Hansen's soda. The original desire for the soda was a 5, but the boy increased it to a 7 when Tony asked him what would make him want it more. He thought about it being cold and refreshing and he was thirsty, so it increased to an 8. But what brought it to a 10 was when he realized it was the last one in the refrigerator. The feeling of scarcity immediately increased his need for the soda! To decrease his desire for the soda, he thought about it being warm, stale and fiat. He thought about putting lemon juice or chile powder in the soda. All of a sudden, the mere thought of the soda made him sick. He no longer wanted this object of desire that he just had to have a moment before.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
NOW IT'S YOUR TURN THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES IN USING THE URGE BUSTER 1. Remember that there are many ways to create a +10 experience. 2. Define the rules so you have control- not the environment or someone else.
Think of a situation for which you could apply the Urge Buster. For example, you might have put off discussing an upset with someone for too long, and now it's really time to take care of it. On a scale from -10 to + 10, how much are you looking forward to handling this situation now? Does the prospect fill you with positive expectation, mild interest, mild discomfort, or overwhelming dread? Once you've decided on a situation or behavior to manage with the Urge Buster, write it in the blank provided below.
( REMEMBER) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
THE FOUR EASY STEPS 1. Quantify. When I think of engaging in this activity (e.g., food, meeting, conversation, task), what is the current level of quality (feelings/sensations) I associate to it (-10 to + 1OJ? What am I currently experiencing? 2. Describe. What are the sensationslfeelings I want? What do I want to experience? What do I want to feel when I think of this?
3. Decide. What is the level of experience (quality of sensations) I'm committed to having? Do I want to associate -10 to eating chocolate, or just -5? Do I want to associate my level of pleasure at a +7, +8, or a + 10 for this exercise I'm about to
engage in? 4. Strategize. What has to happen for me to feel that way about it? What conditions must I create inside myself andlor the environment to experience tihat level of quality?
THE PATH I II ,11111111 Wi l l i l 1111 When you ask a new question, your brain comes up with new answers.
QUALITY QUESTIONS: • What would I have to believe? • What would I have to start noticing or focusing on? • What could I combine it with? • What would I have to eliminate?
• What am I grateful for? • What's fun about this?
• How can I learn even more while enjoying the process?
Now indicate on the scale below all the triggers you'll use to immediately change your level of desire for this situation, activity, or behavior.
Quality Quantifier for _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
-10 -9 -8 -7 -6 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1
o
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
ANTHONY ROBBINS
HOW TO USE THE URGE BUSTER EXAMPLE 1: Pizza-Decreasing Desire How do you use the Urge Buster to reduce your desire for something? Here are the four steps to utilizing the Urge Buster. Step 1: Quantify
When I think of engaging in this activity (food, meeting, conversation, task, etc.), what is the current level of quality (feelings/sensations) I associate to IT (-10 to + 1OJ? What am I currently experiencing? For pizza, let's say you're at + lO-you can't live withoutit, as one seminar participant couldn't ..
Step 2: Describe
What are the sensations/feelings I want? What do I want to experience? What do I want to feel when I think of this task? Our pizza-loving participant ~et's call him Zeke) had already lost 44 pounds in the last four months, and he figured that unless he dropped his addiction to pizza, he wouldn't be able to reach his goals. He no longer wanted to be a slave to this food. He wanted to feel no desire; he wanted to feel indifference, and he knew it was probably in his best interest even to feel disgust.
Step 3: Decide
What is the level of experience (quality of sensations) I'm committed to having? Do I want to associate -10 to eating chocolate, or just -5? Do I want to associate my level of pleasure at a 7, an 8 or a 10 for this exercise I'm about to engage in? Zeke wanted his enthusiasm for pizza to plummet to - 10.
