Alpha Conversation

ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION

ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION

E-book Supplement to the Audio CARLOS XUMA This program is probably the largest project I’ve undertaken in a while. The effort it took to research all the various elements of conversation and persuasion was enormous, as you can well imagine. It wasn’t until after the project was completed that I decided I needed to compose a reference tool for all the information contained in it.

So what I’ve created here is a brief summary (in bullet points) of most of the major points of the program so that you could reinforce your learning with a visual component. It’s my hope that this book will serve as a handy reference for you. Feel free to print a copy and use it as a workbook, jotting notes in the margins, etc.

1 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION At the very least, you should be taking active notes while you’re listening to the program. Be sure to listen to it once while you’re driving (if that’s how you normally absorb these programs), but also several times while you’re at home and undistracted. You’ll probably miss a great deal of the details on your first pass through, so be sure to listen to the program at least 5 times in the next year to ensure you’re getting the maximum benefit.

Enjoy!

- Carlos Xuma Northern California


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 1: CONCEPTS/INNER GAME TRACK 1 - Introduction ✦Good conversation is a skill ✦Conversations are persuasion. TRACK 2 - Expectations ✦The person with the most conversation skills has the advantage. OPTIONS. ✦The biggest obstacle is your ego ✦No agenda or proving yourself. ✦Response potential ✦Every conversation is fluid ✦Cannot rehearse or memorize scripts ✦The guitarist example ✦Normal conversation flows with it’s own tone, feel, rhythms... ✦Communication of the deeper concepts in this program TRACK 3 - The Rule of Conversation ✦If you are not getting other people to help you with your goals, they are getting you to help with theirs. ✦Starting your Journal ✦Strengths and Weaknesses list TRACK 4 - Why do we talk?

✦One-sided interest rather than understanding the other person ✦Interactive and SAFE ✦The other reasons we talk ✦Seek to understand first, then be understood ✦Win-win TRACK 5 - Architecture and Structure ✦Start and end-points ✦Tree Metaphor ✦The ending is the seed of the next conversation ✦Applicable to men and women TRACK 6 - The Big Question ✦Most of the work is in managing the other person - an unskilled communicator ✦You must assume the responsibility ✦Manage your emotions ✦Newscasters and spinning the information ✦The Big Question is: What is the goal of your communication? ✦Goals that arise in conversation ✦TRACK 7 - 5 Positive Flexibility Traits

✦Every conversation is an attempt to per✦1-Confidence - the enabler suade. ✦The key is a mental training regimen ✦Example of the worst kind of persuasion confidence is a rehearsed skill. ✦Jehova’s Witnesses ✦Meta-skill 3 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Confidence is action ✦Confidence is abundance ✦2-Tolerance ✦Relax and keep an open mind ✦Emotional control ✦Arguments are un-winnable ✦You’re really seeking understanding ✦3-Empathy ✦Empathy is shared experience ✦Empathy is sincere caring ✦We’re more alike than different ✦4-Positivity ✦Uplift yourself ✦Flooded with negativity ✦“That’s Great!” strategy ✦Positivity is not ignorance ✦Find an empowering path ✦Get positive energy, get rid of the negative ✦5-Respect ✦You cannot demand, only command TRACK 8 - 8 Golden Rules ✦1-Listen attentively ✦2-Don’t interrupt ✦3-Avoid criticism ✦4-Use praise ✦5-Never talk down - never condescend ✦6-Drop the pretense - Get REAL ✦7-Avoid gossip and rumors ✦8-Treat everyone as if they’re important TRACK 9 - Conversational Continuity ✦Conversation Sequence: “I popped the movie and CD in, eating some supernatural food while I watched the drama.” ✦Pop culture ✦Movies, movie stars

✦Music ✦Food and restaurants ✦Supernatural - divination ✦Drama ✦Your emergency chute ✦Don’t ask questions that they can say “NO” to! ✦What separates the winners from the losers ✦WIIFM - What’s in it for me? ✦How to ask a woman out - word for word ✦How to get the day off ✦The office example ✦Teaching people how to treat you ✦Don’t argue with Rhetoric ✦The first step is to be aware ✦Example ✦Women present feelings ✦Avoid facts vs. feelings ✦Absolutes ✦How to handle provocation ✦Sales example ✦Condition a pause in your conversation ✦The single biggest indicator of success ✦We think in words and emotions TRACK 10 - Alpha Man Conversational Strategy ✦Alpha conversation is not necessarily aggressive ✦Hold your own, don’t be manipulated, relaxed, not monopolizing, peer level ✦Think before you speak or suffer for your words ✦Use the power of emotional words ✦Writing poetry - practice the language ✦Use sensory imagery


✦Blue? Or: aqua, azure, cobalt, porce✦Don’t kill the energy with hesitation ✦100% commitment lain... ✦Looks: Bright, clear, dingy, drab, flashy, ✦Don’t hold yourself back ✦Feed your opener off your curiosity flowery, etc. ✦Fast? Bolting, chasing, darting, dashing, ✦The intro process ✦Shake hands, take note of their eye hurling, etc. ✦Slow? Amber, plodded, sauntered, sneak, color, say their name ✦Physical, visual, audible stray, etc. ✦Build trust, attraction, excitement and ✦Mnemonic tools (memory) ✦Small talk process fun ✦Use your physical posture ✦Reveal, question - look for commonality ✦What you are speaks so loudly I can’t ✦Calibrate and escalate ✦Closing process - exiting the conversahear what you’re saying... ✦Take control of your posture tion gracefully ✦Control with questions ✦Have the end in mind ✦Focus on process, not results ✦Reconnect - get their contact info ✦Giver, not taker ✦Your goal - connect in just a few minutes ✦Accept responsibility for your part as well as others TRACK 12 - Primary Conversational Components TRACK 11 - Conversational Openers ✦Introductions, openers ✦Have a few surefire openers and starters ✦Listen actively ✦Questions - normal or power questions - universal openers ✦From the heart ✦Normal = get information, clarify ✦Your own curiosity ✦Power = Get them to think, embrace a ✦Contextually relevant new reality ✦Calibrate ✦Playful banter ✦Sincerity = authenticity ✦Frame manipulation ✦Observation - open your eyes ✦Example ✦Make the question real ✦Playing with roles ✦Get the results you want ✦Qualification - Testing them ✦How to calibrate to the environment ✦So do you cook? ✦Questions are great openers ✦Hey, you scored some points there? ✦Fun! ✦You know when I first met you, I wasn’t ✦What if you don’t enjoy conversations? sure... ✦Create an opening that feels like you ✦Disqualification ✦Sense of value undermines you ✦Normally I wouldn’t date a girl with... ✦Why ‘scripts’ don’t work ✦Storytelling ✦Everyone you meet is a potential ally ✦Put together a narrative 5 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Give it significance ✦How you close it - don’t let it fade out! ✦Bookends of the conversation TRACK 13 - The First Big Step ✦Believe in your own personal power ✦Come from a safe place ✦From the inside out ✦They are no worse or better than you ✦They have at least as many insecurities as you - if not more ✦No failure in a conversation


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 2: STT - Core Skills & Tactics 1 TRACK 1 - Cycle of Self-confidence ✦Actions bring results ✦The results you get will either boost or hurt your confidence ✦Interpret results to your benefit ✦All results teach you something new TRACK 2 - Charisma ✦What is charisma? Are you born with it? ✦Send a strong and real emotional message ✦Show that you care ✦Believe in the reality of someone else’s emotions ✦Forge an emotional connection ✦Flexibility and tolerance - sensitivity ✦Outwardly projected energy ✦5 qualities: ✦1 Heightened awareness ✦2 Confidence ✦3 Healthy skepticism ✦4 Take risks ✦5 Relaxed TRACK 3 - Primary Opening Concern ✦Give off a favorable first impression ✦Don’t count on a second chance ✦Don’t hinge a conversation on the other person’s reply ✦Have your own agenda ✦Understand WIIFM ✦We’re all self-interested

✦What women and men need from conversation ✦Interest and curious and attracted ✦Rapport - Trust TRACK 4 - 6 Essential Traits ✦Have FUN ✦The critical association ✦Be confident ✦Like yourself ✦Be genuinely curious and interested in other people ✦Open and relaxed ✦Bending a penny ✦Let it happen ✦Learn from your own and other’s mistakes TRACK 5 - Essential Beliefs ✦Good conversationalists have these in common ✦Everyone has something interesting to know about them ✦Boredom is a choice ✦Get people talking about themselves ✦Get them feeling good about themselves ✦Get them feeling they are the most important and fascinating people ✦You are SAFE ✦The other person wants to talk with you ✦We’re all hungry for connection TRACK 6 - 8 Essential People Skills


✦Understanding people ✦Introvert/Extrovert ✦Thinking/Feeling ✦4 Basic personality types: Dominant, solid, expressive, analytical ✦Express your thoughts and feelings clearly ✦Speak up when your needs are not being met ✦Assertiveness is a contextual ability ✦Ask for feedback and give quality feedback ✦The sandwich or CRC method of providing feedback ✦Truthfulness is subjective ✦Influencing how people think and act ✦Thinking leads to emotions and then to actions ✦Bring conflicts to the surface and manage them ✦The number one reason for breakups Resentment ✦Don’t get defensive ✦Collaborate with others ✦Change your direction when it isn’t working

✦2-Sense of pride and importance ✦3-Financial success and security ✦4-Reassurance of self-worth and our efforts ✦5-Peer approval and acceptance ✦6-Desire to win and excel ✦7-Sense of belonging ✦8-Opportunity for creative expression ✦9-Accomplish something worthwhile ✦10-Feeling of new experiences- Novelty ✦11-Sense of liberty and freedom ✦12-Sense of dignity and self-respect ✦13-Love in all forms ✦14-Emotional security

TRACK 7 - 4 Primary Communication Zones

TRACK 10 - Anxiety Control

✦Internal dialogue ✦Body communication/language ✦Vocal communication ✦Written word ✦Excel in all of them TRACK 8 - 14 Human Motivators ✦1-Need to feel a sense of power and mastery over others

TRACK 9 - Be Different ✦To arouse interest in other people, you must show originality ✦Dress differently ✦Talk differently ✦Act differently ✦Have a different outlook ✦Associate with different people ✦Challenge your world view ✦Think differently

✦Maintaining a sense of safety and comfort ✦Feel as though there is no threat or jeopardy ✦Let go of expectations ✦Mentally rehearse success ✦Imagine a low-risk interaction ✦Anxiety is a speed bump ✦Comfort token ✦Meditation - seek calmness and peace


✦Write down your beliefs TRACK 11 - Storytelling ✦The original oral tradition ✦Extend conversations ✦Demonstrates personality ✦Find a story you enjoy telling ✦Real life stories ✦Mine your own personal experience ✦Clear action ✦Strong characters ✦Simple structure ✦Have a lead-in to the story ✦The hook gets them interested ✦Story - embellish ✦Practice your story with a mirror, video recorder, friend ✦Lesson learned - the moral of the story ✦Construct a positive story ✦Have a fun emotional edge and detail ✦Have a point - witty and insightful ending ✦Conflict, rising tension, resolution ✦First practice to get the timeline down ✦Use repetition - sets of 3 ✦Use variety - vary tone, rhythm, articulation, volume, etc. ✦Use gestures ✦Strong start and finish ✦Act it out a bit ✦Loud long sigh ✦The lion’s yawn ✦Tell your friends first, then others ✦Talk to them, not AT them ✦Distribute your attention ✦Take the time you need ✦Interact wit them ✦Trust in your story ✦Mark Twain story example

✦Carlos’ grandmother story example ✦Build on the story to add detail ✦Create obstacles ✦Toy Story 2 example ✦Give it energy ✦3 kinds of good stories: Funny, romantic, action packed


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 3: STT - Core Skills & Tactics 2 TRACK 1 - Attunement ✦Creating a feedback loop of rapport ✦Mirroring is structured and false ✦Fall into synchronicity ✦Imagine you are sharing the same energy ✦Relaxed, shared breathing ✦Easygoing state of flow ✦Recognize another person’s emotional state TRACK 2 - Reading Social Situations ✦Be aware of the social situation - don’t fight it ✦Stay relaxed ✦1-Mutual shared attention ✦2-Share empathy and feeling ✦3-Synchronicity ✦Convergence is the process of falling into the attunement vibe TRACK 3 - Internal Dialogue ✦What you’re saying to yourself ✦The meaning you give to the events ✦There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so ✦Words don’t have meaning beyond what you give to them ✦The Carabiniere example ✦Watch out for the negativity TRACK 4 - Listening Skills

✦The most important part ✦First level - Faking, glazed over ✦Second level - Catch a few facts ✦Third level - Paying attention, missing details ✦Fourth level - Actively engaged listening ✦Women pay attention more than you ✦CARESS ✦Concentrate ✦Acknowledge ✦Research and Respond ✦Exercise emotional control ✦Sense the nonverbal cues ✦Structure TRACK 5 - Active Listening ✦Ask questions to demonstrate interest and stay active ✦Gap in speech versus listening ✦Hearing is listening to the words ✦Understanding ✦Judging ✦Effectively use the time you’re given ✦Rephrase and repeat back ✦Show expressiveness ✦Good listening is active ✦The 10 irritating habits ✦10 - Asking for details ✦9 - Forgetting what they said ✦8 - Playing “I can top that” ✦7 - “Yeah, but...” ✦6 - Not responding ✦5 - Getting ahead and finishing their thoughts


✦4 - Showing interest in something other than the conversation ✦3 - Rushing the speaker ✦2 - Not looking at the speaker ✦1 - Interrupting

✦Change your posture and you’ll change your emotional state ✦The more familiar you are with a person, the more you can face them ✦As you increase rapport, you can turn and face them more

TRACK 6 - Deaf Spots TRACK 8 - 4 Levels of Communication ✦Blind spots in listening ✦Identify the places where you tune out ✦Entertain ideas and opinions that you might not agree with ✦Leverage your down time ✦Listen at 210 words per minute ✦Reprocessing ✦File away the key points TRACK 7 - Body Language ✦Open and expressive - no closed arms ✦Show open palms and nods ✦Conversational lubricant ✦Paving a safe road ✦Don’t crowd them ✦Strong and distributed eye contact ✦Attending - like a waiter ✦Stay relaxed and slow - like in water ✦No pointing ✦Feel very fluid and poetic ✦Get comfortable with touch ✦All kino starts with crossing the distance ✦Look at your belief systems and comfort level ✦No fidgeting or nervous eye movement ✦Back straight ✦Sit relaxed but not too much ✦Be relaxed but respectful of the environment ✦Always appear comfortable with yourself ✦Walk with pace and purpose