THE PATH I II prlll!!1 Wlil~1 1111 Step 4: Strategize
What has to happen in order for me to feel that way about it? What conditions must I create inside myself and/or the environment to experience that level of quality? Zeke was assisted in moving down the Urge Buster scale in small increments. Rrst, to get from +1a down to +5, he imagined the pizza with roaches crawling on it. Then, to get down to +2, he imagined sand and gravel al/ over the pizza. Visualizing 25% of the pizza covered with blood was his strategy for getting it down to -3. To get down to -6, he imagined the pizza covered with 2 inches of green olives (for him this was worse than blood!). Two inches of sauerkraut would have moved it down to -8, and a combination of roaches, olives, and sauerkraut ("The Works") brought it al/ the way down to -10. By the time we were done, he didn't want to have anything to do with pizza, nor could he even imagine wanting to eat it again. And even if he did feel like eating it again sometime in the future, he could always take control of his urges by using the Urge Buster to get back down to -la-or to any level he desired!
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ANTHONY ROBBINS
EXAMPLE 2: Running-Increasing Fun and Pleasure Here's how the Urge Buster works for running. Let's say you feel neutral about running; i.e., you're currently at a O. If you wanted to make running undesirablea -2, or -5, or -7 -what would it take? If you wanted to make running more appealing-a +4, or +8, or +10-what would that take?
The scale below shows the answers some people have come up with.
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Naturally, more of us would use the Urge Buster to increase the pleasurable sensations we link to running rather than decrease them. But isn't it useful to know how to move your feelings about anything in either direction?
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THE PATH 111 '"111111 Wl ilillm EXERCISE: Urge Buster-Decrease Your Desire Go get a must-have or trigger food, and place it in front of you before you begin this process. It can be a burger, soda, some chocolate, that cookie ... something you
cannot resist. Step One: Quantity On a scale from zero to 10, when I think about engaging in this acti,,;ty exercising), what is the current ",vel of desire I associate to it?
I
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-10·9 ·8 ·7 -6 -5 -4 -3 - 2 -1
O.e., eating,
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1
2
3
4
5
Step Two: Describe What do I want to experience?
What do I want to feel when I think of this?
Step Three: Decide What's the level of experience I'm committed to having?
Step Four: Strategize What has to happen for me to feel that way about
~?
What conditions must I create inside myself or the environment?
6
7
8
9
10
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
EXERCISE: Urge Buster-Increase Your Desire We said earlier that this tool would also increase your desire for anything. What if you really want to love to walk? If you walk two miles a day, five days a week, you cut your chances of heart disease, diabetes and cancer by 50 percent. Plus it feels good! What else would you have to think about to increase your desire to walk? Maybe you create an upbeat playlist of music, schedule walks with a friend or walk with your dog. What if you are anxious about a business meeting? What would it take to have this meeting be a positive 107 Maybe you get there early to prepare and connect with colleagues. You tell a funny story where everyone laughs, or you ask a thoughtful question that really shows your interest and commitment. These are just a few ideas to get you thinking. Try the exercise again to increase your desire for a food or activity that you want to enjoy. Step One: Quantify
On a scale from zero to 10, when I think about engaging in this activity O.e., eating, exercising). what is the current level of desire I associate to it? I
I
-10 -9 -8 -1 -8 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1
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2
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Step Two: Describe
What do I want to experience?
What do I want to feel when I think of this?
Step Three: Decide
What's the level of experience I'm committed to having?
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7
8
9
10
THE PATH I II ,erllllBl Wl rl~ 1
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Step Four: Strategize What has to happen for me to feel that way about it?
What conditions must I create inside myself or the environment?
URGE BUSTER CARDS Repeat these exercises to strengthen and reinforce new patterns. The Urge Buster Cards included in this program will facilitate this process for you so you can do it anywhere and at any time. Whenever you start to crave a food item or dread going to the gym, use the cards in that moment to turn yourself around.
07
ANTHONY ROBBINS
NOTES
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SESSION FOUR: Shelia: Let It Shine Step One: Watch the Film Shelia was a successful businesswoman who came to a small-scale version of the Date vvth Destiny seminar with Tony Robbins in Fiji. She wanted to raise her life to the next level and to make some progress vvth her health, as she was over 80 pounds overweight. When Tony began to work vvth her on her values and her goals, it soon became clear that Shelia had a pattem of self -sabotage. Whenever there was something that she wanted (for example, to participate in something, to meet someone, to try something new), she would instantly prevent herself from doing so. Her example was that at the event she had wanted to be invited to participate in a sports activity, but before she knew it, she was asking people not to invite her. This pattern of self-sabotage was interfering with many aspects of her life, but especially with her health and her social life. What was worse is that even though she knew she was a talented, radiant person, she just never let herself shine. As you will see, she let herself shine on that day, and it has changed her life ever since. What Shelia didn't tell Tony at the time was that she had been abused very badly as a child and that this had cast a shadow over her entire life so far, leading her to overeat and to be very fearful of expressing herself. During the conversation vvth Tony, Shelia broke through all of that and created a whole new life for herself. Shelia went home and lost 80 pounds. She had huge success in her business career, and in her community she became a mentor to women who were like she had been in the past -afraid to express thernselves , take risks and enjoy being thernselves. This is another example of someone who thought she wanted to lose weight but discovered that what she really wanted was something else-weight loss was just one way to get there. Shelia broke through her pattern of restriction and has thoroughly enjoyed her new ability to shine and express herself. Now, here is a word of warning. This conversation between Tony and Shelia will get very intense. Even though Shelia did not tell Tony about how she had been traumatized as a young girl, he must have guessed it and realized that his intervention had to be very intense to counter the intensity of her trauma. Shelia took some radical steps to get out of her old pattems. If you are listening to this for the first time in audio form, make sure that you go back and see this as a video as well, because you will see a transformation that is quite amazing. Listening to the audio is great, but make sure you don't miss out on the film.
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
Step Two: What You Need to Know SELF-DETERMINATION We are what we make of our circumstances. At this point in history we can't blame our chemistry, or the way we were raised, or our impulses or our social context. I
It's a well-known fact that some people vvho were abused and tortured and
suffered horrible hardship became loving, dedicated members of society while
others, raised by loving. giving parents, became murderers. Yet there is no denying that the actions of some parents, grandparents, relatives,
teachers and pastors can cause us great pain. In families where parents (or grandparents and other relatives) reject their children, rejection may be overt,
as in cases of physical abuse, or covert and difficult to discover, as in cases of emotional abuse. Some parents establish coalitions with authorities, such as the police, a minister or a social worker, against their children. Other parents reject
their children in more subtle ways, with scathing criticism, excessive demands and unsavory interpretations of their children's behavior and motivations. These behaviors can leave scars. The child who has been abused or rejected tends to want to hide and often becomes shy and withdrawn. Most children love the rejecting or abusive parents and want to conform to their expectations. Becoming fat is one way of conforming-it is like saying: "You're right, I am ugly." Another way of conforming is to antiCipate rejection SO that it becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy and the person is actually rejected, which proves that the abusive parents were right. The abused and rejected child develops a deep need to be loved that continues into adulthood. The loneliness often leads to seeking comfort in food. The child becomes an adult who doesn't love himself or herself and who is unkind to his or her body. Anger is experienced as physical pain, and food and other addictions
are common. When we have a severe challenge or a personality trait that brings us pain and what
we are doing is not working, chances are we will not solve the challenge with our usual resources. We need to find new resources. When you're struggling, for example, with an injustice from the past, not knowing what to do, or you feel hurt or sad, it is useful to tap into other parts of yourself. Every culture has stories and mythologies that have been sustained for thousands of years. These myths help us to deal with problems of life and death, of betrayal and violence, of coupling and connecting, and with the challenges we have with our families, with aging, with all of our issues, Myths are sustained over a long period of time because they contain i At. II
THE PATH I II