✦Level 1 - Superficial Small Talk ✦Level 2 - Facts and more information ✦Level 3 - Feelings and personal questions ✦Level 4 - Inclusive statements - WE TRACK 9 - 3 Skills of Alpha Power Conversation ✦1 - Opener - the conversation start ✦Affected by familiarity ✦2 - Keep a person’s interest ✦3 - Closing - guide to the result you want ✦You have to be the one initiating the results you seek ✦The bookends of the conversation keep you safe TRACK 10 - Remove the Ego ✦Resist the urge to make a point ✦Indignant feelings get in the way ✦Self-control and self-discipline ✦Do you want to be right or get the results you want? TRACK 11 - Communicating with Family ✦Family is different because of their familiarity ✦They know how to push our buttons


✦You can’t change them! ✦Families can be manipulative ✦Family should never inhibit your growth ✦Again, define your goal ✦Don’t fall back on the family manipulation ✦How best to communicate it ✦The best reaction is NO reaction ✦Victimization ✦Social pressure - guilt ✦Don’t get caught by surprise ✦Thanksgiving example ✦Keep all communications positive ✦Be firm and resolute

✦No reverence for information authority, only respect ✦Handling policemen ✦What to do if you’re pulled over ✦Apologize, add emotional detail ✦Keep emotions out of the mix ✦How can they impact your life? ✦Respect or disregard? ✦Handling your boss ✦You have power by virtue of expertise ✦Manage up as they have to manage down ✦Never tolerate mistreatment ✦Know which battles to fight

TRACK 12 - Defensiveness and Sensitivity

TRACK 14 - 4 Layers of Communication with Women

✦Don’t interpret something as personal and as an attack on your self-esteem ✦Lower your shields ✦Look for the triggers that start your internal dialogue ✦Let yourself be vulnerable to the conversation you’re having

✦1-Opening and Small Talk ✦2-Flirtatious and Sexual ✦3-Deeper Rapport ✦4-Emotional Connection ✦Follow this as a progression TRACK 15 - Talking to Men vs. Women

✦Different conversational architecture ✦Men - Facts, details, statistics - black & white ✦Two situations of authority: You are sub✦Demonstration of dominance ✦Comparison jected to it or you meet someone in authority ✦Your ego will be the biggest inhibitor or ✦Competition ✦One-upmanship enhancement to the conversation ✦Be humble to someone who can use ✦Resolution-oriented ✦Women - Feelings, shades of gray, intheir authority over you - initially! ✦Think ahead to a time to when they may terpretive room ✦Underlying subtext have inflicted their power on you ✦Don’t get caught up in saving face ✦Possibilities ✦Don’t be a kiss-ass ✦Comparison ✦Maintain your dignity and self-respect ✦Collaborative TRACK 13 - Communicating with Authority


✦Social interaction conflicts - DRAMA ✦Language of emotion ✦How does that make you feel? ✦So what do you think that meant? ✦Exhaust her emotional content


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 4: Women & Communication TRACK 1 - Talking With Women ✦Drive up tension ✦Make sure you sense her interest level in you and calibrate to it ✦Don’t be too aloof ✦Attainability ✦Communicate your passions ✦It’s just too short ✦Be specific - not vague! ✦Sensory communication ✦Emotional imagination ✦Slip into a dream interpretation conversation ✦Weather Report Question ✦Use analogies ✦If you could be a car... ✦Levels of Deep Communication ✦1 - Visualization ✦2 - Strong emotional connections ✦3 - Reach a visualization and emotional state physically ✦4 - Reach her core beliefs and value systems ✦Sensory questions: ✦The Crush question ✦The Roller-coaster question ✦Everything is an opportunity for you ✦“Why do you want my number?” ✦“How old are you?” ✦“Buy me a drink...” ✦“I bet you think you’re smooth..” ✦Top ten responses to “Why aren’t you married yet?” TRACK 2 - Tease to Please

✦How to tease women ✦Teasing is a spice - playing with energy ✦Short circuit her shields ✦Her interest level falls as she waits for you ✦The place of compliments ✦How she interprets them ✦Mysterious and Ambiguous ✦Find something that stands out ✦Look at jewelry ✦Wonderful energy ✦Pattern of challenge ✦Raise the stakes ✦Disarm her and demonstrate value ✦Communicate the joke ✦Her number one concern is that you only want her for sex ✦Energy levels increase exponentially ✦Gym example ✦Never back down if challenged ✦Redirect the conversation and stay in control ✦Have the end in mind ✦Always leave them wanting more - on a high note TRACK 3 - How to Banter ✦Notorious example ✦How Banter works ✦Requires speed in response ✦Time it correctly ✦Gauge your audience ✦Think before you banter ✦Realize the situation you’re in


✦Prepare to screw it up ✦Know your limits ✦Stretch yourself each time ✦Practice Banter example ✦Keep working on your skills ✦Listen and pay attention ✦Hit or miss ✦Always have a good close ✦Examples ✦Start a blog ✦Read screenplays ✦Practice with chat ✦Dialogue books ✦Use some asides ✦Call her on the large words ✦Use the “in medius res” ✦Use frame narration ✦Describe her thoughts ✦Slip into character ✦Use stream of consciousness ✦Note to self technique ✦Cardinal Rule - Keep the energy up! ✦No return ticket ✦Go for broke ✦Stay relaxed ✦Practice by eavesdropping TRACK 4 - Demonstrating Uniqueness ✦Typical vs. Energized conversation ✦Example ✦Lifestyle demonstration ✦Rapport is what we feel around people we like, or are like us ✦Induce familiarity ✦How to ... ✦Familiar tone from the start ✦Taking small liberties ✦Transactions to build rapport ✦Use women’s terminology

✦A woman’s intimate geography ✦Educate yourself on women’s psychology and physiology TRACK 5 - Testing ✦Why guys fail tests ✦They don’t recognize them ✦They don’t want to ruin the interaction ✦Testing compliance and confidence ✦Tests are a shortcut ✦Changing rules test ✦Example ✦Never tolerate disrespect ✦Subtle disrespect ✦Cut her down with humor and teasing ✦Open disrespect ✦We teach people how to treat us ✦Clear the air and go back to friendly ✦Passive Aggressive ✦Use polite, corrective discussion ✦Validation tests ✦Handling the late woman TRACK 6 - Handling Bitchy Women ✦It’s a method of screening out the dorks and wussies ✦“You seem like a strong and powerful woman...” ✦“Does that usually work for you...?” ✦“You’re as sensitive as a little girl...” ✦“You don’t fool me....” ✦“You like spoiling a good time...” TRACK 7 - Day 2 Conversation Progression ✦Effective path restarting the attraction and interest with a woman


✦1. Get her talking about her day - dig into the feelings related to it. How did she spend her time? ✦Emotional weather report ✦2. Watch her body language soften ✦3. Confront resistance right away ✦Compassion - father perspective ✦4. Do not attempt touching until she relaxes ✦5. Kino games to restart the touch ✦Two card ESP ✦6. Big positive states - get her to recall ✦7. Acu-pressure points ✦8. Teach her some NLP ✦9. Move locations - simulate a change ✦Physical exertion is the key ✦End it if things don’t improve


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 5: NLP & Persuasion Strategies TRACK 1 - NLP Introduction ✦NLP Background ✦Bandler & Grinder ✦The map is not the territory ✦We act based on these linguistic maps ✦No such thing as failure, only Feedback ✦Modeling - why you need to use it ✦Incorporate their beliefs into yours ✦Language is a secondary representation of experience ✦Words are tokens ✦How you define a word affects how we interpret each other’s conversation ✦More choice is always preferable to less choice ✦Can be used manipulatively ✦Words have different emotional meanings ✦6 Principles - Pillars ✦1 - You - the center of everything ✦2 - The presuppositions - taken for granted ✦3 - Rapport - the relationship is crucial to obtain results ✦4 - Outcome - Being clear about what you want to achieve ✦5 - Feedback - Getting accurate information back from the person you are interacting with ✦6 - Flexibility - the path to your goal will always vary ✦Use NLP on yourself and others ✦Create states through the use of anchoring ✦Email example - Pavlov’s reaction

✦Easy fast NLP anchor ✦Relive connections through creating states ✦Anchors can be tactile and non-tactile ✦Sometimes they are involuntary ✦Evoking states - change their state by changing their thoughts - their focus ✦Ask questions to get them to relive the experience and feel the state. ✦Describe the experience in their own words ✦Powerful emotional charge ✦Stick to the positive charges TRACK 2 - Eliciting States ✦Elicit states through indirect phrasing ✦Using secondary attribution so you don’t get in “trouble” ✦The overheard conversation example ✦Power words suggest states - a logical/ emotional connection ✦“Naturally/Automatically” ✦“Before/During/After” ✦“Among/Expand/Beyond” ✦“Forces/Initiates/Prompts/Proves/ Creates/Inspires/Remind/Generates/Invoke s/Encourages/Make/Justifies/Motivates/Pro mpts/Stimulates/Incites” ✦Commands at the end ✦Lead women through their emotional states TRACK 3 - NLP Phrasings


✦Preface your statements so that they’re accepted more readily ✦Open their imaginations ✦“I saw someone do this once...” ✦“I don’t know how soon you’ll feel...” ✦“I want you to bear in mind that ...” ✦“I wonder if...” ✦“I don’t know how soon you’ll...” ✦“I wonder, could you...” ✦“I’d like to suggest that you...” ✦“I want you to bear in mind...” ✦“I want you to become aware that...” ✦“I’d like you to pretend that...” ✦“If you could, would you...” ✦“Is it that you are feeling...” ✦“Is it possible that you’re feeling...” ✦“Is it that you have this feeling of...” ✦“Is it useful that this feeling of...” ✦“It’s just like this feeling of being...” ✦“It’s not important that you’re feeling overwhelmed by the new sensation of being...” ✦“It’s as if you feel...” ✦“Perhaps you’re feeling...” ✦“Perhaps you can feel the...” ✦“Perhaps you could feel like...” ✦“Perhaps you’re wondering what this feeling would be like...” ✦“What do you think would happen if you...” ✦“What would happen if you...” ✦“What’s it like to feel...” ✦“When you notice that you’re feeling this way, then...” ✦“You can become aware now that you’re feeling...” ✦“After you come to feel...” ✦“And the more you feel X, the more you feel Y...”

✦“The more you feel the attraction, the more you feel the trust and rapport...” ✦“Are you curious about...” ✦“Are you aware that...” ✦“Be aware of what you can sense...” ✦“Can you imagine feeling...” ✦“Can I ask you to feel ...” ✦“Can you visualize feeling...” ✦“Can you remember a time you felt...” ✦“Do you remember when you felt...” ✦“Don’t think about feeling like...” ✦“How would you feel if you felt...” ✦“How do you feel when...” ✦“I know you are curious...” ✦“I don’t know how soon you’re going to start feeling...” ✦“I want you to become aware of the feeling of ...” ✦“Is it possible that there’s this feeling of ...” ✦“Perhaps you can feel...” ✦“Perhaps you could feel like...” ✦“Perhaps you’re wondering...” ✦“What do you think would happen if...” ✦“What would happen if...” ✦“What’s it like to...” ✦“When you noticed that...” ✦“You come to feel like...” ✦“You will feel like...” ✦Negative Phrasings will also work, like when you tell them NOT to feel something,. ✦“I don’t want you to be too concerned...” ✦“Don’t think about feeling...” TRACK 4 - Modalities ✦Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Gustatory, Olfactory ✦Representational systems


✦One that is dominant ✦Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic are the primary ✦Your preferred style of learning ✦We all use combinations, with one primary and one secondary ✦Visual: Organized, well-groomed, visualization, insights, listen to their words, imaginative, hard to put into words, speak faster than others, in-person interactions, show them the concepts and big picture, they may become confused with a lot of verbal instructions, remember faces better than names, distracted more by visual activity. ✦Auditory: More aware of tone changes in voice, remember directions better, learn by listening and asking questions, enjoy discussions, prefer conversation to email or written, good memory for what was said, don’t need in-person as long as they can hear you, talk through their problems, need to be heard, easily distracted by noise. ✦Kinesthetic: speak slower, get in touch, more sensitive to their body, respond to physical rewards, like touch and hugging, learn by doing, dress more for comfort than style, stand closer to people than others. ✦Auditory-digital: doesn’t use physical. Need to make sense of the world, to understand, get conceptual clarity, hold conversations in their head, not very spontaneous, logical, facts and figures, learn by order and process. ✦Listen to their choices in words - they’ll give it away. ✦Why did you choose that car? Get details. ✦Words to listen for... ✦Visual: Picture, looks to me, observe, see, view, watch, observe, outlook, sight, vision, see

you eye-to-eye, I’m looking forward to it, nice to see you, show me. ✦Auditory: Listen, hear what I’m saying, tell me, tell me more, sounds to me, noise, that rings a bell, it’s noisy, hear what I’m saying, I’m all ears, that’s music to my ears, hear from you, hear what you’re saying. ✦Kinesthetic: get in touch, feels safe, I feel that, I feel for you, touch, comfortable, exploring it, feels fast/slow, handling, gripping, grope, get a grip, smooth, manipulate, I’ll be in touch with you, how are you feeling. TRACK 5 - Reading the eyes ✦Handedness (right or left) can affect the reading ✦The eyes are the soul ✦Upper eyelid beyond iris - shock or strong interest ✦Watch trends ✦Lower eyelid to the corner - covering lacrimal - inner conflict ✦Excited = pupil dilation ✦Eyes on the face = Business mode ✦Looking from the waist up = more personal ✦Eye contact - 5 seconds, break, look back ✦Eye motion ✦To their left - memory ✦To their right - creative ✦Left = logical - right side of the body ✦Right = creative - left side of the body ✦Up = visual access - creation ✦Sound = to the ears ✦Down = kinesthetic TRACK 6 - Reading the Eyes 2 ✦Looking straight ahead = passive


✦Lose someone in less than 10 seconds ✦Intense eye contact for more than 3 seconds ✦If they look up and away, they are still paying attention ✦If they are look up and left = relating to their own experience ✦Straight down = get out, or go forward ✦Extended looks away = looking to break away ✦Eyes are upward at the ceiling = focusing on processing what you say TRACK 7 - Compliments ✦1 - Compliment is more potent from someone you just met ✦2 - Much more credibility when you compliment sight unseen ✦3 - Higher social value must be lowered to get your compliment taken seriously ✦Be genuine and sincere ✦Give-aways - give to everyone as much as you can ✦Non-physical compliments are best ✦Don’t open with a compliment unless it’s indirect ✦Compliment only once - diminishing returns after this TRACK 8 - Changing Opinions ✦Turn the tide in your favor ✦Be flexible - present more evidence they need to consider ✦Appear as though you could take their side first ✦Divide and conquer the group ✦Be likable

✦Get them to re-evaluation by providing new information ✦Get outside support for credibility ✦In a short term decision, the most important factor is a strong argument ✦In a long term decision, the most important factor is the credibility of the source TRACK 9 - Persuasion ✦Attribute any trait to yourself by making it something someone else says about you ✦“My friends say that I’m probably the most honest and trustworthy guy they know...” ✦“One of my girlfriends told me I was the best kisser she every knew...” ✦Buffer it with a little modesty ✦Attribute a compliment to a woman without seeming like you were the one saying it ✦Do not use “BUT” - use AND ✦But is a conversation killer ✦Connect rather than contradict ✦Elicit what is important to her in a man ✦“Which are your top 3?” ✦The use of the word “try” ✦You’re giving yourself an out, an excuse if you fail. ✦The use of the word “if ” ✦Sounds indecisive and weak - instead use “when” ✦Disagreeing with someone who argues with you ✦Accept and agree with them up front to defuse them ✦Arguing kills rapport, credibility, etc. ✦“I don’t think I’m your type...” What do you say?