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One such myth is the archetypes that Carl Jung described. They appear universally in myths and are ccntained within each of us. There are four universal Jungian archetypes: the Warrior, the Magician, the Lover and the Sovereign or the Goddess. As we describe them here, take the time not only to understand them intellectually but to feel them inside of you. They can serve as powerful emotional resources wrthin you that can help you find solutions and answers that you wouldn't have found otherwise. These archetypes can overcome all of your obstacles and can guide you to success, no matter what happened in your childhood. Here are four archetypes for today: t. THE WARRIOR: This is the part of you that is most intense, most strong in its attack on anything. The Warrior is about action and strength and always looks to do something using his power. The Warrior attacks the problem. This archetype serves the purpose of engaging your full emotional commitment to solving the problem so that you are fully vested before moving on. Mernative names for the Warnor are the Amazon, the Fighter, the Soldier, the Protector, the Heroine, the Goddess, the Earth Mother. 2. THE MAGICIAN: The Magician signifies imagination, intuition and humor. Once you have become fully engaged with your Warrior, feeling and understanding him in your body and in your emotions, move to the archetype of the Magician. The Magician encourages you to break pattems irreverently, even your pattern of being a Warrior. Remember: humor is a shortcut. The Magician tells the untc>d truth about the srtuations and in that way finds options for the solution. The Magician can detach from anything and just observe rt. He finds the magic in everything. The Magician can snap his fingers and change things. What other people get upset about, he sees as absurd because he has a totally different perspective. The Magician just
sees that it's all magic, it's all hocus·pocus, it's all spells and it's all trances. He has a bit of a whimsical view of things and is involved with the invisible, with intuition, and he knows it's easy. He can solve things in an instant. Whereas the Warrior has to do things through strength, power and action, the Magician might do it with the snap of a finger, by insight or by humor. Alternative names for the Magician are the Maverick, the Wise Guy, the Turnaround Expert, the Good Witch, the Fairy Godmother. 3. THE LOVER: The Lover signifies your deepest emotional connection with
others and with the world. The love that sustained you in your childhood is the basis of your feeling of conscience and compassion for others. This is where you vibrate with life and connect to yourself and to other people. This is where your deepest love is - a love that has no conditions, a love
that is pure, the purest part of you. Alternative names for the Lover are the Caretaker, the Protector, the Loving One, Venus.
ANTHONY RaBBI NS
4. THE SOVEREIGN OR THE GODDESS: The Sovereign or the Goddess integrates the prior three into a comprehensive vision about your life and purpose. He or she is the one who really knows your vision and objectives. The Sovereign or the Goddess is the one who govems and has the ability to rule your life. They know why you are here and what you are here to do. The Sovereign or the Goddess is like a great king or queen with an enormous amount of wisdom and knowledge. They have been here before; they command and never overreact. Altemative names for the Sovereign or the Goddess are the King or Queen, the Visionary, the Founder, the President.
THE FOUR ARCHETYPES The The The The
Warrior is action and strength. Magician is humor and imagination. Lover is deepest connection. Sovereign or Goddess is vision and purpose.
Now let's see how Shelia was able to use these four archetypes to overcome emotional pattems and scars thet had limited her for her entire life.
Step Three: Apply This to Your Life Shelia used to be shy, timid and self-critical. Now she's outspoken, radiant and fully appreciative of herself. She used to spend most of her time beating herself up and sabotaging herself. Now she focuses on her inner purpose, and she reaches out to other women in need and mentors them so that they can enjoy being themselves. She has really broken through the number one restriction that had controlled her life up to that point, and she continues to grow and contribute in new ways. Do you have a pattern of restriction that prevents you from living according to your purpose, that stops you from expressing yourself or feeling comfortable with who you are? What is your pattern of restriction? Are you timid, self-critical, lazy, angry, cowardly or easily demoralized? Think about it and write it down. My pattern of restriction is
THE PATH I II
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Now here are the steps to overcome your pattern of restriction:
1. CLARIFY YOUR PRIMARY QUESTION ¥ou need to ask a fundamental question of yourself. This question must be phrased in the first person, for example: "How can I... ?" "How should I... ?" The purpose of the question is for you to associate fully with your highest needs.
The question must: •
Be addressed to yourself
•
Focus on your own individual ability and sphere of control
•
Direct you to take immediate action-to do something now that
you believe in •
Take responsibility for your meaning (for example, not "What are they doing to me?" but "What am I focusing on to make myself feel this way?")
•
Mention specific goals for you to achieve (for example, "How can I and "What can I do in order to ... ?")
•
Here are some examples: a How can I understand and overcome the desperate feeling of being hungry so that I can be strong and reach my goals? o What am I focusing on that is making me upset in this situation, and what could I focus on or be to never feel this way again? o What can I do in order to fall in love and have the relationship of my dreams?
Now write down your primary question:
?"
ANT H ONY ROBBINS
2. ENGAGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY Stand up strong, take a lew deep breaths, jump up and down or make some moves until you feel you are strong and alert. As you ask yourself your primary question - and as you answer it - it is helpful to be as expressive as you can be with your body and your voice. This will create a more profound and more permanent experience for you.
3. LOCATE THE WARRIOR IN YOUR BODY Touch the part of your body where your Warrior lives. Keep your hands on that place. If you go out of "Warrior mode," touch that place to go back into "Warrior mode."
4. ASK YOUR WARRIOR YOUR PRIMARY QUESTION For example, say out loud: "Warrior, what can I do today so that I no longer have to live in reaction and become free forever?" Speak out loud for the Warrior, and write down his answer:
5. LOCATE THE MAGICIAN IN YOUR BODY Touch the part of your body where your Magician lives. Keep your hands on that place.
6. ASK YOUR MAGICIAN YOUR PRIMARY QUESTION Say it out loud. Repeat the question as needed until the Magician's answer comes to you. Then speak out loud for the Magician, and write down his answer:
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7. LOCATE THE LOVER IN YOUR BODY Touch the part of your body where your Lover lives. Keep your hands on that place.
8. ASK YOUR LOVER YOUR PRIMARY QUESTION Say it out loud. Repeat the question as needed until the Lover's answer comes to you. Then speak out loud for the Lover, and write down his answer:
9. LOCATE THE SOVEREIGN OR THE GODDESS IN YOUR BODY Touch the part of your body where your Sovereign or your Goddess lives. Keep your hands on that place.
10. ASK YOUR SOVEREIGN OR YOUR GODDESS YOUR PRIMARY QUESTION Say it out loud. Repeat the question as needed until the Sovereign's or the Goddess's answer comes to you. Then speak out loud for the Sovereign or the Goddess, and write down his or her answer:
ANTHONY ROBBINS
What did your archetypes say? What were their answers? You now have a whole selection of points of view and experiences that can help you make the best decisions in your life.
Whenever you encounter challenges or times of crisis or stress, remember that these archetypes live inside you. They are you. Find a private place, engage your physiology, formulate a primary question, ask it of each archetype until the answer comes to you and then say it out loud and write it. All you need is within you now.
"Opporluf1ities 10 find deeper powers willi in ourselves come wilen /ife seems mosl cf1allerlging." -/oseph Campbell
THE PATH I II ,11111111 1I 1!~ 1 Ills NOTES
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
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SESSION FIVE: Regina: Reclaiming Adventure Step One: Watch the Film Regina had a very successful career in business, but she was miserable. Like so many others, she complained about the weight that she needed to lose. But what she didn't complain about openly was the real challenge-she simply didn't have enough going on in her life. Her life had become restricted to the few miles near her home and office, and she was missing the passionate and adventurous spirit that had been a big part of her youth. People need to have a vision. If you don't have a strong, compelling future in life, your experience of life will shrink down to focus on the things that make you feel comfortable, such as food. In his conversation with Regina, Tony discovered that she had done something that so many people do, sometimes without even knowing it. At one point in her life, Regina had made a key decision not to trust herself. She had always had a very active love life, and then she stopped dating. She had lived near her family in San Diego; then she moved to Washington State. Instead of looking forward to raising a family, like she had done in the past, she gave up on having a home and went to live with friends for years on end. She had always been a very vivacious, fun person, but she decided to focus her entire life around work. She had always been very physical; then she injured her foot and stopped being active altogether. What's more, her decision to stop all of these things was so emotionally loaded for her, she didn't even realize the magnitude of the things that she was giving up. Interestingly, it was at the point when she decided to give up all of these things that she started to gain weight.
Like so many people, Regina became preoccupied with food when she was really starving for the real food of life: relationship, spirituality, adventure and a greater purpose in life. This CD witt help you to understand how emotional decisions are made and how you can give yourself a juicy life of passion and purpose. During the conversation with Tony, Regina discovered her secret wish, the thing she wanted more than anything. She wanted to live a life of passion and adventure, which is the direct opposite of the life she had been living. She quit smoking and also quit a variety of pain medications that she had been on for years. She cleaned up her diet and lost 35 pounds. She quit her job and got a much more interesting
position. Whereas before she used to never leave a five-mile radius around her home, she started going on multi-day backpacking expeditions through the mountains of Washington State. And she rediscovered the happy, paSSionate and fun-loving person she had been in her youth. As you listen to the CD, think about whether there is anything in your life that was a priority once but has since gotten left behind.