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 6: Rapport and Cold Reading TRACK 1 - Cold Reading Introduction ✦Can be used on anyone ✦Do not use Cold reading as a crutch ✦Use it to get a head start on rapport ✦General statements that sound specific ✦We are more alike than different ✦A bridge to get someone invested in a conversation ✦OBSERVE = mannerisms, clothes, hair, body style, language, etc. ✦Forer Effect, Barnum Effect ✦Inaccuracies will be ignored ✦Forer’s personality test ✦Why we believe: Hope, wishful thinking, vanity, the need to make sense out of experiences ✦People tend to accept claims about themselves in the proportion to the desire that they wish were true, rather than the actual accuracy ✦Variable rate of reinforcement concept ✦You give meaning to another person’s experience ✦Basics: Listen to them, hear them out. ✦Make general statements ✦Watch for visual feedback, nodding, eyes, body language ✦Ask questions - no definite statements, but use definite statements when you really are sure or to confirm an observation that they agree with. ✦Hit or Miss ✦The 3 Topics: Heart - Health Wealth ✦Try-on phrases:

✦“I’m getting a vibe that...” ✦“I’m getting a feeling that...” ✦“I feel that...” ✦Do not violate trust TRACK 2 - Cold Reading Example ✦Social Worker Example ✦Small talk in advance ✦“You know, talking to you right now, I get a feeling that you’re not just a people person. I know to do what you do, you gotta be, but at the same time it seems that there was someone that was probably really important in your life that really influenced you... Really put you on this path in this direction. Someone that was a reason for you getting into this field.” ✦Flow with the moment and stay in the vibe ✦Watch out for undesired emotional states ✦Character assumptions ✦Information Technology example ✦We make decisions based on our important values ✦Driving away from values - those things we wish to avoid ✦Driving toward values - those things we’re attracted to TRACK 3 - General Phrasings ✦The person you reading provides most of the meaning in the reading


✦“Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic. At certain times you’re extroverted, affable, sociable; but at other times you tend towards introversion, you’re wary and kind of reserved, you found it unwise to be too honest and open revealing yourself to other people. You pride yourself on being an independent thinker, a maverick, and you don’t accept other’s opinions without a lot of good, satisfactory proof. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety, and you get really unhappy and dissatisfied when you’re hemmed in by restrictions, rules, and limitations. A lot of times you even have serious doubts as to whether you’ve made the right decision, or done the right thing. You’re very disciplined and controlled on the outside, but you tend to be very worried and insecure on the inside.”

You like to read books and articles to improve your mind. As a matter of fact, if you’re not already in some kind of personal services business, you should be. You have an infinite capacity for understanding other people’s problems, and you can sympathize and understand them. But you’re firm when you’re confronted with stubborn behavior or outright stupidity. Law enforcement would be another field you could understand. Your sense of justice and fairness is very strong.”

✦The January Example - start with something vague, then play off that response. If right, continue and confirm. If wrong, turn to fishing for alternate explanations off this topic. Leave the impression that suppression is to blame for their inability to recognize it. ✦Critical points: ✦Key part is your own confidence in your ✦“Your sexual adjustment has prereading ✦Use the latest polls and studies creatively sented some problems for you. While you ✦Set the stage for your reading - be subtle have some personality weaknesses, you’re generally able to compensate for and modest ✦Get their cooperation in advance - that’s most of them. You have a great deal of unused capacity that you want to turn to going to influence the accuracy of the reading ✦They must be an active participant your advantage that you haven’t been ✦Using props able to yet. You have a tendency to be ✦Have a list of stock phrases - try-ons, very critical of yourself. You have a strong need for other people to like you, fishing, ✦“Generally your confidence is good, but and for them to admire you.” very often in larger groups it can be shaken ✦“People close to you have been takup a little.” ✦Keep your eyes open, size them up ing advantage of you. Your basic honesty ✦Phrase every statement as a question and has been getting in your way. A lot of opportunities that you’ve been offered in the wait for a reply - they will succumb to the sopast have had to be given up because you cial pressure ✦Be a good listener refuse to take advantage of other people. 22 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Always give them the impression that you know more than you’re actually saying ✦“You’re always very suspicious of those people who flatter you. You just can’t believe that someone would say compliments or good things about you without having an ulterior motive.” ✦Golden Rule: Always tell them what they want to hear ✦Shotgunning: Offer a huge quantity of vague information ✦Example: “I see a heart problem with a father figure in your family. Maybe a father, grandfather, or uncle... I’m definitely seeing chest pain here for a father figure.” ✦“I see someone who isn’t a blood relative, someone around when you were growing up. Maybe an aunt, or a friend of your mother, a stepmother, with a blackness in her chest. Something in her chest - breast cancer, heart disease...” ✦“You know I’m sensing that there’s an older male figure in your life and you’re wondering if that person ... they passed on, but you have concerns that they really loved you. You have emotional doubts about them.” ✦“You’re finding your present line of work unsatisfying.” ✦“You have a box of old, unsorted photographs in your house.” ✦“You had an accident when you were a child ... involving water... “ ✦“You’re having problems with a friend or relative of yours.” ✦“I sense that you’re sometimes insecure, especially with people that you don’t know very well.” ✦“There seems to be some kind of conflict or difficulty with a family member.”

Pause. “Or maybe someone that’s close to you at work.” ✦“Your career needs a bit of a shot in the arm, doesn’t it? Maybe you should think about making a few changes.” ✦“I can see some concerns over money, but don’t let this worry you too much. The signs are that, providing you plan carefully, things should turn out just right. Just takes a little bit of time.” ✦“I can see a health issue that’s ... well, let’s just say worrying you.” ✦“You’ve grown a lot, psychologically speaking, in the last few years.” ✦“You’re a good judge of character.” ✦“You’re the soft of person who can probably tell when someone is lying.” ✦“You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be very critical of yourself. You have a lot of unused capacity that you have not turned into your advantage.” ✦Keep it REAL. TRACK 4 - Cold Read for Women ✦Women will want it to apply to them ✦“There are two types of people in the world, the observers, and the observed. And I think you’re more the observer kind. I bet that when you get to know people, they think you’re aloof and distant, and a lot of men might even think that you’re a little bitchy. But I don’t think that’s true. They just don’t know the real you. You experience the world through your emotions, and you just want to make sure that the people you let into your life are good people, that you can trust and really come from the heart. And that’s why when you first meet a new person you try to


observe them, maybe analyze them, maybe figure them out before you open up to them. But that’s just a shield because when you’re around the right people, and you’re having a lot of fun with them, you can just let go of everything and just be yourself. And I really think that’s what you’re looking for in life, people you can just be real with and really fully understand what you’re all about as a person.” TRACK 5 - Test Reads ✦Put out tests from time to time - polar opposites ✦“Sometimes you can be rather introverted, but at other times you can be really extroverted.” Use your hands to indicate each side. Watch which side they focus on. Watch their expression. ✦Watch for associative and dissociative responses ✦Associative: indicate that they’re going along with it - a hit ✦Dissociative: indicates that they’re not agreeing - a miss ✦Drill down into the side that they seem to associate most to ✦Vague and general language ✦Flexible words: ✦A part of you ✦At other times ✦Sometimes ✦Every now and then ✦Every so often ✦Frequently ✦From time to time ✦Generally ✦Infrequently ✦Naturally

✦Normally ✦Now and again ✦Occasionally ✦Parts of you ✦Once in a while ✦Periodically ✦Somewhat ✦There’s a tendency to ✦You have an inclination to ✦Hone in to specifics with: ✦Almost always ✦Commonly ✦Many ✦Hardly ✦Many Times ✦Oftentimes ✦Often ✦Rarely ✦Repeatedly ✦Scarcely ✦Semi-occasionally ✦Sporadically ✦Unusually ✦Usually ✦You will often... ✦Avoid the absolute words the ones that are TOO specific: ✦Always ✦Entirely ✦Completely ✦Totally ✦Never ✦Every ✦Use the personality types to help you ✦Take incorrect responses and turn them around ✦Ask and reconnect ✦“I sense you drive a foreign car...” to “It’s a close relative with a foreign car” ✦Open the scope to get a hit ✦Use statements as a question to get an answer the same way, but without asking


✦“I sense that you have some sort of ✦Repeating Facts ✦Look for the details in the story monetary problem...” Pause and wait for a ✦Reservoir Dogs response - but don’t look like you are waiting. ✦“I get the feeling you’ve got a friendship ✦Complicated stories ✦Indirectly answering or relationship that isn’t working out...” ✦Pose Negative Questions that allow you ✦Defensive ✦Acting as if they didn’t hear you to buy to be right no matter what the answer is: ✦“You’re not a Pisces, are you?” If you’re time ✦Details change over time right, you say, “I knew it.” If they say “No,” you say, “I knew it.” ✦Take the information that they revealed TRACK 8 - Liar Tactics and use it later ✦Get something wrong on purpose ✦Taking an oath - I swear! ✦Transition to more and deeper conversa✦Adding credence to a falsehood ✦Watch for the people who say this out of tion - the secret to using cold reading is to know when to get to REAL conversation habit ✦Answering a question with a question ✦Overuse of respect TRACK 6 - Sincerity and Truth ✦Avoiding the use of emotional or judg✦Difficult to get truthful opinion from mental email ✦They cannot describe their own behavsomeone ✦Follow-up question: “What would it take ior in a bad light ✦Get them to handle the thing in question to make this REALLY look good...” ✦Don’t make them have to backtrack on their original opinion TRACK 9 - Negotiation Strategies ✦Creating a safe environment ✦Get them to add the information, not ✦Negotiation is an ART ✦Be sure you never make the first offer contradict themselves ✦If they shoot high, they want it bad or TRACK 7 - Catching a Lie are desperate ✦If they shoot low, they aren’t afraid of ✦Trust your instincts losing you ✦Physical indicators ✦Figure out what your opponents inten✦EYES - looking around, dilating tions are ✦COVERING THE MOUTH - hiding ✦Aim reasonably high - don’t insult them, psychologically but don’t be afraid to make them bring up ✦TOUCHING THE NOSE their offer ✦Moving from side to side ✦Don’t show your emotions! ✦Stuttering, Stammering, Correcting ✦Have two people play off against each themselves other 25 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Don’t get caught up in scarcity thinking ✦If you’re selling, have a partner that can help you play good cop/bad cop ✦Talk to someone on the phone that can be your ally ✦Always be willing to walk away ✦Never enter a negotiation without setting your own mental frame of abundance ✦Always negotiate from strength ✦Only free men can negotiate ✦Know your opponents and your allies ✦Define your goals clearly, and what you want from it ✦Plan your strategy ✦Strict and fair roles and motives ✦Prepare yourself with facts and information ✦Have a strong posture ✦Get the small points taken care of right away ✦Don’t fear a stand-off - don’t succumb to pressure ✦Don’t give in to make things move ✦Don’t surrender ✦Stay polite and human ✦Make it fun! Look like you’re having fun. ✦“You know, I’m absolutely not a buyer at that price...” ✦“You gotta help me here, I want to do this deal, but I cannot do it at this price...” ✦“Let’s talk about how to make this more affordable...” ✦“You know I really like what you’ve got here, but ...” ✦“I’d love to do business with you, but I really need these numbers to work for me...” ✦Don’t settle ✦Everything is negotiable! ✦Don’t bluff - you’ll only stand to lose posture

✦Listen to their language to figure out if you have the right person ✦Make it worth your while - and their while ✦Watch out for fallacies and emotional tricks TRACK 10 - 5 Steps to Rapport ✦1 - Authentic listening - She has to be paying attention ✦Gain strong eye contact, head nodding, good body language that makes you feel heard ✦2 - Authentic acknowledgment ✦3 - Responding to your questions ✦Forthcoming with information, not resistant ✦Tease her if she holds back to make her feel more obligated to adhere to social conventions. This is a perfect opportunity to prod her a little with things like “Hey, it’s a bit rude to act so cold. Are you not used to talking to strangers?” ✦4 - Responds to statements - she’ll ask clarification questions, and she’ll offer up her own information and history ✦Ask a question to keep it going until she starts to contribute ✦5 - She must actively contribute and participate, offering information, trying to extend the continuity and duration ✦Your goal is to get her to pull you back into the conversation when you try to leave. This is a true indication of her interest in you.


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 7: Verbal Self-Defense - 1 TRACK 1 - Fallacies ✦All conversation is emotionally driven ✦Very little rational fact in what we say ✦The 4 statements: ✦All of something are... ✦Some of something are... ✦None are... ✦Some are not ... ✦Remember that you can use these fallacies to control conversations, but you must be able to recognize them even more ✦Analogical fallacy - things that appear similar in one way have to be similar in others. Remember that analogies are tools, not sources of truth. ✦Argementum ad Antiquitum - just because it’s old it must be good ✦Bifurcation - two alternatives where there are clearly more. The black & white fallacy. “Us versus them.” ✦Blinding with Science - Use really long words and baffle them with technical talk ✦False dilemma - “Yes or No, have you stopped beating your wife?” ✦Circular Reasoning - the conclusion supports the reason and vice-versa ✦Complex question - Asks questions about something before it’s even been proven. “Do you want to go to bed now, or after you’ve eaten your snack?” Assumed conclusion. ✦Fallacy of Composition - assuming that what is true for one or two is true for them all.