ANTHONY ROBBI NS
Step Two: What You Need to Know KEY DECISIONS Sometimes people make decisions early in childhood to repress and block certain areas of their personality and to only develop certain other areas. What may work in order to survive in childhood often becomes obsolete in adult life and interferes with every relationship. A man might decide as a boy that boys don't cry, and in blocking his tears, he might block all vulnerability and sensitivity. When it's time to be sensitive in relation to his wife and his children , he may not be able to do it. A little girl may stand up to her abusive father and refuse to acknowledge that she's hurt. As a woman, she may be a strong, caring mother, but she may not be able to be vulnerable and loving in a sexual, erotic way with her husband. Often decisions that are made early on in childhood persist into adulthood, way after they have become obsolete, interfering with our health, our relationships and our happiness. Key decisions made in early life may have positive consequences, such as the decision to be brave, to persist or to accomplish. Yet sometimes even the most positive key decisions may result in rejecting important parts of our identity. But important key decisions that enhance or restrict your life in major ways are not
only made in childhooc-they are also made in adult life. The issue is how to identify key decisions that you have made in the past and revisit them in order to be able to reclaim your true identity.
If your health, your weight and your lifestyle are not what you want them to be, it is very possible that at some point in the past you decided not to take care of your body, not to appreciate and love yourself or even not to reach for what to you represented happiness.
Step Three: Apply This to Your Life Key decisions are often made during challenging circumstances. Go back and think
about what was happening in your life at the time you decided to neglect yourself, to close doors for yourself. Now commit to revisiting and changing your key decision. Here are the steps to follow: 1) Focus on what you can do. It may not be drastic. Pemaps you can start with a small adjustment, such as becoming more physically active or eliminating some foods from your diet. 2) Commit that you are going to love yourself and be good to yourself, truly good, not by indulging and overeating but by intelligently taking care of your body.
THE PATH I II ,11111111 lI ilkl 1111 3) Think of who influenced your key decision in the past and who may be influencing your decisions now. Commit to taking care of yourself no matter what others expect of you. 4) Make a list of all the wonderful possibilities that will be open to you when you have a healthy body: activities, adventures, relationships and accomplishments. Remember that nothing tastes as good as thin leels. 5) Find the emotion that will help you stick to your commitment to take care of yourself. Is it love for yourself or love for your children? Is it courage? Is it determination or pride? Stand up straight, find your core, breathe and discover what emotion you need to cultivate to stay on track. 6) Now find the negative emotion that was tied to your key decision that kept you unhealthy. Was it self-pity or self-hatred? Was it anger, frustration, defiance or despair? Make the commitment to never indulge in that emotion again. Say it out loud. Shout it: I will never indulge in the emotion of ---,----:-,--_____ again. Put up a sign in your room to remind you of this decision.
Use these steps again whenever you feel that you are sliding back into a negative pattern. You rnay go through all the steps again, or you may find some steps are more important than others. Once you go through the steps several times, they will become second nature.
"Life is eillier a daring adventure or notflin9. " -Helen Keller
ANTHONY ROSSI NS
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SESSION SIX: Gulia: The Power of Purpose Step One: Watch the Film Gulia had always had a conflicted relationship with her mother. From Gulia's early childhood, her mother had always controlied her eating for fear that she would become obese like her mother had been. So her mother had raised Gulia by dominating her about her eating - questioning and blaming her every time a cookie went missing and not believing Gulia when she sad she had not eaten it. As a teenager, Gulia rebelled, overate and became significantly overweight. The difficult thing for Gulia at this point was that on top of the pain of being obese, she had constant guilt that her mother had been right to try to protect her from becoming fat. This made her miserable. And worst of all, Gulia felt that her weight gain had blocked her from the thing she wanted most in life-to get married and have a family. Tony helped Gulia to get clear about her goals and why she wanted to lose the weight. Second, he helped her to understand the exact emotional pattern that led to overeating. Third, Tony discovered the emotion in Gulia's life that was most responsible for her pattern of overeating, and Gulla went through an intense process of strengthening herself so that this problem emotion would no longer damage her health. Fourth, Tony came up with a plan for Gulia to understand the dynamics with her mother and how to get around that obstacle so that Gulia could pursue her health without getting thrown off by her mother's attitudes. Mer this conversation, Gulia went home and lost 65 pounds. But more importantly than that, she got what she wanted most in life. She fell in love with a man for the first time in her life and actually was married recently. So she not only lost weight, but she finally started living the life that she was meant to live, with love and family on the top of her list.