✦Argumentum ad Crumenum - Money makes you right. Look at the person, not their wealth. ✦Damning the Alternative - One outcome is assumed right just because all others are proven wrong. ✦Definitional retreat - They will change their definition to suit their own needs. ✦Emotional appeal - This one is particularly dangerous. “Let’s be reasonable about this...” Using emotionally charged words and topics to get you to act. ✦Every Schoolboy knows - Agree out of shame and fear. “Any idiot knows...” “Everyone can see that...” ✦Gambler’s rationale - The next one will be influenced by previous occurrences. “The next one has GOT to win!” Luck does not always even out. ✦The house ALWYAS wins. ✦Genetic fallacy - If someone bad does something, it must be bad also. ✦Half-concealed qualification - “Practically every woman is going to flake on you.” Beware the qualifiers they use. ✦Argument ad Ignorantium - Appeal to ignorance. Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it can’t happen. ✦Irrelevant Humor - Funny stories that divert your attention away. (*Note: There are a lot of guys out there that will use this one on you in bars and in social situations. They know that women like to laugh, and they’ll use this to make you look foolish while getting the women more inter-


ested in him. If you go back to the original point again, then you can look like the guy who isn’t very fun, trying to prove a point. Don’t get into this situation! Never argue logic - only emotion! ✦Have your own store of irrelevant humor to use and throw up a smoke-screen. ✦Argumentum ad Lazarum - Poverty is enhancing the argument. “The best advice I ever got was from my poor old grandfather who was a simple country boy...” ✦Charged words - Using charged words to manipulate emotions. “There you go, hitting on her again...” ✦Whenever you get into an argument with a woman, it’s never about the facts - it’s about the emotions involved. ✦Argumentum ad Nauseum - The more you hear something the more likely you are to believe it or accept it as true. This is how many urban myths become accepted. ✦Fallacy of non-anticipation - Anything worth doing or saying has already been done or said. No new ideas. “If cigarettes are so bad for you, why haven’t we banned them by now?” ✦Argumentum ad Novitum - if it’s new, it must be good. ✦Argumentum ad Numerum - The more that believe it or support it, the more it must be true. ✦Fallacy of one-sided assessment - Not taking both sides into consideration. ✦“Well that’s begging the question now, isn’t it?” ✦Poisoning the well - the opposition is immediately discredited. Setup the insult for anyone to walk into. ✦Argumentum ad populum - If it’s popular opinion, it must be true.

✦Post hoc ergo propter hoc - The second event was caused by the first. ✦Red Herring - Throwing in irrelevant material to confuse the issue. Very effective defense mechanism. Choose them based on the interests of the audience. ✦Runaway train - everything will eventually go to the extreme. ✦Hasty generalization - Sedcundum quid - generalizing based on a single example. ✦Shifting the burden of proof - You have to prove the opposite. The argument has to be proven true, not the other way around. ✦Fallacy of special pleading - this case is a special case. ✦Straw man argument - misrepresents the opponents position to distort it and then make it sound ludicrous. Deliberately mis-stating or over-stating. ✦Trivial Objections - shoot down the larger goal in light of trivial objections. TRACK 2 - Conversational Self-defense ✦First step is to recognize when you’re being attacked ✦Second step is to deal with it effectively ✦Ad Hominem variants - attacking the person instead of the argument ✦“Over your head” ploy ✦“Even you” ploy ✦“You’ll grow out of it...” ploy ✦“You’re new here aren’t you” ✦“Wishful thinking” ploy ✦Devil’s Advocate tactic - never expose them unless they do it frequently. ✦Nitpicking Ploy - Distract with irrelevant clarification ✦“Out of context” ploy - purposefully misunderstand you to distract


✦“Have I ever tried to make you feel bad...” ✦“I hate to talk about this, but...” ✦“Spotlight question” - question your competence. Ask a question you aren’t likely to be able to answer. ✦The double insult ✦Right by Association - Pre-qualify it so you don’t disagree. ✦Cheap shot technique - Conversational grenade ✦Salesman Technique - “Doesn’t your family mean anything to you?” Interpret the ✦Land mine ploy - more force than is necessary, but scares them away from confrontation. Intimidation. ✦Use your logic or emotions against you both are considered a liability. ✦Argue every point to nauseating detail. ✦Delay tactics ✦Question the question tactic ✦The Brain Seizure tactic ✦Reverse the question tactic ✦“It’s not just this...” Redefine the scope ✦Hypothetical Insult Tactic - Sow the seeds of doubt ✦Complimentary insult ✦Distort their argument - get everything all wrong on the re-explanation. ✦The “I know better” tactic. ✦Smokescreen tactic - getting you emotionally reactive ✦Mystical studies - imaginary results of studies. ✦The Instigator - Riles you up with condescending attitude. ✦Quote from hypothetical sources ✦Emotional Blackmail ✦Imaginary escalation

✦Conditioning you with conversational pain ✦The Filibuster TRACK 3 - Flawed Comparison ✦Comparing Apples and Oranges ✦Misleading comparisons TRACK 4 - Using questions to Steer ✦Interrogative and Exploratory questions ✦Ask from genuine curiosity ✦Keep the conversation going with curiosity ✦“So how did that become a part of your life?” ✦“How did you get into that?” ✦Until you gain rapport - use interrogative ✦Your power lies in creating a safe path for them to reveal the information you want. Think from their point of view. TRACK 5 - Power Questions ✦ PART I - Light Power Questions ✦What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to email someone? ✦Describe your mom with 3 words... ✦What’s your pet peeve? ✦Who’s the closest friend you ever had? Tell me about that relationship... ✦What do you do when you can’t sleep at night? How do you get to sleep? ✦Are you sentimental? Do you save old greeting cards, or do you throw them out? ✦Do you collect anything? What is it? ✦What kind of car do you have? Why did you choose that kind of car?


✦Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met? ✦What famous person would you actually want to meet? ✦If you could invite 5 people from any time period to dinner, who would you invite? ✦What’s your favorite kind of movie? Why? ✦How do you get rid of telemarketers when they call? ✦Tell me a story about when you last got locked out of something... ✦What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “fun”? ✦What makes you tick? ✦Tell me something mischievous that you’ve done... ✦Tell me about a time when you got in trouble... ✦What’s the weirdest food you ever ate? ✦What magazines are you subscribed to? Do you actually read them all? Or do you throw them away without having read them? ✦Do you ever buy lottery tickets? Have you ever won anything from them? ✦If you had to lose one sense - touch, sight, hearing, taste, smell, which would you lose? ✦If I was to ask your best friend what you would complain the most about, what would she say? ✦What’s the weirdest thing you believed in as a kid? ✦What’s the closest you’ve ever come to being famous? ✦What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever seen someone do? ✦Can you cook? What kind of things can you cook? What’s your favorite food to cook?

✦What movies do you watch over and over again? ✦What do you admire most about your friend? ✦How many hours of sleep do you need each night. ✦What’s one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? ✦What’s the most pleasurable sound you can imagine? ✦What’s the most annoying sound? ✦Who do you admire the most in your life? ✦If you only had one sentence to describe yourself, what would you say? ✦What do you have in the trunk of your car right now? ✦Which kind of animal do you find appealing. ✦Which animal are you the most like? ✦What animal would you most like to be turned into? ✦PART II - Personal Power Questions ✦Would you consider yourself serious, or are you a fun-loving joking person? ✦Are you more likely to avoid conflict, or do you like to get into arguments and drama? ✦What compliments do you hate the most? ✦Which compliments are your favorites? ✦What’s something about you that you hope will change but probably won’t? ✦What’s something about you that you hope will never change? ✦Are you more of a rule breaker or a rule-follower? Why are you like that? ✦Have you ever taken a Meyer’s-Briggs test or some other personality profile? What did it say about you? ✦Are you an introvert or an extrovert?


✦Are you a thinker or a feeler? ✦Are you usually late, early, or on time? Why is that? ✦Do you like to do things from habit, or do you like to do spontaneous things? Give me an example. ✦What book has had the most impact on you? ✦Would you say you’re a high maintenance woman? ✦When was the last time you really pushed yourself past what you thought you could do? ✦How do you react to a sudden crisis? ✦Do you have one or two good friends, or a lot of acquaintances? ✦Are you superstitious? Give me an example... ✦If you had to describe your mom or dad with one word, what would it be? ✦What one thing have you lost in your life that you wish you still had? ✦When you daydream, what do you think about? ✦Are you a risk taker? Why? Why not? ✦Would you rather make everyone happy, or speak the truth? ✦What’s the last challenge you took on in your life? Or a big goal? ✦On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like to be in control? ✦On a scale from 1 to 10 how much of a perfectionist are you? ✦Have you ever seen a ghost or experienced something supernatural? ✦What kind of books are on your bed table right now? ✦What do you think about more than anything else?

✦What are you an expert on more than anyone else you know? ✦How tolerant are you? ✦Do you prefer to express yourself physically or verbally? ✦What’s your favorite time of day? ✦Are you a morning person or a night person? ✦What would you say is your best quality? ✦If you were going to jump on a plane somewhere, where would you go? ✦Is it more important for you to look good or feel good? ✦What’s your idea of a good time? ✦When something really cool happens to you, who’s the first person you call? ✦Who do you run to when you really need support? ✦What do you do when you want to relax and chill out? ✦Are you the kind of person who says a quick goodbye, or do you draw it out? ✦Do you ever like to just watch people? What do you look for? ✦When you need to move in a hurry, who would you call? ✦What do you find the most physically challenging to do? ✦Do you consider yourself graceful or clumsy? ✦What’s the most important thing about you? ✦POWER QUESTIONS PART III - Dilemmas ✦If you were going to die tonight, who would you want to communicate before you passed on? ✦If you could spend one year in total bliss and happiness, but after the year was over you


wouldn’t remember anything about the experience, would you do it? If not, why not? ✦Would you be willing to move to a faraway land for someone you loved? ✦You find out that your wonderful 1 year old baby is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours. Would you want to exchange the kids back to correct the mistake? ✦Do you think the world will be a better or worse place in 100 years? ✦Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you ever wished you were the other sex? ✦If you were given the ability to live to the age of 110, and either keep the body or the mind of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you want? ✦If you could plan out a perfect evening, what would it be? ✦Would you be willing to become extremely ugly if it meant you could live for 1000 years at any physical age that you choose? ✦If you could choose one superpower, what would it be? Invisibility, flying? ✦If you had the chance to meet somebody that you could have the most amazing love affair with, the stuff of dreams, but after 6 months that person would die, would you still go through with it? What if you knew the person wasn’t going to die, but would betray you or cheat on you? ✦Do you like being around men or women more? ✦Are your closest friends men or women? ✦If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt someone, would you? ✦If you could get an all expenses paid, one week vacation, anywhere you wanted to in the world, would you be willing to kill a

perfectly beautiful butterfly by pulling off its wings? (Be careful of the kind of woman you use this one on. If not calibrated correctly, you could freak her out. You can make the killing a bit more humane by sealing it in a jar if you like.) ✦What is your most treasured memory? ✦Would you rather be given a million dollars for your own use, or the ability to give 10 million to others? ✦If you knew the world was going to end at the end of this month, what would you do right now? ✦What’s the greatest accomplishment of your life? ✦Do your friends tend to be older or younger than you...? ✦What was the last fight you were in? What caused it? And who won? ✦While parking your car late at night, you accidentally scrape the side of a Porsche. You’re pretty sure no one saw you. And the damage is minor, probably not covered by insurance. Would you leave a note? ✦What are you most grateful for in your life? ✦Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you have right now? ✦Can you pee in front of someone? ✦When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate or embellish it? If you do, why? ✦What is it you pursue most in your life is it accomplishment, love, power, money, knowledge, security, excitement? Or something else? ✦How warm do you feel your family is? Are they close? ✦Do you feel that your childhood was happier than most other people’s?


✦You’re at a dinner and they start making fun of a common friend. If you felt that their criticisms were unjustified, would you defend the friend? ✦If you’re invited to a party that will be attended by incredibly fascinating people, and people that you’ve never met, would you want to go if you had to go by yourself ? ✦In what 5 year period have you grown the most in your life? ✦If you could go back into the past, but not return, would you do it? ✦Where would you go and what would you try to accomplish if you knew you could change the course of history? ✦If your friends and family were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they really thought of you, would you want them to? ✦If you could change anything about how you were brought up, what would it be? ✦If I could choose a hundred people that came from the same background as you, how many do you think would be leading a more satisfying life than yours? ✦If you went to a beach, and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and swim? Would you swim nude? ✦Would you want to know the precise date of your own death? ✦If someone you loved very deeply was brutally murdered, and you knew the identity of the murderer, who unfortunately got away with the crime, Would you try and get revenge? ✦Do you judge people by higher or lower standards than those you use to judge yourself ? ✦When was the last time you stole something? Why haven’t you stolen anything since then?

✦Before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? ✦If you went to a movie with a friend of yours and it turned out to be really really bad, would you leave? ✦When someone gives you a compliment, do you usually accept it, or do you suggest that you really didn’t deserve it? ✦Someone gives you a million dollars to give away to charity, how would you spend it? ✦If you could write the script for your dream tonight, what would the story be? ✦If you could consult a crystal ball that would tell you anything you wanted to know, any truth about yourself, your future, your life, or anything else, what would you want to know? ✦If you were given 3 wishes, what would they be? ✦How would you like to be remembered after you die? ✦What would you like to be said at your funeral? Is there anyone that you’d like to have speak for you? ✦Do you prefer cats or dogs? ✦Which would you rather travel in, a plane, a train, a boat, a car, a horse, a camel? ✦Letterman or Leno? ✦What annoys you the most about men? About women? ✦What do like the most about men? About women? ✦If your life was a TV show, what would it be? Drama? Sitcom? Soap opera? ✦What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Why? ✦What’s your favorite city in the world? ✦General topics: ✦High school ✦Past accidents, like broken bones, cuts, etc.


✦First time they broke the law or got a ticket ✦Favorite childhood memories ✦Favorite teenage memories ✦Favorite college memories ✦Favorite adult memories ✦Pranks ✦Old music ✦Old movies ✦Skills or talents ✦Sports ✦IMAGINATION QUESTIONS: ✦If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? ✦If you could change anything about your relationship with your parents, what would it be? ✦If your house was burning down, what would be the one thing you would take out or save? ✦If you could go into space, would you? ✦What’s the one thing you wish you could do, but probably will never do? ✦If you had to be one celebrity, who would you be? ✦If you have one thing for a stupid human trick, what would it be? ✦If you could rule the world for a day, what would you do? ✦If you were on a desert island, what music would you take? ✦What book would you take? ✦What food would you eat? ✦ If you could choose a new first name, what would it be? ✦If you could cure one sickness, what would it be? ✦If you could get rid of one evil in the world, what would it be? ✦If you could be a professional in any sport, what would you choose?