ANT H ONY ROBBINS
Step Two: What You Need to Know BEING PROACTIVE VS. BEING REACTIVE
What was the breakthrough that took Gulia from chronic overeating, loneliness and frustration to the ability to pursue her priorities in life and open up to love? During
her conversation with Tony, Gulia realized the difference between the proactive and the reactive patterns in her life. When we are proactive, we are thinking about what we want, what is positive and what is beneficial to ourselves and others. When we are in a highly proactive state, we tend to agree about what is most important, such as health, sustainability and freedom. If you had asked Gulia as a child whether she wanted to be fit or fat in her life, she would have said she wanted to be fit, and her mother would have agreed with her. In a proactive state, Gulia and her mother wanted the same thing. When we're in a reactive state, we are reacting or rebelling against something that is not meeting our needs. In Gulia's life, she grew up with a mother who loved her deeply but who was also critical, contrOlling and suspicious-in other words, she was in a reactive mode, focused on her fears. 00 you think this met Gulia's 6 human needs? Of course not. Gulia must have felt disconnected from her mother, insignificant for not being trusted and uncertain about when she was going to be blamed for something that she didn't do. The reactive communication was so strong that Gulia likewise began reacting to her mother by overeating. She ate out of revenge for the way her mother treated her and soon became heavy despite her wishes to be thin and fit.
When you decide to make a change in any area of your life, it's crucially important to decide to be consistently proactive in that area and not to become reactive. All of us have pOints in the day when we get stressed out and want to say "Screw it" and rebel against something. It's a basic pattem in human behavior. The problem is, that 1 percent of the time is when we lose the progress that we worked on the other 99 percent of the time. A single spending spree can ruin months of savings. A single hurtful argument can undermine months of trust-building in a relationship. And saying "Screw it" in the wrong way at the wrong time can cost you your job. So in any area of your life where you want to make progress, it's really important not to become reactive. When you're frustrated or stressed, don't give up the progress you have made. Stay strong and get proactive. Remember why you're doing this! For Gulia, the power of purpose lay in committing to what she wants proactively in her life and in resisting the reactive behaviors that had triggered weight gain in the past. This can't just be an intellectual decision, either. Gulia went through processes to retrain herself so that when she was tempted, all she had to do was to remember her real purpose.
THE PATH I II ~elllllli WlI!~1 Ion INDIRECT INFLUENCE
THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT DECISIONS THAT YOU MAKE EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE ARE: 1. What to focus on 2. What things mean to you 3. What to do to create the results you desire
Even though each one of us wants to make these decisions for ourselves, much too frequently these decisions are made for us by others. Our father, our mother, our husband or wife often determines what our focus witt be, what meaning we witt give to our experience and what we need to do. Of course, the influence of friends and family is not bad-one of the reasons for having a relationship is to be influenced-but it's impcrtant that this kind of influence doesn't prevent you from having a healthy and vital body. So it's impcrtant to take control of your own health habits and not to let anybody discourage you or distract you from what your body deserves. In order to be able to make your own deciSions, you need to understand how you might be under the indirect influence of others who may have programmed you in the past or even under the influence of people who might even be programming you now. This programming is part of the human condition, but you can't let it run your life.
The most powerful form of indirect influence is one that we seldom recognize: it's simply when people imply how things are. Instead of trying to convince you that something is true, you can simply imply that it is already true. For instance, it is one thing to tell someone "You're fat." That's an example of direct communication. But for every direct communication, there are hundreds of ways to convey the same idea indirectly. For instance, if someone wanted to make you feel fat, they could say, "You don't need another cookie," or they could compare you to someone else by saying "She is spcrtier than you." Get it? But because these indirect forms of influence are not explicit and direct, they often put us under a spell. And when we are under that spell, we are more prone to either believe the spell ("I'm fat") or go into a reactive pattern ("You think this is fat, but wait until I eat this Twinkie").