✦If you were going to create one work of art, what would it be? A sculpture? A painting? ✦If you were going to write a book, what would it be? What would you write about? ✦If you were going to be the star in a movie, what would you want your role to be? ✦If you could be any cartoon character, who would you choose? ✦If you could capture any event in history on video, what would you record? ✦Is your glass half-full or half empty? ✦How do you know that our world isn’t just a dream? Can you prove it? ✦Do you believe there’s such a thing as destiny? Why, or why not? ✦Use these questions to restart the conversation. ✦Most of the power of them lies in the understanding you can get about the other person, their character, their strengths and weaknesses, and their hang-ups.


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 8: Verbal Self-Defense 2 TRACK 1 - Spotting a Liar ✦Watch the eyes - fidgeting, dilating, lost contacting, looking down, looking away ✦Covering the mouth ✦Watch for shifting their weight and stance ✦Stutter/stammer ✦Very little detail ✦Repeated Details ✦Complicated/distorted ✦Too crazy a story ✦Deflecting or diverting questions ✦“Don’t you trust me?” ✦They don’t hear the question “What...?” ✦If the details change later on

✦Example: “Did you hear about what happened...?” ✦If the person is truthful, they will challenge your challenge, and they will stick to their story ✦If they are lying, they will hesitate ✦They will probably go along with your story so that they don’t appear as if they weren’t there ✦Plausible story TRACK 4 - Conversational Karate

✦How to disagree without being disagreeable ✦Make an observation and say, “We’re both right...” ✦“Hey, you know what, we’re both on the TRACK 2 - Physical Indications same side...” ✦“Hey, let’s come back to this one...” ✦Looking for changes or consistent indica✦“You know what, leave me out of this tors one...” ✦Nervous licking or biting lips ✦“You’re both right...” ✦Hiding hands ✦Remember that a recognized tactic is no ✦Blushes or changes in complexion longer effective ✦Nervous breathing ✦“I destroy my enemy by making him my ✦Nervous fidgeting friend.” ✦Closing their eyes as they speak ✦“I’m getting the impression that we’re ✦Change of tone from inflected to mono- going towards argument...” ✦Take whatever they say, exaggerate to tone or the other way ✦Too expressive with drama the extreme ✦Bruce Lee example ✦Shrug it off TRACK 3 - Smoking a Liar Out ✦Double damage - inoculate ✦Challenge the story ✦Roll your eyes to the women - code ✦Throw out a made up fact 35 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦When someone is stubborn: “So what do you suggest?” ✦Put the onus of responsibility on the other person to draw them in to your side ✦Silence is strength, character, and maturity ✦Use a hand gesture and your words ✦Time-out ✦“Whoah, let’s not do this...” ✦“We could spend the rest of the night arguing this...” ✦Interruptions ✦“Let me finish my thought... Can I finish?” ✦Let them know that you’ll always be polite ✦Let them talk themselves out - make them socially conscious that they are monopolizing the conversation ✦Silence frames the conversation - tension building tactic TRACK 5 - Social Power ✦Human nature is to test to see what we can get away with - testing boundaries ✦First - Do not react ✦BEMUSED ✦Maintain a rational calmness ✦Contrast their behavior ✦Answer the question you wish they’d asked you - the one you want to answer ✦Ignore what they said, change the topic to what you wan to talk about ✦The Martial Arts example ✦Bend them back to my reality ✦Answer in a way that they cannot understand ✦The person asking the questions is in control

✦Jokingly give in ✦Play them as if they are a nice guy underneath ✦Handling a woman that is trying to manipulate you ✦Make her do something for you first ✦Flavor the request - add your personality to any request ✦Mock them out ✦Give a weird look (eye roll and crazy eyes) ✦Call their cards and expose their game ✦Hit the pause button - when they come back for the information over and over, they look like the tool ✦Typify their occupation in a way that stereotypes them - the “nurse” type ✦Misinterpret what they said to make you look better ✦Deliberately misinterpret a word ✦Use it to break her state ✦Always take the energy and turn it to your benefit ✦Make them repeat themselves over and over TRACK 6 - Avoiding Questions ✦“Oh you don’t want to go there...” ✦“You are such a girl...” ✦“There are some doors you don’t want to open...” ✦“You’re not insecure are you?” ✦“I don’t kiss and tell...” ✦Not answering is a very strong tactic ✦Example of political dodging ✦Michael Crichton’s “NEXT” ✦Reframe the answer so that it makes you look good


✦The Player example TRACK 7 - Universal “Don’t”s ✦When talking with women, do not talk about sex too soon ✦She will probably lead you there on her own ✦Do not talk about bad health ✦Half the people don’t care about your problems, and the other half are glad you have them ✦Don’t engage in technical discussions ✦No terminology ✦Don’t talk about bad relationships or your relationship problems ✦If you need a good ear, get a therapist ✦Avoid “hot-button” topics ✦If you get pulled in, find out the sentiment of the group ✦Don’t give unsolicited advice ✦Talking to vent it out ✦Never give advice - the wise don’t need it and fools won’t heed it ✦No blabbing ✦Don’t contradict ✦Expressing disagreement ✦No one is right or wrong, we just have differences of opinion ✦Don’t get into “me too!” redirections of the conversation ✦Don’t try to fix everything ✦Don’t order people ✦Don’t threaten ✦Don’t hold emotional hostages ✦Don’t make judgments ✦Don’t use sarcasm too much ✦Don’t compare ✦Don’t trick or insult anyone ✦Don’t lie or mislead

✦Don’t allow mistreatments to keep things smooth in a conversation ✦Don’t tolerate disrespect ✦Don’t get caught in your head and pulled out of present-moment awareness ✦Don’t bring up negative topics ✦Don’t bore the people you’re with ✦Don’t just talk about yourself TRACK 8 - 7 Emotional Manipulations ✦1. Guilt ✦“How could you even say that...” ✦2. Intimidation ✦“C’mon! Make a decision!” ✦3. Appeal to ego ✦“I know you’re way too smart for that...” ✦4. Fear (usually of loss) ✦“You better do this now or you’re risking...” ✦“This is your last shot...” ✦5. Curiosity ✦“C’mon, you only live once... Give it a try...” ✦6. Desire to be liked ✦“I thought you were with us on this...” ✦Peer pressure ✦7. Love - and the fear of losing it ✦“If you really love me...” TRACK 9 - Handling a Social Mistake ✦Don’t backpedal too quickly ✦If you’ve done something obviously wrong - admit it quickly and move on ✦Be sensitive to others emotional needs ✦Don’t reflect it on yourself ✦Don’t relive the error over and over in your head


✦Sometimes you have to stand your ground ✦Disarm with humor ✦Don’t look like you’re placating ✦Exposure and inoculation is the next step ✦Emotions can be a landslide ✦Slip into self-deprecation to disarm ✦Resign yourself to the fact that it will happen, and that you can get past it as fast as possible

✦A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still ✦You must put your needs out with no threat of repercussion or reprisal ✦The other person must feel free to do or not do what you want ✦If they truly value you, they will work to keep you and make you happy ✦How to tell a woman that you want to be “exclusive” example

TRACK 10 - The 4 Primary Desires ✦1. Desire for acceptance and approval ✦2. Desire for control ✦3. Desire for safety and security ✦4. Desire for separation and independence ✦The use of ultimatums ✦Ultimatum is stating what you want - do it or else... ✦Forcing a decision is a way of establishing control ✦Sphere of control ✦Sphere of influence ✦Ultimatums don’t work ✦Ultimatums tend to come up in arguments ✦It’s a decision they have to make on their own ✦You can’t force someone to give you what you need ✦You’ll never be sure that it’s really what they wanted ✦There’s a good chance the other person will call you on your threat ✦You can never change someone or control what they do


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 9: Handling Difficult People TRACK 1 - Handling Difficult People

ronments - Go with the flow - Sensitive to criticism

✦Obnoxious people and obnoxious behavior ✦Most clashes happen because of what we’re seeking in that moment ✦Get them to believe that what you want is what they want to get things accomplished ✦The 9 Types: ✦The Reformer -Do things the right way Perfectionist - Reassure them - Responsible ✦The Helper - Helps others - Warm and nurturing - Appreciate them - Like to be needed - Compliant ✦The Motivator - Need to Succeed Achiever - Optimistic - Keep harmony and order - Fear of failure ✦The Romantic - I am Unique - Sensitive feelings - Compliment them - Support them Wildly emotional at times - Fear abandonment ✦The Thinker - Needs to understand the world - Analytical - Need time alone - Don’t like pressure and noise - Independent ✦The Skeptic - Affectionate and skeptical Questioner - Loyal - Be direct and clear - Responsible and hardworking - Procrastinators ✦The Enthusiast - Happy and open to new things - Adventurer - Energetic - Dislike clingy and needy - Hard to focus - Action oriented ✦The Leader - Must be Strong - Direct Give them space - Independent - Honest Idealism - Overwhelming ✦The Peacemaker - I am at peace - Dislike pressure - Need affection - Like low-key envi-

TRACK 2 - Typing Personalities ✦The point is to understand people’s motivations ✦Choices in a conflict: ✦1. Stay and do nothing ✦2. Leave ✦Avoidance/complacence ✦3. Go from tolerance to understanding ✦You can’t change others, but you can change yourself ✦Become the catalyst for changing others ✦Two continuums: Passive to Aggressive, and Focus: Internal to External ✦People/Tasks ✦Four primary intentions: ✦1. Get a thing done - Assertive/Task ✦2. Get it done right - Passive/Task ✦3. Get along with people - Passive/ People ✦4. Get appreciation from people Assertive/People ✦How the focus affects your perception ✦Most common - Experience a variation on the people focus TRACK 3 - Skills to Handle Jerks ✦Martial Arts exchange of energy ✦Rapport building and Redirection are your key skills ✦Redirection is steering the other person’s energy to where you need it


✦Polarized intent - with me or against me? ✦Use amused curiosity ✦Get to a point where you’ve reached ✦Don’t take it personally ✦Goal: Bring them out from behind their common ground - “Blending” ✦Using mirroring to bring their state camouflage ✦“When you say that, what are you really closer to yours ✦Emotional level and feeling and intellec- trying to say?” ✦Poisoning the well tual understanding ✦Clarification process ✦“What does this have to do with what ✦Using the “Colombo Method” we’re talking about?” ✦Understand them first ✦1. Back off ✦Handling the 4 types ✦2. Keep putting the friendly fire out ✦Using Positive Intent ✦3. Stop camouflaging and direct assault ✦Mr. or Mrs. Smarty Pants ✦Bring out their positive intent and ac✦Needs to prove themselves knowledge it ✦Don’t battle them with facts ✦Give them credit for their intent to bring ✦Battle of egos out rapport ✦Goal: Open up their mind to new ideas ✦Tell the truth! Maintain honor. ✦Know your information ✦Stay flexible ✦Fully acknowledge their knowledge ✦Be respectful TRACK 4 - Situations and Examples ✦Present your thoughts indirectly ✦Use softening words ✦Conflict is a necessity ✦Hypothetical rather than challenging ✦Get it done person is trying to control and attacks ✦You’re being viewed as part of the prob- their expertise ✦Use collective pronouns - we, us lem ✦Watch out for your emotions ✦Humbly acknowledge them as a source ✦The three responses to this situation of mentoring in the future ✦Goal: Command respect with an asser✦They just want to save face ✦Use compassion and patience tive response ✦Hold your ground ✦Ask questions and give them a way out ✦Break their pattern ✦Junk-o-logic principle ✦Backtrack and repeat ✦Connect your desired outcome to what✦Focus on a solution and close ever they said to justify it ✦Maintain peace ✦Blow past the knee-jerk argument ✦Unfriendly fire - Cuts you down ✦Don’t miss out on their good suggestions ✦Aggressive behavior ✦Rude comments, passive aggressive soTRACK 5 - Situations and Examples 2 cial behavior ✦Don’t react to their fire ✦The Total Explosion ✦Eventually they will lose impact 40 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Losing emotional control and a need to feel important ✦Goal: Minimize the damage ✦Take control ✦Get their attention ✦Be sincere ✦Watch for the indications that they’re coming down ✦The Super Agreeable Person ✦You’ll never get someone to keep their promise by making them feel bad about breaking it ✦Goal: Get a legitimate commitment ✦Make it safe for them to tell the truth ✦Wishy-washy people ✦They only see the downsides ✦Goal: Help them to think decisively ✦Present options in a way that lets them make a decision ✦Intensity will not help ✦Positive reinforcement ✦Super-silent Behavior ✦Very passive ✦Possibly a form of aggression ✦Impatience will only make it more difficult ✦Be cool, calm and relaxed ✦Give yourself time ✦Goal: Get them talking ✦Ask an open-ended question and wait for the answer ✦Use social pressure ✦Be persistent ✦Technique - Exaggerate a possible response to the extreme ✦Negative behavior - the shoot-down ✦Don’t try to convince them that it’s not that bad ✦Let them get as negative as they want

✦Negative people have a tendency to generalize and take it to an extreme ✦Bring up the negatives before they do ✦Challenge them ✦Goal: Take them through to the other side of their negativity ✦The Whiner ✦Don’t agree with them ✦Don’t disagree with them ✦Don’t try to solve their problem ✦Patience, compassion, and commitment ✦Goal: Pull them over to your side to fight for the solution ✦Shift the focus to the specific solutions ✦SKILLS: ✦Compassion and heart ✦Patience - hang in there without rushing ✦Look at things through their eyes - see their experience ✦Keep a sense of amused curiosity


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 10: Humor - How to Be Funny TRACK 1 - How Humor Works ✦Humor adds social power ✦Humor conveys genuineness ✦One of the three S’s ✦Three possibilities for attention: ✦1. Do something legitimate ✦2. Criticize someone else ✦3. Be unconventional and different ✦Humor is the universal conversational lubricant ✦Relate the humor to your personal style ✦Expose yourself to as many sources of humor as you can ✦Think - WHAT IF? ✦Humor is imagination ✦Don’t censor your thinking - let it go ✦Develop observational humor ✦Double entendre - double meaning one of which is sexual ✦Reversals - switch the point of view ✦Triples - Threes ✦Incongruity - pair things that don’t go together with each other ✦Stupidity - encourage the audience to feel superior ✦Paired phrases ✦Physical comedy ✦What makes us laugh - it’s our brain’s mechanism to “catch-up” ✦Top 8 Reasons we laugh: ✦Surprise ✦Superiority ✦Biological release and instinct ✦Incongruity - things that don’t seem to belong together

✦Ambivalence - pairing two emotions that are contrasting ✦Release - Reduces psychological tension ✦Configuration - When things are put in the right place, you laugh ✦Necessary part of our makeup ✦Anatomy of humor - THREES ✦Target ✦Hostility ✦Realism ✦Exaggeration ✦Emotion ✦Surprise ✦Self deprecation is a good source of humor if handled correctly ✦Most comedy has a little anger ✦Sources of Hostility: ✦Sexual Frustration ✦Intrusion of authority ✦Financial problems ✦Family problems ✦Existential Angst ✦Insecurity about our physical and racial characteristics ✦Male Sexual Insecurities: ✦Size ✦Erection ✦Performance ✦Quantity (frequency) ✦Premature ejaculation ✦Secret Homosexuality ✦Impotency ✦Women’s sexual Insecurities: ✦Ability to establish a relationship ✦The competency of her partner ✦Sex is the #1 topic of humor


✦Lateral thinking explanation ✦The best comedy is a paradox ✦Exaggeration - examples ✦Need a buildup of anticipation and surprise ✦Also knowing the rhythm and pacing is essential ✦There is no humor without surprise TRACK 2 - Creating Humor ✦Two step path to humor: ✦1. State some commonly accepted problem or issue ✦2. Change the expected ending to something that surprises them ✦Exaggerate it and make it bigger than life ✦Build anticipation and tension to enhance the release ✦Comedy Styles ✦Dissect humor to understand it ✦Play on words ✦Ambiguity - “it” ✦Purposefully misinterpret what a woman says ✦Take phrases and make them funny ✦Warm up humor exercises ✦Funny captions for the pictures ✦Association exercises ✦Leverage mind-mapping for humor ✦Reversals - change it around ✦Unexpected switch to another point of view ✦Preparation ✦Anticipation ✦Punch line ✦Rule of 3s ✦Don’t tell any more than 3 jokes of any one kind

✦The letter “K” is funnier ✦Ethnic names ✦Funny city names ✦Funny food names ✦Yiddish words ✦Double-entendres - double meanings TRACK 3 - Types of Humor ✦Bathroom humor ✦Humor in a series ✦Exaggeration and understatement ✦Make fun of public figures - celebrities and politicians ✦Rules for using celebrity humor ✦Make sure the person is well-known ✦Someone controversial ✦Realistic for their personality and lifestyle ✦Create “Characters” ✦Using telemarketers for practice ✦The sad sack method ✦The storyteller ✦Inject humor in all your stories ✦Four Methods of Characterization: ✦1. Costume ✦2. Props ✦3. Voice ✦4. Mannerisms ✦Become an observer ✦Read humor everywhere ✦Listen to people who are funny ✦Try writing your own ✦Remember that creating humor isn’t fun, not even for comedians, but the effect it will have on the group you use it on will be worth it. TRACK 4 - Principles and Rules of Humor


✦Everything has the potential to be funny ✦Start thinking about things and twist them in funny ways ✦Watch comedy specials ✦Take an improv class ✦Get comedy podcasts ✦Recycle! ✦Drunk Dial example ✦Joke of the day list ✦Don’t try to be funny ✦Don’t push it ✦Jokes should not be the only form of humor ✦The best way to present a joke ✦Don’t make too many sexual jokes ✦Don’t tell too many joke in a row ✦Quick Humor - No calibration ✦Calibrated Humor - Figure out her style of humor ✦How do you handle a joke that goes bad? ✦Play it off on them - it’s their fault they didn’t find it funny ✦Don’t take it as a judgment of your personality ✦Don’t laugh at your own humor ✦ TRACK 5 - How Improvisation Works ✦Improvisation Rules ✦Think on your feet - be ready ✦Life is one big improvisation ✦Live in the moment ✦Commit 100% ✦Personal Growth ✦Remove the avoidance of embarrassment ✦Play with everything

✦Do you like to just play? ✦Stop fearing judgment ✦Change your perspective ✦Acceptance - you can’t refuse anything in conversation ✦Say YES to life ✦Become comfortable with the unknown ✦Do the best you can ✦Limit side-talking in improv exercises ✦Top 5 Rules of Improv: ✦1. No side-talking ✦2. Follow the directions of the exercise ✦3. 100% commitment ✦4. Accept everything without exception ✦5. Don’t force the humor or try hard ✦Stay focused ✦Turn up your volume ✦Show, don’t tell ✦Avoid questions ✦Get the body ready ✦Exercise your face ✦Exercise your eyes and vision ✦Warm up your voice and speech ✦Emotionally warm up ✦The Mirror Exercise ✦The 3 Things Exercise - 2 true, one false ✦The Name Game ✦The Random Reading Exercise ✦The Alphabet Conversation Exercise ✦The Instructions Exercise ✦The Juice it Up Exercise ✦The Pass the Energy Exercise ✦The Random Idea Exercise ✦The Introduction Exercise

✦NOTE: There’s no way I can just install a sense of humor in you if you are not really working on it now. No one can just “make you


funny.” Only you can. I could just read off a hundred example jokes, but that wouldn’t make you funny. In fact, it’s unlikely you’d remember more than a couple. ✦“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. TEACH him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” Knowing HOW to create humor is teaching you how to be selfsufficient. ✦The best thing you can do with humor is STEAL IT. Use jokes from anyone and anywhere you hear them. It will help you to develop your own by way of imitating their styles and material. ✦Just don’t be TOO obvious with your stealing... and of course, never present any humor publicly as your own if you got it somewhere else. Casual conversation where you bring out an occasional joke that is relevant is fine for all the jokes you’ve acquired. ✦Improvisational skills are the goal of all humor - and all conversation. The ability to come up with topics and fun on-the-fly is the ultimate state of self-sufficiency.


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 11: Power Conversations ✦Don’t go too far back in the conversation to get humor going ✦Television Show Exercise ✦Don’t use mean-spirited humor or make ✦Have fun with something you see in the fun of appearances ✦Don’t break rapport with humor room - What if ? ✦Kid Jokes ✦Be careful with angry and sarcastic hu✦Examples mor ✦Lotsofjokes.com, etc. ✦Avoid sexist, ethnic, religious humor ✦Little Johnny ✦Avoid repeating to force humor ✦Take humor and make it your own - cus✦Don’t re-tell jokes or describe funny skits tomize to your personality unless you have it down ✦Fake your own dumbness ✦Create interactive element to your huTRACK 3 - Power Conversations mor ✦Power conversation is one with 2 or TRACK 2 - Humor Tips more people talk about something that is high stakes, emotions can run strong, or there is a ✦Doing, Saying, or Wearing - all can be chance of a difference of opinion ✦Most conversation is small talk teased ✦Have an Arsenal of funny things to say ✦Three ways to handle tough conversa✦Avoid political correctness - and be will- tions: ✦1. Avoid them ing to let people know that’s how you are ✦Role Reversals - gender expectations ✦2. Face them and wing it, handling it ✦Examples poorly ✦“You better watch it or you’re going to ✦3. Face them and handle them with skill want to see me again... and power ✦“I just want to be friends...” ✦Conversation encompasses meaning for ✦“I’m not ready for a relationship...” each person, along with shared meaning ✦“I don’t want to get pregnant yet...” ✦The Three Patterns of Conversation: ✦“Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with ✦First - Avoid dealing with the truth and me...” the reality, taking the easy way out ✦Funny T-shirts ✦Second - Tell the raw unedited truth ✦Carry your own banter-bling (speaking “your mind”), but it’s unhealthy and ✦DON’TS counterproductive ✦Don’t use humor all the time TRACK 1 - Humor Exercises


✦Third - Express a new choice, one that gets you what you want, but also deals with the truth and honesty ✦Work on YOU first ✦Watch out for the Silence/Violence dilemma ✦Watch for the moment a conversation starts to turn into a power conversation ✦Watch for the indicators, in others and your own physiology ✦Watch for deltas - changes in behavior and words ✦Watch for signals from others that they don’t feel safe ✦Words are meaningless on their own ✦No one makes you feel inferior without your permission ✦Watch for your own communication style when you feel threatened or unsafe ✦Avoidance Responses: masking, avoiding, withdrawing ✦The opposite extreme of avoidance is the more aggressive communication - controlling, labeling, attacking ✦Examples ✦Identify and understand your own communication style TRACK 4 - Safety in Conversations ✦Creating “safety” in conversations ✦Pull back and maintain emotional distance ✦True meaning is usually hidden underneath ✦People resort to unhealthy strategies when threatened ✦Common purpose is essential ✦Genuine care and interest in their wellbeing

✦Common respect is crucial ✦Don’t let it go to a battle of dignities ✦Apologizing ✦Knowing when to put the ego aside and go for the best results ✦How to apologize when it’s not your fault ✦Misunderstandings will happen ✦“I didn’t mean to give you that impression...” ✦Clarify your intent ✦Two-step method: ✦Tell them what you didn’t mean to do ✦Tell them what you did mean to do ✦When there is no common ground - invent it ✦“I’m on your side...” ✦“We’re after the same thing...” ✦How to do this in the moment ✦Grab back the control ✦Recognize first, then address strategies later ✦Emotional states are created by thinking ✦Act on them or be acted on by them TRACK 5 - Stories in Conversations ✦Stories are what you are telling yourself about the meaning of the conversation ✦Make sure the ‘story’ is accurate ✦There are an infinite number of stories for any circumstance ✦The Stare Challenge example ✦Interpretation of your feelings is vitally important ✦Don’t confuse stories with facts ✦The Three Stories: ✦“I’m a victim” Story ✦“They’re the villain” Story ✦“I’m helpless” Story


✦We exaggerate our innocence ✦These stories seem like reality, but they’re often not ✦They also let us off the hook ✦These stories are all incomplete - they ignore the important details ✦Worry less about their intentions and more about the effect of their actions TRACK 6 - Handling Extremes in Reaction ✦They will usually either explode or go silent ✦Get your heart involved in the conversation - cold and analytical will rarely work ✦Be sincere and authentic ✦Be genuinely curious about them ✦Find the source of their emotions ✦Avoid overreactions - stay detached ✦Be patient ✦Acknowledge their emotions ✦Most of the arguments you will have are about 5% of the information. Find the areas you actually agree upon. TRACK 7 - Three Kinds of Conversations ✦The “what happened” conversation ✦The “feelings” conversation ✦The “identity”conversation ✦Power conversations all boil down to what is important to each person in the conversation ✦Self-interest is what steers the conversation ✦The first mistake we make is that tour assumptions are almost always wrong about the other person

✦Our good intentions don’t make the situation better when we have a negative impact ✦Avoid any blame in Power Conversations ✦The “turd” on the table ✦4 Ways we translate our feelings: ✦Judgments ✦Attributes ✦Characterizations ✦Problem Solving ✦3 Core Identities ✦1. Am I a competent person? ✦2. Am I a good person? ✦3. Am I worthy of being loved? ✦Identities come down to all or nothing thinking ✦Denial or exaggeration are the two likely reactions to negative information about ourselves ✦Be aware of your own identity issues ✦Make sure you keep your identity away from black & white thinking ✦We’re all wrestling with our self-image ✦We have a complex identity ✦Assumptions to Accept ✦1. You’re going to make mistakes ✦2. Your intentions are complicated ✦3. If there’s a problem, you’ve got a part in it - you’re a contributor ✦Your identity will be challenged ✦We all want to be heard TRACK 8 - Swearing ✦Use profanity sparingly ✦Stay in control ✦If you say it all the time, there’s no impact ✦Give people a reason to take you seriously


✦Demonstrating self-control ✦The further from “real-time” communication you go, the less you should use profanity of any kind TRACK 9 - Trivia Junkie ✦The best technique to improve your conversation ✦Look at trivia all the time - collect random and useless factoids and bits of knowledge ✦Invest in a memory program ✦The best conversations with women are usually about nothing ✦Small talk and trivia are the cotton candy of conversations ✦Examples ✦Technical facts are not trivia ✦The best kinds are pop-culture and historical trivia


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 12: STT - Power Tips for Conversation 1 ✦Lead them and pull them forward ✦Switch conversation threads to keep cu✦Use Pattern interrupts in your conversa- riosity high - leave some unfinished ✦Flirt everywhere with everyone tions to break into their awareness and break ✦Memorize names - brand them into their their programming ✦Say something bizarre enough to break image, repeat the name aloud, see it in your their pattern head ✦Listen actively, write down their words in ✦Create a nickname for women ✦The Avalanche smile your mind ✦Inoculation - Avoid problems before they ✦How to use Sticky Eyes ✦Maintain perfect posture - pulled up happen - handle them in advance. ✦The horse’s head from the head ✦“Wouldn’t you agree?” ✦The Slow Turn ✦Lower your voice to get attention ✦The Old Friend Attitude and how to ✦Using Tonal Marking - inflection to em- imagine it ✦Note their mood and calibrate to it first phasize ✦“I’m sure that you, like me...” ✦Find the best people through the host ✦Negation - talking about the opposite ✦Eavesdrop your way into a conversation ✦You can’t negate something before you ✦Add an extra dimension to all answers ✦Always turn the ordinary to your advanmake it exist ✦Tag Questions - lead toward a desired tage ✦Listen for the Evidence - primary interresponse ✦“... wouldn’t you?” ests and drives ✦Mind Reading - assume their state of ✦How to keep a conversation going - Parmind rot it back ✦“You must feel very proud...” ✦Read the news before going out ✦Presuppositions - taken for granted in a ✦Instead of asking “What do you do...?” statement ask “How do you spend most of your time?” ✦“Don’t be too surprised ...” ✦Go online and get on a “word of the ✦Importantly, fortunately, curiously... day” list - enhance your vocabulary ✦Understand the emotional states leading to where you want to go TRACK 3 - Communication Tips 3 TRACK 1 - Communication Tips

TRACK 2 - Communication Tips 2

✦Don’t point out commonalities too soon - delay - make it seem casual, not try-hard

✦Build anticipation 50 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Use the word “you” and their name in the conversation ✦Transition from “you” to “us” as quickly as possible ✦Don’t over-use your generic smile ✦Have an escape excuse for conversations ✦“I want to keep talking, but ...” TRACK 4 - Communication Tips 4 ✦Handling uncomfortable questions - Repeat the same pre-recorded answer ✦Go online and search for “insider” terminology on something that she’s interested in ✦When you’re in a clique, ask a “buzz” question about the industry - Hot-button issues ✦Use their word choices when referring to something they are experts at or know more about ✦Use analogies whenever possible ✦Use empathizers a lot in your conversation ✦Create a history from something you can tease her on ✦Compliment her through someone else ✦Make one killer compliment ✦“What would you want to be remembered for?” ✦Compliment in private ✦Throw out mini-praise (“little perqs”) from time to time ✦“Good job!” “Way to go!” ✦Use their name on the phone more often ✦Ask the host for insider information at a networking event ✦Always get contact information ✦Have social business cards and business business cards

✦Approach all people who you want to connect with ✦Help a person finish their story ✦Become the Alpha in the conversation ✦Two methods: Destroy the old Alpha, or Create a “revolution” ✦Learn lip-reading ✦Start reading current literature ✦Carry a cue-card crutch ✦Talk to people you have nothing in common with ✦Talk to yourself - experiment with dialog in your head, or create it on paper to understand conversational dynamics ✦“How do you mean?” ✦Use “Netflix” to help you stay current on pop media and television TRACK 5 - Avoiding Soft Words ✦Soft words are the words we use to soften the ✦Maybe, sort of, could have, try, etc. ✦Practice eliminating “uhm” “er” from your speech ✦Reading someone’s mindset - get them to change their physiology ✦Put a question after a statement that you want accepted ✦The drop-ask technique - ask way out and drop it back to what you want ✦The question to fill the uncomfortable silence - “Hey, if you were me, what would you have me ask right now that I should know?” ✦Your goal is the “Secret” question TRACK 6 - Written Communications ✦No tone in written communication


✦No sub-communication ✦Keep emails short ✦Delay your emails for review ✦Make it sound conversational ✦Use conjunctions and contractions ✦Use short salutations ✦Keep your subject close to the topic ✦Email is not a reliable medium ✦Make sure the email looks customized ✦How to use the BCC ✦Keep it easy to read - short paragraphs, small words ✦Make emails light hearted ✦Keep power conversations for in-person ✦Is it fun to read? ✦Create a hook to get them to open it ✦Send emails on Sunday night or around 10:00 AM ✦End with a call to action or another hook ✦Mention something to revive her interest ✦Women lose their emotional state when they’re not around you ✦Throw in a cliffhanger, or a challenge ✦Use emoticons where necessary - but not too many ✦Don’t email a woman more than once or twice a day ✦Use spell-check, capitalize your “I”s, and take a look over your grammar before sending ✦No shortening or abbreviations ✦Make your signature thoughtful and intelligent ✦Make it clear who the email is from ✦Answer who, what, where, when, why, how ✦Subject lines: ✦“You’ve already seen this, right?” ✦“Hope you can make this...” ✦“I want you to read all about this...” ✦“Where are you...?”