Another place we see this kind of indirect instruction is in families. A mother instructs her child to feel hungry, and part of the purpcse is not to let the child know that he or she has been instructed. A simple way to do this to you is to just tett the you what you feel: "You must be hungry," or "You are always hungry." This can even be accomplished by talking to a third person - whan your mother is talking to your aunt and refers to you in passing as "the hungry one," it is difficu~ to argue.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
This kind of influence is also common in hypnosis. The hypnotist doesn't say "I order you to feel cold." He says, "It is cold." The subject immediately fees cold. Many children begin life like this, experiencing what the parents experience or what the parents want them to experience. When parents say of a child that she is always hungry, they are instructing her to always be hungry. When parents say of a child that she is a liar, they are instructing her to be a liar. The difference with hypnosis is that the hypnotist knows what he is doing; parents usually don't. "I try to help you lose weight, but you are always hungry, aren't you?" "You hate to exercise, don't you?" "You never eat healthy foods, do you?" We constnue our experence in terms of distinctions (Is this good or bad? Is rt real or not real? Is it here or there?) and according to nules (never hurt others, avoid pain, don't intnude, punish yourself, and so on). In order to comply with these nules, we perform operations, wrttingly or unvvttingly, on our experience and on the experience of others. Imagine this conversation between a mother and her 14-year-old daughter: Mother: You are going to be fat just like me. Daughter: No, I'm not. Mother: Yes, you are. Daughter: Uncle John doesn't think so. Mother: He doesn't love you as I do. Only a mother knows the truth about her daughter, and only someone who loves you as I do will ever tell you the truth about yourself no matter what it is. If you don't believe me, just look at yourself in the mirror carefully and you will see that I'm telling the truth.
THE PATH I II "rill II I WIIIII This example is disturbing, even sinister. But suppose we change one word: replace "fat" with "beautiful."
Mother. You are beautiful. Daughter: No, I'm not. Mother: Yes, you are.
Daughter. Uncle John doesn't think so. Mother. He doesn't love you as I do. Only a mother knows the truth about her daughter, and only someone who loves you as I do will ever tell you the truth about yourself no matter what it is. If you don't believe me, just lock at yourself in the mirror carefully and you will see that I'm telling the truth.
The technique is the same. Whether the attribution is fat, beautiful, evil or good, the structure of the operation is identical. These operations are so common that we only notice them when they are disturbing. To induce another person to take on a positive value for their self, such as beautiful, seems appropriate. When the value is negative, such as in "fat," the induction is disturbing.
"I am frere for a purpose and tnat purpose is to grow into Ci rnou~ltaitl. not to sflritlk to a grait! of sand. Hencelortfl willi apply ALL my ellorts to become tfre fligfrest mountain of all and 1 will straill my potential t/lrtil it cries lor mercy." -Og Mandino
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ANTHONY ROBB I NS
Step Three: Apply This to Your Life The film about Gulia was particularly interactive. If you were not able to follow the exercises while watching ~, please listen to the CD of the film now and follow the instructions. You need to be able to use your body and your voice to the greatest extent. You need to be able to express yourself fully without worrying about who is listening. And you need to repeat, repeat, repeat your purpose in a powerful way in order to establish new hab~s and new standards for your life and your health. What methods of indirect influence were used on you in your childhood? Are you still subject to those influences?
Take some time to reflect on the emotions and values that were induced in you by others.
Now think about the emotions and values that you induce in your loved ones. Ale you maneuvering your partner to be someone he or she is not? Is your partner maneuvering you? How are you influencing your children?
How would you like to influence your partner? Your children? Say it out loud.
What kind of influence do you want to have on yourself? Stand up and say it out loud. Repeat it at least 10 times.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You made it through this 6-day program! You are truly one of the few who do rather than the many who talk, and you're well on the way to transforming your body and your life on a permanent basis. Don't forget to check out your bonus DVD: Starting Over: How to Let Go of the Past and Celebrate Your Ufe and watch as Lyndsey learns how to transform her life and her destructive patterns to create the ultimate relationship with her husband and daughters.
ANTHONY ROBBINS
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