✦“It’s me... please open up!” ✦“Here’s what I want you to do...” ✦“Oh yeah, you’re gonna like this...”


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 13: STT - Power Tips for Conversation 2 TRACK 1 - Text Messaging ✦Always use a nickname or fun name whenever possible ✦Don’t use abbreviations and shortened words ✦Use good grammar and style ✦Throw in emoticons when teasing occasionally ✦Include your name so she knows who it’s coming from ✦Be descriptive and make each communication work ✦Keep messages short ✦Save it to drafts and review it later ✦Use punctuation ✦Don’t swear in text messages ✦One goal: drive up her interest enough to meet you again ✦Let her be the last person to text ✦Always use text as an opportunity to tease and raise the energy ✦Always better to speak in person ✦Start with a text to discover when she’s near her phone TRACK 2 - 4 Core Personality Types ✦Dominant, Expressive, Solid, Analytical ✦Captain, Social Director, Steward, Navigator ✦Dominant: Take charge, competitive, confrontational. Tend to be too direct and impatient, impulsive. They need personal attention and recognition. Must be challenged. ✦Expressive: Energetic, optimistic, motivators, uplifting. Unrealistic thinking, impa-

tient, pushy, lack follow through. Inspire others. Seem too one-way. Need approval and expressiveness. Need to be visible. ✦Solid: Steady, warm, focused on relationships, loyal, peacemaker, sensitive. Feel like they missed opportunities, sacrifice their own feelings, easily hurt. Indirect communication, two-way, skirt an issue rather than be direct. Need emotional security, low- tension. ✦Analytical: Accurate, precise, discerning. Seem too critical or strict. Too controlling, resistant to change, deal with faces. Great listeners. Perfectionist. Need quality time. ✦DISC = Direct, Influencer, Steady, Compliance ✦D = Doer, direct, determined ✦I = Impulsive, Involved, Inspired ✦S = Stable Supportive, Stubborn ✦C = Complex, Cautious, Critical TRACK 3 - Talking to your Boss ✦How to ask for a raise ✦Convince yourself that you are worth the raise ✦Don’t wait, ask right away ✦Get your research straight ✦Compare yourself to the same role in a similar area ✦Be very realistic ✦Have an exact number in mind ✦Show how you increase revenue, increase profits and efficiency, decreasing waste, decrease costs, or time taken, improving the corporate image, improving customer rela-


tionships, improve the competitive advantage of the company ✦Anticipate their questions ✦Find your own weaknesses before they do ✦Have an answer with a positive spin for all objections ✦Make sure you have copies of your appraisals ✦Get any financial information that helps your case ✦Use good negotiation skills ✦Do not get confrontational, and no ultimatums ✦Be prepared to negotiate ✦Role-play to practice ✦Ask for a re-visit if you can’t get it then ✦Leave on excellent terms ✦If you don’t ask for it, you probably won’t get it

✦“So that reminds me I have this tory...” ✦“So that reminds me of a time I ...” ✦Observe your environment for topics ✦Review the news for topics ✦Think through how to take a subject from a statement to a conversation ✦When all else fails, relax, look at the other person and make fun of the silence, and then ask them to help you get the conversation going in a light, joking way ✦Groups rarely run out of conversation ✦If you’re truly secure and have your anxieties under control, you don’t have to worry about silences ✦Don’t project your discomfort on the conversation ✦You aren’t running out of things to talk about, it’s that you don’t believe that what you say is important to the other person ✦Purposefully inject artificial silences to test her

TRACK 4 - Conversational Glue TRACK 5 - Handshake ✦The ability to keep a conversation going and remove uncomfortable silences ✦STT - Strategies, Tactics, Techniques ✦Explanation ✦Stay REAL with your game ✦The key to top performance is to keep it relaxed and effortless, take pleasure in the action ✦Make sure you have a few startup questions ✦“So what’s your story?” ✦“How do you all know each other?” ✦“What are you all drinking?” ✦“Tell me something about you that you think I should know?” ✦Control the anxious feeling ✦Have stories to tell

✦Standard handshake: ✦Meet web-to-web ✦Make eye contact ✦2-3 good strong shakes ✦Don’t clasp their hand with both of yours for men ✦If they give you a limp handshake, they’re probably introverted and shy, with anxiety ✦Monitor resistance and compliance in a handshake ✦The parallel handshake ✦Speed, pressure, movement, time ✦Match exactly to build rapport, except for the aggro-handshake ✦The Questioning handshake


✦Turn slightly palm up, feel for resistance ✦Shaking with you or against you ✦Feel for how a woman’s grip reacts to your questions ✦Step in, pull, reach out for compliance testing ✦Communicate enthusiasm ✦Always hug a woman on exit ✦Slip in good, comfortable physical contact wherever possible TRACK 6 - 104 Power Verbs ✦Verbs used for marketing but applicable to conversation ✦Verbs are action - move things along ✦Adjectives are the least effective ✦Keep a low ratio of adjectives and a high ratio of verbs ✦Abolish ✦Accelerate ✦Achieve ✦Act ✦Adopt ✦Align ✦Anticipate ✦Apply ✦Assess ✦Avoid ✦Boost ✦Break ✦Bridge ✦Build ✦Burn ✦Capture ✦Change ✦Choose ✦Clarify ✦Clobber ✦Confront

✦Connect ✦Conquer ✦Convert ✦Create ✦Decide ✦Define ✦Defuse ✦Deliver ✦Deploy ✦Design ✦Develop ✦Diagnose ✦Discover ✦Drive ✦Eliminate ✦Ensure ✦Establish ✦Evaluate ✦Exploit ✦Explore ✦Filter ✦Finalize ✦Find ✦Focus ✦Foresee ✦Gain ✦Gather ✦Generate ✦Grasp ✦Identify ✦Ignite ✦Implement ✦Improve ✦Increase ✦Innovate ✦Inspire ✦Intensify ✦Lead ✦Learn ✦Leverage


✦Manage ✦Master ✦Maximize ✦Measure ✦Mobilize ✦Motivate ✦Overcome ✦Penetrate ✦Persuade ✦Plan ✦Position ✦Prepare ✦Prevent ✦Profit ✦Raise ✦Reconsider ✦Reduce ✦Refresh ✦Replace ✦Resist ✦Respond ✦Retain ✦Save ✦Scan ✦Shatter ✦Shave off ✦Sidestep ✦Simplify ✦Slash ✦Solve ✦Stimulate ✦Stop ✦Stretch ✦Succeed ✦Supplement ✦Take ✦Transfer ✦Transform ✦Understand ✦Unleash

✦Unravel ✦Use ✦Win TRACK 7 - Power Words ✦Words that activate interest and get attention ✦Absolutely ✦Certainly ✦Completely ✦Suddenly ✦Instantly ✦Literally ✦Automatically ✦Simply ✦Special ✦Hot ✦New ✦Fresh ✦Killer ✦Now ✦First ✦First time ✦One time ✦Adore ✦Like ✦Love ✦Prefer ✦Enjoy ✦Overwhelming ✦Amazing ✦Ecstatic ✦Avalanche ✦Blueprint ✦Roadmap ✦Guide ✦How to ✦Know how ✦Device


✦Formula ✦Bonus ✦Bottom line ✦Brilliant ✦Caliber ✦Choice ✦Comfortable ✦Complete ✦Desire ✦Need ✦Want ✦Discover ✦Uncover ✦Reveal ✦Results ✦Easy ✦Simple ✦Effortless ✦Enable ✦Ensure ✦Excited ✦Expert ✦Explode ✦Skyrocket ✦Snowball ✦Give ✦Magic ✦Merit ✦Money ✦Natural ✦Only ✦Just ✦Perfect ✦Precious ✦Perqs ✦Preference ✦Private ✦Professional ✦Profits ✦Promise

✦Vow ✦Guarantee ✦Proud ✦Proven ✦Quick ✦Reality ✦Resolve ✦Revealing ✦Safe ✦Satisfaction ✦Secret ✦Security ✦Advice ✦Serious ✦Alternative ✦Shocked ✦Shocking ✦Introduce ✦Solution ✦Solve ✦Supreme ✦Telling ✦Tested ✦Totally ✦Flat out ✦Truth ✦Reliable ✦Secure ✦Unique ✦One-of-a-kind ✦Unreal ✦Value ✦Pledge ✦Trust ✦Honesty ✦Gain ✦Guaranteed ✦Happy ✦Healthy ✦Substantial


✦Ideal ✦Imagine ✦Immediately ✦Impressive ✦Income ✦Incredible ✦Ingenious ✦Words to Avoid: ✦Difficult ✦Death ✦Obligation ✦Wrong ✦Failure ✦No ✦Fail ✦Decision ✦Bad ✦Cost ✦Worry ✦Loss ✦Pay ✦Contract ✦Worst ✦Owe ✦Loser ✦Deny ✦Regret ✦Anything negative TRACK 8 - Social Networking ✦Connecting with networking possibilities is as important as pickup ✦People want to do business with their friends ✦Friendliness, ability to engage, willingness to give value first ✦Start a database of your own connections

✦Have a black book ✦Are you well-connected? ✦Get your business cards and your personal cards ✦Cards are only a bridge ✦It’s not who you know, it’s who knows about you ✦Every interaction carries a risk ✦Remove your own agenda to improve successful connections ✦Be interested to be interesting ✦Have your elevator speech ✦Build rapport as fast as possible ✦The higher up a person is, the more cautious about you they will be ✦Present a powerful self-image ✦Toastmasters ✦Offer a newsletter or e-zine ✦Be prepared every day to present your best possible self ✦Authentic and Alpha - be REAL ✦Authenticity is easiest to repeat ✦Current assets, people you’ll need, people you want to connect with ✦Make sure you know what it is you are trying to get from your social networking ✦The only difference between where you are right now and where you will be next year at this time is in the books you read and the people you meet. ✦Prepare yourself ✦Get rid of the fear of rejection ✦Everyone is equal ✦You always project our self-image and self-esteem. ✦Create a support system ✦Go slow on connections ✦Be present and give them value ✦Find ways to connect other people


✦The more people you talk to, the more possibilities ✦Your success depends on two things: your rapport building skills, and your networking skills ✦Successful people have a lot of allies ✦You can connect wherever you go ✦How to connect on a low-key level ✦People don’t like to be sold, but they love to buy ✦Become someone worth connecting with ✦Get yourself in print in some way ✦Start a blog ✦Differentiate what you have to offer ✦Connect through questions to find commonalities ✦Work the room at professional events ✦Get personal ✦Get a Myspace page ✦Leverage the Internet ✦Find the medium, sculpt your message, take action TRACK 9 - Communicating to Groups ✦Maintain a maximum of 3 key points ✦Make sure you repeat your points ✦Don’t kill them with Powerpoint presentations ✦90% about you, 10% on presentation ✦Recap your key points to help people remember ✦Reinforce significance and connections ✦Include memory hooks and references ✦At the end, clarify their next step - their call to action ✦Make sure you attend to the audience ✦Pause a lot during your presentation ✦Core Belief: Everyone wants you to succeed

TRACK 10 - Sexual Communication ✦Discuss sexual topics in a 3rd person perspective ✦Use objects as metaphors ✦Describe things in a sexual way ✦Think “sensual” not “sexual” ✦Demonstrate acceptance, and then do a role reversal on her ✦Example ✦Hint at something sexual, act embarrassed, then withdraw it ✦Count on her curiosity to draw it out TRACK 11 - Reading a Social Situation ✦Five Steps to Reading Social Situations: ✦1. Read the faces, the eyes, the expressions ✦2. Read the body language, attitudes, postures, gestures ✦3. Listen for the tone of their conversation - vocal tone ✦4. Trust your instincts and ignore your fears ✦5. Absorb the other peoples energy and fall into synchronicity and in tune


ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION CD 14: Exercises TRACK 1 - Vocal Tonality Exercise ✦Take 5 minutes each day to feel out your sound ✦Humming ✦Build in different tones and inflection ✦Examples TRACK 2 - Facial Expression Exercise ✦Practice facial expressions in the mirror ✦Examples ✦Spirit of improvisation TRACK 3 - Conversational Mindmapping 1 ✦Discovering improvisational thinking - a mental network of topics ✦Learn on paper first ✦One subject in the middle ✦A noun or action verb ✦“Running” ✦“Shoes” ✦Turn off the internal critic ✦Go crazy ✦Use this for problem solving

✦“Eruption” ✦“David Lee Roth” ✦“Sammy Hagar” ✦“Cabo Wabo” ✦“Hot women” ✦“Vegas” ✦“Gambling” ✦Drop the thread ✦“Hoobastank” ✦“Dirty Lyrics” ✦“Warning Labels” ✦“Movie Ratings” ✦“Indiana Jones” ✦“Older Actors” ✦“Jack Nicholson” ✦Steer your mindmap to a topic ✦Take topics that come up frequently to create a repository TRACK 5 - Voice Preparation Exercise ✦Grab a book or magazine - start random reading ✦Example ✦This is also good practice to jump into topics “cold” and roll with them TRACK 6 - Random Television Exercise

TRACK 4 - Conversational Mindmapping 2 ✦Sit in a comfortable chair ✦Imagine the paper ✦“Guitar” ✦Picture the image of the object ✦“Eddie Van Halen”

✦Choose a random station ✦Figure out what they’re talking about without sound ✦Read body language and interpretive skills ✦Reverse - do it by sound alone


✦Managing energy in conversations ✦Exercises ✦Projection ✦Let the sound out more than you hold it

TRACK 7 - Conversational Bridging ✦Learn how to move from topic to topic with no fear ✦Introduction to Pam ✦Find something in the last thing she said to trigger the next question or topic ✦“Drunk guys...” ✦“Obnoxious” ✦The problem of uncomfortable silences ✦Performance anxiety created by worries, not reality ✦Open a book at random to practice ✦Use it as a partner drill ✦Use the radio to store topics

in

✦The Diaphragm ✦Example of projection ✦Exhale as you speak, let the words out ✦Move your stomach as you talk ✦Resonance ✦Take vocal lessons ✦Thrum in your chest instead of buzz in your nose ✦Humming - keep it low ✦Tongue Twisters ✦Verbal dexterity ✦Stretch your face and mouth TRACK 8 - Endless Supply of Conver✦She sells sea shells by the sea shore. sations Where she sits, she sells. And where she sells ✦Call people at random for conversational she sits. ✦Rubber baby Buggy Bumpers practice ✦Find a list of organizations with cus✦The big black bug bled blue blood ✦Tommy told two tall tales tomer service numbers ✦If you find that this is difficult to do with ✦Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled a guy or with a woman that you can’t see, peppers ✦A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed bisyou’re placing more motivational importance on the sexual attraction to drive your desire to cuits ✦A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the talk, which will then sabotage you by making certain conversations “more important.” You stump stunk. But the stump thunk the skunk must shed this belief to have good, engaging stunk. ✦Betty Botter had some butter, but she conversations with the attractive women you do meet. said this butter’s bitter. If I bake this bitter ✦No risk practice - simply hang up butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a ✦Prank phone calling bit of better butter, that would make my bat✦Block your phone number ter better. ✦Working the criss-cross directory ✦Use tongue twisters with women to play with her and tease her ✦Experiment with pacing and pausing TRACK 9 - Voice Exercises ✦Variation examples ✦Vocal tonality ✦The “Dude” exercise 61 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Record your conversation - audio and video ✦Exercise your face with emotional expression ✦Practice eye contact with the mirror

✦Training women and social proof ✦Dancing awkwardness - how to handle ✦Gave the conversation over to her ✦Eddie Izzard uncomfortable moment ✦Have a point to stories ✦Teasing with where she lived ✦Expressing goal orientation TRACK 10 - Phone Conversation Intro ✦Complimenting ✦Slightly edited ✦Qualifying situation re: the ✦Observation is not enough commitment-phobe ✦Flaking and disapproval - expressing my TRACK 11 - Phone Conversation standards ✦The Ladybug ✦Play this segment several times. The first ✦Social depth with comments re: my sotime, listen to hear the whole conversation cial schedule ✦Recycle a joke to give a thread of contiand flow. The next time, listen for strategies, tactics, and techniques that I use and leverage. nuity ✦Bring up an event again to revive a sense The next time you listen, pay attention to pacing and word choice. The next time, listen for of familiarity ✦I ended the conversation the flow of energy. ✦You’ll notice that there are even mistakes ✦The tactics flowed, and were not intenmade in this example. I left them in on purtionally pushed into the conversation pose to give you a realistic example that you can end up with a 100% successful conversa- TRACK 13 - Conclusion tion with less than 100% perfection. It’s all in ✦Good conversation is a skill developed the relaxed flow of the conversation, and being REAL enough to manage any bumps or over time ✦Don’t be too picky about friends. Have challenges put to you. standards, but build tolerance of differences. ✦Expand your social network as far as TRACK 12 - Phone Conversation Analysis possible. ✦Start treating yourself like a company ✦Listen to the energy level, upbeat and ✦R&D? Publicity? Finance? Managepositive start ment? ✦Playful tease ✦Present value to the shareholders ✦Established rapport re: the physical ✦Conversation skills are the bridge from ✦Teasing with the 800 Guilt Boy comyour thoughts to creating your reality ✦You are influencing people ALL the ment ✦Self-deprecating moment re: the Temple time, even when you’re silent ✦Handling her challenge and test ✦Every conversation will be unique 62 ©2007 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions LLC. All Rights Reserved.

✦Your success in life will be in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty that you can comfortably tolerate ✦Every time you handle a conversation successfully, you drive up your confidence and skills ✦Listen to the program at least 5 more times, because with each listening you will find something new that you didn’t realize before based on new development and growth


Example of Mind Mapping

Shotput Louge Bobsled Massage Olympics Soreness

Betting

Exercise

Running Track

RUNNING

Marathon

Racetrack

Horses

Music

"Bay To Breakers" Cross Country

Sports Mixes

Shoes Traveling for finals

Nike

ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION BONUS M3 FILES These bonus segments all stand alone and are not intended to be listened to in any particular order. Some build on information you’ll hear in the program, and others will build on information contained in other bonus segments.

THE LARGER WHOLE OF CONVERSATION - 10:06 • How to emulate super confidence • The Major/Minor Impact Example • Why Most People are Boring • Using The Major/Minor impact for men/women • How to use Acting and Role Playing • How to Build the Confidence Pyramid

Listen to them all to enhance your understanding of some of CHALLENGE AND RESPONSE the subtle nuances of conversa- 14:26 • The Extended Challengetional dynamics.

ADVANCED CONVERSATION TECHNIQUES - 8:10 • Why you don't talk TO a woman • Moving beyond the lame "I like your purse" Intro • Finding a topic of Attraction • Two Set Openers: • Cheating Girl Opener • The Trivia Opener • How to Work a group of women ADVANCED CONVERSATION TECHNIQUES - 6:18 • How to Stay Relevant in the conversation • Why you ignore her first - The Non-interest tactic • The Universal Interrupt • How to Pattern Interrupt her Reality

• • • • • • •

Response Why The REPLY is the Key Why Men listen too much Carlos' Standard Response Good for any Challenge or Test Why you must be able to walk away Managing the Space between Stimulus/Response How to Step back and RELAX QUIZ - Training for Responses

APPROACHING - 8:39 • How to Turn it around to challenge HER • QUIZ 2 - Extreme examples • Why you can only win CONVERSATIONAL CONTROL - 8:19 • Why you don't reinforce the Pain • How to own the Situation • How to control the conversation • Why you can't Improvise • When She Assumes Sexual Control


• • • •

The Email example of Cocky Control Where the FUN is for the woman Another example of Challenge Why The Challenge MUST be responded to

• •

Why you must limit the Exconversations How to divert

REVEALING AND CONFESSING 11:08 • Understanding Revealing vs. ConINDIRECTIVES - 10:07 fessing • Example of Indirectives • Why Revealing is a natural long• How to Watch what stands out term course • Why you must Confuse women • Leveraging Information and conenough to wonder sistency for her trust • Understanding Active and Passive • How telling too much "truth" will communications hurt you • Understanding Direct Communi• Understanding the "real" you cation • Why you don't want to get too • More examples of Indirectives familiar too soon • What you are communicating • An Example of an email to NEVER • How to pick up what is really bewrite ing said • The importance of building mys• Understanding Body Language tery expression of interest • Why honesty seems logical, but • Why you can't respond to calls for does not work attention • Why you don't jump to her comTHE COMMUNICATION MODEL mand 14:18 • The essential Communications INTRODUCTION TECHNIQUES Principle 14:16 • The two levels of communication • How to Move the Contact Forward • How you communicate • Getting past "Hello" • Understanding Introverts/ • How to use the woman's name Extroverts • How to be Mysterious and Am• The two levels of interaction biguous • How men and women fit into the • Why you must take it to teasing model • How to read her thermometer • Understanding Competitive/ • How to be Memorable collaborative communication • How to balance cool with curiosity • Why you must learn balance in • Why you must "Don't ask - Tell" communication and calibration • How to close the sale • Using the Slow reveal CONVERSATIONAL INTERFERENCE - 5:23 • How to eliminate distractions

SEXUAL INNUENDO IN CONVERSATION - 16:58


• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The rules for using sexually suggestive words How to Make conversation interesting The Haight Example How to be Exciting without being offensive The use of the Double Entendre Why you must be "straight" Sexual Words to use How to Make it a 3rd party The "Asking for advice" technique How to Work into it comfortably What avoidance means The Sex quiz Why you must give her drama Be careful about this element or you will ruin your chances with women

HANDLING CONTENTIOUS WOMEN - 14:25 • Easy to manipulate • When a woman leads and controls • The man must maintain control • Lose/Lose questions - watch out for this test • Are you a player...? • The way to answer - break her routine and call her on it • The counter - moral dilemma questions • Double interpretation • Would you hold back...? • Qualifying - The reversal • Prove herself • Set it up to win • Emotions and logic • Ask questions until you find the flaws COMMUNICATION: DON'T FIX HER - 13:22

• • • • • • • •

The difference in male-female communications How a woman wants you to really "listen" to her How to identify "real" concerns What you must do to converse effectively with women How to Redirect the energy What you must NEVER do in a conversation with a women How to argue The Listening Law

APPROVAL AND DISAGREEMENT 15:35 • How you must express disagreement with women • How a woman tests you • Describing intelligently and constructively disagreeing • The big mistake most guys make with conversation and women • The opportunity most guys miss with women • What it means if she's offended • Why you must never fear her disagreement DEALING WITH OTHER ALPHA MEN - 17:14 • How to handle other guys in social situations • How a man acts - and what his motivators are • Alpha Man conversations • The aggressive Alpha Jerk - How to handle him • How he will provoke you • What you must NEVER do • How to break him down • The most important success factor in life • Why you must fight for what you desire


•

How a woman determines your value

QUALIFICATION - 16:07 • How to demonstrate Self-Value & Challenge • Why Struggle is necessary • How to communicate quality • How to use Teasing/Neg-hits • Example of Neg-hit • Why a woman won't give you her phone number • What happens and how it lowers your confidence • The fine line between teasing and insulting • Why men compliment, and why it's a mistake REMEMBERING NAMES - 10:05 • The reasons you must remember their name • How to remember - 6 strategies for memorization THE QUIZ CONVERSATION TECHNIQUE - 19:12 • How to use this technique to start a conversation, • or test a woman • The Cat / Dog Opener • Indications of behavioral attractors • The Favorite Show Opener • The Soap Opera example • The Desert Island Situation • How to build attraction with testing • The Train Question • The Top Five Question • Using Quizzes as Qualification • How the qualifier thinks differently

CONVERSATION: Strategies - 8:29 • What to avoid in conversation • The "crush" question • How to get them to tell their story • The secret to rapport-building • Why you cannot let her get away with superficial conversation • The "kiss" question • Power Questions revisited • Qualifiers EXERCISE: PARTNER DRILLS 20:09 • Conversation exercises • Learning how to riff on topics • Role-playing and Partner • Drills • Conversation topics • Learning how to riff with guys • The Riff/Banter Drill • Using conversational bridging • Bewitched example • Turning the conversation in several directions • Teasing example


TRUE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN REQUIRES BOTH INNER AND OUTER GAME... [TM]

Carlos Xuma shares the insider secrets of how to attract women the right way - by being the REAL you! R.E.A.L. Game cuts through all the confusing and contradicting information out there to help you get REAL success with women by using the best parts of your authentic personality.

R = Relaxed & Resourceful E = Effective & Energized A = Authentic & Alpha L = Lifestyle & Lasting

“Carlos Xuma is like that older, wiser brother you always wished you had... You know that he cares about you... He doesn't brag, he just tells you what he knows and you know he knows what he's talking about...” - Jack Kammer, Author

Most approaches and seductions fail because the guy isn’t confident and congruent with his true identity. He feels like he needs to rely on a line or “fake” opener to get her interested. While having a few stories and techniques is important, it’s the attitude that shines through. Carlos gives you both the inner game and the outer game. When you have both, your skill becomes natural - and more effective. Attraction is predictable and repeatable. It all starts with your natural Alpha Man abilities - the foundation of who you are right now. No more faking it!

WWW.ALPHACONFIDENCE.COM/CATALOG/ LEARN: How to attract women with your own personality The successful traits of the Alpha Man - and how to develop them Proven methods for overcoming “Approach Anxiety” How to leverage the Universal Motivators - Pain and Pleasure How to use the power of seductive language and imagery Use Power Questions to break past social conditioning How to control your fear and dispel your doubts Specific techniques and exercises for a Powerful Frame ALL the time Openers that calibrate to your style How to build razor-sharp conversation skills The Stepping Stones from Approach to Intimacy - Start to Finish Exercises to raise your level of Power, Control, and Confidence How to overcome resistance - motivate yourself to just do it How to be successful in all areas of your life - not just women...

REAL WOMEN

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REAL RESULTS

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R.E.A.L. GAME

DATING STRATEGIES GO TO: www.datingdynamics.com

MEETING WOMEN GO TO: www.alphaconfidence.com/approach

TOTAL CONFIDENCE GO TO:

www.alphaconfidence.com

ADVANCED MONTHLY COACHING GO TO: www.alphaconfidence.com/audio

CONVERSATION & PERSUASION GO TO:

www.alphaconfidence.com/conv

ADVANCED DATING & CONFIDENCE GO TO: www.attractwomenprogram.com

“...Your stuff is simply GOLD!!”

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“I would have to say that your Alpha Man Program is one of the best solutions to getting this part of your life in order...”

- J.E. in Georgia “...This is more than just a dating guide - it is a collection of priceless information on how to improve one's life in general....”

C.P. in the U.K.

- M.R.

WWW.ALPHACONFIDENCE.COM/CATALOG/ © 2002-2007 DD Publications- Morpheus Productions,

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Please also review our other programs for men here: - Alpha Immersion - DVD video training http://www.attractwomenprogram.com

- The Dating Black Book - E-books/Audio http://www.datingdynamics.com

- Secrets of the Alpha Man - E-books/Audio http://www.alphaseduction.com

- Men’s Dating Advice - Teleconferences/ Phone Coaching

http://www.mensdatingadvice.com

- The Seduction Method - E-books http://www.seductionmethod.com

- Approach Women NOW - Ebook/Audio http://www.alphaconfidence.com/approach/

- Alpha Conversation & Persuasion -Audio http://www.alphaconfidence.com/conversation-pers uasion/


Alpha Conversation

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